I suppose this is a semi-vent thread. I just got out of a meeting where all my co-workers were given specific and important jobs and when it came to me, I was given a list of random, miscellaneous jobs that hardly used any degree of my brain (more tedious work). Instead of being a good little b'iatch, I decided to write a jingle for myself.

So, if you had a jingle about yourself, how would it go?

You really have a lot of free time...

I am so great.
Yeah! So great!
The best there is
And ever will be!

repeat

I am the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always be around me
I am the apple of my eye
Forever I'll stay in my heart

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

Oh I'm Matt Matty, yes the real Matt Matty, all you other Matt Matties are just playing patty.
So will the real Matt Matty please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up

(sung to the tune of Teddy Bears' Picnic)

Can I make a slogan instead?

For the motherland homeland!

La, la, la la, la la, la, la, laa la laaaaa, la, la.
La, la, laa la laaaaa, la la, la.
la la.
la, la la, laaaaaaaa, la la, la.

My breath is fresh, my clothes are neat,
I wear high heels upon my feet.

I wear them when I go out at night,
I love them more than my new pink tights

@LennyLen:

youself. I was gonna post the rest of that particular jingle, but I couldn't remember the words .

Wasn't it something like "the clean fresh flavour sees me right / I love them more..." though?

I'm an emcee and vocalist Spitting brilliance, I'm a lyricist Antagonist in stories where the good guy doesn't win

I don't have a "jingle" about myself, but here's a lyric I wrote a few years ago...

Jealousy

-intro-
Jealousy... has me feeling rage... pain... I feel worthless... and feel vengeful... I need to cure this... before...

-verse one-
My eyes are watering
My heart is stopped
Somebody call the medics and the cops
He's playing with you,
Feels like he's playing me
I watch as he wrestles you, playfully
My brain is losing battle
Subconscious wants revenge
This pain I feel has got no end
But you're so beautiful
And I'm addicted girl
Regardless of your intent, you've consumed my world
But I fear I can't win,
And when I come to,
I fear that I'll have messed up my chance with you

-verse two-
My fists are tightening
I'm perspiring a lot
You think I'm in control? I'm not
It seems I'm ignored
I fear you don't care
I'm trippin', and jealous, and scared
Can we be good friends?
He's known you since birth
I'm feeling light-headed, it hurts
Would suicide cure?
I can't go that far
I'm praying this self-hate won't scar
Broken, I'm damaged
I feel confused
I need you in my life; I'm infused with you

-chorus-
Jealousy is selfish
But then, I can't help it
I see you with them
Feels like a knife in my heart, diggin' in
I pray I can control it though
So I can have a chance with you
I dream you want to be with me,
But get consumed with jealousy

-verse three-
Girl, you're claimin' you love him
I'm not sure if you're playin'
But I love you and it's the truth that I'm sayin'
He's got a girl already
Still he's flirtin' with you
And you're flirtin' back, infecting my wounds
Damn, I wanna hold you
You don't understand it
You're more than even God could ever dream to be with
I didn't know it 'til now
I'm selfish and weak
But I'm beginning to understand and change what was me
And I'm starting to realize
That I've met you in fantasies
I'm sure of it now; you're the girl from my dreams

-pre chorus-
Yo, yo, yo, yo…
This is real deep…
I'm… I'm drowning, somebody…
Somebody help me…
This feeling isn't healthy…
Is it…? Is it…? It can't be…
Because…

-chorus-

-final verse-
Feels like I should kill 'em
But it isn't my fault
It's like getting bit
After teasing a dog
I'm like a Rottweiler on a chain
With a steak in front of my face
Until the rage exceeds the links
And they break, and I'm free to escape
But don't because I need a taste
Of the heaven that consumed my dreams
The one thing that could make me disobey and bite the hand that's feeding me
I pray to never bite you lady
And pray to pass this feeling safely
But if I cross the line to crazy
I hope you understand what made me
Cause...

