Seems pretty obvious that she's just playing hard to get. I suggest you send her a video of yourself reciting a poem about how much you would enjoy making love to her.

Was this the first song on the mix-cd?

Let's guess which tracks made it.

The big mistake is talking about love, about when you were toghether, and specially this:

You're saying there that you'd like something more than friendship... to someone who you haven't seen in 15 years and who is now married. I'd give that 12 points of creepiness out of 10 .

I don't think you're in love either. After 15 years you can't. You just feel nostalgia for some reason now.

<edit>
And the CD's full of love songs. Stop talking about love with her (well, it's too late for that actually ).

It doesn't work to approach a girl in the same sort of way you'd like to be approached by a girl. We go through our lives in a very different way than them.

1) Women are smaller than men. If it came down to a fight, you'd win. This might seem trivial but you've been bigger your whole life -- you probably haven't felt what it's like to be around someone whose stronger than you and really wants something sexual from you.

2) Some men are overly aggressive. Imagine you're alone with someone who you'd prefer not to sleep with but wants to have sex with you. Imagine now that that person is stronger than you and might not hold back. You can't tell which person will hold back and which wont -- so you're forced to be weary of all of them.

3) Some men will stalk and rape. It doesn't matter that you're a decent citizen. You may even be the type to help an old lady across the street. There are some men who will do awful things. You're in a category of people who do awful things. So even if you're not going to do awful things, a woman must be weary that you might.

The real curve ball of the situation however, is that woman want an authoritative, confident man. Combining the docileness described above with confidence is a fascinatingly complicated pursuit. The docileness definitely comes first.

Listen to our Canadian friends:

Something else to discuss:

Let's suppose that your letters weren't creepy, sickly and pitiable, and instead you were the very personification of charm. Let's also suppose that you were able to convince her to leave her husband. Do you think this would be acceptable?

Personally I find the act of going after a married woman as something absolutely loathsome. I've seen men who I've respected, men who should have known better, pursue married woman and cause broken families, and no end of pain and bitterness. Invariably they have managed to skew their perspective on the situation into something that makes their actions justifiable.

So yes, I confess that I take some satisfaction in seeing your attempt at this fall flat on its face.

If we then couple this with the fact that you broke up with her by ignoring her, which in my books is a particularly nasty type of emotional abuse, then you'll have to forgive me for having zero sympathy for you.

Don't say that, you know what's going to happen: He starts to write a simple one line letter saying "sorry, I didn't realise I was causing distress, goodbye", and ends up with a 10 page dissection of his three letters, some pictures of him saying sorry and a dvd mix-up of goodbye songs (followed by a 2 year internet ban and 3 months in jail)

You misread what miran wrote...

You should listen to me, I'm actually a good life coach.

Next time, don't give it all away all at once, leave some for the imagination and let yourself be mysterious. You f0cked up by tellling her WAAAAYYY too much. A nice casual card with little information, 'just saying hi' type of card would have done the trick. You tried to romance a (what I think) happily married woman thru a letter...letters are never the right approach. If you had taken the mysterious and friendly path you might have gotten further, possibly into the friend zone. Or who knows elsewhere.

Next time you have any such issues think twice and click on the link in my signature.

It is better the try and fail than it is not to not try and fail. At least you tried and I give props to that.

Thanks for this wonderful thread, i had a good time reading it (rolling on the floor laughing)

And i have the solution for you, Edgar! Follow these steps:

- undertake the travel these 1000 miles to her.

- look at her. I bet you don`t want her anymore. Because most womens change a lot in 15 years and anyway you are in love with your picture in mind and not with the real person.

- if you still want her you can try to give her a 1000 dollar diamond ring.

Are you sure this wasn't the letter that went with Disc 1

Fearless In The Dark With You, you can Count On My Love. I'm With You 4 Real!.

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You because your beauty is like a City Of Blinding Lights . Everything Reminds Me Of [You] , even the blinding lights of the city.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Sparks flew when we met. It was Crazy Love making (as I'm sure you recall), but it was a good way to Release our passion for each other. My Phantom Limb as you called it still longs for you.

I hope that last statement did not cause you to Freak Out, it's just that, this Mad Dog's still got 20 / 20 vision on you. It Feels So Good to finally express how I really feel to you after...you know... oh and before I forget, I still have your Pink Cashmere. Maybe if we meet up I can give it back to you.

I thought this thread was creepy, and then I read the songs you put on the CD's; now I'M thinking of calling the cops!

If she had asked me to stop trying to contact her, I would have, with at most one more reply to acknowledge her request. I do actually respect her wishes, once I actually know what they are...

@Dizzy Egg
I listen to those mixes myself. Now you're calling my music creepy too? I can't say I know your taste in music, because I don't have the bandwidth to listen to all the tracks you keep producing.

As to everyone who suggests I burn everything I own related to her, why would I do that? I may have royally fucked things up, but I don't resent her, and I don't want to destroy the few good memories I have of her just because things are broken now. I'm not the kind of person who can just forget someone they used to be with.