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Love letters - OR - Yet another failed thread about a woman...
Dizzy Egg
Member #10,824
March 2009
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I don't think the tracks are creepy, I think the collection of them together being sent to someone you broke up with 15 years ago along with stalker letters is creepy.

EDIT:

I'm not the kind of person who can just forget someone they used to be with.

Yeah we got that.

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Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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Dizzy Egg said:

Edgar said:

I'm not the kind of person who can just forget someone they used to be with.

Yeah we got that.

Everyone seems to be having a good time reading extra meaning into the things that I say that was never there to begin with. Why does everyone think there's so much hidden meaning in everything? What happened to just taking a person for face value? ::) I suppose you would rather that I just pretend nothing ever happened between us. Our history is what makes us who we are. The past isn't some kind of enemy to get rid of. ::)

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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I suppose you would rather that I just pretend nothing ever happened between us.

Certainly she would. As it turns out, she gets a say in that.

Quote:

Our history is what makes us who we are. The past isn't some kind of enemy to get rid of.

Lovely philosophy. Not everyone will share that view. She doesn't.

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Step 2. Pray.

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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And like I said before, now that I actually know her wishes, I will respect them. You all act like I forced all this on her. She had the chance to be civil, but she chose threats. I couldn't understand why she hadn't replied, and that's why I kept sending her letters. Silence isn't exactly the easiest response to understand, especially from someone who you think might actually want to talk to you.

jmasterx
Member #11,410
October 2009

Silence isn't exactly the easiest response to understand

Maybe she wanted you to feel the confusion she felt when you silently broke up with her.

Dizzy Egg
Member #10,824
March 2009
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Listen, you posted this asking if you were wrong. Yes, you were wrong, very wrong. No-ones saying forget your past, we're just saying don't send it stalker letters and mixtapes.

----------------------------------------------------
Please check out my songs:
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OICW
Member #4,069
November 2003
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I'm not the kind of person who can just forget someone they used to be with.

Yep, on the other hand you haven't talked to her for 15 years. Suddenly you come around an old photograph and start to write love letters. Way too late, I'm sorry.

I suppose you would rather that I just pretend nothing ever happened between us.

For your own sake, you'd better do it. Face it, most people work like this to get over unpleasant things. For her you are 15 year old faded memory that was replaced by whole new set of memories. Don't poke in it any further.

Edgar Reynaldo said:

Our history is what makes us who we are. The past isn't some kind of enemy to get rid of. ::)

Well I sort of agree with you. "You make your choices and you live with them." The choices and their consequences are what shapes us, the memory (and the past) is what aggregates these memories and derives experience from them. Our past is good for learning from our mistakes, for having a good laugh at something funny that happened to us or for having good moments reviving beautiful moments of our lives.

But it rapidly becomes our enemy when you wallow in the self pity due to bad decisions made on the road to the present. And that's what I think has happened to you at that time you have to step away and just live with that. As has been said before, it was ok to write a letter, but you did that in the wrong way.

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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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You all act like I forced all this on her.

I don't know what "all this" is supposed to mean, but you may very well have damaged her peace of mind by your behavior. If she's contacting the police then she's worried what you'll do. She may spend the next few months worrying that you'll come knocking. That would certainly have been "forced". You can't not influence through interaction. Chalk it up to "shit happens". Sometimes you mess up. You did 15 years ago, you did now. Oh well. /shrug

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Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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Dizzy Egg said:

we're just saying don't send it stalker letters and mixtapes.

They're not stalker letters, and I'm tired of being called a stalker. Get your fucking facts straight :

Wikipedia said:

One can differentiate between different types of stalkers by the kind of harassment they do:

Bullying stalker: is the cause of bullying, and is minor.
Cyberstalker: causes of cyberstalking may be greater or minor.
Mobbing stalker: causes mobbing
Psychological or physical stalker
Sexual harassment

I never willingly or knowingly harassed her in any way. Some things may or may not have been inappropriate depending on how she remembered me, but I don't think anything I did constitutes sexual harassment. I didn't make any lewd advances or crude comments, all I did (at least in my mind) was tell her how I feel about her. If that made her uncomfortable (and I guess it did judging by her final reaction) that was never my intent, nor did I believe it would.

I don't know what "all this" is supposed to mean, but you may very well have damaged her peace of mind by your behavior.

By 'all this' I meant escalating what I imagined to be a fairly innocent communication into threats of police action. Ignoring people you used to know well / intimately seems kind of juvenile to me. Civil people usually respond when asked if someone will forgive them or they are asked how they are doing.

23yrold3yrold said:

She may spend the next few months worrying that you'll come knocking.

That is certainly not something that I want her to feel. What do you suggest I do? In my third letter I apologized for saying anything inappropriate or anything that made her uncomfortable, but I guess it didn't matter to her.

I know some people here would definitely disagree with this, but what If I sent her a really brief Christmas card, saying something like :

I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable by anything I said to you.
I will not contact you further.
Have a Merry Christmas, and good bye. Farewell.

Would it give her grounds for a harassment lawsuit? Do you think she would actually go to the police for saying good bye and letting her know I won't speak to her further?

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Ignoring people you used to know well / intimately seems kind of juvenile to me.

I'm sure it seems juvenile to most people, but it's still the reaction I would have bet you were going to get. Depending on her personal experiences, this sets off all kinds of alarms in many women.

Quote:

That is certainly not something that I want her to feel. What do you suggest I do?

The same thing we've been suggesting all thread: stop now. Cut your losses. Any further interaction will increase her concern. The sooner you stop communication, the sooner she stops worrying. It's the only way to win.

