I'm still alive.

There's a lot to cover, so I'll just brush on the highlights (which is actually quite a bit!).

Thursday, I saw Amber at work and said, "How are you Amber?" And she said, "Better." I thought, "Better? Better than what?" I said, "What?" She chuckled and then said she was doing good. And when I got home and walked in the door it hit me like a brick to face "OH!!!" (:o), she meant "Better (now, that, you're here)." So "Hell freaking yeah!" I thought.

But rewind! After work I'm standing outside my car. Amber walked by to leave and I asked her out.-- And she glady said "Yes"! I was so happy. We planned to do something Sunday.

Come Saturday, I saw her again. I mentioned while talking to her that I found out I had to work Sunday. She said concerned, "When?" I told her "Just till 6 (PM)" and she said "Oh" with a relief and continued, "Well that's okay, I have to visit my Dad Sunday anyway."

Well, come Sunday, I got off work. Skipping a few things, I called her. And guess what happened? No really, I want you to guess before proceding. Are you ready yet? Yes? No... I'll give you one more moment. Okay, how about now? Abso-freaking-lotety nothing. She didn't answer her phone. So at that point I went home and took a shower and called her again. Well, by the entire nature of this thread, I won't be raising any eyebrows when I tell you... (oh my God!) I got her voicemail. Again. I figured I would and planned in advance what I'd say. I basically said "Hey Amber, I thought we were doing something tonight. If something happened that's cool, but if you don't call me back I'm just going to assume you don't want to do anything." I was pissed off but I still wanted to be a man about it (and given my somewhat-new significant spirituality) so finished with, "May God bless you in everything you do. Have a good night." --And I meant it.

Now, forward to today: I saw her at school, talking with a friend at a table. Except this time, when she heard my voice (talking to someone else), she didn't greet me with that beautiful smile of hers. She just made sure not to look my way. Which said all I needed to hear as far as whether she got the message or not.

And that's where I am now. The current plan is to say to her next time I see her (and not a moment later), "Amber, now I've just got one question. / Why would you say... on at least three occasions that you want to do something... if you didn't want to do anything?" I'm not going to leave it to the air. I won't be an asshat, but I'm going to confront her on that. I'm sick of avoiding confrontation.

Heck, at this point, I doubt I'd date her even if she changed her mind. I deserve better. Heck, I feel good on a strange level. I feel good that other opportunities are open now--I'm not in limbo with Amber, I have my answer. I feel good that I worked hard for what I wanted--I tried. I feel good that I've felt something that can make me feel so bad--as opposed to this colorless mundane I've come somewhat accustom too. And I feel good knowing that it's not my fault. I didn't mislead anyone. "Fuck it. Life goes on, and it's still damn good to the last drop."

Haha, you fool. You never cancel for any reason! She would have treated you the same even if your mom had died. But if you don't cancel, then you'll get in trouble for skipping work / your mom's funeral. They stay up all night coming up with lose-lose scenarios like that.

Good for you (in deciding that you deserve better) and congratulations on actually making the move. I wish you better luck in future encounters with other females.

Chris,

Well done on asking her out in the first place. Although it eventually lead to nothing, you now have overcome that initial hurdle, and it should be easier for the next time.

Her reaction to you the day after is curious. Maybe she too is a bit shy? Good luck in finding out why she didn't reply on Sunday. Perhaps asking her will let her get her side out, and there could be a very reasonable explanation. Or maybe not. Looking forward to your update.

"May God bless you in everything you do. Have a good night." your trying to marry her. no no no. ill tell you strate. This girl is playing games with you.
reasons:

1. she is being ignored by some guy she likes and is using the attention you give her as away to bounce back on her feet.

or

2. She is being led by her friends to do things such as what she id doing.

she is lucky your not me i wound have her on her keens begging to go out.

dude listen to me we can make this girl pay if she is doing reasons #2 i can get you get her and her friends get in to a fight and you can even get with the friend if you want.

i read your post about talking to the other girl and she was around. you have what it takes to do this. just by the fact that you can talk normally with other girls.

the first part of the plan is to pretend like your not mad. if you act mad she will feed on it. next get the pownage maze. pown a different girl with it when shes is around. she dose not have to see but she must hear the other girl scream and you and the other girl laughing.