-chorus-

Something like that (I can't remember the words too well myself, so I improvised ). But who else outside NZ knows about Oddfellows?

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Ding-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone I've got this feeling, so appealing, for us to get together and sing. Sing! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donana phone It grows in bunches, I've got my hunches, It's the best! Beats the rest! Cellular, Modular, Interactivodular! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone Boop-boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping panana phone It's no baloney, it ain't a p(h)ony My cellular bananular phone! Don't need quarters, don't need dimes, to call a friend of mine! Don't need computer or TV, to have a real good time! I'll call for pizza. I'll call my cat. I'll call the white house, have a chat! I'll place a call around the world, operator get me Beijing -jing-jing-jing! (Soprano Sax Solo) Yeah! Play that thing! (Piano Solo) Whooo Hooo! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone Boop-boo-ba-doo-ba-doop Yin yang yin yang yin yang ying yonana phone It's a real live mama and papa phone, a brother and sister and a dogaphone, a grandpa phone and a grandma phone too! Oh Yeah! My cellular, bananular phone! Banana phone, ring ring ring! (It's a phone with appeal!) Banana phone, ring ring ring! (Now you can have your phone and eat it too!) Banana phone, ring ring ring! (This song drives me, Bananas!) Banana phone, ring ring ring! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop-doop!

I am happy and fulfilled in my well paying job.

Repeat as necessary to improve morale.

I got one!

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, Rampage!
Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, Rampage!

(Repeat ad nauseam)

It's gonna be a commercial success.

Can anybody say Hansen?

My jingle is Nordman's Vandraren.

You have nowhere to go?

Good song. A girl sang that in Finnish Idols. She sang it in Swedish and she pronounced it very well, but one could hear that she didn't understand a word of it. She just didn't know where one word ends and another starts. But she fooled the jury and most of the audience, who thought she actually spoke Swedish. That made her my favourite.

Yum. Repeat

One, One, fireworks
Two, Three smoke machines
Five, Eight, Shoot flares
I'm great!
...repeat

ITSA MEEEEEE, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

http://www.duckiehorde.net/maarioooo2.jpg

You couldn't borrow the car from your parents?

/wrists

What an excellent thread. So much personality from each poster. You've cheered me up. Well, except for Sirocco, that kind of made me sad again.

Don't you mean Hanson?

I've never written any songs about myself but I expect if I wrote one everyday then the songs would vary drastically.

Excellent!

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

I'll write one for you!

Baffles baffles those who need baffling. Baffles baffles those who bafflingly have never been baffled before. If anybody aside from Baffles claims to be Baffles, they clearly have not been bafflingly baffled by Baffles before.

Ah yes I thought I spelled it wrong, I was mislead by google (it sent me to their homepage where the O is a really weird symbol that could be taken as an E.

The real question though is why do you know how to spell that band's name...

Wow... Did you ever show her those lyrics?

Because they're the cutest kids evar!

A''ight, first off it's "Her".

And yes, she's seen that and probably every other lyric I wrote as well.

People talk about this man He brings power to humankind No matter how hard yo try You'll never know what he looks like who is he? who is he? pass the ball Who is he? who is he? is he Paul? the man whose name is Paul that's Paul whoknows the man whose name is Paul Paul loves Dragonball the man whose name is Paul he reaches for the top the man whose name is Paul the chosen one was born

