It's true, I am. Or at least, I keep telling myself that in the hopes of shaming myself. There's this girl in my residence hall that I really like, and I just can't work up the nerve to go ask her out. I feel... well, like a coward. I know that I should just go and ask, because the worst she can do is say "no", which wouldn't really be the end of the world, and yet, I can't make myself go do it. So, have you ever had a similar problem, and how did you deal with it?

Maybe it's just too big for a first step. Can you talk to her, like, normal conversation?
Do you know her? (e.g. what does she do in her free time, what does she like or doesn't, and very important: is she maybe vegan or vegetarian)

If the answer is no, rethink the whole "asking her out" thing.

My suggestions may be completely ridiculous, but you didn't provide many details. Learn a lesson from these "I have problems" two-pagers that get posted here once in a while.

I didn't and I regret it still. My advice? Go to her and as you aproach shout "for Sparta!"

My advice: walk up to her and punch her in the face.

Well, I was involved in an orientation program here called "MasterPlan" and so was she. That's how we met. To make myself look even worse, we ate lunch together yesterday. I didn't ask or anything, she just waited for me to get my food and get through the checkout line and sat down with me. Which is why I'm really hating myself for being afraid to ask her because I already know that hse likes me, at least a little.

EDIT: Thanks ML, can I test that theory on you first?

you don't have to "ask her out", just hang with her after class and stuff. She's cute! Once you hang for a while you'll accidentally slip "wanna go get some coffee?" or whatever it is you kids are doin these days. Bam! date in the can.

My mind did horrible things with that phrase.

I don't think we share any classes, so unless I go up to her there'll just be chance meetings on campus. I hate my social ineptness.

It's tough I know, but remember, the chick that's right for you is the chick that you're most comfortable around. So most importantly, be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are then ... go to a reform school and try again.

all this school talkin' reminds me that I need to change my avatar.

Girls usually come and ask me; I don't have to any work. I do not understand these types of posts from the original poster.

You've already thought about it too much, you're doomed already. Move on to the next girl.

I agree with Mark. Just say 'Hi', ask her a question like 'how are classes going?' and if it doesn't take off from there (ie you have a nice conversation and want to continue it over a cup of coffee or whatever), move on.

Reminds of the one time I had a crush on this girl from a class. I sat next to her the entire semester and every time I tried to start a conversation she wouldn't pick it up. So you've got to realize somethings aren't meant to be.

But don't worry, Lord Piccolo will be along shortly to teach you how its done.

For now, just concentrate on talking to her. When you are comfortable with that, you will move up or on.

Why? I'm a guy; all you have to do is ask me what I think of you.

By punching her in the face you'll know a) that she definitely doesn't like you and b) if she already has a boyfriend (because she'll have him beat you up). And isn't this all about closure?

'No' feels bigger and bigger depending on what it is denying. If you get 'no' at Heaven's gates, that pretty much blows. If you get 'no' when you propose a girl to marry you, that sucks. If you get 'no' for asking a girl out, that hurts.

But if you ask a girl to go hang out and she says 'no', it's not as bad. Find where you are comfortable and target that way.

I'm horrible at this game. I got my first real date as a backup through AIM. I was like, if we can't find anyone else to go to this with, we should go with each other. She agreed. We had fun. Then I asked her if she wanted to date later on. Just a movie or two, not "going steady" by any means. Then, at the end of the year, I asked her if she wanted to be a couple. It worked. Several years later I finally got the nerve to ask her to marry me. And now I'm a married man. Guess I'm not too horrible at this game...

[edit]typo

If she already has a boyfriend, I'm not worried about him. She's from Canada, and just moved here for college last Sunday. Although if she does then i don't want to steal his girl, because I know I'd get pissed if someone did it to me.

Also, sorry for the "Test that theory on you" remark. I'm just in a lousy mood.

I shed a tear in sorrowful empathy.

(Well, not literally but theortidramatically I do)

Best advice ever!

There was once a girl a liked, but I was too shy to make any move, even though I knew she liked me. Then, one day, I saw another guy making advances to her, and I decided to make my move. It felt weird, I was embarrassed and nervous, but in the end everything was all right.

Worst advice ever. I once tried being myself, but myself was an idiot.

[serious mode]

That's not the worst thing that can happen, though. The worst thing that can happen is not doing anything at all.

There's something that happens when we're about 5 or 6. We've been led by our own curiosity for a few years -- we tripped several times before we learned to walk, we spill all over ourselves trying to find our mouths (thank Zeus for the sippy-cup), and if we're really lucky, we've burned our hand on the coffee-maker (I know I did!) -- but no we're in school, and suddenly it's not okay to venture a guess. We raise our hand to answer a question we barely even heard, and we hear "No", and we shrug that off and try again, but it builds up and eventually we stop raising our hand because we're too scared to be wrong.

But there's hope yet! In games it's okay to be wrong, and it's okay to try anything -- it's more than okay, it's actually encouraged. When's the last time you sat down with a brand new game and thought to yourself "Okay, gonna go beat that final boss"? That curiosity just takes us over, and pretty soon we're breaking every barrel, opening every chest, and trying to jump every gap -- no matter how impossibly wide. And if we fail the first time, we'll try it again and again. And it's not embarrassing, it's fun to try to squeeze that extra foot out of your jump.

I'm not telling you to start breaking every barrel you see, but Epicurus was on to something. Life's an adventure, and if you aren't exploring every corridor, what the hell are you here for?

I don't think you're a coward; I think you just don't realize how much fun being wrong can be.

[/serious mode]

So, yaknow, go open her chest.

