If she's married leave her alone, I think the lack of a reply should have gave you the answer.

And then you send more letters and CD's! she's probably now scared for her life and has contacted the police asking for guidance on stalkers.

The context of my quote was simply "sending a letter." A married women is likely to think receiving any letter is creepy.

If I got letters similar to these from a woman, my creeper radar would go off too.

Read the bold line again with the mindset of a person who feels threatened by the one who wrote it.

What's between them is none of your business. You don't know it, you're not supposed to know it and you don't want to know it. And that line screams that you'd wish he actually did not treat her right so you could jump in and be the hero to save her.

As others have already said. Forget about the whole thing and move on. Don't worry about her, she's fine and she does not worry about you either (except maybe she's scared to death).

One of the biggest problems is that it's a letter and not face to face. If she intersected you at a mall or something then it might be different. For me personally, if I got a letter from anyone I hadn't seen in 15 years I'd be a little crept out. For all she knows, you could be a serial killer now writing from prison.

Just respect her wishes and let it go.

Sound accurate actually.

I'm most sure someone has already said this (how could I know without actually reading all posts?) but really you've moved on 15 years. And she has. Why on earth would you move back 15 years? Moving on means aiming for new things in one's life, new friends, new relationships. Nothing wrong with old friends, but this is not it.

Sorry but everything about it was weird; the letterS, the mix cd's? Man oh man. And I'm not being nasty, I know how it feels, but you were just being creepy!

As many know, I am uniquely qualified to give you advice on this subject. Surely you remember my threads. If not you can search for them. Hell, you probably even participated in them. People are comparing you to me now. Do you realize now what you've done?! It took a whole lot of beer for me to get over my feelings, but now I see just how ridiculous I was.

This sounds pretty harmless so far.

Ooops, nope, there it is. Saying that you regretted leaving her more than anything in your life is a very frightening thing for somebody that has moved on. Surely you can imagine that. It might work out in the movies, but in real life those people have moved on. I'm afraid that you had your chance with her 15 years ago and blew it. That's OK though. That's normal. You live and learn. Your mistake was confusing real life with fiction. In fiction (a book, a movie, a video game) you can write a letter like that after 15 years of not speaking to her and she'll just come running into your arms. In real life, it does not work that way. Ever. Consider this a learning experience.

You're contradicting yourself. You just said that you regretted leaving her more than anything, love her, and want to be married to her. You can't possibly also want her to be happy in her marriage. These are completely polar opposite things.

OK, this is where you really have to understand the inappropriateness of your actions. It was mostly harmless to send her the first letter. It was inappropriate though to tell a married woman that you still love her and want to be married to her. It was dishonest to tell her that you wish her happiness in her existing marriage. Sending another letter when you didn't get a reply was completely inappropriate.

The postal service knows what it's doing (for the most part). You should never assume in such a situation that the letter mysteriously didn't get to its destination. Surely you can see how optimistic that line of thinking is. While it is possible, it's also possible that she just chose not to respond (which in hindsight should seem likely given the inappropriateness and contradictions of your first letter). In other words, she chose to ignore you because she has moved on, has a life with her husband, and wants nothing to do with you. You unfortunately kept pushing, as if you have the right to a response (but you don't). That doesn't necessarily make you crazy. You are human and you make mistakes, just like the rest of us. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

This gave me a laugh. Mix CD's (AKA "mix tapes")? It's so juvenile. And not just one, but two! One wasn't enough?! You should take a minute to laugh at yourself for this because it's quite silly. :) Again, you're human, so don't beat yourself up too much. Women make men do stupid shit.

Letter #1 was inappropriate. :P You should be able to work out how much more inappropriate letter #2 and #2.1 were. It doesn't matter why she's not responding to you. Whatever the reason it isn't going to be good for you. :) It's time to drink your drink and forget her. You live a separate life and it doesn't matter what she thinks. There are some 7 billion people on the planet and not all of them are going to like you. :) That too is OK and normal.