Figure out the difference between "your" and "you're" really soon. Then work on your capital letters.

For the A.D.H.D crowd, here's the summary

you can figure out the rest.

That's the spirit! Go to the mattresses!

this thread is quite bad

Apparantly you left.

Yves, try this one - most here think the advice imparted is priceless.

OP you should print out this thread and give it to her.

...actually dont.

I supposedly have ADHD and I read the whole thing attentively. What are you getting at?

Good job, Deathwish. Now impart some of your new found power to me.

She was visiting her dad. I don't think that she was doing anything evil to you on purpose. That voicemail you left her makes you look insecure, in my opinion.
(I followed the two preceeding threads.)

I agree with Dennis.

This thread is in dire need of pictures. Please post with pictures of her, pictures of you, pictures of her with you (obviously photoshoped). Pictures of both of you at the grand canyon, the Eiffel tower, the coliseum in Rome, and the great wall in china. Put a lot of effort into the photoshoping,... then show these pictures to her.. tell her.. "What about the good times.. when we just traveled..." Then say "Oh well your loss" Then kick her in the nuts because she's obviously a man.

Even if she is a Christian person the "May God bless you in everything you do. Have a good night." may be a bit too much don't you think? It's more of a farewell message you can give when you're sure you won't ever see her again. Now you're seeing her most times you go to work.

It sounds like Dennis Busch is on to something. Did you really still have a date after that conversation about work and her dad?

Apart from that. Good for you that you're set out to move on! There is a lot of fish in the sea. It's always darkest before the dawn. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

He didn't have a date if he thought he did, but he did if he didn't. That's not too hard to understand!

Well done on asking her out.

Now then,

You don't just assume she wants to do anything! You assume that she wants to do something with you, and you tell her to call you back if it's ok to meet there and there to confirm the time. You are the male, you call the shots. I know it sounds sexist and over-the-top, but it's how the game is normally played.
And you were doing so well up until this point!

Gosh, that's really really really over the top. I know you said you meant it sincerely, but I would only say something like that (well, I wouldn't, obviously, being atheist) if I'm really parting from someone for ever.
Effectively, to me, what you said to her was, "hey, I thought we were going out. Guess not. Boodbye then, never want to talk to you again."

I hate getting people's voicemail. It can be worse though: years ago, there was a girl I wanted to ask out. So I called her (that took a lot of effort). Voicemail immediately. Dang, hung up. Tried again half an hour later. Voicemail. Hung up. Hmm... no, wait, maybe I should leave a message just to get it out of me. Called again. Voicemail. Hung up quickly to rehearse the message. Call again. ring ring "Hello?" "..."
What I did wrong here: I should have left a short message on her voicemail the first time (you did this right), or: I should not have thought so hard about what message to leave and how it would come across (you might have wanted to think a bit more about this one). Above all, I should not have been caught off-guard when she did answer the phone, but I was.

You do realise that when she googles your ass and finds this forum and these threads there will be hell to pay?

That's assuming Chris Katko is his real name.

Why don't you save your time and effort by just going and ask her out? a sincere approach is the best in the long term.

Lets try to think like a girl for a moment:

1. My name is Amber and there's this Chris Katko guy that I kind of like.
2. I wonder if he likes me.
3. Maybe uncle google knows.
4. I'll ask him: "does chris katko love amber?"
5. Profit!

Or:

1. She Googles "chris katko" and gets http://www.allegro.cc/members/ChrisKatko as the first result.
2. Then she clicks Forums and sees her name in the "Recent Posts".
3. Profit!

But for whom?...

Guess what is the first result on google for does chris katko love amber

Anyway, good to see you actually did something and got some experience.

Um... he did. Here's the parapgraph where he mentions it:

If she really was interested, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss her (even though I know your feelings have been hurt). I'd try to find out what happened and see if she still wants to meet up..

No. Screw it. Do you know how many times and how much energy I spend toward this girl? I've probably called her phone 7 times and she has never called me back (or even answered!). Complete strangers call back if they get a missed call, she however does not. And I asked her out, in person, on three occasions.