I believe he asked for dating advice, not surgery advice.

I don't what he meant by "go open her chest" but if it was what I'm thinking... that might be slightly illeagal in this country, unless she give consent.

I thought I had crafted a clever pun mixing video game metaphor, double entendre, and surgery. Apparently not.

She can do worse than that, like kick you in the groin.

I just saw her in the hall, rushing out. She stopped and talked long anough for me to find out that she'd been out all day. I feel good that I didn't waste time going to her room when she wasn't there, bad I still wish I'd tried. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play Halo for a while and wait for her to get back. Then I'll go over and ask her. I've decided, my spirits are up, and I'm going through with it. Wish me luck.

@Mark Oates... Change youre avatar? Dont you dare remove those cute little sheep from this forum!

Ahhh... The 'just be yourself' advice. That is the most lame-assed advice you can give to someone. And no, her saying 'no' is indeed not the only thing she can do.

She can:

1. Kill you
2. Kick you in the groin
3. Kill your <pet type here>
4. Go out with your <enter brother/sister/cousin here>
5. etc.

[sarcasm]
If you want her to like you, you must know what kind of men she likes. And therefore, you must stalk here, follow her every move. Then when you know what kind of men she likes, go in for the kill. ( metaphorically speaking )
[/sarcasm]

OK, so its like this. In programming, thinking about something too much is bad. Right? Its better to have a bad program than no program at all. ( Well, this is not true in programming all of the time, but its true in most situations ). So, its better to have a bad response from her, than no response at all. At least youll know if she REALLY likes you... If the answer is no, youll have more time searching for another girl you like.

So, the 'cowardness' part. Act stupid. I once went biking and broke my arm... Why? Because I didnt think about the consequences. You should do the same. Just dont thkink about the 'no' or her boobs or anything else. Just do it!

Good luck!

I await the results with glee.

I know someone who did just that (seriously). He got charged with assault mind you.

edit:
Whoops

Then you have to think more logically.

1. Bite her tounge off,
2. Break her arms
3. THEN punch her in the face.

That way, she cant talk and point. Youre off the hook.

Just don't do what I did and accidentally set the first date on Valentine's Day. That's some l.o.l.

To be fair they were dating for a bit and they had a little disagreement. Most of my friends laugh it off and joke about it because they never liked this girl to begin with. They always found her to be difficult and bitchy to deal with. He lost some of my respect when he did.

@Samuel, if my friend punched a woman in the face... He would not only lose all of my respect, but both his arms and legs. OK, not really, but I would give him a beating.

I take it, he's not Klingon?

Possumdude0: DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: You're in the dorm? You lucky bastard. I had to go through the same thing, except I car pooled to school. sigh And then when I moved on campus I rarely ever ran into the girl. Maybe like, twice. Go figure. Oh well, another semester starts soon. WOOOO!

Possumdude0: just go there and do it. You'll probably say something you didn't mean to, but don't worry about acting like an idiot. It is an inevitable destiny for guys to act like idiots in front of girls they like. And girls are aware of that... at least I hope so.

She hasn't come back yet. I know because i have the first room inside the door, and none of the people walking past had voices like hers. I'm here again because I got bored of Halo.

The "be yourself" advice is pointless; what else can a person be? If that person happens to be the kind of person who tries to act like someone else, then that's who he is. Fortunately for me, I'm not skilled enough to act like someone else, so I'm just myself naturally.

You can act like a better you. I've done that before. That's fun And afterwards you actually become a little bit more like that "better you."

Maybe she's a ninja and snuck past! Maybe she's actually in your room right now and you don't even know it cause she's a ninja.

Ninja girl is in your ceiling watching you masterbate

Well, if she wanted to sneak past me, she could, although the door she has to open that's right outside my room (the one into our hallway) is kinda loud. But if she wants to sneak past me that means she doesn't like me and therefor I don't want to go over there. But I know she's still gone, because she showed me ehr schedule yesterday and she has something going on with her International Orientation group until, I think, 7. By the way it's 6:30 here.

What kind of a chick is she? does she have a major?

Here's what you should do right here: Have several fantasies concerning different ways that you might meet her. Then, consider each possible way that the conversation might go. Evaluate for the most coolest way to converse within those situations.

Bam! chick magnet!

I have variations on the sheep theme which I stick with. The current one is 'summer'.

She's a business major, and she's in her second year of college, and she's attractive, and she seems to be a good person from what I've seen. That's pretty much all I know. Oh, and she doesn't like to drink soda.

Ok this is what you do ask her "has she seen <a scary movie that is on dvd >"
then tell her how "she cant handle <a really scary movie that is on dvd>"
then ask her "whats <a really scary movie in the movie theaters> "
tell her "you want to see it ask her if she wants come with you".

I can't afford to go to the theater.

Sex stares are free in most countries.

DO IT! NOW! No, seriously, you're trippin' and I've been there and my best advice is to just go for it. Not asking won't change her answer... It'll only leave it to the unknown.

There's a thread here somewhere...

Seriously dude, go for it. She's gonna say yes. Women expect confidence and judging from this thread, your conscious mind is afraid to show it. Suppress it. Subconsciously you know how awesome you are so just go at it like that. You have a date to gain by asking and a date to lose by not.

