I am greatly lacking my social skills department. Everything regarding it, really. Does anyone have some free resources that would help guide me to improving them? Obviously it takes time and practice, which I'm already doing, but some guidance would be most helpful!

By social skills, I mean how to interact with other people politely and in an engaging manner. Everything from how to start a conversion, how to hold a conversation, and how to end one. What is considered expectable behavior, what isn't? All that stuff everyone learned while I was busy with computers

Its one of those things, "If you have to ask, You're out of luck".

The following is designed for people with Asperger's Syndrome (one of the key criteria of AS is a deficiency in social skills), so some of it might be glaringly obvious to those who don't have it. I learnt a lot from it though.

A survival guide for people with Asperger syndrome.

[edit]fixed link[/edit]

One thing I always I forget: When you meet someone for the first time (I mean casually, like when walking your dog or something), introduce yourself if you're not introduced by someone else. Because if you don't, by the time you meet for the fourth time, it becomes a bit awkward when you talk about all sorts of stuff, but don't know their name. And especially when the other person somehow knows your name and expects you to know theirs, but you don't, and you can't just ask, and it becomes really awkward. I think there was a Seinfeld episode about this once. I don't remember how he solved the problem though...

If it was Seinfeld, he probably didn't.

About that book, here's an online copy: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~alistair/survival/

Its akward anyway if you couldn't remember their name even if you did ask a couple times

No, he didn't. It's the episode where he doesn't remember his girlfriend's name so tries asking whether she had any funny nicknames at school. She replies something like "of course I did, because my name rhymes with a part of the female anatomy". Queue a hilarious not-quite half hour of names that rhyme with parts of the female anatomy. She eventually walks out on him when he can't remember her name, but then he gets it: Delores.

Ahh, University of York students. Truly the greatest on earth!

Oops, I link to the front page of another site hosting it instead of the document itself. I've fixed the link now. The version I linked to also contains a link to a WikiBook that was (is stil being) written as an extension to Marc Seager's unfinished work.

You are a student right? If so you could start working for your student union and be a bartender or something else where you meet lots of people.

It took me YEARS to figure that one out. In fact I still forget to sometimes. It just never occurs to me for some reason.

I don't think that's a valid assumption. Most people are completely boarish and self-absorbed in their interactions with others, that's the norm.

Just try to be considerate and respectful of other people and you'll be far ahead of most others.

True, and very important.

It's also good to end the conversation when you want it to end. And end with something nice. The most important thing is to mark a clear ending so that both of you knows that it's time to do something else now. I think it's a good advice anyway.

Also try not to be self centered.

Practice, really.

I'm sort of realizing that mine aren't up to snuff, either. For all of my high school life I was comfortable with the group of friends I had, so I didn't have to exercise my social skills.

Now, in college, I am having to make new friends. It's slow-going, but I'm making some progress. Some people know me, I am communicating with people, people recognize me and my work, so that's a start.

So, I will leave you with two things that I have learned:

1) As Nike suggests, just do it. If you are nervous about talking to someone or unsure of how to break the ice, just go for whatever comes to mind. It will get you talking, and even if the ice-breaker is the lamest thing ever, it will soon be forgotten.

2) Don't get too caught up in trying to say the "right" thing. If you take your time coming up with the perfect thing to say, you will probably miss the perfect time to say it. Conversations are musical; there is a beat and a melody. Just focus on the conversation. Go with the flow, I guess is what I mean to say.

Edit: My favorite ice-breaker to date is "What's blue and smells like red paint?" (answer: blue paint) People will either laugh or hit you, and the latter is a good indication that these are people you don't want to be friends with anyways.

Kibiz0r: What about people who laugh, then hit you?

You should Dragon Punch (tm) those ones.

Do drugs. (Lots of them.)

Back in High School, I knew this girl who I became pretty good friends with. Problem was, I could never remember her name, even after being told to me once or twice before. This went on for 6 months! I'd be like, "Hey..." and hope that she'd turn around. Finally, I asked my other friend, "Ok, what is her name!?" He laughed for about five minutes straight.

Anyway, back on topic. If you're just wanting basic social interactivity with other people (aka, clubs, class, in the union, etc.), the key is to not care. You'll either befriend people or annoy people.

If you're talking social polite-ness, as if in the working place, try Tae-kwon-do.

Actually that could be a defence mechanism. Repeatedly forgetting the name of someone you like can happen in that case..

[edit] Wrong thread!

If people you talk to already know you it's incredible hard to change anything about your behaviour. People have an image of you in their heads which is nearly unchangeable. So if you try to do something new regarding your own behaviour everyone who knows you simply ignores it and you don't know if it was good or bad.

Try a conversation which someone who doesn't know you at all. For example, if you are waiting for the bus/train (and no friends are around), just talk to the person sitting next to you. That way no prejudice happens and you can experiment with your social skills. Plus, the person probably won't remember/see you again, so you can REALLY try out new things.

