Allegro.cc - Online Community

Allegro.cc Forums » Off-Topic Ordeals » [depression] My life story

This thread is locked; no one can reply to it. rss feed Print
[depression] My life story
Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

Yeah, risky behavior (including gambling, alcohol and drug abuse) is a symptom of mania.

Vanneto said:

Wait, doing risky things just because could be a symptom of bipolar? I have a friend who's been doing risky things "just because" his whole life.

It is a symptom of bipolar. But as any allgroite should know by now, correlation is not causation.

LennyLen said:

The reason I would climb up the outside of the building was because I wanted to be at the top of it

That to me is "just because". but saying "just because" was just me being silly "just because". :-x Doesn't really matter what rationale a manic person has for it, in the end.

Quote:

It just never really occurred to me that I could be endangering myself by doing so, as I never learnt how to fear physical threats. My entire emotional spectrum is skewed from most people's. Probably due to Asperger's.

Possible. I do know that people with aspergers don't have the same ability to understand non obvious ques.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

Doesn't really matter what rationale a manic person has for it, in the end.

Well, I do also do some things for no apparent (at least as far as I can tell) reason. Not dangerous things, but weird things like laughing. When I get asked why I'm laughing I can't even find a reason. I just felt like laughing. That is what I consider doing something "just because."

There are probably similar cognitive reasons for why I do these things and why manic people just do things, namely poor impulse control. However, as you no doubt already know, you can't simply take a symptom and go "Symptom A is a sign of Disorder B."

Also, with poor impulse control, the action occurs pretty much simultaneously with the impulse. Their is essentially no conscious thought involved. When I was climbing buildings, I would plan my route to the top (because I was lazy and didn't want to have to come down halfway to find another way), so it was definitely not doing it on an impulse.

Quote:

Possible. I do know that people with aspergers don't have the same ability to understand non obvious ques.

That's one of the most obvious symptoms, yes. Though, I also miss a lot of what to other people would be obvious clues.

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

LennyLen said:

Though, I also miss a lot of what to other people would be obvious clues.

Thats sortof included in what I meant.. To most people they are obvious, or even subconscious, for a person with aspergers iirc, they just can't read those ques.

Quote:

However, as you no doubt already know, you can't simply take a symptom and go "Symptom A is a sign of Disorder B."

depends on how pedantic you want to be. I for instance want to be very pedantic. You CAN simply take a symptom and say "Sympton A is a sign of Disorder B" but that doesn't mean a person with Symptom A has Disorder B ;)

Quote:

Also, with poor impulse control, the action occurs pretty much simultaneously with the impulse. Their is essentially no conscious thought involved.

A person in deep mania will choose to do things like base jumping or sky diving or what not, those are definitely not things you can just say you did on impulse. They have to be planned, unless you want things to go horribly horribly wrong.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

Good points, but I can assure you I'm not bipolar. ;)

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

LennyLen said:

Good points, but I can assure you I'm not bipolar.

I'm not saying you are :)

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

I'm not saying you're saying that... I mean your not saying your saying she said he said.. what?

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

At the very least I can say we're both nuckingfutz.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

Speak for yourselves :P

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

I'm speaking for all of us.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

I know... I meant yourselves as in you and all your multiple personalities. ;)

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

LennyLen said:

I know... I meant yourselves as in you and all your multiple personalities.

You say that like you didn't know that I didn't know that.

;)

Luckily I don't actually have that particular problem!

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

You say that like you didn't know that I didn't know that.

I didn't know which of you I was talking to.

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

LennyLen said:

Good points, but I can assure you I'm not bipolar. ;)

That's seems a lot like something a bipolar person would say...

In capitalist America bank robs you.

KeithS
Member #11,950
May 2010

Vanneto said:

Come to think of it: if I were to follow Arthur's suggestions and just man up I would have never started to solve my problems. Sure, I would be a Real Man and would be going through life as a hard motherer. But the deeper problems would still be there and just be ignored.

Its a shallow solution and doesn't really work. Well, except if you consider staying in your house all the time ("except for food and job.") normal. But I guess that's how Real Men work.

It is kind of what I did, and the second paragraph what I do now with my time off (but then, I am exhausted during my time off). I used to do this sort of thing, when I was younger...

Vanneto said:

Wait, doing risky things just because could be a symptom of bipolar? I have a friend who's been doing risky things "just because" his whole life.

I have had 24 motorcycle accidents and a number of other close calls doing other risky stuff, including climbing a known active volcano (Tungurahua) and it erupting when I was almost at the summit (ruined a camera with ash). I started BMX at 10 years old and I think the number of times I skinned my elbows or cracked my head (no helmet, in those early days!) at the skating rink must exceed 100. I was always elated for days after these events, even if I was injured, and I still regard them as the high points of my existence. Colors were brighter, senses sharper, time slower; that sort of stuff. Golden moments. The low used to come when I had to get down to picking up the pieces after the crashes, which was always a long and costly process, especially with the motorcycles.

This I still do, though infrequently now...

LennyLen said:

Not dangerous things, but weird things like laughing...

...and though people laugh with me to start with, they soon stop and wonder why I have not. It is uncontrollable, and the subject that started it keeps coming back and tickling me again. It is hilarious.

Finally, 8 years ago, I got this, too.

Dennis said:

Had been diagnosed with mental exhaustion(burnout) and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia in late 2011. Got to eat some pills(Trimipramine and some painkillers for the condition also caused severe physical symptoms, most prominently back/shoulder/arm and hand pain up to a point where programming or drawing was impossible) for a few months, was supposed to go to psychotherapy too.