Just stalk her on Facebook.

http://www.allegro.cc/files/attachment/592990

I got called away to some crappy social event with my orientation group. Normally I would have thought it was fun, but by the time we got back she had gone to sleep (her light's out). Now I have to sustain my current level of confidence until tomorrow. The bad thing is, as we were driving away from my residence hall, I saw her heading towards the food court. I missed her by less than a minute. The censorship on this site won't let me accurately describe my feelings about that.

wow what do you want to achevie. you need to get some money first dude. tell me about your self i would never guess you did not have $10

I've been in this situation many times. All the way up to third-year university, I was afraid to make a move. The terrible demon of rejection kept staring me down. When I was 21, I got sick of it and remembered an excellent quote that I once read. "It's not enough to merely face your fears. You must run screaming toward them,"

With that thought in mind, I went out to bars, clubs and other meeting places with the purpose of getting rejected. That's right. Go out and get rejected. Maybe not with this girl you're worried about, but with someone. Many someones. I broke 200 before I was 23, but that might be a bit extreme.

The point is that once you see that rejection is not so bad (it's not!) and you experience it repeatedly, it loses its teeth. You stop fearing it. If you get shot down by that girl, it becomes a slight annoyance, nothing more. Go out and get shot down!

...and about the typical, well-meaning "Just be yourself," advice, I present my signature.

Erase your memory by banging your head on teh wall..you are garunteed (sp?) to lose 1000 brian cells everey bang..Then you won't know who she is..once you see her you'll recognize she's good looking.. then ask..I meen..don't ask..just tell her come with you to go get coffee..:o

OR

Plan A: (I saw this on The Pickup Artist) " Be interesting..then the woman will become interested in you.."

Plan B: (If Plan A fails) Get on your knees and beg..

Fail Safe: (If ALL ELSE FAILS) Turn your back and go play Halo..

I agree with the others. You don't have to ask her out right away... Just try getting to know her as a friend and see what kind of vibes you get from her.

I know what you're going through... I liked a guy but I wasn't about to ask him out - I prefer being asked rather than doing the asking myself (yes, I'm sexist like that) . However, I did get to know him and I figured out that we weren't compatible. I still find him extremely hot, but I don't get nervous around him anymore... Good luck!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASS BITCH! YOU GOTTA SHITTING DO THAT FUCK!

... I have censorship turned off just for moments like these.

Anyway, man tonight is gonna be hell for you, but look at the bright side. As soon as you finally get the chance to ask her, and she says yes, you'll feel like the luckiest man in the world.
But don't be too bummed about not getting the chance to ask her tonight. I find that I'm more coherent and less nervous in these situations when they come up unexpectedly, because then your mind has no time to think about all your silly fears.
So hey, maybe you'll accidentally bump into her tomorrow; and maybe she's free for the weekend! PARTY!!!!!!!!

Best of luck! Let us know when you succeed. Perhaps you will inspire hope in the bachelors of A.cc

EDIT:

So you ran into the bars screaming "FOR SPARTA!!!"?

Well, while we're on the topic of good quotes: "You are so money and you don't even know it."

yup if she dose not want to come your going to get coffee any way or your going to see the movie away i was just asking if you wanted to come dont feel spacel like the reson im going is just to take you out

I'm still waiting for you to ask me out piccolo.

Girls get nervous around guys too! I thought that was an urban legend!

I'll have some money this weekend, but right now I have $4.74 USD to my name. Well, technically I have $1,004.74 USD to my name, but I'm budgeting it out over my first semester. Also, walking to the nearest theater, especially in the Kentucky heat, might be a problem.

I do, however, have a nice collection of DVDs. once I know her better I could always ask her to my room to watch a movie.

Consider getting a job on campus during your 2nd year. The extra money will help a lot. But a year of low income will help you appreciate that

A DVD movie would be better than a theater. For one, you guys can talk and get to know each other. If you go to a theater then there will be this heightened sense of formal dating, which, based on what you're saying, might make the two of you a little nervous.

Believe me, I know what it's like to be broke. Walking two miles to the store, and six miles to pay bills, because you can't afford a car, will give you a good idea of what it's like to be poor. That being said, I've never really felt poor, because I've always had enough to be happy. And when I got a little more, I got a little happier. And when I lost that little more, my happiness didn't go back down. I get bad moods like everyone, but all-in-all I'm a fairly happy guy.

You can do that?! It would be nice to not have to copy/paste to see what people said...

What she means is...[censored]*

Girls get nervous around guys too! I thought that was an urban legend!
</quote>
Nah, she's just contributing to poisoning men's understanding of women. It's how women keep their mysteriousness. Everything women tell you - ignore it - they're lying, like when they tell you they don't care about money or fake an orgasm.

_{* I really shouldn't say. It would be disrespectful and probably attract a lot of unnecessary attention from admins and women's rights activists. It might also land me on the women's network hitlist, which could result in my getting scratched or slapped unexpectedly. <shudder/>}

Sorry, beer does this to me sometimes. It'll pass.

So if I ask her out and she says yes... that means no? But no still means no! We had a seminar on it the second day here! That means there is no concievable way for men and women to get together, and therefor the human race will die out!

damn6hhlx0.gif

Forget that stuff about getting to know each other. You'll end up in the friends category.
Cut the bs and ask her out. If she says no, life goes on, plenty of nubile women in the campus. If she says yes, feel proud that you acted like a man with hair on his chest.

checks chest... sees hair

Okay manjula, that's what I'll do. By the way, I've already said that's what I'm going to do a few posts back. maybe you didn't see it.

As for "getting to know her", I'd prefer getting to know her as a girlfriend. It just seems to cut out a lot of wasted time.

Same here. I've walked a metric ton having moved on campus and not having a car (well, no license actually, due to no insurance). Sometimes it's annoying, but it's kinda nice at the same time. And I bike as well; that's good exercise. There's nothing like biking 19 miles just to get to the Apple store.