Big surprise (other than the CD's)? :o

You can't understand why she didn't reply before because you aren't thinking straight. That's what "love" does to you. I'm afraid it isn't destiny, it isn't magical, it isn't God's will. It's just chemical reactions in your brain. :( They are normal and natural, but that doesn't make them right. :)

Of course she did! :P I'm afraid that your actions were indeed very creepy. Just because it feels good doesn't mean you should do it. ;D

Trying to contact her was harmless. You weren't trying to make amends though. There was probably nothing to make amends for! Getting dumped is just part of relationships. It's nothing to apologize for 15 years later. Your letter was actually to confess your feelings for her hoping that she would return them and you'd both live happily ever after. Unfortunately, you live in the real world, and instead you creeped her out. :( Again, you're human, you make mistakes. Learn from this experience.

That isn't what you really wanted. It's blatantly obvious. You have convinced yourself of good intentions, but unfortunately your real intentions were to run away to France with her. :P

It doesn't matter who she used to be to you. :) That was a long time ago and things are different. It's not unreasonable to apologize to somebody, but how she's doing is really none of your business after so long. Had you been a lot less forthcoming then maybe you would have become friends and then you could have learned how she is doing. Instead, you tried to force yourself into her life (and into her arms, even) in one letter. That was not reasonable no matter how you used to know her. :)

She is an individual and it is entirely up to her if she wants to communicate with you, or if she wants to forgive you (or if there's even anything to forgive you for).

You likely couldn't go to jail, but she could get a restraining order taken against you. Your behavior is certainly inappropriate.

You might have topped even me. :D Congrats.

:D

\o/

Telling a woman that you love them and want to be married to them is a very serious thing. You don't say that to any woman after 15 years of no communication. :P Hell, you don't even say that to a girlfriend until the relationship is mature and stable (months, if not years, together). In fact, you probably shouldn't ever say that. :-X

Note: this does not mean that you should try to call her now. That ship has sailed. :P You can never try to contact her again. Even still, in the state of mind that you were in, a phone call would not have gone any better. :) Believe me, I've been there too. :-X

She doesn't know that.

Nothing needed to be said. :) She is happily married and long over you. You wanted to say something hoping for a miracle, but in hindsight you should see how foolish it was. :)

No, he is trolling you. You aren't in high school anymore. :P If you have a mutual friend still then you could have arranged a get together or something, but again it would not have worked out. She'd still be married and have no time for you. It would be even more inappropriate to try to go through her friends that you also don't know anymore. :P

I am over-qualified for this: what you did was wrong. :P

You did strongly imply that you wanted to get back together with her, even while admitting to knowing that she was married! Moreso, there was probably nothing to forgive you for. And there's no reason to speak to you. You live completely separate lives. At this point in time you are just as much strangers as any other random person you pass in the street.

^ This. You're not thinking straight. You need to move on. Either give it time or give it alcohol^[1].

This is absolutely correct. Distract yourself with other things. Other people or hobbies or work. Don't allow yourself to think about her anymore. There's no point. She has made her position clear. Trust me, once you get over it you feel much better in general.

8-)

>:( ... ;D

No. It wouldn't matter. He is not in the right state of mind to be just friendly with her. He wants more than is realistic. There is no way it could have worked out happily and it's for the best that it didn't. After 15 years she is probably a completely different person anyway. He is in "love" with a memory. Things change.

TL;DR was still too long.

No, don't get a female friend to proof your letters. Why did she say "cease and desist" as opposed to "Leave me alone"? Because she has already talked to a lawyer and/or the police. Drop it and move on.

So it was okay to break up with her by not speaking to her because others have done the same to you and you got over it? That sounds like paedophile logic: if you were abused as a kid, and you think that you "turned out fine" that does not give you the right to abuse kids.

Anyway, I second SeigeLord's suggestion of getting someone else to proof read your emails/letters. I also think that you need to be chaperoned, preferably by an armed officer, the next time you are in the city where she lives.

I'm going to quote that at inopportune times!