Allegro.cc - Online Community

Allegro.cc Forums » Off-Topic Ordeals » A question to all the married men

This thread is locked; no one can reply to it. rss feed Print
A question to all the married men
gnolam
Member #2,030
March 2002
avatar

Hearing someone else say something you already thought up yourself gives a quick ego boost, but it gets old quick. I've had quite a few interesting conversations with deeply religious (yet open-minded) people.

The latter is the important part. Someone who refuses to even consider other points of view is not likely to have well thought-out views himself.

relay01 said:

Because you are in a new relationship, there is a lot of passion that will begin to fade (usually takes about 2 years or so).

Sure, but it's still dangerous and needs to be cooled for a few more years.
... oh wait, wrong thread. ;)

--
Move to the Democratic People's Republic of Vivendi Universal (formerly known as Sweden) - officially democracy- and privacy-free since 2008-06-18!

relay01
Member #6,988
March 2006
avatar

Agreed.

But I also think that as long as BOTH partners have the right attitude toward themselves and on another, any marriage can work.

_____________________________________

van_houtte
Member #11,605
January 2010
avatar

relay01 said:

Also, if you plan on having kids, I suggest reading "Tender Warrior" I can't recall the author. But its a very good read on what it takes to "be a man".

Highly recommended book, there's even a section on cry babies and how to stop being one

-----
For assistance, please register and click on this link to PM a moderator

Sometimes you may have to send 3-4 messages

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
avatar

Thanks relay I found a website based on the 5 love langauges and took the assessment

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

This is what I scored

****************************************
Your Scores
8 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
8 Acts of Service
2 Physical Touch

Now that you know your love language, here’s some more information you might not have realized about it, and why certain behaviors affect you more than others.
Your Love Language
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there–with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby–makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
*************************************************

I'm having my girlfriend take the test too.

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

Trent Gamblin
Member #261
April 2000
avatar

gnolam said:

Sure, but it's still dangerous and needs to be cooled for a few more years.
... oh wait, wrong thread.

I thought you were going to link to this one.

HardTranceFan
Member #7,317
June 2006
avatar

85% to 99%, reading marriage work books, taking tests? You're over analysing the whole thing. Quit doing it.

It can be a help to know what you can be in for. In one of my psychology classes years back, they explained how [generally] relationships change over time. I'll try to explain:

At first it's all fireworks. Everything is euphoric, lovey dovey. You hold hands in public, cuddle, kiss, and in most cases have shit loads of sex. This is the 2 thumbs up stage.

It peaks just before kids come on the scene (lovely as they are, they do test a relationship). Then the relationship dive bombs.

By the time the kids are round, the relationship is usually at it's lowest. Tiredness sets in and there's minimal sex. Touching is a slap to get your hands off her arse. The sparkle that got you together isn't there, arguments occur more frequently and divorce is more likely. Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters are kept busy.

From this point it's the friendship between the couple that acts as the glue in the relationship. It leads to a bit more cuddling, more kissing and more sex. The relationship slowly builds up again. After a while you'll be acting like teenagers (minus the 101 positions for fear of dislocating a hip), much to the disgust of your teenage kids.

My 2 cents worth.

--
"Shame your mind don't shine like your possessions do" - Faithless (I want more part 1)

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
avatar

If you know this person is right for you and you spend most of your time thinking about them. You consider them your best friend, than what are you waiting for? Get married before they get away! ;)

I got married a month after I turned 20 and I am still married 26 years later. I still consider her my best friend, we know each other better than our families and NOBODY knows me like she does, nor do they understand or agree with my beliefs like she does.

We're also christian, but not in the traditional sense, I don't attend any churches, just read my bible and believe what it says above all else. She is of the same opinion. She knows her place as a woman, I know my place as a man and we're happy with it. There hasn't been a day that has gone by in the 26 years (not counting the days we were apart, which have been rare) that we haven't said "I love you" at LEAST once a day, no lies... that's a lot in 26 years, it's habit now. Certainly doesn't hurt to tell the one you want to spend the rest of your life with (and that IS what marriage should be).

One thing we did just before we got married was we discussed what would be involved, the good AND the bad so we weren't going into it with any false ideas. We've had some tough times, but through it all, we stuck together and are stronger now.

We didn't do as much planning though, I don't think it is something to plan for, you just need to know you really want this and that she won't become your "ball and chain" or "old lady". Your friends do not come first, SHE does... if you can't do that than you shouldn't be married.

Pray about it, ask for help. I recall telling my wife I was going to marry her someday and she didn't think that would ever happen. I prayed about it... if I couldn't marry her than I wanted to remain friends at least. A few months after praying, she changed her mind and asked ME... true story. 26 years later... :)

We knew each other as friends for about 3 years before we got married, but we weren't really boyfriend/girfriend... we were just friends. She actually had boyfriends and even was engaged to one at one point. I NEVER interfered with that but remained friends. As time went on we drew closer though and her boyfriends came and went but we were always friends. Honestly, those guys were idiots and didn't know what they had... thank God. ;)

Anyhow... enough rambling from me, that's my story. That's my advice for what it's worth. I wish you all the best in whatever you end up doing. It's definitely well worth it.