I'd say I'm poor by comparison to others, but really I've always had what I need. So I guess, like you, I'm pretty eudaemonic.

EDIT:

Go to your "control center" (link in upper right), Custom CSS/JS, and add this to your custom CSS:

span.cuss {
background: transparent;
top: 0;
}

span.cuss span {
visibility: visible;
}

I actually tend to feel more manly when I get rejected. Anyone can like a girl. It takes a man to ask her out. It takes real man to get shot down and keep going.

Good luck Possumdude0.

Where are the real men ... Bordel Possumdude ! What are you waiting for ? Where are your balls ? You have balls ? Show us that you do !

Are you waiting for someone to be quicker than you ?

YOU FOOL ! YOU SHITTING BASTARD ! GO AND TAKE THAT GIRL ! DO NOT COME BACK HERE BEFORE BEING ABLE TO TELL US WHAT WAS HER ANSWER !

[TripMode]
Espèce de limasse, raclure, immonde déchet ! Tu as y aller au charbon, et sans discuter ! Ce n'est pas croyable, je n'en reviens pas ! N'y a t'il que des tafioles ici ?
Possumdude, désormais je t'appellerais petit coward ! est-ce que ça te plait ce nom la ? Espèce de sac à foutre ! J'ai noté ton nom ! Tu vas roter du sang ! Tu me feras de la demande à en avoir la langue gercée ! Tu me feras de la drague à en passer pour un nymphomane ! Ta gueule ! A genoux ! Etrangle toi ! Gros coussin !
Aller ! Aller ! Dégage de ce forum ! Putain mais tu ne voudrais pas que je le fasse pour toi quand même ?
Et on répond "Oui Capitaine" !
[EOTripMode]

EDIT: There is no luck behind that. Only him. If he is bad, then he will have nothing. If he is good, than he will have a girlfriend. Simple, as in KISS !

[rerun]
Here
[/rerun]

There was a sequel, but I've lost it.

EDIT: Nevermind. Do what Gull said.

Damn it! I can't find her. She's not in her room, and she's not eating breakfast, and I don't know where else she'd go. But at least now I know it isn't that hard to go knock on her door. I'll have to try again later.

For the love of god, just grab her and kiss her. It's really not that difficult.

He has to find her first.

Possumdude0, post your picture and we'll be brutally honest about your chances with women in general.

I would if I had a digital camera. I will tell you that your comments probably wouldn't help my confidence level much.

Real men need no ego boosting, and are impervious to criticism.

Real men are as human as anyone else. Real men hide their emotions, but they still have them.

That means all Vulcans are real men!:o

Yeah, it's just that we're good at not showing it.

Go across town and ask 50 total strangers out (if they say yes ignore them). When it gets boring you should be able to ask your girl out.

The problem with that is the 50 total strangers are total strangers. There would be almost no nervousness. Compouding that problem is the fact that I wouldn't actually be intending to date them. Girls only make me nervous if I like her and think I have a chance.

You think there is never gain without pain? Do it anyway and report back here.

I wonder what the chances are he'll get stabbed or shot during that experiment...

Oh, yeah, don't ask out girls who are in a gang...

It's a risk I'm willing to take. I just checked, she's not eating lunch.

Oh man, I remember I was in Speech class last semester or so and I was doing a persuasive on "Why you should go out with me." I did a survey: I wandered around my commons area and asked all the girls if they would go out with me. A third of them said yes! How great is that!

[append]

Maybe she reads Allegro.cc?

What's more important is the percentage of girls you like who said yes.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Well, having a crush on a girl is great. Gives you a lovely thing to look at when you're bored during classes. But as far as actually having a girlfriend... Listen, I have a social life. I can't afford to give half of that away to a single person!

Yeah, I jsut decided to ignore that statement. If it was meant to be taken seriously then Steve++ needs some help.

OH CRAP I HOPE NOT!!!!!
But none of you know my real name, so how would she know who I am? And anyway, if she did read it, and liked me, perhaps it would save me the pain and torment of trying to ask her out. Although it could also cause a lot of public humiliation if she didn't like the idea of being talked about online. You'll notice, though, that I've refrained from using her name.

Right, because I'm sure there are a lot of geeks in colleges in Kentucky with crushes on girls who live by the entrance to the residence hall and don't have any classes with said crush but still talk to her after classes. By the way, she wasn't at lunch today.

No, I'm sure she has no idea this thread exists at the moment, and probably never will unless you show her. But still, you aren't exactly anonymous

[append]

Heck, you've given me enough information that I could probably find your dorm right now, if I felt like going to Kentucky (::)). Again, she doesn't read Allegro.cc, but don't think that she wouldn't know who you were

You could probably find my real name, too, if you looked on Gamedev.net. i think I used it there. Also, there are probably a lot of computer geeks on this campus who have crushes on girls that didn't eat lunch, and who live near the entrance to their dorms. I know for a fact there are a lot of computer geeks, at least.

Thanks Darling!, you never told me you felt that way..

I found her! I was walking down to her room to see if she was back yet, and I happened to look over my shoulder and there she was. And, better yet, she said yes!

Of course, now I feel like an idiot for being worried in the first place, but I'll appease myself with that old saying, "Hindsight is always 20/20".

I tried that one time; talking to any girl in sight. Didn't take long before I wasn't rejected. So when the girl was actually receptive to talking to me I was like 'wow, now what do I do? I wasn't really attracted to this girl in the first place.....'

Not a good place to be

FUCK YEAH!

You've brought hope to us all

Which is another reason I didn't want to try that.

Yay! Now you must impregnate her and produce many alleglings. Kibi commands it.

Hah! I've been there too, but I decided later that I should've gone for it anyways. Often people are quite different than your initial perceptions of them. And that's more fun anyways, it's like an adventure.

[quoteYay! Now you must impregnate her and produce many alleglings. Kibi commands it.
</quote>

Uhm... it maight be a little to early to be taking that route, both in this relationship and in my life in general. Yeah, I want kids, but I'd like to have a good job first so I can feed them.

did you studder when you asked her?

but dude see if you can make some extra money.

dont spend it on her. use it to make this go how you want them to go.

No I didn't stutter, or studder.

I don't understand what point he's trying to get across with this statement.

i guess you will find out.

Fuck yeah.

Congrats and good luck!

However, one thing I've observed about you is that you seem to take everything way to seriously. One of many examples (there are several in this thread alone):

He was joking!

I know its hard to tell when people are joking online, but my advice to you is to try and learn. Then you will be even better at it in real life. If you take everything seriously, then girls will be like WTF.

I knew he was joking.

Ah, in that case, all is well then.

If she's eaten lunch with you, you already know that the thought of eating lunch together does not repulse her. Just ask her if you want to have lunch together sometime. Keep that up for a couple of lunches, then ask her what she's doing that evening, and sggest something for the two of you. If that goes well, invite her back to your place, and if that goes well, things jst keep getting better...

If you try and start the relationship verbally, she'll have time to think about whether or not she wants to be unfaithful to her BF. However, if you start it by purely being caught up in lust, lust overcomes rational thought and she may end up being more likely to do something she'll later regret.

A kick in the groin
although painful
the pain goes away.

Thinking that you should have asked her when you didn't
while not as painful
the pain takes much longer to go away.

Good luck!

It is if you don't know what sort of person you are, but that's a story for another time...

Or maybe it's 'cause guys don't place much of an emphasis on someone not being overtly nervous.

Congratulations . Makes me wish I had read the entire thread befoire I started writing my response, but the advice is there for anyone who wants it.

AE.

That's why I felt so stupid for being afraid. I'm surprised no one else picked up on that.

Most fears (anxieties) are inherently stupid.

I salute you!

You should feel like an idiot for posting on allegro.cc when you could be in her dorm hitting that shit.

Yeah, I jsut decided to ignore that statement. If it was meant to be taken seriously then Steve++ needs some help.
</quote>It worked on your mom last night.

Damn it! i wished she'd quite doing that with people i know!

Seriously, saying that about my mom, how does that effect me? She's a grown, single woman who can make her own choices. But if you start giving details, I start kicking ass, I really wouldn't want to know about it.

BAF was right.

By saying that about your mom it effects your face. Bitch.

/me breaks out the celebratory champagne!

Here's to a 2-month-or-longer relationship!

I've already reserved space in the DB for the "I'm single again" thread.

Place your bets.

I give it less than three months.

You people just don't get Possumdude's humor.

Or Matthew's.

Or mine.

I like all of your humors. This forum isnt so up-tight like others. You guys talk about everything else in a thread except about the topic.

Well, Ill give it 1 month. But hey, let the power of Love() suprise us.

Bet *b;

// void place_bet( int how_much , char *description)
b->place_bet(10, "That the relationship of Possumdude0 and his crush wont last more than 1 month!");

delete b;

Most people don't. Including myself, sometimes.

Gee guys, thanks for the vote of confidence.

Take it a day at a time and communicate when you have problems. Then, good luck!

Well, since we're betting I might as well join in to.

$10 on lifetime.

Well, let's hold off the bets until the after the first date, at least. We're still trying to find a time that fits both our schedules. Right now I'm thinking Monday, because she's busy today and I'm busy tomorrow. I'll let you know how it works out.

Ahhh, living vicariously. That is the life.

Well, the stuff she was going to do got canceled, so we went and ate a Subway. The food was good, but the company was much better. We talked about all sorts of things. She just lost her ID card, she misses her family back home, and she can't wait to see them when the semester ends and she goes back.

Wait, what? That's right, she moves back to Canada at Christmas. She especially can't wait to see her boyfriend again.

Wait, WHAT! WTF is she doing going to dinner with me if she has a boyfriend?

For some reason I suddenly feel like a dumbass. A big, fat one. With one of those dunce caps you see in cartoons. Sorry about your $10, Billybob.

AAAAHHHHH!HGGG!GH!GH!GG!G!!!!

I win $10!

Possum, don't you understand? You have a big chance! Her boyfriend is far away and won't be seeing her for months, you have the time to take it slow. It happened to me last year at university, I had the time to open my heart to her and slowly conquer her. Keep going out with her.
$20 on her dumping her boyfriend (or vice-versa) within two months.

if she dumps her bf for you, you can be sure that you may end up in the same boat one day.

Yeah. I know. And like I said earlier, I wouldn't want to steal another guy's girlfriend, because I wouldn't want mine stolen if I had one.

It means she wants to cheat on him. If they don't want to cheat, they insert "my boyfriend" in the first sentence they say.

Boy> "Hello, it sure is a nice day!"

Girl> "Yeah, my boyfriend would think so too."

Is it possible she considered it hanging out with a friend as opposed to a date? Either way, I agree with you that taking another guy's girlfriend is low. I also agree with manjula that if this girl does dump her boyfriend for you it would only be a matter of time...

Girls are not a male possession. They, and this may come as a surprise to some, are just like the blokes, minus a dangley thing between the legs and a bit more padding at the nipple area (yes, sure there are some guys with bigger man-breasts than some women's breasts, but that's getting a bit picky and pedantic).

They also have a mind of their own and make their own decisions. If she wants to drop, or cheat on, her boyfriend, it's her choice. No one is stealing her from him, she'd be making a conscious decision to cheat or drop. It happens in the animal kingdom. It happens in ours.

For the guy who loses his girlfriend, 2 words: fish, sea.

Stop making excuses for taking the easy way out. She's not married. It's quite obvious she's putting herself out there for the taking. Her boyfriend is probably boning her best friend while she's out of town anyway. I would .

I completely disagree. She probably doesn't like her bf that much, so now that she has experienced what she doesn't want, she probably has a better idea of what she does want.

Be honest with her. Tell her you like her and are now confused about this. It will be painful in the short term, but could save months of frustration and pain..

Well, then there's also the problem that has been mentioned earlier; If she decides to cheat on her boyfriend that would suggest that once she is your girlfriend she will be more likely to cheat on you.

Haha, this thread is golden.

However, it is almost as sad as my life as of late.

Other people lie to each other, themselves and me. But while I keep lying to myself to get through the day without grabbing the best of ropes, I don't lie to other people. And it is me who gets scoffed for speaking my mind. I hate people.

$20 says he's back with another tale saying how everything is awesome again.

So don't take her on as a girlfriend.

But this doesn't help the OP out much. Helping her cheat is a moral dilema for him, and so not the best course of action. Alternatively, if he befriends her and gets to know her, it could end up that she may have some single friends the he can hook up with.

What I mean by stealing someone's girlfriend is getting her to make that conscious decision. That's what I've always thought of the phrase "Stealing his girlfriend" meant, because obviously you can't literally steal a person.

For the guy who knowingly takes my girlfriend, 2 words: bang, bang.

Well, it wasn't even a date to begin with... Come on, you went to a fast food restaurant. She probably thought you wanted to hang out as friends. Maybe she would have understood better if the setting had been more romantic.

I doubt this is going to work.

I've got a crowbar, some duct tape, and a large duffel bag here that say otherwise.

Ok, you can't literally steal a person without committing a felony. Is that better?

I guess that doesn't mean Object Programming

Ok, I don't spend my time stealing girlfriends, but what if you really like her? Wouldn't you do all you can to see if there's a minimal chance for her to have feelings for you?

That's the kind of possessiveness that I was talking about. It's scary, and wrong. If she willingly leaves you, it's because she feels there's someone better than you for her, regardless of whether that's correct or not. Accept it, and move on.

Men, kiss was good no ? Give her a fuck ( do not forget the condoms ).

You have just found what us Frenchies call "Une grosse cochone".

You're obviously not acquainted with the testerone fueled Machismo that governs so much of the population here. I usually equate it with hispanics where I'm from.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machismo

Has she spoken about her BF yet and from what she says, is their relationship heading the way of the wrecked train?

If she wants to cheat/dump her boyfriend - that's her choice - not yours. Not only does it mean that you shoudn't put preassure on her, but it also means that if she decides for herself, you do not need to feel guilty.

Also, just because she dumps her boyfriend, it does not nescescarily mean she's a slut - it could also mean that she may have made a mistake when she picked her BF.

AE.

== guys that think with their dicks, not their minds? No, my circle of mates aren't into competing for macho stakes. We can't be arsed worrying if we're more man than the next guy. Life's too short, and we're too old, for that bullshit.

The point of that exercise isn't necessarily to get a girl. The point is to beat down the fear of rejection. If a girl becomes attracted, there's no rule that says you have to follow through and make a relationship of it.

It's hard to believe that there are many fish in the sea when you're afraid to bring out your rod.

Where does this quote come from? I tried using Google but I didn't see anything relevant.

Well, except for this thread. Use an exact copy-paste and this is all you get.

I spent a while on Google trying to find the author of that quote so I could properly attribute it (and in doing so, seem more intellectual than I actually am), but I couldn't find it either. I may not have written it down correctly. I shall begin my search anew!

crap i hope she did not get a free meal out of you i hope you made her pay for half.

She'd already paid before I had the chance to offer. Guess I lucked out there.

About atributing your quote- googled this: "face fear run scream toward"

Check out these results-
May and Max cower at Ash's mentioning of the scream, and even sh grits his teeth ... The Psychic Pokemon , minus Abra who still sleeps, all run off in fear...

I was almost paralized with fear as he touch me all my thoughts exoloded in one burst of anger and I swing my dagger towards his face ... and than I was ...

My breathing is heavy as I run. I hear a blood curdling scream, ... After hearing say that, all of the fear left me and a face of triumph appeared. ...

Statistics show that 77% of dog bite injuries occur to the face. NEVER attempt to separate dogs that are fighting. DON'T run, scream and make loud noises ...

My time stood still and I was frozen with fear. Her featureless face was in a ... All I could do was to scream and run. My heart lifted when I finally set ...

Top five results. The internet terrifies me sometimes.

/unhijack_topic

I have never had this problem (yay high school!) but I dread it. I suck around girls-tragic. Blah.

But ouch, that sucks. At least you broke the barrier. Maybe next time it will work out better- or maybe this time can still work out? It could be just a casual boyfriend, maybe started like 2 years ago. They never really broke up, but they aren't really together. Stay hopeful!