Basically, ask yourself this: Do you 1) Really want to interact with people because you share a common interest, or 2) Do you want to reap the benefits of social interaction?

If 1), it all comes down to daring to talk about subjects you know things about. If 2), learn how to manipulate people.

Something most people seem to miss is that listening is big part of being social. Listen and comprehend so you actually know what you are talking about instead of rambling some random stuff.
However, try not to be THE listener who only replies with "aha", "I see", "yes", "no" because then you're a shrink. I did that misstake ages ago and I became sorta the local priest among my friends. In the end they were telling me stuff I really didn't want to know, just because I was a good listener.

Personally, I'd find that annoying. I don't like being forced into a conversation with a stranger on the bus/train... It's harder to move away from the person or avoid them considering I'm sitting in a relatively small enclosed space. So yeah, I don't like that suggestion because there are a lot of people like me out there.

Yeah, it always depends on the situation. But let's imagine the situation where you sit at the train station, your train is delayed, and you've got nothing to do. Would you still mind a small conversation with a stranger?

I'd really bloody mind it, yes. I mean, what the hell? It's uncomfortable enough when, like, the clerk at the store try to talk to you. I wouldn't respond to some random dude on the street.

What has changed in the past 50 some years where we went from everyone knowing your neighbors and talking to everyone, to people hardly talking to their neighbors and hating it when random people talk to them? Not pointing you out X-G because that's really the majority of society these days. Is this social evolution?

[EDIT]
It almost sounds like de-evolution (?)

Social interaction is no longer needed for a "healthy" life. Where once real contact and conversation thrived, it has been replaced by the internet.

I still think it's needed for a "healthy" life. Even if you don't think you interact with people you still do. Maybe a store clerk talks to you. That's intereaction. Maybe not much but it is. Someone should do an experiment where they don't see another living soul for x number of years and only use the internet to talk to people.

That's me

Fortunately I have a gfws* that is quite a bit like me. We go out together sometimes and often have situations where neither don't know what to do or say. We both know we need to practice our social skills so at least we both have someone to practice with. Funny is that we talk way more in IM. Probably because we both spend way too much time with computers

*) If things will continue as they are I think she'll be upgraded to gfwos. There are lots of hints of that happening

gfws*
gfwos

??

http://www.free-hugs.com/
Don't hug people, just carry something that says you don't mind being hugged.

You shouldn't worry about awkwardness, it passes quickly if you just deal with it at once. Just like jumping into a lake, the cold only lasts a moment.

Learn how to make good jokes. Then you'll have too many people liking you.

But maybe thats trying too hard...

Taking a random shot in the dark here:

with sex
without sex

Even if it's not right, it almost makes sense.

[edit]
you sure you don't have those backwards :p

That wouldn't be an upgrade though

I just start conversations with everyone around me all the time. I think I make friends through sheer numbers.

If 1 in 10 people aren't weirded out by random people talking to them at the bus station then I just have to start conversations with 10 people.

A lot of it depends where you live. If you live out in the middle of america all you have to do is sit there and you'll meet the whole town. If you live in the middle of a big city, well, you're screwed. People from cities can be so cold...

I hear people in Texas are really friendly.

[edit]
The trick is to not take rejection personally. Its not meant personally anyway, how could it when they don't even know you?

Maybe they are at that point in the relationship?

It's not that we're cold, we've just had busy days with all the stress and crap. It's not easy on the mind to hear gunshots, police sirens, trains screeching, people fighting, etc etc and then turn around to speak to some random person.

Right about everything but the "s".
Man, I'm feeling old. It wasn't that long time ago when the question rose last time.

I'm still lost.

"s" == space. So "girl friend with space" and "girl friend without space". Geez, you just get the Intarweb or sumthin'?

Story time!

On my first and only visit to the Big Apple (keep in mind, I come from the country-turning-into-city area), I stayed at a Hotel across from a Subway restaurant. I decided I wanted to eat there that night, so I walk over at 8:30, order my sandwich and realize I forgot my wallet. I tell the clerk, "I'll be back in five minutes tops, just got to go to that building across the street, literally." I ask when the shop closes and he says 9:00PM. So I run back to my room, grab my wallet and get back to his shop by 8:43. The doors are locked. I'm confused, so I knock on the door. The guy makes a gesture like he can't hear me and continues to sweep.

Now I'm just mad.

So I take my money over to Blimpie's a block down and grab an identical sandwich. Coincedentally, they close at 9:00PM as well. They let me in and we're really nice. I took my sandwich and went back to the Subway restaurant. I bang on the door and hold up my bag of Blimpie's with a big cheesy smile on my face. Perhaps it wasn't the best come back, but it sure felt good.

I told my wife the story and she said, "please try not to get shot."

And here's an unrelated story. The next day I went to Central Park. I was looking out over a random, small little lake when some thirty-something's couple comes up to me and ask, "Hey, do you know how to get to so-and-so." I don't know what compelled me to do this, but I said, "Sure, just take the road down there, until you get this sign, then take a left and you should see it no problem." I then left in the opposite direction I sent them, considering I had no idea what they were talking about or where it would possibly be.

I guess I'm just a jerk.

For the directions.. yes. :|

Heh, guess I was trying to be a New Yorker...

Stop making us look so bad T_T. We give very directions usually, unless it's a fat woman( it's been shown we don't give directions to them as much...). But granted, I'm sure anyone would like to be a jerk in those situations since it's so funny.

Cool, that was helpful. Now I have to worry about making between 1/3 and 2/3 eye contact Being anti-social sucks balls. Oh well, it's all good.

No, it's a fact that the composition of the US has gone from mainly rural living to more people in urban areas. Like me, I grew up on a farm, now I live in a 'big' city. Back home I knew everyone and their reputation, here I don't know anyone. That took some getting used too.

Get a good job at a small-medium business (5-20 employees) with social aspects to it. You'll be forced to catch on sooner or later.

I was once very anti-social and fairly shy. I didn't speak unless spoken to, ever. After working in tech support for a year and a couple years worth of playing poker things changed considerably. Plus my lip-sync's played some role in reducing my shyness.

My workplace has worked very well for encouraging the growth of my social skills. Everyone here (I'm at work) is easy to get along with and it's a very "team oriented" environment. Plus my boss is really cool and gets us involved in lots of social activities. For example, yesterday we closed the office at noon and went bowling (all paid for by my boss, including the 48oz of beer I consumed there), then went back to his place for a BBQ and played some pool, and had some more beer. I had a chocolate martini for the first time, too

Yeah, I moved on campus It's just that I'm an impatient man and while I'll probably "catch on" eventually, I'd rather spend the remainder of my college life enjoying the social aspect. Rather than spending the time building my social skills only to be done with college and missing out on those years
Of course I realize it will always take some amount of time, but with effective knowledge I can speed the process up considerably.

And brought joy to the world

Do you go out drinking? If not, then you should. Alcohol is a way to get a bit more social for most people. That is if you consume the right amount of it.

I "made" this myself so I have to show it off:
http://www.allegro.cc/files/attachment/590303

See, this is the style of thinking you have to drop if you want to enjoy your social life . You can't calculate and always choose the action that will further your goal. That might make you someone who understands people and who knows how to play them, but you'll never enjoy things if you won't just be yourself. The golden recipe is "don't try too hard".

As others have said, be careful there. You should usually limit this to an exchange of one or two short phrases. If the other person is receptive, they'll talk back anyway or show it through body language.

It also doesn't seem that long ago that all the regulars knew the term. I'm feeling old too.

We do big hugs, but that's it. Fortunately.

Another solution is ...strip clubs. You go there, relax with a drink, talk to women so beautiful you wouldn't dare talk in real life, and there you have it: instant social skills.

I know that's your thing, but it doesn't appeal to me.

It's not gentle, it's a way of saying, "Look at me, I'm yet another successful person who has a boy/girlfriend, unlike you!"

Err, don't mind me. >_>

I think I can actually help a lot here. I was very antisocial for most of my childhood, not because I didn't want to be social, but mainly because I was ostracized (Atheist child in a super-WASP town), so I had to learn a lot of social skills from observation and experimentation.

The first thing you should know is, you're trying to have a conversation, not a discussion. You're an intellectual, you can have discussions just fine. This is a discussion. A conversation is a different animal entirely.

In a conversation, your objective is to learn about the person you're talking to.

A few basic rules that should lead you in the right direction:

1) Smile. Not just when you're talking to someone, but idle your mouth in a pre-smile position. Not quite a smirk, but you should be able to feel a little tension. Two reasons: One, you're more attractive when you're smiling, and this leads you to smile more often and makes you look happier when you're not. When you're talking to people, it makes them feel like you're more interested, so they'll open up. When you're not talking to people, it makes you look more approachable. Second reason: If you smile, you'll automatically feel happier, and therefore, be more relaxed and more conversational.

2) Make eye contact. Don't lock on and stare, but you'll want to spend a decent amount of the time you're talking to them looking at them. It feels uncomfortable at first, but once you get used to it, it feels more natural.

3) While they're talking, listen. Don't think about how you're going to respond until they stop talking.

4) Talk about what they want to talk about. Try to say as little as possible about yourself.

Those help a lot.

Tip #1: When someone asks you what you are studying in school, don't say "Computer Science." That will eliminate any chance you had of continuing the conversation. You might as well say, "Hi, I'm really boring person. Want to see my Rubik's cube?"

THAT explains a whole lot of things...

Never underestimate the social power of being able to solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute.

