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quick joke
Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Dear Customer:

PLEASE NOTE:

From 30th August 2004 the drug Viagra will be known by its chemical name.

Please ask your Pharmacist to prescribe Mycoxaflopin.

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Hello and welcome to LAST YE*gets clobbered*

--
Since 2008-Jun-18, democracy in Sweden is dead. | 悪霊退散!悪霊退散!怨霊、物の怪、困った時は ドーマン!セーマン!ドーマン!セーマン! 直ぐに呼びましょう陰陽師レッツゴー!

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote:

quick joke

I thought I forbid ... forbud ... forbided ... prohibited you from posting these. :P ;)

--
Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Quote:

forbid

forbade.

--
Since 2008-Jun-18, democracy in Sweden is dead. | 悪霊退散!悪霊退散!怨霊、物の怪、困った時は ドーマン!セーマン!ドーマン!セーマン! 直ぐに呼びましょう陰陽師レッツゴー!

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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No one ever expects the grammar nazi!

Trumgottist
Member #95
April 2000
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Richard: Really? I guess that statement is true if you expect the unexpected, but if you expect the expected you should always expect the grammar nazi.

--
"I always prefer to believe the best of everybody - it saves so much time." - Rudyard Kipling

Play my game: Frasse and the Peas of Kejick

Johan Halmén
Member #1,550
September 2001

clobbers X-G

Wife in the morning: "Would you like some breakfast? I could make some egg and bacon."
Husband: "No thanks. Viagra wipes away any thought of food."

Wife at noon: "It's lunch time. How about some pasta and a fresh sallad..."
Husband: "No thanks. I'm not hungry. Viagra takes the hunger away."

Wife at afternoon: "I could make some dinner. I have two delicious fillets that I could make with..."
Husband: "No thanks. Maybe later, if I get hungry. Viagra seems to wipe off my hunger."

Wife late in the evening: "We could order some pizza for supper. Could you pass me the phone, please?"
Husband: "No, not for me. I'm not hungry. Viagra..."
Wife: "Well, move your body then! I'm going to make a sandwich for me!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years of thorough research have revealed that the red "x" that closes a window, really isn't red, but white on red background.

Years of thorough research have revealed that what people find beautiful about the Mandelbrot set is not the set itself, but all the rest.

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
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I don't get it...

-----sig:
“Programs should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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They've been "at it" all that time.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Johan Halmén
Member #1,550
September 2001

[OT]
Read sometimes someone's post and imagine that the avatar figure is saying it. Like Chris Katko's and Thomas Fjellström's posts above. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years of thorough research have revealed that the red "x" that closes a window, really isn't red, but white on red background.

Years of thorough research have revealed that what people find beautiful about the Mandelbrot set is not the set itself, but all the rest.

Adol
Member #2,328
May 2002
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JH: That's hillarious ;D

Derezo
Member #1,666
April 2001
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What about me you clickity gizmo?

I don't find too many viagra jokes all that funny, really. Maybe it's because I'm a wrickled old man with billions of dollars. ;)

For example, this one's just stupid:
A man with a toothache goes to the dentist. After examining the man, the dentist says "That tooth has got to come out now. I'm going to give you some novocaine to numb you."
"No way", says the man. "I'm terrified of needles."
"I'll have to use the gas, then."
"Absolutely not. I'll be sick for days!"
The dentist steps out of the office, and comes back in with a glass of water and a pill. "Here, take this viagra," he says.
"Will that numb the pain?" asks the man.
"No, but it will give you something to squeeze while I pull your tooth."

::)

Here's a better one.

A priest walks by a hooker who shouts "Hey, father, I'll give you a blow job for 10 bucks!"
Embarrassed he continues walking and bumps into a nun from his church. "Perhaps you can help me, sister," he says. "What's a blow job?"
"10 bucks," she replies. "Same as everywhere else."

;)

Here's a REALLY good one.. well, not really good.. but I laughed.
A man in the back of a cab taps the driver on the shoulder. The driver freaks out, loses control of the vehicle and swirves on the sidewalk. He stops inches away from a lamp post.
After checking to make sure the passenger is ok, the driver says, "I'm sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."
"Sorry. I didn't realize a tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.
"No, it's not your fault," replies the cabbie. "Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

;D

"He who controls the stuffing controls the Universe"

Adol
Member #2,328
May 2002
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Quote:

"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

Took me a second to get that one... I thought you mispelled horse or something at first.

Derezo
Member #1,666
April 2001
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heh, cuz he use to drive dead people around! ;)

Oh wait.. the second was up? Oh well.

"He who controls the stuffing controls the Universe"

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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GameCreator
Member #2,541
July 2002
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That hearse joke was good.
Now move along... :P

23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote:

That hearse joke was good.

Yeah; it was about time a funny one got posted. ;D

--
Software Development == Church Development
Step 1. Build it.
Step 2. Pray.

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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Really? That was funny? Maybe slightly amusing. :)

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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no, not everyone is a critic... this
{"name":"Picture_Jay_1b.gif","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/d\/d\/ddfcd919f6c4377f88d3e70d1a6fe2eb.gif","w":261,"h":288,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/d\/d\/ddfcd919f6c4377f88d3e70d1a6fe2eb"}Picture_Jay_1b.gif
is a critic.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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A cartoon critic. But still a critic.

He's Mr J Sherman. "The Critic". An awesome Fox prime time cartoon. :)

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Johan Halmén
Member #1,550
September 2001

I went to www.dictionary.com to check out the word hearse. I got some strange answers. Then I noticed that either my slow connection, my slow machine or my junky keyboard had dropped off the two first letters. :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years of thorough research have revealed that the red "x" that closes a window, really isn't red, but white on red background.

Years of thorough research have revealed that what people find beautiful about the Mandelbrot set is not the set itself, but all the rest.

Reno Midgar
Member #4,792
July 2004
avatar

Sorry, couldn't resist telling this one:

A man with no arms or legs is laying on a beach. 3 young women walk up. The first women says "Aww you poor man, have you ever been hugged?"
The man says "no" so the women gives him a hug. The second woman says "Have you ever been kissed?". The man says "no, I haven't" so the woman gives him a kiss. The third woman says "have you ever been f*cked?" The mans face lights up and he says "no, I've NEVER been f*cked!". The woman says "well you are now, the tides coming in!"

BOOM BOOM!

Do you beleive in Time Travel?

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