(Actually, a couple years ago, at a formal dance, I got really fucked over about a girl. It was really ugly. Closest I've come to actually hurting myself or someone else. That night was scaaaaaary. Too bad my parents only sent me to a psychiatrist while it was covered by health insurance....)

awwhhh she wants to be you friend paying for the meal thinking that you will do the same next time.

drop that girl. you need something you can burp. so you can relive the pursuers of school life. if she has single girl friends then maybe keep her around.

tell her that "when i saw you i though we could fuck. you know what i mean to relive all this pressure from being in school but now i can even see us cause you got a boy friend sorry if i miss lend you or any thing. lunch was cool though "

She paid for herself only, not me.

she's cheep then, dump her.

This thread is now getting funny!
Piccolo is the king!

Letting a girl pay for herself shows her that you are not a (male) chauvinist

You guys are not gentlemen.

Paying for your girl at your first meet show that you are a gentleman.

She will have time to pay when you will get married.

In martial arts, this is known as a kiai.

AE.

Dude, you pay if your a pansy. Chicks want to be all independent and shit.

If you had picked her up in your Ferrari, she would probably have let you pay for lunch.

Funny. When I stopped being your definition of gentleman, my success went up significantly. We're not paying for a service here. It's an exchange. I give you a good time, you give me a good time. We both give something, we both get something.

If a girl insists on your paying, there's a good chance that she doesn't see you. She sees an animated wallet.

I don't know how it works in France, but that's definitely not how it works in Canada and it's not how it works in Japan (despite what most people may think)

Meeeeh.

If a good soul can translate that for me, because I can not see how to explain that in english:

"Si tu invites tu payes, question de politesse
Si tu propose d'y aller, ce n'est pas pareil, et la chacun pour soit."

And by the way, when you are living with your girl, you are in most case in the second option: What about going to the restaurant this put your time there ?

So basically I agree with you, and I have badly explained my thought.

Invite = You ask someone for being your guest
Asking = You ask for sharing a dinner

I am for sure not using the right words for the right things.

Heh, I thought I can't understand French at all.

If you say: "Come on, I'll buy you a dinner.", sure thing it's you paying for it.

Since everyone seems to be putting in their two cents...

If you're sitting in your room waiting to hear her pass by your door, you're not getting out enough. I think you should start making friends to expand your social circle. You will meet more people and eventually become more accustomed to social situations.

In Canada, at least (and this is the country you want advice on, no? ) relationships don't normally start with a guy "asking a girl out." If the girls there are like the ones here, they will think that approach is childish. Do not put any faith in the concept that all you have to do is walk up to someone and say "will you go out with me?" to an orchestral swell and she either says no and you walk off dejected or she says yes as the fireworks go off overhead, and you walk off anyway and call her three days later to set up a date. You can't lay your cards all on the table like that, but not because of the risk of rejection--because, frankly, it's lame. To most girls, that's how it went in elementary school and high school. Face it, if you like a girl, then she has some redeeming qualities (cute, funny, whatever). You are not seeing in her what other people have ignored; lots of guys like her and she's been asked out before, plenty of times.

My point is that most relationships I've seen develop in university have started with two people meeting through their friends or through a common interest or situation, hanging out several times over the span of days or weeks, communicating non-verbally to each other that they're interested in each other, and then smoothly transitioning to spending time alone together. In my experience, most men who go with the "be confident, exude testosterone and ask her out" approach are either assholes or are asking out vapid whores. (No offense to anyone--I said most men, and I'm talking about the university crowd, not singles bars or high school.)

So get out there and make lots of friends. It's worth it on its own merits. I mean, you're in residence. There's no better time. You'll meet more women, and eventually you'll know if one of them wants to date you, and you'll learn the difference between someone showing interest in going out with you and a lonely person recognizing someone from her residence and sitting with them at lunchtime because it would be rude not to.

You could also try getting involved in extracurricular activities. I suggest drama for several reasons:
1) theatre is a lot of fun and very rewarding
2) you're probably sensitive enough to be a decent actor
3) theatre girls are generally attractive and easygoing
4) you always end up being very good friends with everyone in the cast by the time it's over -- free head start!
5) you tend to meet everyone in the theatre scene, not just in your play, because theatre people like to have parties.

My advice will work even if you still want to pursue this girl you have a crush on, because if you're only spending time with her and not having fun with other people she knows that she can have you without any effort, which is not attractive. Competition of any sort makes a person more desirable.

Your results may vary. Good luck!

I suggest taking up a martial art - especially if it's one where everyone meets up for drinks afterwards.

AE.

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh.

Now I get it.

Hey, it's my job to point out the obvious!

Seriously, how dumb do you think I am? Please don't answer that question.

Nonnus: That's what they tell me, anyhow. (Not after I try to ask them out, in case you're wondering. )

Possum: I don't think you're dumb, but you are asking for dating advice on a computer programming forum.

I maintain that if you're waiting around for the right moment to "ask her out," you're not going about it in a way that she's likely to respond well to; maybe inviting her to something in a group setting would be better. It just seems a little odd that you asked her out before knowing something pretty basic about her (that she has a boyfriend).

Then again, maybe she was deliberately withholding that information, but if she told you she misses him, to me that's a pretty clear signal that she's not interested.

And to all those people who are suggesting that he "cast a net as wide as possible" by serially asking out women and hoping for a good response: If you treat women like fish in the sea, you'll end up with a tuna.

Obviously if I misjudged you, I don't fully understand the situation you're in, and I'll admit that I have seen the net-casting approach work. I don't claim to be the only person here speaking from experience, but I am in university like you, and I do have a lot of female friends, and I have been on my share of dates, and I am in a relationship now.