Here's my song. It's a bit short. I'll add to it if I think of something...
Thou shalt make fun of newbies who deserve to be made fun of. Thou shalt always help by linking to TFM. Thou shalt make sarcastic comments where appropriate. Thou shalt not argue with people who take things too seriously. Thou shalt not post 'old' replies unless the original post was actually old. Thou shalt correct other people's spelling mistakes. Thou shalt correct other people's grammar mistakes. Thou shalt not use the happy smiley, the grin smiley, the angry smiley, the sad smiley, the shocked smiley, the tongue smiley, the wink smiley or the thinking smiley in vain. Thou shalt not worship forum members as if they were gods. They are just men. X-G... just a man. Gnolam... just a man. Matthew... just a man. Bob... just a man. Peitz... just a man. Phipps... just a man. Fjellström... just a man. Rey... just a man. Rampage... just a man. HoHo... just a man. Gull... just a man. Onewing... just a man. Piccolo... just a man. Thou shalt not change your avatar. Ever. Thou shalt not have a sig. Thou shalt start threads about women, god and war and watch them reach over 200 replies. And thou shalt always... Thou shalt always kill!

Hey! You did change your avatar, and you did start threads about women! Stone him! He said Jehova!

Yes, but not anymore.

That's what I said.

Oops, I was sure it read "Thou shalt not start...". Oh, and we all know ML is a god.

No, he's the first anti-social A.I. to pass the Turing test.

My name is Yon Yonson
I work in Wisconsin
I work in a lumbermill there
The people I meet
when I walk down the street, say
What's your name?
I say,
[repeat]

Heh, I had a kid I guided who sang something like that. I think it was:
"My name is John Jonny,
I live in Wisconsin
in Wibbery (???) street
The people I meet
when I walk down the street,
They say... Hellooooo!
I say... Helloooooo!
They say... What's your naaame?
I saaaaay..."

Sadly, this is the only nursery rhyme I remember from my childhood.

How do you pronounce the little red stars? What about the little gray stars?

DELETE FROM Post
WHERE Post.Text LIKE "Sadly, this is the only nursery rhyme I remember from my childhood.";

Its not obvious? Well I can't type them cause then they'd be replaced with weird symbols.

In order of appearance the stars should be replaced with these:

• Male-only organ

• Something you do with your mouth (and possibly a straw)

• Another name for female-only organ

• Something male-only organs and female-only organs can do together.

That's just incredibly not cool to post... Just because you had a scarring childhood doesn't mean we all have to suffer...

Technically you can get around the censorship issues if you're slightly clever about it, but I wouldn't be surprised if the A.cc gods punished you for it...

I have no childhood scars.

In this particular case, when I learned it, I didn't know what it meant. But it wouldn't have scarred me anyway.

Dashing and daring, Courageous and caring, Faithful and friendly, With stories to share. All through the forest, They sing out in chorus, Marching along, As their song fills the air. Gummi Bears!! Bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that's beyond compare. They are the Gummi Bears. Magic and mystery, Are part of their history, Along with the secret, Of gummiberry juice. Their legend is growing, They take pride in knowing, They'll fight for what's right, In whatever they do. Gummi Bears!! Bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that's beyond compare. They are the Gummi Bears. They are the Gummi Bears!!

For kicks, try switching the Gummi Bears lyrics with Гимн Сoветскoгo Сoюза (a.k.a. the Soviet National Anthem a.k.a. the Hockey Tune). It actually works. Both ways.
(We have an arrangement in our archive that mixes the two, for maximum effect and confusion)

Not really, that particular limmerick has been floating around allegro.cc for a while now. I know I have seen it here before. It's a joke. Laugh.

Its an old classic limerick. If you have a problem with it, you probably need to loosen up

I know it's a joke. Scary Movie makes it funny. A limerick only makes it creepy.

I hate most old things.

I think it's you who was scarred by various things in your childhood if you think an innocent limerick that contains a few oh-god-no-please-don't-punish-me-I'll-wash-my-mouth-with-soap words is scary and creepy.

More evidence of your scarring.

If I take the english lyrics(1977 version) from here it seems to work for the verses but the chorus doesn't seem to fit the melody of the Gummi Bears chorus(too many syllables I think). I'll try it anyway when I come back from work tonight.;D

Gahahah, that's hilarious. I never noticed that before. Though yes, the chorus doesn't seem to fit too well...

There are ways to make it fit all the way.

