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Better Social Skills
Jakub Wasilewski
Member #3,653
June 2003
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Quote:

Of course I realize it will always take some amount of time, but with effective knowledge I can speed the process up considerably.

See, this is the style of thinking you have to drop if you want to enjoy your social life ;). You can't calculate and always choose the action that will further your goal. That might make you someone who understands people and who knows how to play them, but you'll never enjoy things if you won't just be yourself. The golden recipe is "don't try too hard".

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[ ChristmasHack! | My games ] :::: One CSS to style them all, One Javascript to script them, / One HTML to bring them all and in the browser bind them / In the Land of Fantasy where Standards mean something.

Evert
Member #794
November 2000
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Quote:

For example, if you are waiting for the bus/train (and no friends are around), just talk to the person sitting next to you.

As others have said, be careful there. You should usually limit this to an exchange of one or two short phrases. If the other person is receptive, they'll talk back anyway or show it through body language.

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Man, I'm feeling old. It wasn't that long time ago when the question rose last time.

It also doesn't seem that long ago that all the regulars knew the term. I'm feeling old too. :(

Quote:

with sex

We do big hugs, but that's it. Fortunately.

axilmar
Member #1,204
April 2001

Another solution is ...strip clubs. You go there, relax with a drink, talk to women so beautiful you wouldn't dare talk in real life, and there you have it: instant social skills.

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Quote:

Another solution is ...strip clubs. You go there, relax with a drink, talk to women so beautiful you wouldn't dare talk in real life, and there you have it: instant social skills.

I know that's your thing, but it doesn't appeal to me.

Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000

Quote:

If a woman doesn't want to go out with a man, she will let him know by slipping the words 'my boyfriend' into the conversation. This might sometimes mean lying but it is thought by most people to be the most gentle way of letting the man know.

It's not gentle, it's a way of saying, "Look at me, I'm yet another successful person who has a boy/girlfriend, unlike you!" >:(

Err, don't mind me. >_>

--
Bruce "entheh" Perry [ Web site | DUMB | Set Up Us The Bomb !!! | Balls ]
Programming should be fun. That's why I hate C and C++.
The brxybrytl has you.

Epoch
Member #4,737
June 2004
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I think I can actually help a lot here. I was very antisocial for most of my childhood, not because I didn't want to be social, but mainly because I was ostracized (Atheist child in a super-WASP town), so I had to learn a lot of social skills from observation and experimentation.

The first thing you should know is, you're trying to have a conversation, not a discussion. You're an intellectual, you can have discussions just fine. This is a discussion. A conversation is a different animal entirely.

In a conversation, your objective is to learn about the person you're talking to.

A few basic rules that should lead you in the right direction:

1) Smile. Not just when you're talking to someone, but idle your mouth in a pre-smile position. Not quite a smirk, but you should be able to feel a little tension. Two reasons: One, you're more attractive when you're smiling, and this leads you to smile more often and makes you look happier when you're not. When you're talking to people, it makes them feel like you're more interested, so they'll open up. When you're not talking to people, it makes you look more approachable. Second reason: If you smile, you'll automatically feel happier, and therefore, be more relaxed and more conversational.

2) Make eye contact. Don't lock on and stare, but you'll want to spend a decent amount of the time you're talking to them looking at them. It feels uncomfortable at first, but once you get used to it, it feels more natural.

3) While they're talking, listen. Don't think about how you're going to respond until they stop talking.

4) Talk about what they want to talk about. Try to say as little as possible about yourself.

Those help a lot.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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Tip #1: When someone asks you what you are studying in school, don't say "Computer Science." That will eliminate any chance you had of continuing the conversation. You might as well say, "Hi, I'm really boring person. Want to see my Rubik's cube?"

mEmO
Member #1,124
March 2001
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THAT explains a whole lot of things...

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Epoch
Member #4,737
June 2004
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Never underestimate the social power of being able to solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute.

nonnus29
Member #2,606
August 2002
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Quote:

Tip #1: When someone asks you what you are studying in school, don't say "Computer Science." That will eliminate any chance you had of continuing the conversation. You might as well say, "Hi, I'm really boring person. Want to see my Rubik's cube?"