I second the advice about not going to a movie theatre because it's too much of a formal date, especially if you're not sure if the person likes you.

Keep us posted.

Like I said, we'd already hung out a bit, and she never mentioned her boyfriend. I'm not sure what that means.

Congrats on the new avatar Possumdude. (at least I've never seen it before)

Also, if I had opened a thread like this, it would have been titled "I am an idiot.", so I think you are much better off than I am

I was once told by a few people that "not mentioning boyfriend" means they like you and wish to leave their boyfriend. However, I know this chick who did that, but it turned out there was no way in hell she's going to leave her boyfriend.

So, in my limited experience, it means nothing.

It means she wasn't really female.

Whoa! I dodged a bullet!

Thanks. It's just a scaled down version of my desktop wallpaper.

Couldn't it be that she just wants to be friends ?

I agree with Ariesnl. You took her out for lunch instead to your room.

No! She would have mentioned "my boyfriend" in the first sentence she uttered.

I think she got disappointed and decided to mention it. From now on, "my boyfriend" will be in every sentence.

Regarding the "my boyfriend" thing... I have done it before too... Not mentioning "my boyfriend" even though I was happy with him. I just hate talking about my boyfriend right away because then it will make me look like I think that any guy who hangs out with me wants to start a relationship with me or get in my pants. Sooo... Don't listen to these guys.

A few years ago I made the realization that every girl I've ever hung out with was somebody I that liked. Some more than others, but IIRC I liked them all.

That doesn't include girls that somehow shared mutual friends; only girls that I consciously chose to hang out with.

So maybe you should think that to some extent.

There's a reason you think this. It's true.

The "Gaw! what you think every guy is trying to get in your pants or something!? Geez you're so stuck on yourself" defense is merely a reaction to throw off the shame and anxiety we get. We actually do want in your pants, but we try and pretend that we care.

Which reminds me of a joke:
"Why do girls fake orgasims?"
"Because they think we care."*

_{(Old, I know, but hey, work with me here.)}

Ok guys, thanks for the clarification.

Don't get me wrong; I'm sincere in my friendship with women, but why would I want to be friends with a girl that I didn't like?

Just a grammar thing that bugs me, and I've seen it here on a.cc a lot lately. It's try to, not try and!!! If you are going to pretend, there's no need to try.

And yes, almost every single guy out there goes out with women (one on one) because they want to score. (Of course not everybody is looking for something instant; there are many who actually do want to have a normal relationship first. But hardly any guy goes out with a woman just because he wants to socialize with her for absolutely no reason.)

And if more women understood that, this thread may have never existed.

I 2nd martial art.

Thats one of the confidence builder that humans use. beat the crap out of some one then go talk to the girl you want to get with.

even knowing you can beat the crap out of someone (with out doing it)
works as a confidence booster.

me... i never make friends with girls.

The only way a girl can end up being my friend is if she is the sister of one of my friend. in that case i see her as a sister and nothing more. This is one of my self imposed rules.

Only one of my friends has a sister of dateable age, and I have to say I'd do it in a heartbeat. He's okay with it though, because we both know she'd never go out with me.

you don't have younger sisters? my guess

edit:

or you could have to many younger sisters.

I have one older sister, and one older brother, and that's all of my siblings. So far I'm the only one who hasn't made my mom a grandmother.

that why you would get with your friends sister in a hard beat. mite be some other factors that make me see my friends sisters as my own sisters.

I wouldn't quite put it like that, although a marital art sure helps build up your confidence which is a good thing when dealing with girls (knowing you can look after yourself is good for your confidence).

What I had in mind was that when training, because most martial arts are contact-sports, you break down physical barriers with your ukis (the people you're training with), and in a physical sense, this brings you closer together. Also, because of the intensity of the experience, if you're enjoying it, it brings down the psychological barriers as well. If you've had a good session and the club is a sociable one (everyone goes out for drinks afterwards), your shyness is reduced when in the company of the others. Also, if your club takes part in competitions with other clubs, that leads to further bonding. In the Jiu-Jitsu clubs I've trained in, pairing off amongst the members was common.

AE.

i gave it raw.

the more confidence you have, the more girls you can maintain.

thats why you have to beat girls off of you with a long stick, when your dealing with one girl.

Awesome typo

As anyone who practices martial arts should know : It's not for beating someone up ...
It does however build your confidence that's true

Sprung

That's like saying "water is wet".

Am I right in guessing that you changed your name because you told the girl about what a swell bunch of advice-spouting guys we were, and wanted her to see you in this thread? My other theory is that this is not your real name and you suddenly became paranoid that she might change her opinion of you if she saw you looking for relationship advice on a programming forum. Either way, I've had to change my .sig

AE.

I asked Mathew about changing my name before I even met her, he just now got around to doing it.

Beating up someone at 'martial arts class' ( when you are only simulating hits) is A LOT diffrent from a real fight.

Fight at <martial arts name> training != real fight. I saw many people that trained martial arts for years get beat up like dogs by those that just know how to use their fists. Its diffrent.

I have three weeks of formal martial arts training and I fight better than most of the people I've been in fights with. Although I don't think they had any real training either. I know my uncle has some martial arts, and he can kick my ass every time we spar.

back on-topic.. How is it going with your female friend?

oh, he beat her with his marital arts skills

Except for randomly passing on campus, I haven't seen her much lately. Basically, she said "boyfriend" and I gave up. Even if I could manage to steal her from him, by the time I actually did it would be almost time for her to move back home. I think I mentioned earlier that I found out she's only here for one semester. I've decided to look a little closer to home.