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I'm a coward
Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
avatar

It's true, I am. Or at least, I keep telling myself that in the hopes of shaming myself. There's this girl in my residence hall that I really like, and I just can't work up the nerve to go ask her out. I feel... well, like a coward. I know that I should just go and ask, because the worst she can do is say "no", which wouldn't really be the end of the world, and yet, I can't make myself go do it. So, have you ever had a similar problem, and how did you deal with it?

Simon Parzer
Member #3,330
March 2003
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Maybe it's just too big for a first step. Can you talk to her, like, normal conversation?
Do you know her? (e.g. what does she do in her free time, what does she like or doesn't, and very important: is she maybe vegan or vegetarian)

If the answer is no, rethink the whole "asking her out" thing.

My suggestions may be completely ridiculous, but you didn't provide many details. Learn a lesson from these "I have problems" two-pagers that get posted here once in a while.

miran
Member #2,407
June 2002

Quote:

and how did you deal with it?

I didn't and I regret it still. My advice? Go to her and as you aproach shout "for Sparta!"

--
sig used to be here

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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My advice: walk up to her and punch her in the face.

Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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Well, I was involved in an orientation program here called "MasterPlan" and so was she. That's how we met. To make myself look even worse, we ate lunch together yesterday. I didn't ask or anything, she just waited for me to get my food and get through the checkout line and sat down with me. Which is why I'm really hating myself for being afraid to ask her because I already know that hse likes me, at least a little.

EDIT: Thanks ML, can I test that theory on you first?

Mark Oates
Member #1,146
March 2001
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you don't have to "ask her out", just hang with her after class and stuff. She's cute! Once you hang for a while you'll accidentally slip "wanna go get some coffee?" or whatever it is you kids are doin these days. Bam! date in the can.

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
avatar

Quote:

Bam! date in the can

My mind did horrible things with that phrase.

I don't think we share any classes, so unless I go up to her there'll just be chance meetings on campus. I hate my social ineptness.

Mark Oates
Member #1,146
March 2001
avatar

It's tough I know, but remember, the chick that's right for you is the chick that you're most comfortable around. So most importantly, be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are then ... go to a reform school and try again.

all this school talkin' reminds me that I need to change my avatar.

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KnightWhoSaysNi
Member #7,339
June 2006
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Girls usually come and ask me; I don't have to any work. I do not understand these types of posts from the original poster.

nonnus29
Member #2,606
August 2002
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You've already thought about it too much, you're doomed already. Move on to the next girl.

I agree with Mark. Just say 'Hi', ask her a question like 'how are classes going?' and if it doesn't take off from there (ie you have a nice conversation and want to continue it over a cup of coffee or whatever), move on.

Reminds of the one time I had a crush on this girl from a class. I sat next to her the entire semester and every time I tried to start a conversation she wouldn't pick it up. So you've got to realize somethings aren't meant to be.

But don't worry, Lord Piccolo will be along shortly to teach you how its done.

8-)

Bob Keane
Member #7,342
June 2006

For now, just concentrate on talking to her. When you are comfortable with that, you will move up or on.

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
"Love thy neighbor as much as you love yourself means be nice to the people next door. Everyone else can go to hell. Missy Cooper.
The advantage to learning something on your own is that there is no one there to tell you something can't be done.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
avatar

Quote:

EDIT: Thanks ML, can I test that theory on you first?

Why? I'm a guy; all you have to do is ask me what I think of you.

By punching her in the face you'll know a) that she definitely doesn't like you and b) if she already has a boyfriend (because she'll have him beat you up). And isn't this all about closure?

Onewing
Member #6,152
August 2005
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'No' feels bigger and bigger depending on what it is denying. If you get 'no' at Heaven's gates, that pretty much blows. If you get 'no' when you propose a girl to marry you, that sucks. If you get 'no' for asking a girl out, that hurts.

But if you ask a girl to go hang out and she says 'no', it's not as bad. Find where you are comfortable and target that way.

I'm horrible at this game. I got my first real date as a backup through AIM. I was like, if we can't find anyone else to go to this with, we should go with each other. She agreed. We had fun. Then I asked her if she wanted to date later on. Just a movie or two, not "going steady" by any means. Then, at the end of the year, I asked her if she wanted to be a couple. It worked. Several years later I finally got the nerve to ask her to marry me. And now I'm a married man. Guess I'm not too horrible at this game...