That's a really good point; I have the same problem when people ask me what I do. When I say 'computer programmer' I get a decidedly different response than I used to get when I said 'I'm in the army and I drive tanks'. It seemed like girls were much amiable to the tank-driving me than the computer-programmer me. Or maybe I'm just getting old. :-/

Billybob
Member #3,136
January 2003

Jakub said:

See, this is the style of thinking you have to drop if you want to enjoy your social life

Thanks for the tip. I've got it covered though. I'm not trying to speed through my social life, I'm trying to speed to my social life. Being myself is impossible without the necessary skills for communication of myself.

Epoch, thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated. That's an interesting point you made, about conversations being different from discussions. That never really dawned on me, even though I don't use conversations like I do discussions.

wearetheborg
Queen of the Universe
June 2003

Axilmar said:

Another solution is ...strip clubs. You go there, relax with a drink, talk to women so beautiful you wouldn't dare talk in real life, and there you have it: instant social skills.

You and the strip clubs! How about trying to have meaningful relationships with people, instead of paying them to act like they enjoy your company?
Going to a strip club does not involve social skills since you can act like a total weirdo and still get what you want. :-/

Bruce Perry said:

It's not gentle, it's a way of saying, "Look at me, I'm yet another successful person who has a boy/girlfriend, unlike you!" >:(

Interesting... Personally, I'm happy for anyone who tells me they're in a good relationship with someone else. I guess you were joking anyway, but to anyone who sees things that way... Wow... So damn selfish.

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LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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An addition to Epoch's guidelines:

5) when you're talking to women, talk to their face, not their breasts (as enticing as they mey be).

kentl
Member #2,905
November 2002

Quote:

Going to a strip club does not involve social skills since you can act like a total weirdo and still get what you want. :-/

Well said. I hope that he was kidding though. If anything that sort of behavior will make him more anti-social.

Quote:

Interesting... Personally, I'm happy for anyone who tells me they're in a good relationship with someone else. I guess you were joking anyway, but to anyone who sees things that way... Wow... So damn selfish.

The amateur psychologist in me says that they seem to be really depressed first of all. Being selfish (in thought) is just a symptom.

Quote:

Being myself is impossible without the necessary skills for communication of myself.

You won't learn any of the social skills you need without some trial and error. Get out there and socialize. I think it also helps if you aren't too serious about yourself, it will only make you tense and boring.

All people get into awkward moments from time to time. Even if you always will say the "right" thing this is still a fact, as there is another person in the conversation as well.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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Quote:

When I say 'computer programmer' I get a decidedly different response than I used to get when I said 'I'm in the army and I drive tanks'

I'm a double major, and I get very different reactions between "Math" and "Computer Science." When I say the latter, I almost always get the response of "oh, I don't know anything about that" with the person walking away. If I say "Math," it's more like, "I suck at math, can you help me? (ie, do my homework)" Which isn't much better, but they don't walk away.

If I were to lie and say something completely different, I'm sure I could carry on a long conversation. But it's not my goal to socialize with a bunch of shallow people.

Paul whoknows
Member #5,081
September 2004
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Quote:

If a woman doesn't want to go out with a man, she will let him know by slipping the words 'my boyfriend' into the conversation.

Ah, that's so true!
I allways answer with a "aaaah you are boring me, I don't care a shit about your boyfriend, NEXT"

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"The unlimited potential has been replaced by the concrete reality of what I programmed today." - Jordan Mechner.

Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000

Depending on my mood, I do genuinely feel jealous a fair proportion of the times people mention their boyfriends or girlfriends. I think a girl talking about her boyfriend has marginally more effect on me.

It also depends on whom I'm talking to and what their attitude is. Charline (a French girl I got rejected by last Christmas) set her MSN display picture to a photo of her getting a kiss on the cheek and looking very smug. To me, that comes over as boasting and makes me feel jealous and a bit resentful. On the contrary, I have a really good friend who really loves her boyfriend but doesn't boast about him, and I only feel jealous occasionally - and when I do, I say so, apologise, and change the subject or talk later. (It often coincides with me generally not being in a very sociable mood.)

