Anybody ever used a voice modem to use your PC as an answering machine and/or telephone recorder? I have some old voice modems lying around, and this is something I've wanted to do for some time. I've also wanted to kick them to the curb for some time... I haven't found any tutorial or software that doesn't look etchy. So unless I get some quick answers from my favorite nerd community, it's goodbye old hardware. I want my answer before next week. Leave it under this one. And leave the cops out of this. ( or the hardware gets it, see. )
I'm not sure I have (the right) drivers for Windows, but perhaps Linux has...
Any help appreciated; Or epic anecdotes.

I once considered making a system in which when a call came in and the caller is blocked or clearly was wrong (000-000-0000 being the prime example) or even manually, my computer would pick up, and go through a complex menu maze. The trick would be you have to listen to the whole message until it said you can hit a key or else it would repeat what was being said. Telemarketers beware!

People still have landlines?

I have a landline, even though it's VoIP... with the provider being the primary landline provider in the region...

Mental isn't it...to ask that question, I mean. I remember when I was a lad...

I still have a landline, as does my whole family, and all my friends. Is Canada behind on technology ?

No, just you and your family.

My fiance and I use cellphones

You may want to take a look at Asterisk. It's one of those things I'd like to do, but never get around to.

On the one hand, it would be nice to have a bot screening my calls, and being witty about it too (e.g., imagine GLaDOS screening your calls). On the other hand, I only get a few spam calls, and even fewer personal calls, so a complex system could be more of a hindrance than an aid.

I hardly ever get telemarketers calling my cell, there are laws that forbit telemarketers to ring up people's cellular phones in Ontario

I think the laws protecting cells in the US are over. For telemarketers, cells may be the same as land lines now.

I was actually thinking of what could possibly be done with this technology now. I didn't come up with much, but I had some pretty out there ideas...

Jerry rig a cell up to a modem connected to an embedded Linux box. Use old dial-up VLAN protocols to connect to embedded system, no matter where it is. I came up with this when brainstorming how you could make an RC vehicle with no maximum radio range.

Do you mean jury rig?

I thought it was 'Jerry rig' too.

Juries don't rig things! They don't do anything! Watch 12 angry men.

(okay, don't watch it.)

Either way, I think my general idea was clear despite my horrible spelling.

The only telemarketing I've ever gotten was a couple of pre-recorded messages telling me why I should vote for Walter Jones, Dishonorable Congresscritter.

According to Wikipedia, "jerry-rigged" or "jerry-built" refers to shoddy workmanship.

Wikipedia is wrong.

Isn't that what I just said...?

You might mean MacGuyver. Although I prefer the term "Mickey Mouse". I still have a land line in the US to screen telemarketers and people I don't want to give my cell to. Now if only there was a way to delete telemarketer texts before they got to my cell and charged me 20 cents per message, sigh.

You can't actually buzz up to my apartment because it needs to go through a landline, and both me and my roommate have cell phones.

You couldn't just buy a $10 phone and plug it in? I don't see why it would need to be an active line. It's not like the telco is involved (or is it?)

Phew! I'm so glad everyone jumped in to clear that up. I had no idea what he was talking about.

I thought maybe he meant "Jerry, rig a cell up to a modem..." and I was like, "Who's Jerry? Is one of us Jerry? Am I Jerry?" I was very confused and upset.

I'm so sorry! I'll never name-drop again!

Please forgive me Jerry.

EDIT: And Matthew.

It's connected to a proper land line number (which we don't have) so I assume it is ...

Someone's been reading their (as usual) incorrect chain mail.

Doesn't help that I do get telemarketing calls on my cell.

Asterisk is sponsored by some hardware manufacturer and only seems to support their hardware. Does sound nifty.

Interesting... or do you just mean by caller ID? BTW IIRC caller ID was implemented here first on mobile networks and then on the land line.
I've found some site that claimed you could use a voice modem like a regular Windows wave device, which corresponds to what I can remember. Then I only have to find some software that can do the answering machine part. Considering the modem can be treated like a normal audio device, perhaps even a (Windows?) script could handle it. (Wait for call signal N times (AT commands?). Play message. Record until time over or connection out.)
I have had some seriously F'ed up other PC^[1]problems now, so execution of the modems seems to be postponed. (I don't know yet how much electronics I will be junking )

You still have this retarded billing system in place where you can get charged for receiving stuff?

Telecom is a huge rip off in the US.

Nope, I just let the answering machine pick up and listen to the messages later.

Yup. Not only do we get charged for receiving messages, we get charged for unsolicited messages. Darn, I can't find the court case.

Use it with VoIP.

Yeah, but the modem part was what I wanted to put in use... It's trash now. :|