Here's balls [bullsballs.com] for you.
No, this is balls!
I don't get men at all.
See my earlier post.
In the end (and pretty much the whole time she knew how I felt), she accused me of always overreacting about her not coming online often and my suspicions between that backstabber and her. It wasn't really overreacting if you ask me. I would call it appropriately, and perhaps for her, inconveniently, reacting.
Even if your intentions are not sinister, they might come accross that way. Asking that she be online more often than she wants to be comes accross as being clingy, and it turns women off. She is under no obligation to be on MSN when you demand it. Don't think you have to communicate with her at every possible moment - only occasionally would be fine as well.
She broke contact with me a few months ago, claiming complete ignorance in the complexities of the relationship and claiming to be a victim of my jealousy and obsession... I'd rather not hear supporters of her excuses because it was never an obsession and my jealousy was understandable.
Perhaps you should try and look at it from outside your perspective. If you keep mentioning that she should come online more often, she will see it as obsession, even if you don't. But being in love can warp your perception of the world.
I still miss her, even though I'm also extremely upset with her for how she handled everything.
It may still be possible to get her back as a friend. If your circle of friends get back together again without 'her', don't talk about 'her'. Thay way, it will not look like you've been devouered by your thoughts of 'her'. If 'she' does return, you may still talk, but do not talk about how she 'handled everything' or her not coming online often enough. She might see you as not being obsessed anymore, and may gradually warm back up to you. Afterall, she has been known to un-block you from MSN. If you do re-open communication, do not come accross as being obsessed.
I don't understand women saying they don't understand men. We act logically and don't change all that often (or at all really: our actions are always predictable if you analyze the situation).
See my response to Rampage. But for reasons that just are, women are turned off by logic and predictability (not all of them).
But as Idealius said: fish & sea. In the meantime, I'd suggest you follow Dennis's advice.
(Took around 12 years for me to reach that day and it felt great. I had to laugh about it for a good five minutes. I even stopped dreaming about her.)
Ah yes, the sweet smell of victory.
Arthur Kalliokoski said:
I've noticed several times that when I get a girlfriend after a drought, willing girls suddenly appear everywhere (seemingly too late) but the only change was in my perception at the moment.
Or as I like to put it: They come crawling out of the woodwork.
feeling and "love" is a childhood thing like the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fiery.
Am I right in guessing that you are secretly afraid of being hurt by falling in love, and to prevent that, you've built up a persona around yourself where you take advantage of girls?
Love is a wonderful feeling - allow it to happen. Sure, you may risk getting hurt, but it's part of life. It will build on your experience. Without pain, there is no pleasure. Without Yang, there is no Yin (or is that the other way round?).
There's nothing wrong with 'just screwin' around' if you don't hurt anyone in the process. But beware, love has this habit of sneaking up on someone totally unawares. Don't deny it - love exists.
Love like you've never been hurt,
Work like you don't need the money,
Dance like nobody's watching.
In real life you see a girl you want [...] or making her jeloss
Making her Jellos - now, that's something I never thought of. If she likes the jellos, she might even make me a jello-mould in the shape of her ... no wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
Boohoo, I don't get women!
Give me a break.
Men don't need to understand women. Women don't need to understand men. Just try understanding ONE girl, and if you actually do manage to succeed, then you've got girlfriend (or maybe even wife ) material right there. How about that?!
We're geeks - we like to figure things out - it's what we do.
There's a saying that if all you have is a hammer, then every problem will look like a nail. If someone lacks social-skills or is shy or has low self-esteem, but is inteligent, it will seem only natural that they will see the task of obtaining a woman as a puzzle which must be solved. To do this, they apply their intellect. They think that if they understand women well-enough, they might just find a way around their shyness or whatever (in other words, they are trying to reverse-engineer a woman). Although I do admit that sometimes, the geeks are avoiding their own self-esteem issues (ie. they are forgetting to take themselves into account when solving the puzzle), or the things that fundamentally turn off women (eg. bad personal hygene) - not that I'm saying that all geeks who have difficulty with women have these fundamental offputting things.
We appreciate the feminine insight that you offer us, but I thought it's time I gave you some masculine (well, geek-masculine) insight of my own. Learn to appreciate the fact that us geeks are trying hard to please women by finding out what pleases them. Even if it is not the right way to go about pursuing a woman, you've got to admit that they are trying hard.
I too once fell into that trap, but now women have to put up with my easy-to-unsderstand (from my perspective) behaviour, not to mention my newly-found demand for bizarre jello-moulds.
ex example of plot : girl has guy she likes and wants him to like her. girl also has guy who likes her and chases her(you). girl gets guy she likes to see that she has guys chasing her. guy she likes gets jelus and instrasted in girl.girl cuts off guy that is chasing her(you). guy she likes has sex with her. guy she likes is satisfied and leaves girl. girl is sad girl finds back guy that was chasing her. girl builds back up selfasteam. cicle repates with new guy she likes or in many cases the same guy she likes.
I have to admit that there are plenty of girls out there like that.
piccolo isn't advocating that you take advantage of women in a way that can cause psychological harm - he's just trying to explain the way some women think. If you put aside your prejudices about taking advantage of women for a while and read what he has to say, it does explain the thought-patterns of some (not all) women. Basically, she's using you as a floor for her self-esteem level. Even if she's not deliberately taking advantage of you, she might be doing so without realising it. One trait that men who get stuck in the 'let's just be friends' trap have is that they are predicatble. This means that she knows she can use you to recharge her self-esteem.
On the other hand, she may be worried that if something does go wrong relationship-wise with you, she'll lose you. Friendships are usually very flexible, but a full-blown relationship (or even a 'sex-buddy' relationship) has great potential for going out of control and causing much havoc. That's why women have the habit of having one-night stands with men who they don't have anywhere near as much friendship with than they do with you. They can afford to lose them, but not you.
Anyway, if you suspect that a female friend is treating you like this, make sure the friendship becomes a two-way friendship. As well as offering a shoulder to cry on, cry on her shoulder. In fact, if you fancy another woman, tell her about it (although I'd recommend doing that after you've already gone through the process of asking her to be your gf and she's given the "let's just be friends" speech). If she's already said "let's just be friends", she is unlikely to be put off by your thoughts of the other woman (unless she hates her). In fact, she will give you advice and do other things to boost your self-esteem. In fact, this might even make her subconciously jealous and if that jealousy keeps up, she might want to go beyond the "just frinds" stage. This is an example of 'messing with the head' or 'manipulating' that is neither sinister nor psychologically harmful.
A lot of people on allegro are from Amserdan remember "inter nets" is world wide.
I live in Amsterdam (and have lived there on and off many years) and I've never tried weed. Others can smoke the dope-grass-spliff all they want, but this a.cc'er's not having any of it.
My personal favourite method of letting off steam / stress-reliever is to take up a martial-art such as Jiu-Jitsu. Going on long-distance cycle-rides is another good method.
Bruce Perry said:
I assume it's legal in Amsterdam then (I don't actually know).
Although it's technically illegal, the police have got better things to do so they turn a blind eye. However, if it's inside the confines of a 'coffeeshop', it's perfectly legal.
piccolo: Just out of interest, what is your native language? If we knew, we might just be able to make more sense of your posts.
GullRaDriel: Fais pas ecouter a ceux qui dit que ton Anglaise est merde. Je aime ton linguisteek style.