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Better Social Skills |
Billybob
Member #3,136
January 2003
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I am greatly lacking my social skills department. Everything regarding it, really. Does anyone have some free resources that would help guide me to improving them? Obviously it takes time and practice, which I'm already doing, but some guidance would be most helpful! By social skills, I mean how to interact with other people politely and in an engaging manner. Everything from how to start a conversion, how to hold a conversation, and how to end one. What is considered expectable behavior, what isn't? All that stuff everyone learned while I was busy with computers
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Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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Its one of those things, "If you have to ask, You're out of luck". -- |
LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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The following is designed for people with Asperger's Syndrome (one of the key criteria of AS is a deficiency in social skills), so some of it might be glaringly obvious to those who don't have it. I learnt a lot from it though. A survival guide for people with Asperger syndrome. [edit]fixed link[/edit]
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miran
Member #2,407
June 2002
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One thing I always I forget: When you meet someone for the first time (I mean casually, like when walking your dog or something), introduce yourself if you're not introduced by someone else. Because if you don't, by the time you meet for the fourth time, it becomes a bit awkward when you talk about all sorts of stuff, but don't know their name. And especially when the other person somehow knows your name and expects you to know theirs, but you don't, and you can't just ask, and it becomes really awkward. I think there was a Seinfeld episode about this once. I don't remember how he solved the problem though... -- |
LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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Quote: I think there was a Seinfeld episode about this once. I don't remember how he solved the problem though... If it was Seinfeld, he probably didn't.
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miran
Member #2,407
June 2002
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About that book, here's an online copy: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~alistair/survival/ -- |
Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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Quote: it becomes a bit awkward when you talk about all sorts of stuff, but don't know their name. Its akward anyway if you couldn't remember their name even if you did ask a couple times -- |
Thomas Harte
Member #33
April 2000
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Quote: I think there was a Seinfeld episode about this once. I don't remember how he solved the problem though... No, he didn't. It's the episode where he doesn't remember his girlfriend's name so tries asking whether she had any funny nicknames at school. She replies something like "of course I did, because my name rhymes with a part of the female anatomy". Queue a hilarious not-quite half hour of names that rhyme with parts of the female anatomy. She eventually walks out on him when he can't remember her name, but then he gets it: Delores. Ahh, University of York students. Truly the greatest on earth! [My site] [Tetrominoes] |
LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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Quote: About that book, here's an online copy: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~alistair/survival/ Oops, I link to the front page of another site hosting it instead of the document itself. I've fixed the link now. The version I linked to also contains a link to a WikiBook that was (is stil being) written as an extension to Marc Seager's unfinished work.
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kentl
Member #2,905
November 2002
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You are a student right? If so you could start working for your student union and be a bartender or something else where you meet lots of people. |
nonnus29
Member #2,606
August 2002
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Quote: introduce yourself if you're not introduced by someone else. It took me YEARS to figure that one out. In fact I still forget to sometimes. It just never occurs to me for some reason. Quote: All that stuff everyone learned while I was busy with computers I don't think that's a valid assumption. Most people are completely boarish and self-absorbed in their interactions with others, that's the norm. Just try to be considerate and respectful of other people and you'll be far ahead of most others. |
kentl
Member #2,905
November 2002
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Quote: Just try to be considerate and respectful of other people and you'll be far ahead of most others. True, and very important. It's also good to end the conversation when you want it to end. And end with something nice. The most important thing is to mark a clear ending so that both of you knows that it's time to do something else now. I think it's a good advice anyway. |
Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
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Quote: Most people are completely boarish and self-absorbed in their interactions with others, that's the norm. Just try to be considerate and respectful of other people and you'll be far ahead of most others. Also try not to be self centered. -- |
Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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Practice, really. I'm sort of realizing that mine aren't up to snuff, either. For all of my high school life I was comfortable with the group of friends I had, so I didn't have to exercise my social skills. Now, in college, I am having to make new friends. It's slow-going, but I'm making some progress. Some people know me, I am communicating with people, people recognize me and my work, so that's a start. So, I will leave you with two things that I have learned: 1) As Nike suggests, just do it. If you are nervous about talking to someone or unsure of how to break the ice, just go for whatever comes to mind. It will get you talking, and even if the ice-breaker is the lamest thing ever, it will soon be forgotten. 2) Don't get too caught up in trying to say the "right" thing. If you take your time coming up with the perfect thing to say, you will probably miss the perfect time to say it. Conversations are musical; there is a beat and a melody. Just focus on the conversation. Go with the flow, I guess is what I mean to say. Edit: My favorite ice-breaker to date is "What's blue and smells like red paint?" (answer: blue paint) People will either laugh or hit you, and the latter is a good indication that these are people you don't want to be friends with anyways. --- |
MiquelFire
Member #3,110
January 2003
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Kibiz0r: What about people who laugh, then hit you? --- |
kentl
Member #2,905
November 2002
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Quote: Kibiz0r: What about people who laugh, then hit you? You should Dragon Punch (tm) those ones. |
Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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Do drugs. (Lots of them.) |
Onewing
Member #6,152
August 2005
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Quote: it becomes a bit awkward when you talk about all sorts of stuff, but don't know their name. Back in High School, I knew this girl who I became pretty good friends with. Problem was, I could never remember her name, even after being told to me once or twice before. This went on for 6 months! I'd be like, "Hey..." and hope that she'd turn around. Finally, I asked my other friend, "Ok, what is her name!?" He laughed for about five minutes straight. Anyway, back on topic. If you're just wanting basic social interactivity with other people (aka, clubs, class, in the union, etc.), the key is to not care. You'll either befriend people or annoy people. If you're talking social polite-ness, as if in the working place, try Tae-kwon-do. ------------ |
Richard Phipps
Member #1,632
November 2001
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Quote: This went on for 6 months! I'd be like, "Hey..." and hope that she'd turn around. Finally, I asked my other friend, "Ok, what is her name!?" He laughed for about five minutes straight. Actually that could be a defence mechanism. Repeatedly forgetting the name of someone you like can happen in that case.. |
Rampage
Member #3,035
December 2002
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[edit] Wrong thread! -R |
Simon Parzer
Member #3,330
March 2003
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If people you talk to already know you it's incredible hard to change anything about your behaviour. People have an image of you in their heads which is nearly unchangeable. So if you try to do something new regarding your own behaviour everyone who knows you simply ignores it and you don't know if it was good or bad. Try a conversation which someone who doesn't know you at all. For example, if you are waiting for the bus/train (and no friends are around), just talk to the person sitting next to you. That way no prejudice happens and you can experiment with your social skills. Plus, the person probably won't remember/see you again, so you can REALLY try out new things. |
X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Basically, ask yourself this: Do you 1) Really want to interact with people because you share a common interest, or 2) Do you want to reap the benefits of social interaction? If 1), it all comes down to daring to talk about subjects you know things about. If 2), learn how to manipulate people. -- |
ixilom
Member #7,167
April 2006
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Something most people seem to miss is that listening is big part of being social. Listen and comprehend so you actually know what you are talking about instead of rambling some random stuff. ___________________________________________ |
wearetheborg
Queen of the Universe
June 2003
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Quote: Try a conversation which someone who doesn't know you at all. For example, if you are waiting for the bus/train (and no friends are around), just talk to the person sitting next to you. Personally, I'd find that annoying. I don't like being forced into a conversation with a stranger on the bus/train... It's harder to move away from the person or avoid them considering I'm sitting in a relatively small enclosed space. So yeah, I don't like that suggestion because there are a lot of people like me out there.
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Simon Parzer
Member #3,330
March 2003
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Quote: Personally, I'd find that annoying. I don't like being forced into a conversation with a stranger on the bus/train... It's harder to move away from the person or avoid them considering I'm sitting in a relatively small enclosed space. So yeah, I don't like that suggestion because there are a lot of people like me out there. Yeah, it always depends on the situation. But let's imagine the situation where you sit at the train station, your train is delayed, and you've got nothing to do. Would you still mind a small conversation with a stranger? |
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