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rings
Elias
Member #358
May 2000

I'm thinking about buying this for €1370 (about $1906). The ring is 18 carat (75%) white gold. The diamond in the middle is 0.28 carat, and there's seven small 0.15 carat diamonds on either side.

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What kind of engagement rings did others here buy? Am I being too cheap? (Supposedly it should be worth 2 month incomes...) On the other hand, this will probably be the most expensive single item I bought in my life so far, neither my computers nor phones were ever more than €1000 and I never needed a car yet.

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Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

The whole diamond ring thing is a scam. I think she'll be happy with an even much simpler ring. Get her what you want to get her. Not what De Beers wants you to buy.

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Karadoc ~~
Member #2,749
September 2002
avatar

I think this is a fairly personal question, and it depends on you and your relationship with your partner. It can be very different for different people.

For me, I've been with my partner for a bit over a third of my life and we don't intend to marry at all. If we did decide to marry, I don't think there would be any engagement ring at all. Those kind of social conventions are not an important part of our relationship or a part of who we are as people. So for me, the correct price to pay for an engagement ring would be $0 - but not everyone is like that.

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Onewing
Member #6,152
August 2005
avatar

The only sentiment you've provided is "most expensive single item I bought in my life so far", stating "I am willing to spend more on this than anything else I've ever considered," which I think is a good approach to your confidence on the buy...which also means you can go about €369 cheaper. ;)

The rest is, of course, completely personal. Does she like white gold? Do you think she will be excited to have this or is it not enough? Have you talked to any of her friends about it?

As long as you feel like you're not straining the bank, it's a good buy. But, if this is 2 month's income...I hope you've saved up a nice reserve!

Delivery is the most important part. You could probably sell an onion ring with the right approach. ;)

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Jonatan Hedborg
Member #4,886
July 2004
avatar

Elias said:

Supposedly it should be worth 2 month incomes

That literally comes from an ad campaign from De Beers. But hey, if it makes you and her happy, go for it.

SonShadowCat
Member #1,548
September 2001
avatar

Don't get something too expensive. She's just going to take half your assets in a few years, anyway.

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
avatar

Elias said:

Am I being too cheap? (Supposedly it should be worth 2 month incomes...)

That's because:

Quote:

The idea that a man should spend a significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated de novo from De Beers marketing materials in the mid-20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds. In the 1930s, they suggested that a man should spend the equivalent of one month's income in the engagement ring; later they suggested that he should spend two months' income on it.[32] In 2007, the average cost of an engagement ring in USA as reported by the industry was US$2,100.[33]

If you're wife loves you, price tag shouldn't mean jack all. That being said, my wife's cost ~$400 and she loves it more than anything else physical on this Earth.

It's a personal decision. So talk with your SO about it, keeping in mind you've both been raised by a marketing campaign, and if you still really think having a gigantic, expensive, shining sign that says "please rob my wife at gun point", go for it.

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Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

I think its more about what the ring says, than what the ring is worth.

also:

Nicky Oppenheimer, chairman of De Beer's said:

Diamonds are intrinsically worthless

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"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

furinkan
Member #10,271
October 2008
avatar

Preemptive congratulations!

EDIT:

Also @Chris K: ;D

EDIT2:

SonShadowCat, and everyone else made me laugh too. :/

Johan Halmén
Member #1,550
September 2001

How much is she going to spend on you?

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Yodhe23
Member #8,726
June 2007

As others have said, you are getting ripped off. But it's your money do what you want with even if it is buying a ring that is only worth perhaps $500 at most.

De Beers chairman Nicky Oppenheimer said it best: "diamonds are intrinsically worthless, except for the deep psychological need they fill."

www.justanotherturn.com

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

What? That puny thing? Man, do you love your woman or what? A real ring should cost you an arm, a leg and at least a years worth of salary. Start thinking about a payment plan.

But seriously, think about some important things that money could buy. Not some vain shit that wont matter in the future. If it's a shitty brass ring or made from platinum it makes no difference. The love is still there. Don't be a cheap ass if you feel it would hurt the relationship, but don't overdo it simply because your euphoric from having finally found a girl. Use reason as your guide.

In capitalist America bank robs you.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
avatar

Unfortunately most women--even those who are otherwise not materialistic--really want an expensive ring, and if you don't give them one, it's something that they will bring up the rest of your relationship. So from that perspective, $1900 is definitely worth it if makes her happy and avoids ridiculous lifetime arguments.

I wouldn't take the whole "two months" thing seriously. I'd just pick something in the style that she likes. While I would begrudgingly buy a ring if I were to propose to someone, I would definitely ask her outright what kind she wanted and how expensive she expects it to be. But that's just how I operate; I don't care about the surprise factor.

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

I've heard there are Jewelry stores that will give you a loaner for the actual surprise, but then you can then go buy/select the real ring with your fiance after. If you're into the surprise, that seems like the best route.

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Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
avatar

Unfortunately most women--even those who are otherwise not materialistic--really want an expensive ring, and if you don't give them one, it's something that they will bring up the rest of your relationship. So from that perspective, $1900 is definitely worth it if makes her happy and avoids ridiculous lifetime arguments.

When it comes to women, it's much better to phrase it in a way that says you'd prefer to spend that money on them in ways that will last a lifetime.

Also bringing up the horrific and still important issue of blood diamonds can make one rethink how valuable a rock is if it means people are raped, murdered, and enslaved and it's still going on, right now on the other side of the world.

The most important part is, if you're going into it from a perspective of "I want to be cheap", it's going to show. But if you're honestly going at it from a perspective of, "I want to focus on what truly matters in our relationship more than some silly rock." It'll show too. If you're honest and open in your relationship, she's going to care more about the context than the actions. Who you are, and what you're trying to accomplish matters more than the things you buy her.

So if you really think spending $2,000 on a ring is okay, and you've discussed it with your SO, that's fine. But if you don't like the idea of spending that much, figure out what you think is a reasonable price, discuss it with your SO, and spent that.

Personally, I've always stressed I'd rather have a real "good marriage" than a failed glamorous marriage, and my wife really tuned into that. But that's also her personality. It's not like I made her flip-a-180. Her ring isn't crazy, huge, and exotic. It's simple, pretty, and fits her personality perfectly.

-----sig:
“Programs should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

Elias
Member #358
May 2000

Vanneto said:

That puny thing?

She couldn't wear a big rock because she's a flute player and needs some finger mobility. So yes, have to pick a puny delicate one :)

Looking at Wikipedia, seems De Beer's market share is below 40% nowadays, so the whole blood diamond issue should be a thing of the past. And looks like synthetic diamonds can be made for cheap now as well.

But yeah, there basically won't be much resell value in the ring. I hope she'll wear it for many years anyway so shouldn't be a big issue :)

--
"Either help out or stop whining" - Evert

Yodhe23
Member #8,726
June 2007

"Looking at Wikipedia, seems De Beer's market share is below 40% nowadays, so the whole blood diamond issue should be a thing of the past."

IT ISN'T A THING OF THE PAST.

However it does mean that you should perhaps think of getting a secondhand/reconditioned ring instead.

www.justanotherturn.com

Elias
Member #358
May 2000

I think it is. Those mines should be normal mines like any other.

As of 1 July 2013, there were 54 participants in the KPCS representing 81 countries, with the European Union counting as a single participant. The participants include all major rough diamond producing, exporting and importing countries.
[1]

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"Either help out or stop whining" - Evert

Yodhe23
Member #8,726
June 2007

You are entitled to think what you like, but I suggest doing a bit more research than wiki, as it is certainly an ongoing issue. Certainly in the last ten years there has been a lot of international publicity and pressure, but a significant portion of diamonds still have people's blood on them. Certainly ask for the providence of the diamond, and its' history (if they can't provide that, then go somewhere else).

www.justanotherturn.com

beoran
Member #12,636
March 2011

I just got one out of 18 carat white gold in a shape that I knew she liked. There was a tiny diamond in there, but not too much so it didn't cost an arm and a leg. I bought it because I knew it was something personal. And because I knew that we'd need the money harder for furniture, kitchen equipment, etc. I did ask my love in an unusual and romantic location. That's far more important than the ring, IMO, the setting. Don't do it in a cliché place like a restaurant, try something a bit more unusual. :)

Polybios
Member #12,293
October 2010

If you're the kind of people who like such things, you could also make it yourselves. There are goldsmiths who offer courses for couples or who offer to guide / supervise you.

StevenVI
Member #562
July 2000
avatar

It's a personal decision. So talk with your SO about it, keeping in mind you've both been raised by a marketing campaign, and if you still really think having a gigantic, expensive, shining sign that says "please rob my wife at gun point", go for it.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I do not think that you are being too cheap, and would be rather cautious about going any higher myself.

I can't find a picture at the moment, and it was six years ago now, but I believe that I bought a ring with a .75 ct center stone and other side stones bringing it up to 1.05 ct total, in 18k white gold.

I paid a little bit less than you did ($1700 maybe?), though bear in mind that the center diamond wasn't perfect. I assume you know all the junk about how to pick a diamond, so I won't repeat it here. Aside from a house and a minivan, the engagement ring is still the single most expensive purchase I have ever made.

I think that the two months' wages line is just something that jewelry sellers tell kids to get them to cough up more cash.

When I bought the ring, I was probably living below the poverty line as a TA in grad school. I made $11,300 for 9 months of work, and according to the marketers, I should have spent about $2500 on the ring. Doesn't that sound absurdly high, especially for someone with such a low income?

Compare that to now, where I'm absolutely rolling in money. I can't even find a ring that costs more than 1/3 of two months' wages. And I don't think my bank would let me make such a large purchase even if I wanted to, without jumping through many hoops. At this extreme too, that's quite ridiculous to try to spend that much money on a single item.

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Elias
Member #358
May 2000

Yeah, it's hard to find more expensive ones which still are delicate looking. If I want a 1.0 ct diamond it's very easy to spend a lot more though.

The 0.28 one in my case is rather small, but the total with the 14 tiny ones would be 2.38. So yeah, it's really hard to get an idea about their actual material costs. There's no doubt the jewelery store will earn a lot :)

I'm not sure what my bank would say, but I'm already in the process of trying to siphon enough money out of ATMs. There's a daily limit of 400€ and a weekly limit of 1200€, so by next week I should have enough.

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"Either help out or stop whining" - Evert

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

StevenVI said:

Compare that to now, where I'm absolutely rolling in money. I can't even find a ring that costs more than 1/3 of two months' wages. And I don't think my bank would let me make such a large purchase even if I wanted to, without jumping through many hoops. At this extreme too, that's quite ridiculous to try to spend that much money on a single item.

The Jewelry store would be happy to get you on a payment plan!

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
avatar

Been married 29 years now, I never bought an engagement ring. I got her a nice one for our 10th anniversary, but otherwise. If you look up the history of these things, the whole idea of an engagement ring was made up by the jewellery industry. They tried to get some other ideas to catch on as well that didn't.

I personally don't even wear a wedding band anymore, bothers my finger. My wife on the otherhand has a ton of them on hers. ;D :)

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