Other pairs we have discovered include Bamse <-> Катюша (Katyusha), Idas Sommarvisa <-> Прoщание славянки (Proshchanie Slavianki, "Slavic Woman's Farewell") <-> Tillbaka till Hawaii (partial fit), and Amazing Grace (!) <-> Священная Вoйна (Svyashchennaya Voyna, "The Sacred War").

(Hey, we should do a cover album! )

Uhm, you can fit any lyrics with any tune if you try really hard. Haven't you ever heard of Alanis Morissette?

Unfortunately, yes. Even worse, I haven't just heard of her, I've heard her.

ah-hem...

The Ballad of The GeekSquad Employee

I Hate My Job.
No I won't fix your computer. It's FILTHY.
I Hate My Job.
I don't know how to fix your damn camera/printer/scanner/ipod/television, I fix computers and that's it. BTW don't ask me questions about that crap either.
I Hate My Job.
You don't have the right to get mad at me for sending your broken stuff to HP and them taking 3 months to fix it
I Hate My Job.
3-5 day turn time does not mean you can call in three days and bitch for 2 more days until it's done. Though it does actually work since usually 3-5 days means a week if we remember your computer is here.
I Hate My Job.
If you call me on the phone and start yelling about... whatever... I won't hang up with you. I'll just not listen to a damn word you say until you come into the store. If you request a manager... I'll transfer you to some random department.
I Hate My Job.
If your the angry person on the phone and you did come into the store. I'll laugh inside as you say that you talked to some guy on the phone who just kept transfering you to other departments.
I Hate My Job.
If it were up to me, I'd tell you to buzz off when you feel you deserve a refund.
I Hate My Job.
I'm actually told to hold off on getting you a manager for as long as possible so you'll get angry or cool down to the point where you don't really remember what your problem was.
I Hate My Job.
If I saw you in the street and I was next to somebody, I'd tell them everything about your computer because for some reason, I remember.
I Hate My Job.
Yes.. We did find all your porn and you should be ashamed... We also moved some of it to somewhere your wife/parents would easily find it.

End

...How was it?

Quite good actually. I liked it.

On a side note, maybe its time for a new place of employment?

ahaha, Ballad of the EMO GeekSquad Employee

My dad taught me:

I took her out, but she got away,
Yodelady yodelady yodeladyeee heeee
If you can't take her out, get the old lady heeee
Yodelady yodelady yodeladyeee heeee

when I was about 5 years old. I was 12 - 13 before I understood why the neighbors were upset about it.

That's the worst thing you were taught at 5!? I hope this was like 80 years ago...

You obviously have no idea how much the world has changed in just the last 25 years. You'd get whipped or caned for saying somehthing like that when I was at school.

Well, bamccaig is only 12, so you can't really blame him.

[edit]

My thoughts exactly.

Maybe I'll run that by my parents and see if that's true for Canada as well. Maybe just where you're from? I seem to recall hearing way worse stories from my parents.

Need I point out that your parents views do not make a significant portion of anything (not that I'm saying mine, or Arthur's, do either)? When I was growing up, there were others who were far more significantly advanced in their sexual atitude than I was. It still doesn't make it the nom.

It has nothing to do with the sexual attitude or norm in the world. He appears to be from the US and without knowing where he was at the time I have to assume it was the US. So the question is whether or not it was actually acceptable for a 5 year old to learn that in the US or not. You seem to think that 25 years ago it would have been unacceptable and I disagree so I'm challenging it.

Hell, I'm 20 years old so some older cousins might fit into that bracket. I could also ask them what they learned at 5.

Yet you seem to forget that, in terms of sexuality, America is an old fogey.

Ha Ha. Not quite, though we have an Agent who is very emo looking.

It would work, but replace some of the "I Hate My Job" lines with, "I hate my life" and "please kill me" and "my girlfriend hates me"

Plus it should end with the guy symbolically slitting his wrists over a computer.