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How about a joke thread?
Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
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This site is a mere shell of its former self, but about all I see nowadays is posts rambling about PC correctness or programming problems that are so esoteric that almost no one else can benefit from them. The very first time I checked out allegro.cc, I looked at a post where someone had bought a harmonica and was posting a sound file showing their prowess. You don't see anything like that anymore.

So, I propose a new joke thread (in I don't know how many years). I'll start...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I'll be here all night, folks!

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

Dizzy Egg
Member #10,824
March 2009
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Your brother has had a nasty accident; a steam roller ran over his finger.

Unfortunately he was scratching his nose at the time.

----------------------------------------------------
Please check out my songs:
https://soundcloud.com/dont-rob-the-machina

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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Bob Keane
Member #7,342
June 2006

I got lost in my own bedroom once. I slept across the bed because it was a hot night. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and there was a wall in front of me. The first thought in my head was "Where's the door?".

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
If we get apple juice from squeezing apples, and we get prunes from drying out plums, where does prune juice come from?
Ceterum censeo delendam esse rei.

William Labbett
Member #4,486
March 2004
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Ha Ha ;D Maybe using al_rotate_transform() too much !?

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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piccolo
Member #3,163
January 2003
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Current Humans.

wow
-------------------------------
i am who you are not am i

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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Potential Difference Humans are quite funny as well.

William Labbett
Member #4,486
March 2004
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I think I've forgotten a key part of this one. I know it's not the best joke of all time but it's better than Christmas Cracker standards.

A guys driving though a city in a van. A policeman sees it from his policecar and thinks somethings up so he pulls the van over and asks to search it. He goes with the driver round to the back. The driver opens the back doors and inside the van is full of penguins. The policeman says "You shouldn't have penguins in a van, take them to the zoo." The driver replies "I took them to the zoo last week, this week we're going to the beach."

amarillion
Member #940
January 2001
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Why do programmers mix up halloween and christmas?

Because oct 31 == dec 25

William Labbett
Member #4,486
March 2004
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What did the cannibal say to her soon to be husband at their wedding ceremony?

"There's no love more sincere that the love of food."

Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
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What did the cannibal say to her soon to be husband at their wedding ceremony?

Wow. That reminds me of a joke I hadn't heard in 50 years.

The cannibal arrives home to find his wife cooking dinner. "Oh, no!" he exclaims. "Not missionary again!"

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

William Labbett
Member #4,486
March 2004
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Thanks. I thought Amarillion's was good.

Mark Oates
Member #1,146
March 2001
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Why do programmers mix up halloween and christmas?

Because oct 31 == dec 25

Woah. That's likely the cleverest joke I've ever read.

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
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Nothing I would like to publish my work. But everyone here already knows that I don't have the necessary tools for that other than taking some screenshots of my games.

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021!

amarillion
Member #940
January 2001
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I don't remember where I got that from, but I can't claim credit for it. Neither for this one:

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
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It works better if you say "Fruit flies *like a* banana".

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

amarillion
Member #940
January 2001
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I stand corrected. Good that I didn't pursue a career in stand-up comedy...

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
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What does a programmer say when he wants to give way?

"Press any key to continue..."

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021!

Bob Keane
Member #7,342
June 2006

A tour bus is travelling through Africa. They stop at a village where a rite is being practiced. A man is standing in a circle of women, looking nervous. One tourist asks the guide, "What is this ceremony?". The guide replies "They are playing African Roulette." The man intrigued, asks "Where is the danger?". To which the guide replies "One of the brides is a cannibal." Wow, we are really on a cannibal thing here. Wonder why.

I think I've forgotten a key part of this one.

I think I remember the forgotten part. A police officer is doing his shift early one morning when he sees a suspicious car. He pulls it over, and it is filled with penguins. He asks the driver "What are you ding with these penguins? The driver replies, "I just got them. I don't know what to do with them". The officer says "take them to the zoo". The driver goes. Later the same day, the officer sees the same car with the penguins still in it. So he pulls the car over and asks the driver "Didn't I tell you to take the penguins to the zoo?" The driver replies "I did, they loved it. Now I'm taking them to the movies."

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
If we get apple juice from squeezing apples, and we get prunes from drying out plums, where does prune juice come from?
Ceterum censeo delendam esse rei.

William Labbett
Member #4,486
March 2004
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Thanks Bob. That's much better. I love that joke.

Dizzy Egg
Member #10,824
March 2009
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I stand corrected

said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.

----------------------------------------------------
Please check out my songs:
https://soundcloud.com/dont-rob-the-machina

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
avatar

You: HELP!! the titanic is sinking!!
He: we need proof, a citation is needed.
You: WTF!!!

^^^ in wikipedia.

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021!

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
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You can't be saved unless you put your faith in me.

Just because it's funny doesn't mean it isn't true too. - Truth

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