Yes this is a 'tease/joke' thread. I was reading the Santa Hack thread and saw Bamccaig remark a time or two that he hated globals. Since he knows I like him and has offered advice and help when he didn't have to, I couldn't resist this gag thread. Yes I know this isn't really a competition and will have no winner, but figured Bamccaig would at least find some humor in it (or not). Matthew is free to lock it if he feels so inclined of course.

-----------------------------------------------

Introducing the POB (P*ss Off Bamccaig) Global Competition Thread

Rules are simple, don't have to have working code. Just paste code that has globals declared.

I'll start:

#include <iostream>
bool PISS_OFF_BAMCCAIG = 1;
int main()
{
   return 0;
}

-----------------------------------------------

Sorry bamccaig, couldn't resist.

int x = getX();
if(somethingIsTrue(x)){
    doSomethingAboutIt(x);
}
for(int i=0; i<getLength(); i++){
    doSomethingForEach(getItem(i));
}
Object foo = getFoo();
if(somethingElseEntirelyIsTrue(foo)){
    doSomethingAboutThat(foo);
}else{
    doSomethingAboutThat(foo + 5);
    doSomethingDifferently(foo);
}

doSomething ( 5 );

int temp1=0;
float temp2=3;
double temp3_f=2;

All stolen from content he wrote. I just pirated his pet peeves.

Some of those names sounds like something Microsoft would do for the Win32 API.

Obviously, the language of choice for this is PHP.

<?php
for ($i = 0; $i < mt_rand(); ++$) {
  $varname = sprintf("variable%d", $i);
  $$varname = md5(mt_rand() . "and a bottle of rum");
  define($varname, $i);
}

function add($a, $b) {
  $varname_a = 'variable' . $a;
  $varname_b = 'variable' . $b;
  global $$varname_a, $$varname_b, $$$varname_a, $$$varname_b;
  return $$$varname_a + $$$varname_b;
}

Might even actually work for some cases. And it's secure, because it uses a salt

Is there a really important reason why PHP uses all those dollar signs?

It's the syntax. $x is a variable; $$x is a variable variable. Normally you don't use these, but the feature is there. What it does is evaluate the original (single-dollared) variable as a string, and use it as a variable name. So if you have this:

$a = 'foobar';
$x = 'a';
print($$x);

...it will print "foobar" - $x is 'a', so $$x resolves to $a.

Variable variables are loosely comparable to pointers in C, only that you use strings to point to variables instead of binary pointer values (and that memory management is taken care of by the language).

The C++ equivalent of the above would be:

string a = "foobar";
string* x = &a;
cout << *x;

Only that PHP uses strings to reference variables, so you can construct variable references by name, as strings.

Thanks for the explanation Tobias, I'd have to say that language is mind numbingly ugly!

Only if you make it so. PHP has enormous potential for writing hideous code, but that's no excuse for actually doing it, just like owning a knife is not an excuse for stabbing people. (Cue "guns kill people" debate)

klaxxzgamemakre ftw

WHAT???!?!!! You mean I've been doing it wrong this entire time??

No, certainly not. You just need a better excuse than "I own a knife". For example, you might say, "He looked at me funny", or "I needed something he has, but he wouldn't give it to me", or simply "God told me to do it".

{"name":"tumblr_llkdcdAMCT1qd6bglo1_500.jpg","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/3\/4\/34acc490fb6ff9c7137313e71535dc56.jpg","w":366,"h":601,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/3\/4\/34acc490fb6ff9c7137313e71535dc56"}

stabbity stabbity stab is its own excuse.

This made me write a game using only globals.

I think it would have been much better if you used more gotos.

I edited it. Better?

Blocks are evil.

if (true) {
  foo();
  bar();
}
else {
  bar();
  foo();
}

The following is more readable:

if (false) goto a;

foo();
bar();
goto b;

a:
bar();
foo();

b:

Amazingly so, I edited it again. Someone reading my original version would have had no idea what's going on - now with the labels it all is much clearer.

Yeah, the labels are like self documenting code. There's really no need for comments when you code properly like that.

And it removes the need for ugly indentation. Everything lines up very nicely.

{"name":"2010-12-02-Mystery-of-Ghost-Beach-3.png","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/d\/1\/d1fc89340ec06b39e84f2243fe0ed97a.png","w":982,"h":399,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/d\/1\/d1fc89340ec06b39e84f2243fe0ed97a"}

Dario ff: Nice Zsasz picture.

Arthur Kalliokoski: heh that made me laugh a little .

Matthew: I was worried you would be mad at this and consider it trolling or breaking the forums rules .

It looks like a plausible entry to the obfuscated C contest. OTOH, I'm drunk again.

Hear, hear!

Are you appreciating the contest or drunkenness?

I think you should rename the labels to be in German.

Nah. Variable names (and comments) should be in English. Always. So that's where I draw the line. Even in a joke thread.

Of course in PHP even the compiler itself will tell you things like Parse error: syntax error, unexpected T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM for something as simple as having a colon in the wrong place so I guess it doesn't matter there

There are just so many Good Ideas and Bad Ideas here in this thread right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8PhzrmBgMI

Mabmab's actually true celebrity. Surprising to know.

Celebrity only on A.cc .