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Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

Dennis
Member #1,090
July 2003
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What do you suggest I do?

Do not, I repeat, do NOT contact her again. Forget about her and move on with your own life.

Quote:

I know some people here would definitely disagree with this, but what If I sent her a really brief Christmas card[..]Would it give her grounds for a harassment lawsuit? Do you think she would actually go to the police for saying good bye and letting her know I won't speak to her further?

She said she'd go to the police if you kept contacting her. If that isn't a strong signal/reason enough for you to STOP IT then what do you think she should do to stop you?

It does not matter at all what YOU or anyone else here think(s) about the whole issue. You have to let it go, she told you to stop, so that's what you do: No final note, no christmas card, nothing: Do NOT contact her again, ever. Move on.

Striker
Member #10,701
February 2009
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"I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable by anything I said to you.
I will not contact you further.
Have a Merry Christmas, and good bye. Farewell."

But why farewell? Why do you want to close the door forever?

Stay cool man!

Who knows what next year brings. Maybe she leaves her husband or maybe you find a girl which is even better. In any case start thinking before acting...;D

BAF
Member #2,981
December 2002
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If she had asked me to stop trying to contact her, I would have, with at most one more reply to acknowledge her request.

That's the problem. Don't send her a Christmas card. Don't send her another goodbye letter. Don't send her anything. :-X

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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Send her a Christmas card and a Valentine's Day card. 8-)

BAF
Member #2,981
December 2002
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Send her a picture of Matthew on his motorcycle. Then she will be all over you. :o

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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BAF said:

Send her a picture of Matthew on his motorcycle. Then she will be all over you.

No! Send me a picture of Matthew on his motorcycle. Then I can dote on him instead. Nothing to help you get over someone like someone new! </gayness>

Trent Gamblin
Member #261
April 2000
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I think the only thing you did wrong was come on WAY too strong. I thought I was bad... you gotta start small with someone you haven't seen in 15 years, feel it out, and if she shows interest, gradually build up to something. If instead she says don't contact me again, respect that.

I'm not a shrink and I can't read your mind, but it seems like you might have just remembered all the good times and not really thought of how things have changed over time. You gotta remember, life goes on, people change. You'll never forget her and what you had but also, you and her will never be the same people as back then.

verthex
Member #11,340
September 2009
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I've never gotten a love letter from a legit person by email. Actually no one loves me. :P

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
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I can't say I know your taste in music, because I don't have the bandwidth to listen to all the tracks you keep producing.

Trust me, he has no right to criticize music. :P

As to everyone who suggests I burn everything I own related to her, why would I do that? I may have royally fucked things up, but I don't resent her, and I don't want to destroy the few good memories I have of her just because things are broken now. I'm not the kind of person who can just forget someone they used to be with.

The point is that there's no benefit to remembering the past. Thinking about her now won't make you happy. It will make you want her more. It will make you sad because things are different now and she is different now. You can think about her all you want, but none of it is real. It's all imaginary. It's all a faded memory. The best thing that you can do is to stop thinking about her, even though you don't want to. Getting rid of everything is a good first step to moving on. It's letting go. It's hard to stop thinking about something if you are regularly reminded of it.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
avatar

I think the only thing you did wrong was come on WAY too strong

Yes, initially. But the fact that he does not understand why she had a legitimate reason to be concerned and still asking if he should send a Christmas card despite all the advice to the contrary ... well, that's completely off the deep end.

If it weren't for his good track record of being a nice, helpful a.cc guy, I'm with DizzyEgg here, and I'd be calling the cops myself.

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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van_houtte
Member #11,605
January 2010
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cool story bro

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Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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She's established that she thinks you are crazy. So nothing you say in a Christmas card will be believable. It would only ruin her holiday just as she was forgetting about ever receiving your letters.

As far as she knows, you'd then follow up a month later asking if she got your Christmas card and making sure she knew it was over, and that you just wanted her to let you know that she got your card. And so on.

Any attempt made to contact her again will undoubtedly result in a visit from the police, or worse, her husband.

Trent Gamblin
Member #261
April 2000
avatar

still asking if he should send a Christmas card despite all the advice to the contrary ... well, that's completely off the deep end

Well yeah, I have to agree. If she said something about calling the cops and she's married you should not send a card. At this point it's 100% over. Unless she contacts you, which I would not wait for in the slightest, then this is your closure.

OICW
Member #4,069
November 2003
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Ignoring people you used to know well / intimately seems kind of juvenile to me. Civil people usually respond when asked if someone will forgive them or they are asked how they are doing.

While I agree I think you're not having a perspective in there. It's been 15 years since you've dumped her. I bet you were a faded memory and until she read that you were her date on the high school prom she hadn't had a slightest idea who the hell is sending her a letter.

What is more, the content of the letter most certainly creeped her out, so the best thing is to ignore it and hope no more are coming your way, if they do, respond with police threat. On the other hand, you could have gotten your reply if your first letter would have been a very short one.

At the end of the day, there are of course people who simply don't care and ignore such things - it's some kind of self defence and partly laziness I think - in a way that you ignore unpleasant things.

[My website][CppReference][Pixelate][Allegators worldwide][Who's online]
"Final Fantasy XIV, I feel that anything I could say will be repeating myself, so I'm just gonna express my feelings with a strangled noise from the back of my throat. Graaarghhhh..." - Yahtzee
"Uhm... this is a.cc. Did you honestly think this thread WOULDN'T be derailed and ruined?" - BAF
"You can discuss it, you can dislike it, you can disagree with it, but that's all what you can do with it"



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