It's a pretty common reaction. Diana, you have to understand that I've had six or seven years over which I've had a good number of crushes, all of which have ended in some kind of rejection. They've varied from a few minutes of enthusiastic talk followed by "And this is my boyfriend" to a much longer and nastier escapade in which the girl mysteriously managed to win a seemingly uninterested guy over just in the same week she figured out that I fancied her. Most of them involve mention of a boyfriend. It's the same as with stalking: individual incidents are insignificant (and, in the case of stalking, legal), but the cumulative effect is damaging (and, in the case of stalking, illegal). I've even met a girl who has roughly the same gripe I just joked about, but the other way round. ;D

Luckily, the jealousy is generally superficial and momentary, and won't stop me from getting on with someone who doesn't have a boyfriend and is interested. Furthermore, I would never let the jealousy make me do something to harm such a relationship; indeed, I've even apologised to people in advance, just in case I act jealous and end up annoying someone. I don't think it's fair to call me selfish. :P

By the way, girl friend with sex? BEST POST EVAR ;D
[EDIT] except it was topped by Paul's reply just there. ;D;D

--
Bruce "entheh" Perry [ Web site | DUMB | Set Up Us The Bomb !!! | Balls ]
Programming should be fun. That's why I hate C and C++.
The brxybrytl has you.

nonnus29
Member #2,606
August 2002
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piccolo
Member #3,163
January 2003
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Tip #1: try to learn how to free style rap. this will make you quick on your feet when making small talk.
Tip #2: watch wide rage of tv programing so you can #include " tvJargen.h" in your small talk.

edit: if its girls your dealing with do all the above and make sure you horny and give them looks that are seductive your eyes should tell her you want to knuckboots with her. chicks dig the sex looks. stear her in the eyes and make her nervous and moist. you have to analyze her speech with the speed of a AMD X64 and react accords. remember its all in the eyes so drink lots of carrot juice so your eyes are clear and sexxy.

wow
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i am who you are not am i

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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I bow down to Piccolo's words of wisdom!! :o:o

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Stick it in her pooper, do a barrel roll, and/or become an hero. Guaranteed to habeeb it.

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Since 2008-Jun-18, democracy in Sweden is dead. | 悪霊退散!悪霊退散!怨霊、物の怪、困った時は ドーマン!セーマン!ドーマン!セーマン! 直ぐに呼びましょう陰陽師レッツゴー!

piccolo
Member #3,163
January 2003
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X-G said:

learn how to manipulate people.

Thats right but not many people can achieve this. it requires one to alter their way of thinking and conviction on life. it should be like a experiment. thats the way you stay mellow when your experimenting. you have to lots past experiences that you have analyed. when you find one that matches the gurl ur bout to talk to you alter the past convo/experiment to make the outcome the way u want. then apply to the current gurl. ex this is a resut from a experiments
the best way to ask a girl out would be :
" hey are you busy at "insert time" then dont say anything
(just look in eyes and wait for reply
if( they ask why before giving you a reply )
say:"nah forget about it i was just thinking to my self"
(make sure you smile and or chuckle)

if (she say she is busy)

if (she tells what she is doing on that day with out you asking)

then tell her its ok i just wanted to (chill or hang) with you for a bit.
(she will then tell when she is free)

else if (she dose not tell you)
then say " ok " and change the subject to somthing funny
dont say anything to her about what you was planning even if she asks why.
(girls that ask why are trying to work over you)
(she might ask you out later in this case)

sorry the spell check is busted ill spell check it when its fixed

wow
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i am who you are not am i

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Oh boy.. X-G's gonna whip you bad for those spelling errors! :-X

Jakub Wasilewski
Member #3,653
June 2003
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Yves, is that you? :)

---------------------------
[ ChristmasHack! | My games ] :::: One CSS to style them all, One Javascript to script them, / One HTML to bring them all and in the browser bind them / In the Land of Fantasy where Standards mean something.

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
avatar

I'm not sure that qualifies as a language to begin with, Phippy...

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Since 2008-Jun-18, democracy in Sweden is dead. | 悪霊退散!悪霊退散!怨霊、物の怪、困った時は ドーマン!セーマン!ドーマン!セーマン! 直ぐに呼びましょう陰陽師レッツゴー!



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