That's a really good point; I have the same problem when people ask me what I do. When I say 'computer programmer' I get a decidedly different response than I used to get when I said 'I'm in the army and I drive tanks'. It seemed like girls were much amiable to the tank-driving me than the computer-programmer me. Or maybe I'm just getting old.

Thanks for the tip. I've got it covered though. I'm not trying to speed through my social life, I'm trying to speed to my social life. Being myself is impossible without the necessary skills for communication of myself.

Epoch, thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated. That's an interesting point you made, about conversations being different from discussions. That never really dawned on me, even though I don't use conversations like I do discussions.

You and the strip clubs! How about trying to have meaningful relationships with people, instead of paying them to act like they enjoy your company?
Going to a strip club does not involve social skills since you can act like a total weirdo and still get what you want.

Interesting... Personally, I'm happy for anyone who tells me they're in a good relationship with someone else. I guess you were joking anyway, but to anyone who sees things that way... Wow... So damn selfish.

An addition to Epoch's guidelines:

5) when you're talking to women, talk to their face, not their breasts (as enticing as they mey be).

Well said. I hope that he was kidding though. If anything that sort of behavior will make him more anti-social.

The amateur psychologist in me says that they seem to be really depressed first of all. Being selfish (in thought) is just a symptom.

You won't learn any of the social skills you need without some trial and error. Get out there and socialize. I think it also helps if you aren't too serious about yourself, it will only make you tense and boring.

All people get into awkward moments from time to time. Even if you always will say the "right" thing this is still a fact, as there is another person in the conversation as well.

I'm a double major, and I get very different reactions between "Math" and "Computer Science." When I say the latter, I almost always get the response of "oh, I don't know anything about that" with the person walking away. If I say "Math," it's more like, "I suck at math, can you help me? (ie, do my homework)" Which isn't much better, but they don't walk away.

If I were to lie and say something completely different, I'm sure I could carry on a long conversation. But it's not my goal to socialize with a bunch of shallow people.

Ah, that's so true!
I allways answer with a "aaaah you are boring me, I don't care a shit about your boyfriend, NEXT"

Depending on my mood, I do genuinely feel jealous a fair proportion of the times people mention their boyfriends or girlfriends. I think a girl talking about her boyfriend has marginally more effect on me.

It also depends on whom I'm talking to and what their attitude is. Charline (a French girl I got rejected by last Christmas) set her MSN display picture to a photo of her getting a kiss on the cheek and looking very smug. To me, that comes over as boasting and makes me feel jealous and a bit resentful. On the contrary, I have a really good friend who really loves her boyfriend but doesn't boast about him, and I only feel jealous occasionally - and when I do, I say so, apologise, and change the subject or talk later. (It often coincides with me generally not being in a very sociable mood.)

It's a pretty common reaction. Diana, you have to understand that I've had six or seven years over which I've had a good number of crushes, all of which have ended in some kind of rejection. They've varied from a few minutes of enthusiastic talk followed by "And this is my boyfriend" to a much longer and nastier escapade in which the girl mysteriously managed to win a seemingly uninterested guy over just in the same week she figured out that I fancied her. Most of them involve mention of a boyfriend. It's the same as with stalking: individual incidents are insignificant (and, in the case of stalking, legal), but the cumulative effect is damaging (and, in the case of stalking, illegal). I've even met a girl who has roughly the same gripe I just joked about, but the other way round.

Luckily, the jealousy is generally superficial and momentary, and won't stop me from getting on with someone who doesn't have a boyfriend and is interested. Furthermore, I would never let the jealousy make me do something to harm such a relationship; indeed, I've even apologised to people in advance, just in case I act jealous and end up annoying someone. I don't think it's fair to call me selfish.

By the way, girl friend with sex? BEST POST EVAR
[EDIT] except it was topped by Paul's reply just there.

[url http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/09/improving-social-skills/][/url]

Tip #1: try to learn how to free style rap. this will make you quick on your feet when making small talk.
Tip #2: watch wide rage of tv programing so you can #include " tvJargen.h" in your small talk.

edit: if its girls your dealing with do all the above and make sure you horny and give them looks that are seductive your eyes should tell her you want to knuckboots with her. chicks dig the sex looks. stear her in the eyes and make her nervous and moist. you have to analyze her speech with the speed of a AMD X64 and react accords. remember its all in the eyes so drink lots of carrot juice so your eyes are clear and sexxy.

I bow down to Piccolo's words of wisdom!!

Stick it in her pooper, do a barrel roll, and/or become an hero. Guaranteed to habeeb it.

Thats right but not many people can achieve this. it requires one to alter their way of thinking and conviction on life. it should be like a experiment. thats the way you stay mellow when your experimenting. you have to lots past experiences that you have analyed. when you find one that matches the gurl ur bout to talk to you alter the past convo/experiment to make the outcome the way u want. then apply to the current gurl. ex this is a resut from a experiments
the best way to ask a girl out would be :
" hey are you busy at "insert time" then dont say anything
(just look in eyes and wait for reply
if( they ask why before giving you a reply )
say:"nah forget about it i was just thinking to my self"
(make sure you smile and or chuckle)

if (she say she is busy)

if (she tells what she is doing on that day with out you asking)

then tell her its ok i just wanted to (chill or hang) with you for a bit.
(she will then tell when she is free)

else if (she dose not tell you)
then say " ok " and change the subject to somthing funny
dont say anything to her about what you was planning even if she asks why.
(girls that ask why are trying to work over you)
(she might ask you out later in this case)

sorry the spell check is busted ill spell check it when its fixed

Oh boy.. X-G's gonna whip you bad for those spelling errors!

Yves, is that you?

I'm not sure that qualifies as a language to begin with, Phippy...

It's Piccolo language, Johnanssson!

hey the strip club is a good idea to to build you confadens. it works by the face is normally some of the finest looking females in the world so when your talking with the girl you want to go out with just tell your self not ugly but she is know where near as sexxy as the stripper in the club but ill just talk wit away.
[edit]
as a programmer you have more social power then you think. people(all living thing) are like computer and psychology is the language you need to learn to program them. its just a matter of syntax

O_o strippers are fuggly. serious

Wow, piccolo is truly a master of unreadable yet funny posts. You can't understand half of the words, but those you do understand make you laugh your guts out.

Although I think he's probably right about the rapping ...

find you a better strip club i recommend some that are in down town Baltimore. there are a lot of them the best one was the one in the allyway on the left if you have you back to the harbor.
[edit]
serious i haven't said anything funny if you take what I'm saying as a joke then i guess i cant help

Phippy?

Yep, X-G also cannot spell.

I spelt it exactly the way I intended to spell it. Or would you prefer I call you Lex?

Unluckily for you, I cannot spell your surname. It has too many sss's.

I respect your advice. It's just some of your posts are mispelt/broken english so others find them funny. Plus your advice is rather unique. So much so that people find it funny. But at the same time there may be some truth to what you say.

Yes, theres truth to what he says: evil, manipulative truth. If your out to play games and just get into womans pants then by all means, take a similar approach. Sad truth is some (alot?) girls are receptive to such manipulation. You have to figure out what you're about, set your standards and live by them.

Actually, his posts are post-funny. They might actually be so badly written that they shoot right past "so broken they're not even funny" into "so broken they're funny again".

let me add this as programmers we have the ability to genrate complex state machines in are heads. We even can run scenario of how the user will handle in the state machines and we can generate many outputs. If the output is not to are liking we can modify the some of the user interfaces paths to generat the output we want. then we beta test to see if it work like how we want if not we modify. Some of us can even modify things at runtime.

[edit]
its a waste not to use these talents for manipulation of people.
why a lot of you did not realize this? is because you do not think of idea of how to use your coding skill witch brings us back to pion of the innovative hacker supervising the code monkeys. become a hacker learn how to use you code monkey skills in a innovative way to get the job done. be more then just another "ant". join me brothers.

OMG! You actually are from America? I thought you just hadn't changed the location in your profile.

Its because you normally give what would have to be the absolute worst advice in any situation that makes it appear as if you are trying to be humorous.

Learning to rap is evil and manipulative?

I think this has to be one of the most hilarious threads yet.

As in Luther?

You can never generate a state as complex as a woman. Period.

Jeroen

... because fuzzy logic doesn't even come close!

its not rapping you want to learn its "free style" rapping. you want to be-able to generate words on a topic that flow and make sense. rap is rewritten free style is not.

yes you can psychology is psychology no mater the race gender or species.

the book "sun tzu the art of war" this has documented test that where administered to males and females.

yes you can psychology is psychology no mater the race gender or species.
</quote>

How's this as a MinorHack competition challenge?

Jeroen

I completely agree.

Thank you! Finally!

Rotfl

It always helps me to not care at all how the other person judges me. Even people who don't particularly like your intrests can respect that you're going to be you no matter who you're around. Uhh, that's not to say you shouldn't be pleasent though.

And then you get cramp and duuuuuhhhhhiiiiiiiieeee. (That's supposed to be Agent Smith-style pronunciation.)

If you have to, you're doing something wrong. If you get it right, there'll be communication and she'll always help you to understand her.

I have a question.

How do you go from "Hey, people know who I am" to "Hey, people invite me over and stuff"?

Because a lot of people in my classes will initiate and sustain conversation with me, know me either by my name or my gamer tag (this is very common in this school, cuz it's all gamers) but then after class it's like "Well, I'm off to [name]'s house, see ya later"

Have you tried taking initiative and asking them to do something first? Like grab a pizza or something? If not, perhaps that's an approach.