I don't care. I meant it scincerly. If she's offended by God, I don't need to date her because that's one aspect of my life I will not be ashamed off. God has gotten me through too much for that. Secondly, I was pretty much under the impression that she doesn't want to do anything at the time. Now, I'm not so sure I care either way.

I'd think she'd be flattered that I care(d) enough about her to ask for people's advice. But at this point, "whatever" in either case.

I don't know about that, speaking from the complete stranger perspective.. When I first got my cell phone I kept getting calls from people I didn't know. Of course, I didn't return any of them(Hell, I didn't even answer them.. call me rude)... My mom did return one of them for me though.

Don't you text people with your phones over there?

Wikipedia says:

WTF?!

I know. That's not the issue.

I wouldn't know if she's offended by you mentioning god or not. It also doesn't matter, because bringing god into it has nothing to do with it. What matters is that that closing was way over the top. It would sound like "I never want to see you again".

Remember, you can mean well, but if the message doesn't come across well, what you intended to say is irrelevant.

EDIT:

I've returned calls to numbers I didn't know a couple of times. It usually turned out to be someone I knew calling from a phone number I didn't know.

EDIT2:
Charging the receiving party of an SMS is just... wrong.

Good to hear

Don't even do this again, I've almost fell off my chair.

Anyway to be on-topic. Congrats for overcoming your shyness and asking her. The issue was that she told you that she's going to visit dad on sunday, and I think that she assumed that you'd understand that the deal is over for that day - as Dennis pointed out. So I think that you've hurt her feelings by that voicemail.

So now I've got two advices, one from my own expirience and another describing what I'd do in this situation - because it's not lost.
1) Go up next to her and tell her, that you have some unfinished bussiness. Apology for that voicemail, tell her how you've meant that and that you seem not to have understood, that she meant it's over. Do not let her go easy - yes she looks angry, but I'm sure that if you talk with her about that it'll be ok.

2) When writing a SMS or leaving voicemail think about it. Think about it from the view of the receiver, think if this phrase cannot be understood in other way that you mean it - if so, rephrase it.

Agreed.

Yup, until I read that part of the OP, I thought it went rather well. That just ruined it, though. Also, I agree, you should confront her, but be sure not to seem too hostile or anything - after all, you do work with her, so even if you're not interested anymore, you should at least try to remain friendly.

You think she'd be flattered that you asked a bunch of socially inept guys (and piccolo) advise on dating!? k...

Edit: Maybe that's it. Maybe she knows about the posts you made here, and is just toying with you. If the next time you talk to her she says "I feel so hot and sex right now for internet sex", just run... and never look back!

hey thats king piccolo. and he never did what i said or this would have turned out differently. Google powns all Google will be the death of me.

edit: It seems that its not wise for me to give advise on here Google compromisers the whole project and can even mess up some of my own projects.

Well, what text or voice message would you have left on her phone Piccolo?

Why, a freestyle rapping one, of course!

i don't leave voice messages. rule number 1. don't wait more then 2-3 rings if you don't intended to leave a voice message. if they are expecting a call from u there phone will be near to them.

You should have. blocked your number and called or called from a pay phone.

Oh my God. You bastards!

You mean to say that she might have meant "I can't do anything Sunday?" And I just made a absolute complete asshole of myself?

Oh my gosh. I hate you all so much, and I hate myself even more.

Yes, that's what we were trying to tell you!!

You could still apologise to her and explain what happened.

Now I kind of feel sorry for you.

These were definitely people I didn't know. The only people who had my number would've called from a number I recognized.

Never underestimate the powers of Rohypnol!

Bah, I guess you're going to have to change your sig.

Anyway, relax, chill, take a sedative. And then, do it again whenever you do something related to Project Amber. You're all fluttered and not thinking straight.

Chris: well what you did was foolish. But cheer up man, I bet that it's not lost. I think that she's really interested in you, that's why she looked so crushed the other day. Just talk it over with her, tell her that you were crushed on sunday. You can even bring her a flower, if you feel it'd be right.

I'm pretty sure you'll be better than me - I found that she's living with her boyfriend for half and a year...

You're wrong. So very very wrong.

As an aside, try not to think for her. That means, if she says something, don't nescessarily assume that she means what you think she means if you're not sure. Above all, don't act too violently to that.
I had a friend who used to think for other people and acted on what he thought they had meant. Considering he invariably managed to get it wrong, this ticked a lot of people off. So be a bit careful.

Rule #1: if you have a crush on someone, make finding out if they're taken your top priority. Most girls will let you know early on by sneaking mention of their boyfriend into the conversation.
Doesn't always mean you're hopeless though. I knew a girl who would only mention that she'd been having fights with her boyfriend. We got on fairly well, but I had a big crush on someone else at the time, so I didn't persue it (which with hindsight was the wrong thing to do, but it felt like the decent thing at the time).

move along. To get over someone you need to get under someone else.

Talk to her real quickly and apologize for your behavior. After that it's definitely time to move on. Otherwise you're entering stalker waters and you don't want to be there.

By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged. No wait, what I really wanted to say was: Never give up, never surrender! (Galaxy Quest)
Relax and cheer up.:)

Don't apologize, just move on and play the cool card. Sometimes the cool card alone will make them come to you.

Evert: well it was our second serious conversation and I really didn't have any mean how to find out. Anyway I know that, and that's exactly what I try to do always, but sometimes...

Le_Y_mistar: Not in this case. I'd say there was a misunderstanding, so without resolving that nothing more will happen.

And she may construe the 'coolness' as arrogance.

Nothing personal. Just a thought that occured to me.

This happens to me a lot. I think girls try to avoid you if they think you have a crush on them or if you're trying to find someone to have a crush on, but if your affections are elsewhere, they start popping up out of the woodwork. A female friend once told me that girls will flock to me if I don't keep wishing I had a girlfriend. From my observations, I'd say she was right.

AE.

I'm going to second that from my own experiences.

Oh, yes. I've noticed some girls to act more "flirty" when I'm talking to them about other cute girls - even if I really do have a crush on another girl.
It's also a well-known complaint: if you don't have a girlfriend, it's relatively hard to get one. If you do have a girlfriend, girls will be fighting for your attention.

Because they think that there must be a reason why you don't have a girlfriend? And if you have girlfriend, then there must be something about you that's good?

Maybe they just want to stick it to the other girl...

That's what he said. snicker snicker

Hey you seem to forget that girls behaviour is irracional and illogical. That's why they act as you described.

jhuuskon: sigged

I'm sure they have problems with our behaviour too.

I know it's a common male complaint that women are weird and wired backwards... not my experience with most girls I know though. The behavior I described above is fairly logical, from a biological point of view.

RP: yeah and that's why I'm so "naughty" to my female friends and tormenting them
Evert: well I understand your attitude, but I expirienced only illogical behaviour - I seem no to understand them

Thanks for the update Chris!

And ummm .... Congrats? I guess .... I don't even know anymore, this thread has gotten confusing.

CK: The results are hardly surprising. You are asking for dating advice in a programming forum, to programming geeks... says a lot about your actual dating skills.

Rampage: and that's why I haven't asked here Oh wait, all my expirience come from attempt-error attitude, I haven't asked anybody

Real men don't ask girls out on a date, they inform girls they have a date!

Ok quick solution, kill her then date her sister.. but seriously... just drop her. You are taking this too far, just calm down give her time, find someone else, and if that doesnt work out and you still wanna try for Amber... go to her, be like I've changed.. I'm more secure with myself and I made a mountian out of an ant hill .. wanna try things again?

Maybe go to a night club and get a nice bump and grind to clear things up?

Hahhaha that's great

I have not only asked for advice from you guys. There's been a couple of people whom I respect greatly that give me more intimate advice. You guys, however, give different perspectives which is useful for getting an idea of what's going on.

So I went in to work today to talk to her. Guess what freaking happened? She said that part of it was her fault for not being more clear that she couldn't do anything Sunday. She also doesn't get any reception where her Dad lives, so that's why it didn't pick up. She also hadn't even listened to the voicemail and said she would skip it if I wanted her to.

Holy crap. God exists, kicks ass, and he's got my back in more ways than I can comprehend.

Oh man, I haven't felt this joyous in awhile. I mean, I'm normally happy, but this feels like being hugged, warmth and all.

Just because people here are interested in programming does not mean:

• We don't have any need for love and sex.

• We haven't had love and sex.

• We don't know how to talk to women/men (depending on gender and sexuality).