---
“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

So, you think she changed her mind because of you praying?

Well, I got a maths test tomorrow. Fuck learning, I'll just pray and win. :D

In capitalist America bank robs you.

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
avatar

<deleted>

---
“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

Well, this is what really happened once:

We were on vacation in Croatia. The damn electricity went out and the television wasn't working. Being young and stupid back then I prayed to God to bring back the TV.

Now, not 10 seconds after that the electricity came back. Do you think thats because of God or someone at the electric company fixing the wiring?

Question for you:
Do you think it was God that made her change her mind or you, the one she loves?

In capitalist America bank robs you.

Onewing
Member #6,152
August 2005
avatar

Before I popped the question, I decided to meditate. I got in my car and decided I would drive to wherever felt right. I was on the highway for about 45 minutes, before a huge gust of wind caused my vehicle to veer to the right. I took the next exit and drove deeper into the country. At one point, I turned off the main road and started going down a set of hilly, rocky, winding roads. I ended up coming to a lake, which wasn't a big surprise; I was well aware the lake was all around the area, but the roads I had never traversed.

I parked at what appeared to be a lake-side park. Nobody was there. And the lake was particularly high that day, I could only see the tops of the park benches. I set next to the flooded lake and awaited an epiphany, a moment with a higher power to ensure what I was about to do was in fact the right decision. I waited for two hours and never got anything.

Looking back now, this whole scenario can be easily twisted to "mean" something. I took it as God saying "I'm here with you, but this decision is yours." It's irrelevant what this all means, even if nothing at all, as it gave me great comfort.

------------
Solo-Games.org | My Tech Blog: The Digital Helm

Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
avatar

Vanneto said:

Do you think it was God that made her change her mind or you, the one she loves?

Do you think that it's necessarily one or the other?

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
avatar

<deleted>

---
“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
avatar

Vanneto said:

Do you think it was God that made her change her mind or you, the one she loves?

I appreciate that you're trolling (pretty much every atheist in this thread is) but that's not what he prayed. ::)

EDIT: Wow, triple-owned, Vanneto. Keep up the good work. :)

--
Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

Thanks 23yrold, doing my best. :-*

In capitalist America bank robs you.

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

Neil Roy said:

I recall telling my wife I was going to marry her someday and she didn't think that would ever happen. I prayed about it... if I couldn't marry her than I wanted to remain friends at least. A few months after praying, she changed her mind and asked ME... true story. 26 years later... :)

We knew each other as friends for about 3 years before we got married, but we weren't really boyfriend/girfriend... we were just friends. She actually had boyfriends and even was engaged to one at one point. I NEVER interfered with that but remained friends. As time went on we drew closer though and her boyfriends came and went but we were always friends. Honestly, those guys were idiots and didn't know what they had... thank God. ;)

Wow, that sounds like the exact opposite of what happened to me... :-/ I hate you. :'(

Evert
Member #794
November 2000
avatar

I appreciate that you're trolling (pretty much every atheist in this thread is)

::)

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
avatar

/glances at Evert's posts

You heard me, troll-boy. ;)

--
Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
avatar

.

---
“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy

relay01
Member #6,988
March 2006
avatar

Neil Roy's Sig said:

"No one has ever gone into heaven" - John 3:13

Why didn't you finish the verse?

_____________________________________

Evert
Member #794
November 2000
avatar

/glances at Evert's posts

You heard me, troll-boy. ;)

Do you actually read anything I say, or do you just make an assumption on what I think and say based on what you expect?
Or is having a different opinion on your religion considered "trolling"?

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
avatar

Evert said:

Do you actually read anything I say, or do you just make an assumption on what I think and say based on what you expect?

I wonder the same about you (and have said so in the past), but why do you even care? :P By your own admission above, your comments have been tongue-in-cheek.

Quote:

Or is having a different opinion on your religion considered "trolling"?

That in itself is a troll. :) But since I respect a lot of opinions that differ from mine, sometimes quite wildly, I'm not bored enough to bite, sorry.

--
Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

Evert
Member #794
November 2000
avatar

I wonder the same about you

Why?
Really, why?

Quote:

By your own admission above, your comments have been tongue-in-cheek.

About the silly taco-thing that upset some people, yes. But surely no one took that seriously. For the rest (and certainly the on-topic parts), not so much.
I also don't think humour (or responding to it) counts as trolling.

Quote:

That in itself is a troll. :)

It's not supposed to be, although of course it's closer to a rhetorical question than a real question.
As a rhetorical question, in case you're wondering, the answer is "no".

Quote:

But since I respect a lot of opinions that differ from mine, sometimes quite wildly, I'm not bored enough to bite, sorry.

That's be a no then. Ok.
So why is it that whenever there's any sort of discussion, it seems you disregard anything I say and interpret it completely differently? Is the meaning we attach to words we use so different and any attempt to clarify them so disjoined that we are unable to bridge that difference?

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
avatar

Evert said:

So why is it that whenever there's any sort of discussion, it seems you disregard anything I say and interpret it completely differently? Is the meaning we attach to words we use so different and any attempt to clarify them so disjoined that we are unable to bridge that difference?

Apparently, because you seem to do the same to me. :) Your first response to me tried to reframe "what the Bible says" to "what people believe". Your response to my analogy was a confusion smiley, and when I tried to clarify you reframed my position again. If you're hung up on what people thing, kewl, but that's not what I was addressing. :P

--
Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

Evert
Member #794
November 2000
avatar

Your first response to me tried to reframe "what the Bible says" to "what people believe".

I didn't mention Bibles anywhere there. The first post where I quoted you was to contrast one Christian (JH) saying "God is ominpotent" and another (you) "God is not omnipotent".
I'm sure that first comment was tongue-in-cheek (as was the Taco discussion that followed it, quite why people seemed to respond to that seriously I don't know) and so was my reply, apart from one observation that actually is true: two people can both self-identify as "Christian" and yet hold totally incompatible and contradictory views with respect to what is and isn't in the Bible and what God does or doesn't do or think.
So someone identifying as "Christian" doesn't actually tell you very much about what they do or do not believe, which adds a lot of noise and confusion to any attempt at an intelligent discussion.

Quote:

Your response to my analogy was a confusion smiley, and when I tried to clarify you reframed my position again.

I didn't understand a word about your analogy because I completely miss the frame of reference to interpret it correctly.
I have no idea what "Marvel vs. Capcom 3" is, I don't know what "doing supers" is, let alone what "qcf+2P" and "qcfqcf+P" mean. I didn't get your "quit making excuses" either, since I wasn't making excuses for anything. I figured it had something to do with the analogy that I didn't get, but since I didn't get that I couldn't work out what you were saying.
So then in your reply you explained what you meant to say in English (:P) and I didn't reply to that. The reason I didn't is that the bottom line of what you were saying is essentially what I was getting at.
Having said that, there are quite some philosophical considerations that follow from that statement that I'll touch on below if you're interested (my impression on past discussions is that you're generally not, but maybe that's just another misunderstanding).

Quote:

If you're hung up on what people thing, kewl, but that's not what I was addressing.

There are people who think Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny really exist. Clearly, the fact that there are people who believe or don't believe something in itself is not interesting. The reason they believe these things (and any arguments that might be brought up for why other people don't), the way it shapes their lives and the consequences of such beliefs might be.

So, side comments and philosophical considerations

The point is that reality doesn't care what either of us believed. The game's instruction manual says X, so in the context of the game X is true. The Bible says X about God, so in the context of Christianity X is true. Belief is irrelevant.

1. People don't agree on what the Bible says, or at least not on everything (we agreed on this, I think). So if people don't agree on that, who should anyone believe on what it says? If you say the Bible says "X" and someone else says it says "Y", who is speaking the truth? Given that uncertainty and leaving aside any other considerations, would it even be possible to "accept what the Bible says" as true? Could you argue that there is "one truth" if our understanding of that truth is so incomplete and under debate?
2. The statement "Bible says X, therefore in the context of Christianity X is true" is nice and simple, but it's deceptively so in light of (1), is it not? "Christianity" does not identify a single set of beliefs that are shared by all who call themselves "Christian". It's an umbrella term that encompasses a set of closely related religious views.
You can take the stance that only one of all those possibilities represents "True Christianity" and all the other ones are somehow "false", but see (1): there is no objective criterion by which to decide which is true and which is false.
How can "belief" be irrelevant here?
3. Reality doesn't care what either of us beliefs, no argument there (so long as we believe that we all live in the same reality and only our perception of it may be different). Reality, however, is unknown and we have only our perception of it to go on.
4. Whether what the Bible says about X is true in the context of Christianity is of limited interest with respect to reality, unless you think that Christianity is reality. General aspects of that are interesting, details probably aren't because of (1) and (2).
5. Philosophical considerations and musings are nice and interesting, but ultimately what is real and what is not cannot be soly determined by them. Aristotle had worked out a system of mechanics that was very clever, but was shown by experiment to not agree with the real world. Philosophical considerations alone could not have revealed that.

Now, you may interpret some of those questions as rhetorical on my part, with the sole purpose to ridicule and "mock" religion - but they're not. I certainly have an opinion on what I think the answer is, but that's not the interesting question. The interesting question is what others think the answers are and, most importantly, why they think that. And that is something one can have a well-behaved and well-defined discussion on.

But again, I didn't think this was worth bringing up at the time (and I also didn't have the time to do so), never mind going so far off-topic. I guess there's the engagement thread now though.



Go to: