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i'm dead.
RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
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I need money and it's not enough for me. I have no choice but to make a collection with the help of everyone via paypal on the web. Otherwise I won't last another week.

I'm not going to beg in the street or sell disposable handkerchiefs, or do any other mediocre job, much less prostitute myself.

As I know that no one is going to pay me, I anticipate saying goodbye to everyone. It was a pleasure to meet you, bye.

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021! Rm Beer for Ruinous Slave Drained 2022! Rm Beer for Traveler From The Future Warning Not To Enter In 2023! Rm Beer are building a travel machine for Go Back from 2023!

torhu
Member #2,727
September 2002
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Have you considered working at a grocery store? The next step up would be to work at at public office, but you probably have to know the right people to get that kind of job. Once you're in a public office it doesn't matter what you do, you can keep that job forever. So you can use it as a stepping stone to something else.

APPEND:
Please post you PayPal link ;)

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
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suicide is never the answer. You're making judgements about the future, solely based on the past. Remember when you were a kid and how different the world (all the cool stuff you never imagined) was ten years later than you guessed it would be? The same applies for the next ten years.

DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. Giving up makes you a victim. Life "happened" to you. But if you never give up, those are things that you survived and you grew from. You're a survivor. You're on a heroes journey. The hero doesn't give up when the hero is at the bottom of his journey.

RmBeer2 said:

or do any other mediocre job

There is no job beneath you if you're starving. Get over it, get a job to survive until you can get the job you want. This is adulthood.

While you're at it, with internet access, go to youtube and start binge watching Jordan Peterson lectures. One of his central thesis's (which he didn't come up with but he talks about) is... life itself is suffering. Life IS hard and cruelly unfair. But that doesn't make it not worth living.

-----sig:
β€œPrograms should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
avatar

@torhu
I have considered many things, I try to do only the jobs that I can do. I don't even know what a public office job is, it sounds like I could just totally fail, that really is nonsense, getting into a job that I couldn't pull off.
The same for a grocery store, although it would seem easy with just buying and selling merchandise, you end up with lots of problems, that you have to be constantly serving customers, that you cannot watch how they steal from you everywhere, that the fucking mafia of the AFIP , that the extortions and traps of the suppliers, You must have money to pay every month or else they will kick your ass in 1 minute (impossible to pay the first month, the rent is very expensive and sales are too unstable), etc.

@Chris Katko
Suicide is valid if you know that all that awaits you is painful agony, if it's going to hurt anyway, keep it short.
This is not about some sentimentality, but a practical sense.
I've been fighting for many years trying to get my projects off the ground, but I just wasted time trying to survive to end up scratching my balls every year because I don't have the resources to do anything else, and now they've finally beaten me out of fatigue, I don't see what I can get out and continue.

Link:
https://www.paypal.com/donate?token=tmQ6qP3sIS83Yf5n9Sbe6yXHkJt7w7IQVec98tKmQLf81Lh3tg3AzDnXKfT6up-sa1GFYSOua_YNcXb8

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021! Rm Beer for Ruinous Slave Drained 2022! Rm Beer for Traveler From The Future Warning Not To Enter In 2023! Rm Beer are building a travel machine for Go Back from 2023!

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
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RmBeer2 said:

@Chris Katko
Suicide is valid if you know that all that awaits you is painful agony, if it's going to hurt anyway, keep it short.

I've been in chronic, non-stop, agonizing pain for ten years straight now. I'm still alive. Because there is still a chance I may get a cure... one day.

And on that day, will I look back on all the times I wished I was dead, and think "Man, I was right, I should have ended it."

Endure until the end because you don't know what is coming next. You are not a genius. You are not omnipotent. Things you could never imagine may happen and you may look back on this day thinking "I can't believe how foolish I was." Hell, think back ten years ago and remember how stupid you were as a kid/teen/whatever. Time is a chance.

The fact you posted about it means on some level, you want to keep going.

-----sig:
β€œPrograms should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
avatar

Of course, I would like something more, but if you can't, what are you going to do? I don't have the power to stay alive, that's not for me to decide.
I just look ridiculous and totally humiliated for trying to take every stupid opportunity just to achieve nothing, as if the only thing that matters is being alive and breathing but doing nothing, it's not that different from being in a vegetative state on a respirator (To this day I was just lucky not to end up in a hospital, and I hope that doesn't happen, never).

EDIT:
But that is not the point here. The point is that I can't continue no matter how hard I try.

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021! Rm Beer for Ruinous Slave Drained 2022! Rm Beer for Traveler From The Future Warning Not To Enter In 2023! Rm Beer are building a travel machine for Go Back from 2023!

piccolo
Member #3,163
January 2003
avatar

so much for "Rm Beer for Emperor 2021!"
Suicide is the path of the weak you are being tested to find out if you fit in that box of goods or do you have what to takes to become more than what you are now. its up to you.but you not very smart if you think you are the only one or the or the one with the biggest burden to over come once you step out of the frog in a well thinking you find how big the world is and how small your issues are

wow
-------------------------------
i am who you are not am i

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
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What stupid comments, I don't know why they have the damn habit of treating others like superficial idiots and torturing them with sermons and positive phrase stickers. As if everyone knew about life and death, and everyone was right. It only serves to give morbid pleasures.

Maybe I shouldn't have even stopped by to say bye, directly abandon them all and let each one draw the stupid conclusions they want. *sigh*

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021! Rm Beer for Ruinous Slave Drained 2022! Rm Beer for Traveler From The Future Warning Not To Enter In 2023! Rm Beer are building a travel machine for Go Back from 2023!

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
avatar

Jinak, I pray for you my friend. That you will find an income and a job that you enjoy and that pays you what you are worth.

I am sorry you are feeling so low. I have been struggling with depression my whole life too. I hope you feel better.

What about your art? You are an excellent illustrator. Your artwork is impressive.

I can't support you financially, as I am unemployed and broke as shit. Otherwise I would help you out if I could.

I pray you get the help and self confidence you need to carry on.

video

Long live rmbeer!!!

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
avatar

go to a church on sunday (hell, go today). Even if you think religion is stupid. If you're willing to end it, you have nothing to lose by showing up one time before the end. You may end up seeing a bunch of people (who yes, might not be as "smart" as you) that are caring and creating a welcoming community. And maybe, just maybe, that's something you need--even if you don't believe their beliefs.

My wife wanted to start going to churches again. Ugh, right? We went to three different ones, and every single one, while not my "style", was overwhelming welcoming and genuinely compassionate. They asked how I was, and said if I ever need food or help (or know anybody who does) they have a food pantry. Multiple. different. churches. That we just randomly tried and they were all so compassionate. It felt good to be around people who actually cared about their neighbor. Something we as a society have mostly disconnected from and lost. Everyone is just a stranger, everyone is just another car getting in your way.

And as for the "i'm too good for handouts" well, you're not. Nobody is. Handouts aren't for people who are permanent losers. They're for people who go through hard times so they can bounce back and get back to living. Life can be brutal--no matter how good or smart you are it can always catch you off guard. Nobody "plans" to get cancer, for example.

Ending it is the easy way out. "The cards weren't in my favor so I'm not even gonna play!" Growing and learning humility is real way to growth. And when you pass through this you will be happier and more content than you ever had. You'll appreciate everything that comes because you've seen what happens when the bottom falls out. I'm not talking out of my ass. I'm talking from experience.

I didn't give up, and neither should you. Life is suffering. And? Throw away your ego and shame and start living.

-----sig:
β€œPrograms should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

Ariesnl
Member #2,902
November 2002
avatar

You're a programmer and you cannot find a job ? ???
Over here companies almost pull you in half to get you in.

My mailbox explodes with job offerings every day, and I'm not even looking ( or available)

Perhaps one day we will find that the human factor is more complicated than space and time (Jean luc Picard)
Current project: [Star Trek Project ] Join if you want ;-)

Mark Oates
Member #1,146
March 2001
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Ariesnl said:

You're a programmer and you cannot find a job ? ???
Over here companies almost pull you in half to get you in.
My mailbox explodes with job offerings every day, and I'm not even looking ( or available)

Seriously. I got one yesterday that offered $275 to interview for 90 minutes, with a $150 referral bonus.

Polybios
Member #12,293
October 2010

Yeah, it's unreal, friend of mine got a pay raise of 25% recently because company feels need to stay competitive.

Erin Maus
Member #7,537
July 2006
avatar

I don't think there's much any of us can say that would help. None of us are trained professionals (e.g., first responders or therapists).

...

But I received "hand outs" for a few years, struggled with severe mental illness, exited a very abusive situation.

Didn't give up, got an unpaid internship at a start up. Two months later I was working there. About four years later I'm working at Amazon and an SDE II.

I thought things hopeless six or seven years ago, but now things are better than I ever imagined.

When you look for the bad things, you'll only ever see... the bad things.

---
ItsyRealm, a quirky 2D/3D RPG where you fight, skill, and explore in a medieval world with horrors unimaginable.
they / she

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
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RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
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@Edgar Reynaldo
Regrettably yes.

The donation button is still there collecting dust on the web, while I try to do other things.
It really annoys me that every time I talk about death everyone starts giving sermons about life and that suicide is for cowards and other stupid things, just because everyone is afraid of even the word, I don't feel like arguing about it, they don't contribute nothing.

All of us here are old enough to know that for any project to advance, an initial capital is needed, that is what really matters, but if nobody contributes anything, then it will never advance, much less the possibility that one day I will be able to pay them, and there is still the possibility that i will suddenly disappear, time does not wait.

🌈🌈🌈 🌟 BlackRook WebSite 🌟 C/C++ 🌟 GNU/Linux 🌟 IceCream/Cornet 🌟 🌈🌈🌈

Rm Beer for Emperor 2021! Rm Beer for Ruinous Slave Drained 2022! Rm Beer for Traveler From The Future Warning Not To Enter In 2023! Rm Beer are building a travel machine for Go Back from 2023!

Edgar Reynaldo
Major Reynaldo
May 2007
avatar

Go serve drinks at a resort. You'll make good tips. And meet hot ladies. :D

You're like bamboo. When you plant it, it takes 5 years to grow roots, then grows 100 ft in a season.

Why don't you start a gofundme project? To start a web hosting site. You will provide hosting for a reduced price to get an inital capital investment from the platform.

piccolo
Member #3,163
January 2003
avatar

Here is a solution, work on opening your Third eye so you can see what life is really about.
youtube Thoth the Atlantean

wow
-------------------------------
i am who you are not am i

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
avatar

RmBeer2 said:

It really annoys me that every time I talk about death everyone starts giving sermons about life and that suicide is for cowards and other stupid things, just because everyone is afraid of even the word, I don't feel like arguing about it, they don't contribute nothing.

You assume the people giving you advice haven't been in similar, or worse, situations. And that is why your world is shrinking in on itself. You run out of options that are comfortable and prejudice prevents you from exploring new ones.

-----sig:
β€œPrograms should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

Indeterminatus
Member #737
November 2000
avatar

RmBeer2 said:

I just look ridiculous and totally humiliated for trying to take every stupid opportunity

Doesn't sound ridiculous or humiliating to me. Sometimes it works, many times it doesn't. Only when you stop trying, you rid yourself of the chance to get out.

That being said, I know nothing about your situation. I've seen much misery, but tend to err on the positive side of thinking. If you feel totally down, then all you can do is gain. My sincere advice: if you can't see that for yourself, go seek professional help; there's no shame in that.

You seem to be frustrated. Get another perspective/angle, if nothing you do seems to be working out.

_______________________________
Indeterminatus. [Atomic Butcher]
si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
avatar

I don't know who has donated 2 euros to me, and I don't know whether to thank when I don't even have enough for a cone of French fries, less a package of sausages.
Is from anyone here?...

@Indeterminatus
I'm not so superficial as to let myself be carried away by depression, I always continue or try, I already said it.
If I can't do something, it's because society and the system prevents me, what am I supposed to do? Steal? That would be worse.

At a minimum I need to collect 500 euros to be able to do something, with that I would be able to transfer all my drawings to digital images and that would be a start.

The part of the drawings or images is important, since people are being too demanding, that without an image they don't move, and that leaves me totally hung up, even if I give them a good answer they are not interested.

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Dizzy Egg
Member #10,824
March 2009
avatar

At the point of being so low that you post about contemplating suicide, and then complain about not being gifted enough money. As someone who has lost someone due to them suffering actual depression, my advice to you is grow up and get a job, rather than ranting about a gifted offer of help not covering the cost of your sausages.

----------------------------------------------------
Please check out my songs:
https://soundcloud.com/dont-rob-the-machina

RmBeer2
Member #16,660
April 2017
avatar

@Dizzy Egg
You and your sausages can go to work at McDonald's like whore, for what it costs to be talking about suicide and immaturity you can pretend to be a mature guy for the rest of your life. They're such idiots that you can't tell the difference between getting killed and committing suicide, which isn't even what I mentioned from the beginning until some asshole brought up like a bag of shit on the table by way of suggestion, and then they send you to hell saying that I'm the immature and cowardly one. I think that they are just shuffling for pure trolling and that they cannot give good advice without bleeding your eyes.

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πŸ–•

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Polybios
Member #12,293
October 2010

Working for money like many people in this world do does not seem to be an option for you? Why not?

Your aggression comes across to me as what Freud called a "defense mechanism". :P
Might be wrong, but that's my personal impression.

Erin Maus
Member #7,537
July 2006
avatar

There's no shame in working less desirable jobs to make ends meet πŸ˜”. The world isn't exactly fair and not everyone can be successful (in other words, support themselves through their dream career/activity - I don't mean to define success by what your job is).

I worked "QA" (i.e., cleaning/janitor) at a grocery store and then retail at an office supply store. And then I took a job in software development that greatly undervalued me (first an unpaid internship that turned into an $11/hr job *as a software developer* - I could have made more working at any random big-box retail chain in my area like Target or Wal-Mart) to get my leg in the door.

I hate to say it, but beggars can't be choosers. 😐

---
ItsyRealm, a quirky 2D/3D RPG where you fight, skill, and explore in a medieval world with horrors unimaginable.
they / she

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