Just because some are not interested in programming doesn't give them some sort of "get into panties (or pants) for free" card. It seems like a couple of people here have that belief.

Well the people you've talked to got your back. And the farewell message where God was mentioned is the one message on her voicemail she won't listen to if you don't want her to. So...

Kent Larsson: your joke-comprehension skills are weak. What you say, however, is true; I myself have a girlfriend.

[edit]

Oh, but I do so love the flaming!

That has nothing to do with it. I openly and honestly want God's blessing on her life. Whether she likes me or not.

And I'm going to forewarn some people: This is my thread. Please respect that. If you want to discuss the existence of God, do it in your own thread. Otherwise, I'm just going to request that Matthew remove those associated posts. Thank you.

Though I quoted you it was directed at a lot of people. And I put a smiley in there to brighten it up a bit. Maybe it didn't work?

It's still true though. And there are a great number of people here who talks about their wifes and girlfriends. So there has to be some qualitative experience available. We all need someone to love so we all practice these skills during our lives.

I don't (and he doesn't) actually. But I still believe you have a better chance with her if she doesn't hear that voicemail as I believe that it was a bit too dramatic. Even if it was said with good intentions.

Oh yeah, I'll give you that.

You need to mellow out. You're //////\ about her. Try to be more --------.

What kind of girl goes two days without checking voice mail? If I were you, I'd never leave another voice message while you attempt to win her over, because you'll never know when she listened to it and whether or not she's being truthful about it.

I think I'll use text messages if I need to tell her something without freaking out over being in the moment. I don't know why I didn't consider that before--it just never occurred to me.

Ahh, another story with a feel good finish. Well, so far anyway.

Sounds just like someone I have to work with sometimes.

Chris K, you know, despite Matthew's best efforts to be cynical, if she did listen to that message and she offered not to listen to it for you, then that means she really wants to give you a chance! \o/

I know everyone's saying it and I know it's easier said than done, but the one thing I'd say is try to fit thinking about her into your daily routine in a healthy way. Try to focus on work during the day, and occupy yourself outside of work when you're not with her or preparing to meet her or whatever. You can spend some time thinking about her, but not too much. It's important just generally not to let it consume you. In the run-up to Christmas 2005, I was consumed by thoughts of a girl, and I wasn't functioning well at work. In that particular case, me getting rejected was unrelated and was due to her being a complete waste of space, but even so, the effect on my work was not good.

Here's a more pertinent example. If you arrange a date, but for whatever reason you don't manage it, then it's natural to be a bit upset about it but it's not the end of the world to have to wait another few days for another chance. You have other stuff in your life to keep you from getting too depressed about one small thing like that, and she's in it with you too (hopefully) so you definitely don't want to put the blame on to her. If she seems to want to spend time with you, then trust her. You would want her to trust you: if you wanted to spend time with her and she kept challenging you and telling you you didn't, how long would you like her for? Of course if she gives you good reason not to trust her, you have to bring it up, but even then there are nice ways of doing it so she has the chance to reassure you or apologise (as appropriate) and you can trust her even more.

I sound like a drunken man in a pub, don't I

If you feel as if something's gone wrong again, then just do what I tend to do: take it in and think about it for a while. If you can do that without feeling hot and bothered, then you'll give yourself the freedom to re-evaluate anything you might have misunderstood - such as the exact meaning of "I have to do something else on Sunday" above. Keeping your feelings private for a bit will protect you against issues of pride and not wanting to admit you were wrong - and of course against doing damage by being wrong - and staying calm about it will help you to be objective and not assume the worst - and of course make you appear secure and attractive.

Good luck

good advice Matthew
good idea Chris

don't try and put every thing into one or the first text message.
your first message should be used to establish connection. : examples:

1. Hey.=]
2. Hey.. what you up too.
3. Hi..=]
4. Hey.. you bizzy.

nothing longer then one of those.

Ah yes, there no truer way to a woman's heart then spamming her.

I just realized that there's only a two-vowel difference between "farewell" and "firewall." What a coincidence. Wait, what were you saying?

Science has proven that woman are evil. I'll have to dig up that thread that were I presented the proof....

And if nothing else at least she didn't tell you that she 'only dates black guys'.

Life is like a rollercoaster isn't it?

Keep up the good work! I think, as others have pointed out, you got a little too dramatic, but ya know what? That's just fine. If you can remember to keep cool the next time something like this happens, good. But don't worry about little mistakes here and there. As you've just learned, it works out anyway

Actually, I think this is a pretty good place to ask for dating advice. There are some people here who were nerds, got over it, and now have plenty of social skills and a healthy social and romantic life. Heck, some of us are even married! It makes sense to ask people who've already gone through what you're likely to have to go through.
Only thing is, you have to weed out the crazies Asking person to person is far different than asking a large, anonymous forum.

No one is discussing the existence of god, just wether or not you should have brought him up in that message (where the answer is no). If he exists or not is pretty irrelevant to that point.

When she can get a connection? None that I know. Heck, I don't think I know anyone who doesn't check their voicemail when they pick up their phone and find that they've missed a call.

It works out to 666?

'Apparently not, love!'
Yeah, well... that's annoying anyway. Not much you can do about that one unless you're really good at picking up women.

EDIT@CK: just in case you somehow missed this: it will be pretty obvious to her that you have a crush on her. Don't assume otherwise.

Women are strange.
Men are strange too.

Was that the girls = time * money; time = money; therefore girls = money^2, while money is the "root of evil" (sqrt(evil)), making girls = (sqrt(evil))^2, simplified, girls = evil.

I saw that someplace a while ago. I'll see if I can dig it up.

Imagine if I called you and at the end of my message, I said "Oh, and always remember there is no God." Your reaction to that would be more or less what the average non-religious person's reaction would be to what you said, but probably a bit stronger since you don't generally hear "there is no God". It's just a litle strange. -->

Saying that instantly makes you a Jesus freak in the eyes of the person who hears it, and if you've never heard her say something along the lines of "thank you, Jesus", she's probably quite put off by it.

Also, if you've become "spiritual", but you're mentioning God, does that mean you're a pantheist? I've always wanted to meet one.

---------

After analysing all my past failed relationships, I have come up with the following advice:

You need to turn off your brain.

I know, it's about the hardest thing to do, but if you manage to do it, you'll do fine. Oh, and of course, be yourself, as long as yourself isn't an idiot.

It's kind of like The Game. As long as you're not thinking about it, you're winning. Coincidentally, I just lost.
http://www.losethegame.com/ <--

Chris: what were we saying to you? Plus it even ended in a better way, she apologised to you , so it seems that she is interested in you as well Now all you need is to let the things happen.

Kent: you seem to not understand that those people saying something about asking for advice on women are making fun of being geeky?

One thing should be remembered, being programmer doesn't necessary mean you don't have a chance in relationship - I for myself have fun about geeky anecdotes, about the humor here and with my geeky friends, but also I can normaly converse and live if necessary. As WH pointed out, there are lot's of people here are married or have girlfriends. There are even lot of people with actual expirience. Well and there are some exceptions who are being cynical and making just fun. (me points at Piccolo )

No I actually think that a lot of them are sincere about it being bad to ask "the nerds here". Some joke around though. Can you prove me wrong? In your next paragraph you're repeating what I said first and then WH. What's up with that when you at the same time tell me it's obvious the "do not ask nerds" comments are purely made as jokes? (Insert an arbitrary number of smilies into this post if I seem angry [as I'm not])

Unfortunately I seem not to understand the second part of your post So let's just drop this one.

Sure. It might have been me who didn't understand you as well. Anyway, it's not really important.

He means this:

Basically the same thing.

Edit: oh, and I agree. People poke fun at the fact that the a.cc community doesn't exactly fit the "womanizer" stereotype. However, if I really wanted good advise (on just about anything, really) this is probably the best forum to ask, since people are sincere, civil, and mostly helpful...

We completely agree

We sure do!

While you are under 25 I would stop thinking about relationships and concentrate on your life. Treat women as either friends or as mutual shallow sex objects and you'll be much more productive in life. All in a non-misogynistic sense of course

Don't listen to any dating advice for Neil Walker, and your life will be much more productive.

What's wrong with his advice? Most marriages end up in divorce and one can only assume that even a higher ratio of all relationships end up in failure. So unless your goal is to have as many failed relationships as possible, there's no sense in starting at a young age.

and you have better advice? when you're young you have a long lifetime ahead to form relationships, marriage, etc. and spoiling it with teenage/young-adult angst is not the way to go.

As an analogy, it's a bit like what you do after finishing school at 16/17/18: yes you can get a job straight away and earn money but in the long term you'll probably look back and hate the decision. Go to university and learn more about life and people and in the long term you'll probably look back and love the decision you made, and come out of it having had far more sex to boot

But when do you learn how to treat women? If you start traying to date women when you're over 20 you will end up making a fool of yourself.

What? It's mostly [extreme] atheists who would react to that. I doubt many non-religious people would pay much attention. It's the uptight extreme anti-religion people who pitch fits if anything religious is said.

Rampage has a point, there are no reasons (except understandable self made excuses) to delay.

Well nobody says he must marry her. It's a practice, plus life would not be interesting if you'd behave like "now work and when I'm 35 I'll look for a good wife to make a new generation...", what makes life so interesting is those random decisions.

I learned not to look back and not to think about decisions longer than necessary - when something has to be done quickly it has to be done - the history will sort it out.

Uhh, yeah! That's right! >_>

Perhaps Christianity is practised more in the US. In England for one, people don't generally talk that way. It would sound weird to me, and I'm not uptight, extreme or anti-religion.

Well I think that somebody pointed out not to discuss religion...

This thread is too fucking long.
I skipped almost half of it to get down here and say something.

I saw nothing in the OP that means she ditched you on purpose.
She may just have been held up. Then she may have forgotten.

Maybe she's one of the few who doesn't stress but instead live day by day and tend to forget stuff. I'm one of those people. I forget really important things all the time because I'm doing something else.

Try sticking with "innocent until proven guilty".

Trezker: You are a bit late.. He killed her and buried the body in his backyard.

No way!:o

CK, go dig her up, man, and use your jumper leads to bring her back.

Why bring her back? He can get all he needs from just her body...

Anyway, CK, I keep posting random posts and usually unhelpful comments because you need to get your mind off of it a little while...maybe even laugh a little. Hmmm, where's Johan and his "double decker toot-toot."

It is "double decker squirrel toot-toot."

Is that from Kama Sutra?

I guess you could call it Kama Sutra if you like to

HoHo: oh my gods, that's awesome.

Oh yes, that's right... I am a dork.

Chris I think you blame yourself too much. Girls will be girls (ie crazy), and theres nothing you can do about it. Just be yourself and be happy about it. If you can manage to do that it wont matter what you do. The girl(s) will see that your content about yourself and cling on.

Anyway, about that whole saturday thing. Most guys don't realize how much girls over-analyze. Chances are about 10 to 1 that she purposely flaked out on you. After all in her mind you were flaking out on her, so she would need to turn the tables around and make it so shes flaking on you. That way shes 'ahead' in the game.

That conversation you had with her where she took part of the blame I'll give odds of about 30 to 1 that she planned that out too. Probably on the phone with her best girlfriend for a couple of hours they analyzed the whole thing to itty bitty pieces and decided the exact wording with which she would tell you it was partially her fault.

They probably even planned your response to what she would say.

The point of my post: When stuff goes sour, don't blame yourself. Its most likely just one of her plans not working out for her and her trying a desperate move to regain control of the situation. In the end you should just be yourself and let girls play all their weird games. If you blamed yourself for every time a girl did something weird, you would be a very depressed person.

Dustin: it seems that you tend to overcomplicate things. Besides I know from my own expirience that you can have a plan, but that's all. Every plan burns out when confronted with the enemy. You can have the wording, but most often you'll say something different. And even if you planned the conversation, so you know how it should evolve so you'll have a great chance to tell the significant other what you feel, it fails, because she/he will respond in a way you haven't thought about and you have to improvise.

Now I know that, but it took few attempts to learn that. So forget about plans. Maybe tactics, but plans generaly sucks. A good example I once did was using an old bus ticket and writing a message on it, when I was passing her on the stairs (she was just going off the work) I faked that I'm grabbing something from a ground and handed over the ticket and got lost. You know what? It doesn't even take 5 minutes and I've had a message on my phone

Oh well or the last time I used nasty tactics in sneaking to her with the test brochure for the school she'll be trying to get to

So who wants to place bets? I've got 100 rupees on him posting an "OMG I'm an Idiot" thread within a week.

No deal Matthew!

Why not? Since he posted his bet to the public, I'd say it's pretty safe to bet against him.

NM

I trust him. If he won't do something really stupid, he'll hang on her. I bet that she's interested in him. So I guess I get my 100 rupees against ML.

I highly disagree.

Are you trying to agree with me in a weird way?

I definitely know now that planning stuff in advance is bad. What you mean by having tactics is simply having a general idea of what you're going to say. The bullet points, if you will. Just open your mouth and talk. You'll never have a perfect conversation or speech, but that doesn't mean you won't do better than you head either or even that you need to do it perfectly either. I really need to get that in my mind.

Additionally, yeah, it's possible she lied about hearing the message--I don't care. Hah. Lying sucks, but if she's doing it, she's doing it to try to not throw away a potential relationship.

You can do it! (I've got 100 Rupees on you.)

Real life example. Just yesterday I was talking with a girl from school and asked "So, have you seen any movies lately?" She misheard it as "So, have you seen any boobies lately?"

I guess I'll just have to spam A.CC for awhile with non-relationship centered posts.

She might not be into googling names. Hope it works out well for you.

Have many of you googled your own names lately? I did, and found some news groups posts I made about 10 or so years ago. I was embarrassed. Those posts were so immature. The only positive I can glean from them is that I've grown up a lot since then.

CK, it's good to have an idea of what you want to say, but be prepared to have the conversation derailed when she brings something from left field into the conversation

If I Google my name, I get my website: Kikaru.com

I remember a comedian talking about doing that. Some girl he was dating said, "I know what you did, I googled yo ass!"

you messed up, and now all the internet knows.

well done.8-)

So what's her surname?

Katko.. (the marriage was yesterday!)

Absolutely not, from your post I understood that you think that she'd got a plan. And she sticked to the plan. I just took that and used it to show that plans are not good at theese situations.

WH: Ouch

Chris: if she'd heard it and told you that she didn't, it's a good sign. She's hiding it because she doesn't want you to feel ashamed or so. We call this "merciful lie". You got points

If we've learned anything...

Yes, you have to be careful of what you say on the internets.

He said "Steven"? Who said "Silvey"?

I hadn't switched my name over to Onewing at that time, Ryan Patterson.

I don't get it

OMG! You two have real names??

I have two real names. Neil and Walker

Now if we can find Amber's real surname we can join them together in this thread to make it easier for her to find out about her secret stalker whenever she decides to Google her name.

Remember: when an Allegro.cc member asks you out, he has a whole panel of geek analysts behind him.

I'll keep that in mind.

I respectfully request that someone sig that.

Like hell you will.

Pardon me for being new to dating and wanting perspective on the situation.

You don't need to apologize for wanting perspective. You need to apologize for being new to dating at your age.

1) you don't even know how old he is
2) what does it matter? its his life, he can do with it what he wants
He shouldn't have to apologize for shit. Who are you to critique anyway?

I think rampage is really talking about himself on a certain level. He's projecting his own problems onto CK.

Oohhh, sore thumbs! Do ignore my posts, if they don't please your eyes. Or have an admin delete them.

Mr. Dettmer: I don't think I have to give explanations to you.

Done

Hooray!

... on a side note, I just realized I haven't updated my avatar in awhile ...

Actually from this thread I have two sigged quotes

And you still haven't changed it WH!

[edit]
wrong thread!
[/edit]

Chris, good luck. I would have wagered my riches for you but... well... I figured you would post another "OMG" one.. so.

I changed my avatar since the Great Christmas Avatar Switch of 2006, but OICW's new one totally threw me off. I though it was Exitalis. the whole hat thing

Not that I wish Chris to fail, but I rather enjoy reading these threads.. Though, it's disappointing that I don't get to experience stuff like this first hand.

Sevalecan: don't be disappointed, you'll get to it, it just needs some time.

Mark: I'm pretty sure it's not related to the one Exitialis has. Mine is Dean Stockwell in his latest role... Oh by the way, it's my first avatar change since I joined here.