Invite them.
You can wait for other people to come to you, but if you want to spend time with them and they don't take initiative, then do so yourself. If things are right, they'll return the offer.

if they are playing games you can brag about your self. key note: when you get invited over make sure you don't suck at the game you bragged about.

edit: don't invite them all just the one with the biggest mouth. then pawn him in the game and tell him that his weak. then hill say i beat you cant beat so and so. and theres your tick

I think this is a really horrible way to interact with people, and I don't think it counts as improving one's social skills.

my way works.
it works best with fighting games like capcom vs snk2.
what type of games are they playing
and if they told you that they was going over there and it could mean 2 things.
1 could betring to dis you(very unlikely if you know the guy your talking too)
2 he wants you to come over. so your in good shape for my plan.

It very well might, but not with me or people I would want to spend my time with. As I said, I think it's a horrible way to interact with people, but it all depends on what you want to get out of it.

it will get you in what you do after that will be up to you.

you must not be that much of a gamer. because gamers love people who talk crap. and love a challenge. it just another chance to test there skill.
for you i would use a diffrent method i would have to know more about you though.

That is a galactic understatement if by gamer you restrict yourself to someone playing computer games.

@Piccolo:
See, the thing is I go to a college... yaknow, the kind of place where there are adults. So that kind of stuff won't work.

@Evert:
Also, there really isn't much of anything to do in town, and I live with my sister and mom, so inviting anyone to come over is like "omg let's embarass myself lawlz".

What about my suggestion? That you invite them to grab a pizza/lunch?

I thought you said you were adults? Just invite them over, or as Kent suggested, go grab a bite to eat somewhere.

Do you have a car? If so, invite people out for a drive - you can chat, listen to music and be generally silly. Or go visit a local lake, forest, mountain, etc. and enjoy the outdoors.

Go to the mall and watch a movie.

Do you have a laptop? Grab a movie, take over a classroom with a projector, and invite some people. It's so much fun But you have to find a good room, it's all about the right room. Big screen, nice chair setup, and most of all good speakers.

Go to a game!

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I think they were trying to spell NIU, but just couldn't quite get it.

It's not far from it. By the looks of it, it was meant to be NTU, and meant to be the same from both sides. I can see where the N could look like a U from the other side, and the T could be a T from the other side (positioning of the cheerleaders).

I thought they were trying to spell NIL, that would have been awesome. Or at least it would have been something.

i have been to college what i told you works on gamers that play fighting games.( console games

don't take then to a bit to eat thats gay or you will setyour self to be known as food guy.

Evert: what type of games do you play.

Matthew Leverton: you have to be hanging with them already to say let go to a game.

all the stuff these guys are telling you todo sounds gay. are these guys or girls your trying to get to invite you?

What's so gay about watching a movie? I just went to see Te Prestige with Nate and Jermel. We (Nate, Erick, Jermel, Nick, and myself) go to movies all the time (been doing about 1 per week since I got my license a few months back).

asking guys you dont hang out with to go see a movie they will get the wrong idea.

See that other side of the field? That's 100% students. (Yes, I'm sitting on the public side.) You just pick any seat you want and sit down. Then you start talking to the people next to you! And before the games, people tailgate and hang out. Just walk around and talk to people. That's how you get friends.

Don't whine that you have no friends if you sit on your butt all day and do nothing. You won't get any friends that way unless someone accidentally walks into your bedroom.

Ooh that sounds foxxxy...

Yeah but those people are usually drunk

That's why they make such good friends.

I don't see anything that doesn't sound creepy.

I'm just going to continue talking to people in class until there is some event, and then I will find a way to weasel into it and bam -- I'm in.

Besides, assuming things go well with Norseman Games, I won't have time for friends! Go-go gadget workaholic who kills himself at age 40 because he realizes he never had a life because he worked all the time!

Work \o/. Unfortunately this boring weekend is still going to last a few more hours. [/sarcasm]

Eh?
What's so weird about asking someone out for lunch? Or meeting up for dinner when there is the occasion to do so? People do eat, you know?

Care to explain that? When it comes to basic social interaction, going for a drink/movie/theater/lunch is the perfect way to get to know people.

Asking random people you never talk to for a movie will do that, yes. However, people you regularly talk to over lunch you can go see a movie with if there's something you want to see. Oh, but I forget, you think having lunch is "gay".

May I say, you have a really weird idea about interacting with people. Then again, I never "got" the whole "being cool" and "hanging out" thing.

Board games or card games, mostly. I find the social aspect more important than the competition in the game though (and no, there is no social aspect to five or six people playing computer games at the same time). Does that sound girlish? I'm sure it does.

He can't really be serious. If he is then it's the thoughts of a 14 year old. He is funny though.

I like board and card games as well, and there is a great social aspect to it. I wouldn't say that playing computer games isn't social as well though. If you are in the same room it can be very social as well.

Or an amoral, manipulative bastard, bereft of emotion. A person who sees other people as cardboard cutouts and not as thinking, feeling, emotional beings like himself. People like that really do exist in adulthood... And they usually become mass murderers.

