Programmer jokes

Programmer jokes

Specter Phoenix

Member #1,425

July 2001

Yep, it is official, when it comes to programming jokes, I have absolutely no sense of humor. Even after getting the bread joke (granted it had to be explained to me), and reading all of the other ones (only one that made me smirk was the carton of milk and eggs joke), but still thought they were all utterly retarded. I'll stick to George Carlin, Jeff Dunham, etc. for my laughs.

Neil Roy

Member #2,229

April 2002

Specter Phoenix said:

It's okay, everyone's sense of humour is different.

---
“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy

Karadoc ~~

Member #2,749

September 2002

NiteHackr said:

It's okay, everyone's sense of humour is different.

Mine isn't! >:(

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bamccaig

Member #7,536

July 2006

van_houtte said:

Too much programming made the programmer stupid at life

That's not something that is learned or conditioned. It's something that you're born with. It's the same thing that makes people naturally good at things like programming and naturally bad at things like people. You can learn to fake your way through things, but you'll always be naturally good at things and struggle with others.

OICW said:

..."on the first day he slew all the demons with a chainsaw and since then he's been looking for an exit to the next level."

--
I mean the best with what I say. It doesn't always sound that way.

Arthur Kalliokoski

Second in Command

February 2005

Dizzy Egg said:

Most Java programmers live in Atlantis, because it's below C level.

You should have said assembler programmers. Java is much higher level than C.

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

james_lohr

Member #1,947

February 2002

Arthur Kalliokoski said:

You should have said assembler programmers. Java is much higher level than C.

Yeah, I think he inverted it in the retelling. Perhaps it should be:

"Why are there no Java programmers in the Netherlands?"
"Because it's below.."

Gideon Weems

Member #3,925

October 2003

jmasterx said:

Yo mama's so fat, the recursive function used to calculate her weight caused a stack overflow >:(

Yo mama's such a hoe, they made her undress function a part of Standard C >:(

Allegro ‏ Game ‏ Videos

Neil Walker

Member #210

April 2000

Not really a joke but these always amuse me:

{"name":"sandwich.png","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/4\/5\/4543677b234b65e3cd85405a433a7605.png","w":360,"h":299,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/4\/5\/4543677b234b65e3cd85405a433a7605"}

{"name":"1732.strip.gif","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/5\/a\/5a4e01cc14cae4555a0de86a2a9ebac8.gif","w":640,"h":199,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/5\/a\/5a4e01cc14cae4555a0de86a2a9ebac8"}

{"name":"tree_swing_development_requirements.jpg","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/1\/7\/17dcd48de3f82775b92cf0a5cf97fd6c.jpg","w":800,"h":600,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/1\/7\/17dcd48de3f82775b92cf0a5cf97fd6c"}

Neil.
MAME Cabinet Blog / AXL LIBRARY (a games framework) / AXL Documentation and Tutorial

wii:0356-1384-6687-2022, kart:3308-4806-6002. XBOX:chucklepie

Bruce Perry

Member #270

April 2000

Thanks everyone ^[1]

References

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--
Bruce "entheh" Perry [ Web site | DUMB | Set Up Us The Bomb !!! | Balls ]
Programming should be fun. That's why I hate C and C++.
The brxybrytl has you.

Tobias Dammers

Member #2,604

August 2002

I like the swing one.

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Me make music: Triofobie
---
"We need Tobias and his awesome trombone, too." - Johan Halmén

Luiji99

Member #12,254

September 2010

The problem with that programmer kid, is that eventually he'll hit an Out of Money exception. This will cause him to abort (i.e. disappear from reality).

Programming should be fun. That's why I hate Java.

Trent Gamblin

Member #261

April 2000

GDB on Android is kind of a joke.

Program terminated with signal SIGSEGV, Segmentation fault.
The program no longer exists.
(gdb) bt
No stack.

Only it's not funny. >:(

Neil Walker

Member #210

April 2000

Similar to the bread* joke:

A mother told her programmer son, "Theres one piece of cake and one bun left, have the cake or the bun" - there was nothing left for the mother.

*quite funny the bread joke in that when you tell people who aren't techie they just don't get it and you tell people who are techie you can tell those that don't get it but pretend they do otherwise they'd not be as hard-core as you

Neil.
MAME Cabinet Blog / AXL LIBRARY (a games framework) / AXL Documentation and Tutorial

wii:0356-1384-6687-2022, kart:3308-4806-6002. XBOX:chucklepie

Luiji99

Member #12,254

September 2010

I'd gotten the bread joke but the cake/bun one is not to clear to me.

Programming should be fun. That's why I hate Java.

Arthur Kalliokoski

Second in Command

February 2005

1 OR 2 = 3.
Cake OR bun = cake + bun.

If she'd said cake xor bun, she'd have enjoyed dessert.

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

Luiji99

Member #12,254

September 2010

I sort of recognize that evaluation. Is there any practical use for that equivalency?

Programming should be fun. That's why I hate Java.

Arthur Kalliokoski

Second in Command

February 2005

If people spoke logically, English would be quite a bit different.

"Aren't you coming along?"
"No"
"Fine! Sit here for all I care!"
"I said I was coming!"

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

Neil Walker

Member #210

April 2000

I guess though with short-cut logic (logical not bitwise), e.g. cake || bun, he would have stopped if cake was true

Neil.
MAME Cabinet Blog / AXL LIBRARY (a games framework) / AXL Documentation and Tutorial

wii:0356-1384-6687-2022, kart:3308-4806-6002. XBOX:chucklepie

Arthur Kalliokoski

Second in Command

February 2005

Neil Walker said:

I guess though with short-cut logic (logical not bitwise), e.g. cake || bun, he would have stopped if cake was true

"Do you want the cake or the bun?"
"YES!"

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

Luiji99

Member #12,254

September 2010

Walker's logic is why I couldn't get the joke. I like the Arthur's variation!

Programming should be fun. That's why I hate Java.

Johan Halmén

Member #1,550

September 2001

"Don't give me no bullshit!"
"How much bullshit do you want?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years of thorough research have revealed that the red "x" that closes a window, really isn't red, but white on red background.

Years of thorough research have revealed that what people find beautiful about the Mandelbrot set is not the set itself, but all the rest.

Bob Keane

Member #7,342

June 2006

Adapted from "That 70's Show": A programmer marries. His wife makes him promise not to cheat on her or lie. She comes home one day and finds him in bed with another woman. Infuriated, she reminds him of the promise. He responds " You asked me not to cheat or lie. I did not lie.".

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
"Love thy neighbor as much as you love yourself means be nice to the people next door. Everyone else can go to hell. Missy Cooper.
The advantage to learning something on your own is that there is no one there to tell you something can't be done.

Luiji99

Member #12,254

September 2010

I think that joke's better if you take it out from programming and he says "You said not to cheat or lie. I decided to lie."

Programming should be fun. That's why I hate Java.

Tobias Dammers

Member #2,604

August 2002

Arthur Kalliokoski said:

If people spoke logically, English would be quite a bit different.

"How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb?" - "Twenty-one. One to change the bulb, and twenty to research what kind of bulb emits broken light."

---
Me make music: Triofobie
---
"We need Tobias and his awesome trombone, too." - Johan Halmén

Neil Roy

Member #2,229

April 2002

Tobias Dammers said:

"How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb?" - "Twenty-one. One to change the bulb, and twenty to research what kind of bulb emits broken light."

Nice one.

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“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy