I've been there. Hell, I still am. What you should do, though, is stop caring so much about the "real world". You've got an entire internet to live in instead. Many more interesting people to talk to there, like-minded people, people like us. What you gotta do is realize what a rotten place the world really is - the "real", physical world - and learn to distance yourself and your mind from all that. Go to the internet instead, it's so much better. It's the only refuge I've been able to find. I bet lots of people will tell you to "stick in there, it will get better later on", but that's honestly a load of crap. It doesn't help your position in the least, the present will still be as crummy as always, regardless of how many bright promises about the future people give you.

What I did was start writing, spewing my guts to the world. I know no one reads the stuff I write, but I write it anyway because I want to. It's much better than other things you could be doing, like going out on saturday nights and getting drunk off your arse. The "real" world is full of crap like that, memes that tell you how to be, how to behave and what to spend your time on. Believe me though, it ain't worth it. Make up your own mind instead and say "Screw the world, I'm gonna do whatever I want with my life, and if you're not fine with that, then why should I be around you?"

So the question is, what do you want to do with your life? What do you want to do right NOW?

[*this was written to right after X-G's post]

SOB. I lost my entire (long) post TWICE.

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I'm kind of in the same boat as your SSC. And I don't have the solution. Most of the reasons I'm where I am, are because of the idiots around me, making me miserable and preventing me from doing things I want to do. But I disagree with X-G. The Internet sucks. Most people on the internet are idiots with no care for your feelings or regret for what they say. They do as they please, and say what they want, with no care at all.

Life may suck for me currently, but I'm sure as hell not going to give up on it. Time will pass, and a lot of my problems will just fade away.

This was also written write after X-G's post

In the past, that's how I would have described myself. I still feel that way sometimes, but not nearly as much as I used to. About the only time that I can Gaurantee I won't feel that way is when I try to take an intrest in other people. And as hard as it seemed to open my mouth and talk to people, sometimes I just bit the bullet and did it. I thought too myself, something like what X-G said "If they don't like what I say, or how I come off, I shouldn't concern myself." Remember out of the 18 hours of the day that I'm awake, some of these people you'll never see again, unless you want too. Also, being around outgoing people helps me too. If you can think of a person or a group of people who are really nice, or outgoing, or people who you can help, being around them may help. I didn't just come up with this stuff on my own, but it cam from someone much smarter than me, and it helped.

I would like to bring up a point. In the real world, if you're over 21 or out of school, you pretty much just live your life. You stay at home. You may go to a job. That's all. On the internet, you can also just do absolutely nothing - and do things only on your home system.

Don't you see they are almost the same? On the internet, you must force yourself to register at a message board and post, must force yourself to get an e-mail address. In the real world, you have to do the same. Force yourself to apply for a job. Force yourself to do go somewhere.

If you say life is a load of bull, and the internet is so much better, how come there are the same simularities? Hmm. If you're great on the net, theres no reason why you shouldn't be the same out of net.

This may sound strange, but who cares. We're all a bit mental inside.

Fake it. Fake some kick arse dude you really admire. Do it.

If you have any interests then boredom isn't an issue. If you don't have interests, find some.

Loneliness is a mindset. Change it. If you keep repeating that you're a loser then it won't help. You don't have to say "the world is perfect" every minute but at least drop the negatives.

Then get out a bit.

Last post:

I got 20 bucks that say that those of you who think it's as simple as "dropping the negatives" or "waiting it out" or "growing up" or whatever never really were in our situation. You may think that you were, but my 20 bucks say you really never were.

Being unable to "drop the negatives", I think, is usually indicative of some form of depression. I know when I'm feeling particularly down, or depressed, there's no way on this green earth that I can just "think positive", or "drop the negatives". It is a literal impossibility when you're in that state. And no, a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant-other is by no means a cure. Some people are just naturally depressed (eg. constantly), some have environmental causes, others, like me, just have some sort of brain defect as a cause. It's unforunate that we don't understand it as well as we could yet, but the best thing to do is just to find something to eleviate the depression, and force yourself to do it. Easier said than done, I know, but there really is no one thing that will work for a good majority. It's all personal.

23yr: Even IF you're right, it's rarely good to tell people who ask for help that they don't have a problem, right? - in that direction lieth eternal bickering!

I'm 31 now, and generally speaking, I must say I think things have gotten (quite) steadily better, regarding self-esteem and 'mental stability' - the biggest change was around 15-20, when the people around you mature enough to make 'picking on you' a less fashionable sport. (and I also started training martial arts)

In general, I think some kind of extroverted-ness is in order. If you can't handle taking an interest in the people around you, at least take an interest in the world/science/programming - navel-gazing has very limited application.

My recommendations:

• Try to (also) take an interest in something that also others than programmers can relate to - if you feel that others have treated you wrong, maybe you can do something with That? -Look into stuff like civil-rights/humanitarian movements/ amnesty, or something.. or maybe arts, so you can help me do graphics for my games?

• Try to learn how to talk with people - this is still pretty hard for me, since I don't seem to have the correct 'protocols' installed since my teen age - Don't just Force yourself to say something - find some interesting/casual subject that you can 'get into' with this other person. The toungue is the largest muscle in the body, I think I've heard somewhere

• Train something - sitting still makes you weaker, both mentally and physically; get some muscle-tone - it will improve your self-esteem, and make other guys less likely to pick you as a target

I have an uncomfortably good memory, so I think I remember more of these problems than most people do - I hate to say 'hang in there', but there's really nothing else to do, since change takes time in these matters, and you can't reverse stuff through some single action

Take some comfort in the fact that you WILL get to know yourself better as time goes by - try to grow into the person you Want to be - not the person people expect/want you to be. Being separate from others can also be an advantage; it's what allowed different speices to evolve, after all

That is terrible advice! With an attitude like that I'm not surprised you have trouble socialising.

Let me tell you a little story about my life:

I can say with 98% certainty that there was a stage in my life when I was more shy than any of you have ever been. Let me explain:

At the age of 11 we moved to Zambia. There was no school where we lived, and in fact there was no one my age there at all (except my brothers). We didn't even have a computer or TV! So I had no real social contact with anyone for more than a year. Prior to living in Zambia, we had moved at least once every two years.

We then moved to England and I started attending school again (had been home-schooling in Zam). For the first few months I just couldn't talk to people. I was so shy that if someone spoke to be, I would just look away and ignore them. Consequently I was bullied, -though luckily I could hold my own in a fight but that's another story...

I was so shy, not because I'm naturally a ridiculously shy person, but because I was out of practise. Nowadays I'm certainly not an extravert, but I'm not particularly shy either.

The moral of the story: If you sit in front of your computer day in and day out, then it is inevitable that your social skills are going to be poor.

If you think that the only form of social activity is:

then you are sadly mistaken. (though I have to admit it is by far the most popular ).

On the whole mild depression thing, my advice would be to get out! Try feeling miserable while on the beach in the sunshine, or cycling in the countryside or whatever. If you are suffering from serious depression then obviously you'll need more than just sunshine, but still it helps I'm sure .

How bout we trade? You can continue doing most of what you already do, just without most of the money. I'll happily take it off your hands

I gotta better idea. How about I go out and pay people to kiss!