This must be part of my lack of social prowess; the only info I see is that she's beautiful, called Amber and doesn't hesitate to give out her phone number — but in the head of a pro, it all translates into someone nice. Just wow.

Epsi: For now, see my sig.
(And you too, CK!)

The biggest thing I've learnt about women is that when you try to explain yourself out of trouble, you just get into more trouble. That's why you should stop getting your knickers in a twist. All this worrying will work against you. It was new year's eve for god's sake. People get drunk on new year's eve. She probably got drunk too.

Just go to work and pretend nothing happened. Look sharp and act normal. And if she ends up with some other dude, get over it. There are plenty more hoes where she came from.

You will have dozens of failures for every success. Learn from your mistakes and don't despair. And remember, no matter how beautiful, intelligent or cute the girl you are looking at right now is, you will meet another even more beautiful, intelligent or cute next month. Just ask married people.

I just read once again your story, and I couldn't find anything in it that you could be regretful about. If she thinks you behaved like a jerk, she most sure will think you are a jerk in the future, too. Or you could go on trying your best not to behave like you want to behave, just to satisfy her.

Then she is very stupid. I mean, if she forms her opinion on whether you apologize or not. You really should expect her to answer the apology with something: "Don't even think about it" or "For what?". But if you see the slightest nuance of "Great, now I have a hook on him" in her reaction, run. Run fast!

Well, in the end, I did exactly what Matthew told me. Thanks Matthew! I walked right up to her and said "Look here, hoe. I'll do whatever I darn 'tooten please. Make me a sandwedge." It worked beautifully. I've even got this cool certificate that says something like "order" on it. I can't recall the first word, something with an "r." I don't know. But the day went very well!

...

I want opinions from people with different perspectives than my own. I'm not going to wholeheartedly take anyones advice.

That's what I have trouble with. I know for a fact that it's true but I seem to be very short-sighted at times thinking "if I bomb this, I'm screwed for who-knows-how-long." Which just makes me nervous and actually does adversely affect me.

That's not a bad idea. Though, I think I just need practice.

With all of this, I'm not screwing up because I'm crazy and I've got a few screws loose. Well... I am a little crazy, but that's in regard completely different things--not women. I'm screwing up because, well, I have no experience with women due to uncontrollable circumstances of my raising. So all I really need to do is try my best. I just need to try.

Now for the update: I went into work today and it turns out she hasn't checked her voicemail yet. So I explained a little that I'm not good at leaving messages so they'll probably seem a little funny. So she said she'd be sure to listen to them for the laugh. Hah. She also said to call her.

One of my problems is that I try to reherse things in my mind beforehand, but then I get so caught up in memorizing what I need to say I end up getting nervous thinking "what if I forget." I've got to find a way to get myself to wing everything. It always turns out better that way.

That's rough, but I've beat that. I've been so drunk that I've professed my undying love for a lesbian and tried to convince her to be straight. I had a hang over for two days after that.
I would recommend telling her the flat out truth, of course. Tell her you were really hung over and that you apologize and feel bad for calling her (if you do ). I've called my gf a couple times in the wee hours of the morning and said a ton of stupid shit. One time I called her from my cell phone when I was in the pool. With the cell phone... I also lost that cellphone later that night. Along with my credit card. The credit card showed up the next morning in the middle of the road where I had a drunken wrestling match with my cousin and a friend on the cement. I had cuts and scrapes everywhere.

My new years resolution is to quit drinking (and has been since new years, not since this post ). I had two corona's and some wine on new years eve, and don't intend on drinking until our next office party

I have spent so much money on alcohol. At one point I was spending close to $1,000 per month. $5/beer at the casino, 8 beers = $40, 3-6 days per week = ~$160 * 4 = $640 + a case of rickards per week ($34).
Of course, when you're buying in for $400 per night and often winning or losing thousands, you don't really notice it there... but I certainly do now!

All I have to show for the thousands of dollars I've spent on booze is the receipts for the horrible, expensive mistakes I've made while doing it. I quit.

Oh yeah.. and I got the nick name Andy Garcia, too. At an office christmas party, after about 10 beers, we played a game for some little prizes and I won a little felt pouch. It reminded me of the movie Half Baked where the guy buys "Jerry Garcia in a bag.. man" and he got it from "Andia Garcia, his brother.. man", so for the majority of the night I was pissed up saying "Hey man, I got Andy Garcia in a bag, man.. yeah!" in my best slurred impersonation of a stoner...
Made an ass of myself at the last office party too (well, the one before last).. got all drunk, played DDR, and was beating everyone in VS mode even while on a difficulty above them. So I said "Hey! I'll even kick your ass while chugging a beer"... and I did! But as soon as the song was over, and the beer, I ran to the bathroom to vomit.
Total. Mess. I missed the toilet completely and it was very projectile.
When someone asked "Where did he puke?" my bosses wife (who insisted on cleaning it up when I asked for some cleaning supplies) said "It would be easier to tell you where he DIDN'T puke"

Booze sucks.

ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLEEEENNNNNGGGEEE!!!!??!?

thats rough but ive like totally beat that omg lol
ive been like so totally drunk that ive asked out a les lol and tried to convince her 2 b str8 lol
i had a hang over for two days lol
i wud tell her the truth
tell her u got 2 totally smashed the night before lol and were like so fucking hung over
apologize and feel bad for calling her
omg ive called my gf a couple times in the wee hours of the morning and said a ton of stupid shit
1 time i called her from my cell phone when i was in the pool with the cell phone
later i lost that cellphone that night with my credit card
the credit card showed up the next morning in the middle of the road where i totally had a drunken wrestling match with my cuz and a friend on the cement i had like sooo many cuts and scrapes lol

k
takin 2 long 2 do the rest thx

DAMMIT! I should have realized that from the wording in your post. My post wasn't really.. a story. It was like, totally a rant omg.

shoots valley girl derezo

Felt like a hangover, but it was probably alcohol poisoning. The two of us finished 36 beers, a mickey of southern comfort and 26oz of Blue Curacao

Blue Curacao + Lemonade + 7up = mmMMmm...

Apparently Mickey is a Canadian term I had no idea.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mickey

375ml bottle.

You call 7up lemonade? Weird...

lem·on·ade (lěm'ə-nād')
n. A drink made of lemon juice, water, and sugar.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lemonade

Blue Curacao straight is pretty gross. That's like eating cool-aid without adding water!