[edit]typo

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
avatar

If she already has a boyfriend, I'm not worried about him. She's from Canada, and just moved here for college last Sunday. Although if she does then i don't want to steal his girl, because I know I'd get pissed if someone did it to me.

Also, sorry for the "Test that theory on you" remark. I'm just in a lousy mood.

Slartibartfast
Member #8,789
June 2007
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Rampage
Member #3,035
December 2002
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Quote:

My advice? Go to her and as you aproach shout "for Sparta!"

Best advice ever! ;D

There was once a girl a liked, but I was too shy to make any move, even though I knew she liked me. Then, one day, I saw another guy making advances to her, and I decided to make my move. It felt weird, I was embarrassed and nervous, but in the end everything was all right.

-R

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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Quote:

So most importantly, be yourself.

Worst advice ever. I once tried being myself, but myself was an idiot.

[serious mode]

Quote:

the worst she can do is say "no"

That's not the worst thing that can happen, though. The worst thing that can happen is not doing anything at all.

There's something that happens when we're about 5 or 6. We've been led by our own curiosity for a few years -- we tripped several times before we learned to walk, we spill all over ourselves trying to find our mouths (thank Zeus for the sippy-cup), and if we're really lucky, we've burned our hand on the coffee-maker (I know I did!) -- but no we're in school, and suddenly it's not okay to venture a guess. We raise our hand to answer a question we barely even heard, and we hear "No", and we shrug that off and try again, but it builds up and eventually we stop raising our hand because we're too scared to be wrong.

But there's hope yet! In games it's okay to be wrong, and it's okay to try anything -- it's more than okay, it's actually encouraged. When's the last time you sat down with a brand new game and thought to yourself "Okay, gonna go beat that final boss"? That curiosity just takes us over, and pretty soon we're breaking every barrel, opening every chest, and trying to jump every gap -- no matter how impossibly wide. And if we fail the first time, we'll try it again and again. And it's not embarrassing, it's fun to try to squeeze that extra foot out of your jump.

I'm not telling you to start breaking every barrel you see, but Epicurus was on to something. Life's an adventure, and if you aren't exploring every corridor, what the hell are you here for?

I don't think you're a coward; I think you just don't realize how much fun being wrong can be.

[/serious mode]

So, yaknow, go open her chest.

gnolam
Member #2,030
March 2002
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Kibiz0r said:

So go open her chest.

I believe he asked for dating advice, not surgery advice.

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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I don't what he meant by "go open her chest" but if it was what I'm thinking... that might be slightly illeagal in this country, unless she give consent.

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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I thought I had crafted a clever pun mixing video game metaphor, double entendre, and surgery. Apparently not.

Slartibartfast
Member #8,789
June 2007
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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
avatar

I just saw her in the hall, rushing out. She stopped and talked long anough for me to find out that she'd been out all day. I feel good that I didn't waste time going to her room when she wasn't there, bad I still wish I'd tried. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play Halo for a while and wait for her to get back. Then I'll go over and ask her. I've decided, my spirits are up, and I'm going through with it. Wish me luck.

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

@Mark Oates... Change youre avatar? Dont you dare remove those cute little sheep from this forum!

Ahhh... The 'just be yourself' advice. That is the most lame-assed advice you can give to someone. And no, her saying 'no' is indeed not the only thing she can do.

She can:

1. Kill you
2. Kick you in the groin
3. Kill your <pet type here>
4. Go out with your <enter brother/sister/cousin here>
5. etc.

[sarcasm]
If you want her to like you, you must know what kind of men she likes. And therefore, you must stalk here, follow her every move. Then when you know what kind of men she likes, go in for the kill. ( metaphorically speaking )
[/sarcasm]

OK, so its like this. In programming, thinking about something too much is bad. Right? Its better to have a bad program than no program at all. ( Well, this is not true in programming all of the time, but its true in most situations ). So, its better to have a bad response from her, than no response at all. At least youll know if she REALLY likes you... If the answer is no, youll have more time searching for another girl you like.

So, the 'cowardness' part. Act stupid. I once went biking and broke my arm... Why? Because I didnt think about the consequences. You should do the same. Just dont thkink about the 'no' or her boobs or anything else. Just do it!

Good luck!

In capitalist America bank robs you.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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I await the results with glee.

Samuel Henderson
Member #3,757
August 2003
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Quote:

My advice: walk up to her and punch her in the face.

I know someone who did just that (seriously). He got charged with assault mind you.

edit:
Whoops

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Paul whoknows: Why is this thread still open?
Onewing: Because it is a pthread: a thread for me to pee on.



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