Isn't he supposed to be bereft of emotion?

Oooh, he's an enigma...

nonnus29 i am aware of that side of the manipulative's personality they normally become colt leader or kill them selfs from getting to much of what they want like (stds or drug overdose) but I'm not one of that personality. my personality is that of a watcher.i watch and study the diffrent personalties. i can alter my personalit to think like any of the personality's i have studied because i understand then.
i found out that all personalties have diffrent abilities to help them make it in the world. that means they have weakness too. for example a manipulative person is blow average in school and really has a hard time doing thing by themselfs. here and example of a ability a Coward has the ability think of all things that can happen bad in a give setoation but, he only dose so to ovoid it not to counter it.

and from what i got from Kibiz0r: is he want to be apart of the gaming group.

and Evert: playing boardgames is not consider to be the a "gamer" atmosphere i can tell be the tone of your post you don't play the aggressive boardgames game like monoply or the card games like harts or yucca, you probably play spades.

Truer words were never spoken. No, hang on, what I meant to say was "what a load of crap!"

Now I see what you are the undisputed King of Studying People.

but i am right because the intellectual people are the ones easyest to fall pray to a manipulative person. they are the easyest because they are the once the manipulative person needs to do their task because a manipulative person lacks in the intellectual area. if you want prof go look up what type of people from the body of colt groups and you will see prof.

So much for your skill at judging people...

Can you repeat that in English?

It appears that his line of reasoning is thus: Manipulative people need smart people to do things for them, therefore smart people are easier targets. And this can be proven by studying the members of cults, because as everyone knows, the majority of cult-members are intellectuals.

yes! thanks LennyLen and this is all nature's doing because intellectuals trade off social smartness for intellectual smartness like a see-saw all people have stats similar to and rpg but they are see-saw developed. when building out one your not building up its counterpart but your not lowering it so a see-saw mite be a bad example.

Ok, cite some proof for that that isn't anecdotal. There are clever people who are socially handicapped, but I know a lot of clever people who are quite sociable (I count my self as such too).
Note that things like Internet forums do not provide you with a good statistical cross section.

Um, I was being facetious.

How do you explain people with degress in sociology then? (I can hear the BA jokes from the rest of the crowd already )

Life isn't like a box of chocolates and it sure as hell isn't like an RPG (unless you view it through an extremely narrow mindset).

And there are clever people who can use their astuteness to overcome there social handicaps.

then with the with babalanceou would fall under a differente prsonalit.

I have been anlanalyzingople my whole life. when i was about 5 to 6 maybe younger i was a kid that thing would happen too and i did not know why. i alway would you do someing like that. example: a dude would made friends with me and then while we where playing he would fight me like i was his enamey and then say he was just plaing when i got mad. or he would try an inbarish me infront of people. then one day i just said im going to find out why. it starded by make ascuses for some ones behavor they the ascuses became more complex. then i stared to see patarns in behavor thats how i devolped.

edit spell check inst working again

err... when did it work for you?

Spell check is working fine, but what you type at least needs to resemble what you intend somewhat.

The what?
It doesn't even look like a word to me...

I said proof that isn't anecdotal.

Well, I'm sorry if you got teased a lot when you were a child, but that doesn't nescessarily give you a good insight in what drives people.

So? My mother has been cooking for 40+ years, and it still tastes terrible! (Well, actually I made that up, but my point is that you can do something for a long time and still not be good at it).

edit:

Well, based on the way that the spell-check bug works, it looks like he was trying to write "then with that balance, you would fall under a different personality type."

LennyLen your comprehation skills are pretty high this can make you good with teaching.

I'm way too intolerant of other people to be a teacher.

Funniest thread in a while.

If you can manage to read it without getting a headache.

This needs to be made into a word. A popular word. Because every time I read it I laugh my hair off. (it grows back very quickly)

I really have to make a "Piccolonceoufy"... It should found your vowels and move them around, then add random letters (n, or l mostly) and then add a suffix.

This thread is gold. After picollo started i have been laughing quite well, even though i only half-read his posts. I feel good now.

This is a little off-topic, but i feel compelled.

I hate store clerks (there goes my [feeling good]ness). They always try to manipulate you so that the only way that they will accept this faulty hdd or RAM module is if you hassle them and make a scene.

I swear to god the next time one of them tells me to "...go home and try it again just in case, before we go further..." i'll punch him or something. grr.

People that do this are really mean-spirited, especially if the customer/victim is not strong-willed (they REALLY take advantage of this, i know).

Store clerks are fuck heads. They should all horribly die. Right now.

Also, potentially more useful / insightful:
meeting people for the first time may only go well (probably) if you care a lot, but do not worry at all.

I do not worry, NOR care, and also act a little bit reclusive sometimes (but not always). Thus things do not always go smoothly. The first moments are fragile (but you know this, everyone does). And it takes a good feeling of empathy or at least sticking to common courtesy (the almost over-the-top politeness that nice girls always have) for things to go well.

I usually get some kind of back-to-reality wake up call when they act wierded out because i am rocking backwards and forwards in my seat singing "i am so great. i am so fucking great. thank god for me, cos i am so great!". It makes me go "oh yeah! they're new... heh too bad."

I had this just a few monthss ago at uni as we have a team project, but no one knows each other. After a week or 3 they realise that i'm just bored / trying to be funny.

[EDIT] I know why i <3 picollo's posts so much... they read like timecube! (dont hate me for my crappy posts either. Or at least be gentle. Please).

What did you write? I didn't read it.

oh and @ OP: I don't know if anyone mentioned it yet, but people that do not talk clearly or loudly enough, or just shy away in general, are REALLY annoying.

Especially if they are not receptive to things that you say back. It can easily come off as being stuck-up in this case.

Another thing that i sometimes do is this:

If I find myself in an uncomfortable situation (talking about things and then realising that they dont care, or more commonly it is asif they expect me to continue conversing when the path is not clear, so i have to improvise) sometimes i act like i am offended or annoyed or that they are just obnoxious, even if only slightly (as a kind of automatic self-defence) without realising it at the time. Obviously this is bad (i should concentrate on this more often).

Hehe, when people start talking about things that don't interest me that much, I start yawning.

I have never reacted like that, and to be honest it scares me somehow. I don't think that i can articulate how i think it is different, i suppose it is some kind of disconnection and independance, and not having the flow of conversation lead you. Which is nothing at all how i am (which i suppose is simple or naive for such things).

Sometimes this is mean spiritedness yes, but I bet that more often than not, the clerk is just following the store policy, which they're probably afraid to break. It isn't always the customer who is weak willed.

I'm just posting to say I've just had the most surreal girl experience ever. \o/ ZOMG

Whoa. Feels like a special friend for life, and I'm happy, in a delicate kind of way. <3 #^^#

Err so what worked for me socially was just to start acting like other people. There came a point when I decided I actually wanted to (instead of burying myself in the nearest computer), and I tried making some politically incorrect jokes like everyone else. I actually got fifteen seconds of fame because no one expected it of me.

I still have shy tendencies, but to be honest, when I'm tired I just go with them - it's easiest, and it's me. When I'm alert enough, I'll try and get over shyness, and I do it just by thinking about what it is I do wrong, and trying to act differently. It's a lot easier when you're alert.

That guide someone linked for people with Asperger's Syndrome is quite an eye opener. I'd never heard or thought about the two thirds thing before, but as I worked on overcoming my shyness, I think it just happened naturally. I've looked at people more than two thirds of the time when I've fancied them, less when I haven't, very much less when I haven't liked them at all.

I guess people vary, but I do think just having the desire to act the same way other people typically act makes a big difference. And practise when you're not tired.

(OK, I think this is a useful post ... mweheh.)

When I say this, I mean it in the most caring and compassionate way;

Dude, did you just lay the pipe to some broad?

No, thank you very much. That wouldn't be delicate, that would be meaty.

[EDIT]
This is one of those girl things. You wouldn't understand.
[EDIT #2]
(Implication being "I think like a girl", not "You lack social skills" )

[EDIT #3]
Wow, I can see how you drew that conclusion from my post It's complicated and personal, so I'll just say that "\o/" was an insane choice of ASCII art , "special friend" doesn't even scratch the surface, "surreal" was not a euphemism for "wonderful", and "delicate" is the operative word. No one needs to feel jealous.

You're showing off
How dare you post about your happiness on a forum full of lonely geeks!

I want to see Bruce Perry's booty. In a delicate kind of way.

That would upset your husband..

Unless of course he likes sharing

You are upsetting wearetheborg Bruce, she is a lonely geek.

I really didn't feel as if I was showing off. I just meant to be my usual overly outgoing to a funny extent self, and as I said afterwards, I could see how my post didn't reflect what actually happened at all. So Diana, you can take your stupid comment and stuff it somewhere cold.

Ooh, she chose my butt.

I love this thread.

( just back from a trip to the future )
What the hell?

Yeah I chose Matthew's booty because it's so damn foxxxy

And he enjoyed it?

Do you even have to ask?

Is there an unspoken rule that every post after a has to involve at least one smiley?

Yesno.

I guess not. I should have looked at the expression of his avatar for the answer

Sit down before you continue to read. It's not a picture of Matthew! Last picture I saw of him I thought he looked a bit like a hard rocker, which is cool.

Is your booty cold Bruce Perry? In a delicate kind of way?

Like a snow flake - cold, delicate and fragile?

Also, beautiful and unique.

see the many compliments your buttocks are getting Bruce

Does it have hexagonal radial symmetry?

Can you run it on Linux?

Oops... wrong thread

This whole thread made my day better...in a delicate kind of way.