s/Nichole/Nicole/g

Bamccaig, I think you made the right choice with that drunk chick who knocked on your door. If you feel danger, I say go with your gut feeling. Logistically, tho, it would have been safer if you got her to go back to your apartment and messed around rather than at her place.

You seem to get stressed and awkward. The best way to avoid these negative feelings is to get more experience, and there's no better way to get experience than to go and put yourself out there and eventually you will see success. Keep doing what you're doing, and put yourself in situations where you can interact with people. It's just like programming, you'll know which buttons to press and how to gauge reactions and how to get the reaction that you are seeking.

I'm like this as well. I usually can't think of anything to say at all until something happens that catches my interest or someone says something that gets a train of thought rolling...

When you say it like that, it sounds like a very bad thing indeed.

Here we go.

Why does that strike me as so familiar... Was it a running gag here? In a movie? Series? I can't get rid of the feeling I've heard it before...

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The goal is to keep them speaking though. The nods and "I understand" comments should be used while they are speaking in an effort to prevent a pause.

since bamccaig likes rap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V1kt803W5w

On the contrary, I can tell from my own observation, Germans DO smalltalk (they call it that as well) and way too much of it for my taste and I rarely participate because I don't give a fuck about most things.

It's usually not a problem until people start feeling you don't like them just because you don't talk to them which is an assumption just as stupid as all the constant jibber jabber itself.

Which is why you need to make smalltalk with them. I've been trying (and failing) to do so myself with a girl I met recently.

Not true and I really take issue with statements like that. Girls decide who they're interested in from across the room before the guys even notice them or do anything. (Guys do it too but perhaps with a greater acceptance ratio?) No amount of knowing how to treat the girl will help. You will still fail, and when you do, all the effort will have been for nothing and you will feel like this:

By contrast, if she is interested, then you won't mess it up. Most of the stuff you're worried about will actually be attractive, and if you do make some mistakes then they'll be instantly forgiven.

The only thing you need to do is look after your appearance and mood, and put yourself in places where a good number of girls get a chance to see you and decide if they're interested. Most of them won't be, but that doesn't matter. It mustn't matter.

More thood for fought:

• You seem to feel more comfortable asking her out when no one is watching. More generally, you feel certain discussions are best kept private. Let's suppose she thinks differently and enjoys flaunting all her private stuff in public. How would you feel in that relationship?

• Let's suppose she has a boyfriend but is considering you. Try to imagine that you have a girlfriend but are considering another girl. How serious would you be? Ultimately you would have to choose between the two. How would the new girl feel? For that matter, how would the old girl feel? Returning to the present situation, if she left him for you, could you live with having upset another guy so badly?

• Forget she has a boyfriend for a moment. Let's pretend she's single. Now let's suppose you try hard to be what you think she wants you to be. For example, she likes Screamcore or something, and you don't, but you say you do because you think it gives you a chance. Or she wants to spend all her time shopping for jewellery, but you find this boring, but you say you like it because you think it gives you a chance. Let's suppose this works and you end up in a relationship. Now imagine you have to accompany her on these shopping trips for all eternity, then you get home to Screamcore every night. It's going to spoil the bedroom experience, I can assure you. Wouldn't you be happier single at this point?

[EDIT]

You might be thinking of ELIZA

True - but my model (with your refinements if you like) is a lot more healthy than the one I'm challenging

So if she wants to evaluate your behaviour, then there's no point in being fake, is there? You won't be happy, because you'll have to continue being fake.