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| How to find sane people in one's place of residence |
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Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000
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Thank you damage. You certainly know how to be as unhelpful as possible. To everyone who has suggested joining a club: I said: By the way, I've already asked my dad about social clubs, and he didn't think there were any. Nightclubs don't count; the music is great but people get drunk and annoying there. There is a further development: the few people I do know all think I'm 'stiff'. For instance, I refuse to smoke or drink. I refuse to get a mobile phone. I don't trust people to do things right - and for good reason: the violent-minded idiot I mentioned in my first post offered to put a DVD I'd been watching back on while he and a few other people were still in the room, but I wanted to watch it properly when they'd gone. I am not ashamed of being 'stiff'. But since everyone around here thinks it's wrong, it's getting to me. Maybe I should flee to Cheddar, where my mum lives. At least then I'll be able to find some people I knew from school, and I know they are more understanding than the people I know around here ... I'll add that this thread essentially describes X-G's predicament too. Contrary to popular belief, he doesn't want to be depressed. He, like me, needs people to talk to. His defeatist attitude is due to a lack of such people, amongst other things. He gets depressed, and most people, including me in the past, don't understand why. When people fail to understand his predicament, he feels as if the argument is unresolved, so the argument comes up again worse than before, and he gets more depressed. If you think he wants to be depressed, either you are lucky to have good friends or you are lucky enough not to need them; my advice is to take his word for it on such matters. -- |
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote: I am not ashamed of being 'stiff'. But since everyone around here thinks it's wrong, it's getting to me. I don't think it's wrong. I don't call that "stiff", I call it "responsible" -- |
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the_y_man
Member #1,770
December 2001
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Do people dislike you? |
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Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000
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I scare girls off. I shall henceforth refer to the violent-minded person as Mike, even though his real name is actually Mike. Mike's girlfriend first met me on that occasion with the DVD, and she is apparently wary of me. I don't know the exact reason, but I think it has something to do with me saying, "No, I'll do it," when Mike offered to put the DVD back on for me. Mike says I was "funny with him about the remote". It probably also has a lot to do with my overall manner (my attempts to suppress shyness probably made me look shifty as usual), or the way I sounded ruder than I meant to when Mike asked me what I was up to and I said, "I was watching a DVD until you came in." Also, I was talking on MSN to a girl I know from Cambridge. I quote: "the trouble is, you don't say a lot in person, so [people] probably think you dislike them ... I know I worried about that when I first met you". Yves: Mike dislikes me. He thinks I said some very nasty things on that night when he was drunk, and I know for a fact that I didn't. But he needs a few days away from me, so it sounds as if it affected him more than it affected me. Serves him right, the b***d. I don't think anyone else dislikes me, but supposedly they get the impression I dislike them, even when I don't. By the way, see the paragraph I added to my last post about X-G. -- |
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Derezo
Member #1,666
April 2001
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Quote: Like Harry Carey said, join a Church, where better to find sane people?
Was that sarcasm? Quote: I scare girls off.
I hear that.. same problem here. Really, I'd suggest loosening up a bit. Everything in moderation, anyway. "He who controls the stuffing controls the Universe" |
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Marcello
Member #1,860
January 2002
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If the place sucks, move. I live nearby the university year-round, so it's not so bad. Now if it's an attitude thing, I can't really say anything, since I don't know you in person. But if everyone you know just gets drunk all the time, sounds like the wrong crowd to live around, if you ask me. Then again, isn't that England in a nutshell? I'm not personally familiar with that aspect of british lifestyle, but that's what I understand. The cambridge crowd must be a bit more, civil? Marcello |
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the_y_man
Member #1,770
December 2001
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Quote: I scare girls off.
From observance, i have noticed that if a guy is known to scare off girls, something is wrong with him. (dont take my comment offensively). Try not to be so stiff, change a bit, accomodate others, find different hobbies. And if you think that certain ppl dislike (even if they initialy dont), the fact that you are thinking it, will make them dislike you (Trust me on that one, refer the Andrei's thread about the mind and it's powers...) Watch Diana disagree with me (i know her well, she's my twin after all) |
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Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000
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23yrold3yrold: I agree it's responsible to refuse to smoke or drink. Is it also responsible to refuse to get a mobile phone? I also have a question. Suppose you're a nonsmoker and don't approve of smoking. Let's say someone asks you to go to the shop and get some cigarette papers for him (for rolling your own). The 'I don't feel like going to the shop now' excuse is unavailable because you've already stated that you're full of energy. Now, do you get the cigarette papers or do you refuse? Derezo, I'm willing to bet that you become very annoying to sober people when you're drunk. I'm sure it is much easier to say things. Over and over again. The closest I ever came to getting drunk was when my drinks were spiked on my 18th birthday. I was given three vodka and orange juice drinks over the course of three hours, and when I commented on the not-so-nice taste I was told that the orange juice had gone off. Mum picked me up at the end of the evening and said she wasn't aware of any difference. Yves said: Try not to be so stiff, change a bit, accomodate others, Oh, sure! I'll drop whatever I'm doing and sacrifice all privacy every time my brother decides to invite a very undesirable person round without telling me! Quote: find different hobbies. Such as? Quote: And if you think that certain ppl dislike (even if they initialy dont), the fact that you are thinking it, will make them dislike you Rest assured that that has not happened. I never had any idea that people thought I disliked them, until recently. I haven't met any new people since then. -- |
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StevenVI
Member #562
July 2000
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You probably in reality don't scare them off, you just feel like you do. You think you do. It's all psychological. Think that people like you and things will start to change. The only people I've known who seriously scare girls off are major donkeyholes. One was so obsessed with sex he prolly never noticed that the opposite gender has a head on it, too. The other thinks that he was has been given the divine right to every woman on the planet. Because of this, he will never have a girlfriend. He scares them all off. I think I may have to beat him up next semester... I understand that it's "cool" and all to make fun of religions (except for Islam, of course, because that would be insensitive) in the current western culture, but why brush off such a suggestion so quickly? That's pretty closed-minded. Granted that some people do distort their religions and turn them into wacky things, but there are plenty of people who follow them as they were meant to be, and don't just blindly reject any new ideas. Generally speaking, people who follow a religion -- any religion (this is not including cults, which totally distort everything, usually for the benefit of the leader, or anti-religions, which take the "bad" side of a religion and promote it as good) will have a set of moral guidelines that they follow. They'll try to be the best people that they can be. People who laugh and say religion is for the weak are the type of people who hate their job and whine about it until the weekend, during which they spend the entire time intoxicated to "escape the pain." Now granted these are certainly not laws, there can certainly be people with morals who are atheistic, but religions are the largest center for people to get moral standards from. Therefore, people who follow a religion are more likely to be moral people, and therefore, religious people are probably the type that someone (for example, me) would rather spend time with. If given the choice, I'd rather hang out with someone who goes to any form of a church regularly, than with someone who hangs out in a bar regularly. -Steve __________________________________________________ |
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote: Is it also responsible to refuse to get a mobile phone? If you have a good reason. I refuse to get a mobile phone too; it's not like anyone ever calls me Quote: Let's say someone asks you to go to the shop and get some cigarette papers for him (for rolling your own). The 'I don't feel like going to the shop now' excuse is unavailable because you've already stated that you're full of energy. Now, do you get the cigarette papers or do you refuse? I tell you a story. My dad (when I was living with him) used to send me across the street to the Safeway (chain of Canadian grocery stores) for his smokes and coffee. One day, when I had been off on my own for a few months and he was moving into a smaller place himself, he asked me (who was helping him move) to get him some coffee from the 7-11. I go there. I don't see the usual stuff. I come back and say so. He tells me to try the IGA. I go over there. Same deal. I come back and find out what I'm looking for is a Safeway-only brand. What!? Well what the hell do I know about coffee? So he sends me to the 7-11 again (it's closer) to see if they actually did have what he wanted ... and they didn't. Another trip to the IGA. Ah, there we go. Got it now. Long story short; run your own damn chores! If he wants smokes stuff, he should go get it And I see no reason why you should accommodate others if they won't accommodate (Hulk smash cookie!) you. It sucks when you're the only one making the compromises. Quote: Therefore, people who follow a religion are more likely to be moral people, and therefore, religious people are probably the type that someone (for example, me) would rather spend time with. If given the choice, I'd rather hang out with someone who goes to any form of a church regularly, than with someone who hangs out in a bar regularly. In the broad strokes, I agree with this, but a church-based group is likely to engage in religion-based activities (Bible studies, for example). If you're not going to enjoy your time in the "club" (and if BP isn't a theist (which I'm not sure about), he won't), why join it? -- |
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X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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wearetheborg
Queen of the Universe
June 2003
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BP said: Suppose you're a nonsmoker and don't approve of smoking. Let's say someone asks you to go to the shop and get some cigarette papers for him (for rolling your own). The 'I don't feel like going to the shop now' excuse is unavailable because you've already stated that you're full of energy. Now, do you get the cigarette papers or do you refuse? I would just refuse and tell them how I feel about smoking. When my friends (who haven't turned 19 yet) ask me to buy them alcohol, I always say NO. I'd rather have them think that I'm stuck up than have that kind of responsability. Quote: Try not to be so stiff, change a bit...
I wouln't try changing if I were living among drunken idiots. If there's anything that needs to be changed, I would say that it's bad attitude and bad habits. If you are weird by nature (I'm not referring to anybody in particular) then who cares? yves said: From observance, i have noticed that if a guy is known to scare off girls, something is wrong with him. Says the girlfriendless man who has managed to scare off quite a few of my friends.
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote: When my friends (who haven't turned 19 yet) ask me to buy them alcohol, I always say NO. I used to do that when kids asked me to buy them smokes. -- |
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the_y_man
Member #1,770
December 2001
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Quote: Says the girlfriendless man who has managed to scare off quite a few of my friends. The ones i scared off were the ones i didnt like. I am girlfriendless now, but i dont remember it being so in the past...And that was i lie, i get along with all your friends except for one..the one that smells like B.O. |
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X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Myself said: [19:41] <Bloodcookie> And also, you now see how these things have a tendency to attract well-meaning but ultimately worthless and frustrating advice :roll:
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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"::)" indeed. This is good advice -- |
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X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Right, with one vital flaw. I agree that you should stand up for yourself, not support habits you don't approve of, and most of all he shouldn't change his so-called "stiff" behaviour. It is indeed others that need to change. However, you can't change other people like that ... -- |
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Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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I'd rather be alone then to have stupid friends. I don't drink or smoke, nor would I buy the substances for anyone. If someone doesn't like you because you don't want to get a mobile phone (?) then they aren't worth liking. Now, I do have some nice friends (although I still prefer to be alone), but then I go to church and I've met them all from there. |
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote: However, you can't change other people like that ... Don't recall saying he could. All I'm saying is he should feel no need to compromise his principles for idiots. -- |
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Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000
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Harry, you might notice I never myself shunned the idea of getting involved with a church. I used to like one of the churches here in Buxton - I was christened there at an age at which I had some choice in the matter (13?), and I performed on the piano there on occasion. I lost touch when the vicar left. But I will definitely consider getting involved with a church again. So, 23yrold3yrold, I guess technically I'm a Christian, but in practice I'm an agnostic - I haven't really decided what I believe in. I've been reading up on mobile phones and whether they are damaging to health. I haven't finished reading but I more or less convinced myself they were probably OK. But then I thought about the way you can be having a conversation with someone when their mobile phone rings and suddenly they have to answer it or else the world will come to an end, and I decided, I don't need that! I have a landline; that's sufficient. But when I go back to Cambridge, where I don't have a landline, I may reconsider. 23yrold3yrold said: And I see no reason why you should accomidate others if they won't acomidate (Hulk smash cookie!) you. It sucks when you're the only one making the compromises. Wanna hear something depressing? I think he is making compromises. He's that messed up that he makes compromises and is still an idiot. As for the cigarette papers, I refused at first, but felt a bit guilty about refusing; then I reconsidered, went on for a bit about how I knew I was stuck up and was trying not to be, and went and got them. Next time, I'll refuse! Thanks for the reassurance, Diana. I'm not quite sure why but it made me feel a lot better. X-G, I'm in a good mood now so I'm not going to risk breaking it by figuring this out myself. So see if you can figure out why Diana's advice made me feel better but your advice on MSN (which you said was the same but I haven't compared them myself) didn't work. Oh, and what's the difference between a vital flaw and a fatal flaw? Matthew said: If someone doesn't like you because you don't want to get a mobile phone (?) They think my reasons are silly. It's not the act itself, it's the reasons. But hey, I have a new reason, so maybe I'll be OK. -- |
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote: So, 23yrold3yrold, I guess technically I'm a Christian, but in practice I'm an agnostic - I haven't really decided what I believe in. If you don't believe Christ died for your sins, you're not saved, which is kind of a prerequisite for being a Christian Anyway, since that's the case, maybe you could try looking into churches? I doubt any would turn you away or judge you or not accept you or a bunch of other stuff Christians aren't really known for Quote: He's that messed up that he makes compromises and is still an idiot. ... was that a sentence? EDIT: never mind; I understand it now DarkFact: cute -- |
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Adol
Member #2,328
May 2002
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Quote: Just going to a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going into a garage makes you a car Believing into Christ makes you a christian, so if I believe in my car that it will take me to work, then I am spiritually a car |
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X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Quote: Don't recall saying he could. All I'm saying is he should feel no need to compromise his principles for idiots.
That's true, but the core of the problem remains; No friends, no way to get them. -- |
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23yrold3yrold
Member #1,134
March 2001
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Quote: No friends, True ... Quote: no way to get them. Not true -- |
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X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Enlighten me then; What ways to get friends have you mentioned that a) are likely to result in good friends with common interests (i.e. not religious people if he isn't overly religious - as you said, that is likely to contain a lot of activies he's not interested in) and b) do not require changing him or other people? -- |
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I'm amazed you haven't gotten a girlfriend yet; most would kill for a nice dependable guy like you 