Don't know about the Dysthymia bit, and I did not take anything except painkillers (and it was the worst pain I have known). Likewise, I have never gone to a doctor because of my "things", I just regard it as part of my character. Anyway, I overworked myself into a physical wreck by single-handedly taking on a task at work that nobody wanted to touch even as a team. It was like a dare, or a personal crusade for me, and I did it, but at a cost. Still have parethsesia in zones down my left arm and in my hand (two fingers and thumb), and pain in my shoulder. I also got and still have IBS, during that period. Maybe it was related.

I still do a very high profile job (a well known, high stress job), with up to twelve hours of duty period in 24, six days a week, with a highly variable time table (ie; any time my cell phone rings, sometimes at 03:00 HRS). I would feel dead without that job, now, and it has taught me responsibility and a high regard for safety.

You know, this thread is the first time in my existence that I have been able to address these issues, just because there are other people describing similar things? It really is a lonely, cold world.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My Noobish Blog

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

KeithS said:

You know, this thread is the first time in my existence that I have been able to address these issues, just because there are other people describing similar things?

This is why group therapy is such a powerful tool. It leaves you realizing that there are other people out there leading very diiferent lives, who have accomplisged many different things, but who, at their core, are JUST LIKE YOU. When your life up until that point has told you that that you are a weirdo freak.

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

LennyLen said:

When your life up until that point has told you that that you are a weirdo freak.

well I am a weirdo, but thats a completely separate issue ;D

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Elias
Member #358
May 2000

LennyLen said:

who, at their core, are JUST LIKE YOU

Yes and no. You might also find out that, at the core, you're a lot weirder than anyone you'll ever meet :p

--
"Either help out or stop whining" - Evert

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

Elias said:

You might also find out that, at the core, you're a lot weirder than anyone you'll ever meet

That's when you sue your therapist for putting you in a room full of boring normals.

Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000

And that's when your therapist tells you, "Ah, I didn't realise you were an American. Go home and you'll fit in."

--
Bruce "entheh" Perry [ Web site | DUMB | Set Up Us The Bomb !!! | Balls ]
Programming should be fun. That's why I hate C and C++.
The brxybrytl has you.

loviniowa
Member #15,126
May 2013

You are definitely not alone. I have had clinical depression all my life. I have been fighting it big time for the last year and haven't been able to work for the last 2 mos. I have taken anti-depressant for the last 15yrs and they were working great until I hit menopause, sorry guys I have to bring up the word, it screws with our hormones and makes everything that was working STOP! So what is my point? I am not sure there is one, I am still struggling, I go back to work 5/20 because I have a mortage to pay and can't afford not to but sucide is never an option. It only hurts those who love you. So you put one foot in front of the other, that is as soon as you force yourself to roll over and set up ;D and keep on movin because there are no do overs in life.

Schyfis
Member #9,752
May 2008
avatar

Trezker said:

Depression in a person with a healthy brain is caused by making the choice to feel bad about stuff, repeatedly.

I just want to say that from experience, this is the best and most accurate summary of depression I've ever seen.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________
[freedwill.us]
[unTied Games]

Yodhe23
Member #8,726
June 2007

Buddhists have been saying for millenia, that there is no single I, if at all. It seems that we are composite minds that move and change all the time, it is only our struggling to maintain a sense of identity that causes mental anguish. This is something I tend to grok with sombunal the times.
It also seems (and in all cases I can only ever speak for myself), that silencing the internal dialogue through "meditation" has given me the gratuitous grace that I long for, though I find it difficult to maintain this inner peace for long in my environment. Particularly for no reason I seem to love thinking, the pointless art of philosophy. Though equally I am aware that it seems my best thoughts are not thunked, but rather arise seemingly spontaneously. I am also learning that I am not my thoughts, and that it is just one part of my consciousness, which extends in many non-verbal/linguistic areas/experiences. Indeed my consciousness seems to escape this mortal coil, and sometimes it is hard to know where I am meant to stop outside of the bio-feedback I receive from the traditional physical senses. It seems there are as many if not more "me's" as there are people in the world. I would tentatively suggest we are all "connected" but I don't want to speculate more, as it involves personally experiences, the content of which would be likely meaningless to another.

Anyway I think my depression is a fucking fantastic thing, that at least reminds me I am not a robot running on a shitty operating system, like the rest of the somnambulists around me. I have also learnt to be discrete about my feelings, thoughts and experiences as "they" seem quite ready to crucify anyone for speaking out of turn.

I also find programming helps my depression, especially dealing with so many "maybes", possibilities, potentialities, miracles, and other flux like mutable realities. There is something reassuring and logical about coding, knowing that for the most part I control all the variables, and if something does not work the way I intended, it is due to my own mistake/lack of comprehension, and something that I can rectify, overcome. There is comfort in those 1's and O's.

N.B. None of the above requires the presence of any flying spaghetti monster from outer-space.

www.justanotherturn.com

Elias
Member #358
May 2000

Schyfis said:

this is the best and most accurate summary of depression I've ever seen

I'd instead say it's just a disease (and for some, maybe an injury?). It's something impeding you a lot and causing you a lot of pain. Like getting the flu, or like a broken leg. Depression just causes quite a bit more suffering than either of those and is a lot harder (or impossible) to heal.

--
"Either help out or stop whining" - Evert

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

{"name":"one-last-treatment.png","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/f\/f\/fff1b2c5d5b579e0243edd7e825f3af3.png","w":701,"h":701,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/f\/f\/fff1b2c5d5b579e0243edd7e825f3af3"}one-last-treatment.png

http://www.explosm.net/comics/3171/

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

Ah, if only.

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730



Go to: