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Thread doesn't lock too soon
LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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LennyLen, can you tell me after all that that you don't believe in guardian angels or miracles or supernatural powers? How else could a person have survived as many things as you have? Jesus must love you...

I honestly don't. I just seem to have an inherent inability to believe. I have given some thought on occasion as to why that is, and I generally put it down to a few factors. The first is that a long as I remember I've had strong sense of being alone in the world (mostly due to my lack of being able to empathize with others), which has extended into feeling that we're alone in the universe. I'm not lonely; I don't miss the company of other people. I just prefer to be alone.

The second factor is that believing in something without proof is an anathema to me which precludes faith. It's just the way my brain works. The third is that because, like most autistic people, I need my life to be orderly and routine, I have a deep desire for the universe to instead be chaotic and random, possibly because I always want what I can't have. And again, this want for lack of organization defies belief in a creator who made us with a plan.

I don't begrudge others their beliefs or look down on them for them (unless they try to push them on to others. I have no way of knowing if I'm right or not, it just feels like I am.

Quote:

You can always join us on freenode IRC at #allegro if you need someone to talk to. There's usually somebody awake on the channel. Unless you already are by some other nick. My nick is Modulo5k.

I did use to frequent the IRC channel a lot and then got out of the habit when I stopped using Opera as my browser. I really should come back again.

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
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LennyLen said:

And again, this want for lack of organization defies belief in a creator who made us with a plan.

I'm not sure I agree with that. Perhaps a rigid "christian" orthodox would conflict with that. But there's no real requirement that an abstract creator that exists even cares about what his creations are doing, or, that the abstract creator could still accomplish/influence while not directly interfering in the lives of its creations. (Think of God games where you're not directly controlling anyone, but you drop "incentives" here and there and they end up collectively better off.)

And it's kind of like negative vs positive evidence. The physics behind the Theory of Relativity always existed, before we had any evidence of it. So if one were to go on "only what we can prove (positive evidence)" then we certainly would have been "wrong" before we finally found the positive evidence that proves relatively is about of our universe.

And I can relate, I'm a big introvert (possibly autistic? but I've learn to hide my internal wierdness over time with a veil of outgoing/charm/friendlyness but overall most people don't "get me"/something doesn't "click" with our social interactions to allow deeper relationships), so I'm actually very familiar with only trusting what can be proven. I only act when I know I can complete a task. I only like to take calculated risks. And one of the biggest flaws introverts like me have to get over is: Sometimes you will never have all the info (often when being a leader) and you just have to trust your instinct and go whole-heartedly into a single decision (instead of doddling inbetween decisions), and also sometimes I spend way too much time "getting prepared" (sometimes to the point of "decision paralysis") when I should just "get enough" and then act.

Of course, with this post, you can kind of see my ADD leaking out where I'm all over the place with my train of thought.

[edit] I think that other thread is really starting to make A.CC chug. When I hit reply to it half the time it time's out. ;D

-----sig:
“Programs should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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I'm not sure I agree with that. Perhaps a rigid "christian" orthodox would conflict with that. But there's no real requirement that an abstract creator that exists even cares about what his creations are doing, or, that the abstract creator could still accomplish/influence while not directly interfering in the lives of its creations. (Think of God games where you're not directly controlling anyone, but you drop "incentives" here and there and they end up collectively better off.)

That concept is one I've also considered, but when I do it "feels" only like an intellectual exercise. It doesn't resound within me like the feeling of no supernatural beings does.

Quote:

And it's kind of like negative vs positive evidence. The physics behind the Theory of Relativity always existed, before we had any evidence of it. So if one were to go on "only what we can prove (positive evidence)" then we certainly would have been "wrong" before we finally found the positive evidence that proves relatively is about of our universe.

I'm a true believer in the scientific method, but scientific fact doesn't feel anymore correct to me than spirituality. Science is a process, not a destination.

Quote:

And I can relate, I'm a big introvert (possibly autistic? but I've learn to hide my internal wierdness over time with a veil of outgoing/charm/friendlyness but overall most people don't "get me"/something doesn't "click" with our social interactions to allow deeper relationships), so I'm actually very familiar with only trusting what can be proven. I only act when I know I can complete a task. I only like to take calculated risks. And one of the biggest flaws introverts like me have to get over is: Sometimes you will never have all the info (often when being a leader) and you just have to trust your instinct and go whole-heartedly into a single decision (instead of doddling inbetween decisions), and also sometimes I spend way too much time "getting prepared" (sometimes to the point of "decision paralysis") when I should just "get enough" and then act.

I can definitely relate to that. Austism and ADHD seem to share a lot of traits, especially when it comes to OCD. When I first sought psychiatric treatment 15 years ago, the initial diagnosis was ADHD. In the psychiatrists own words, going solely on the diagnostic criteria of the DSM, I was the most textbook case of ADHD he'd ever seen, but he ended up having to change the diagnosis when I didn't respond to any of the ADHD medications - all they do is put me to sleep (it was the only time in my life I've ever slept properly).

Ironically, the PRN they started me on recently for anxiety actually allows me to focus my thoughts and extends my attention span in the way that ADHD medication is supposed to. It's the first time in decades I've been able to code for more than 20 minutes without needing to get up and do something else. Unfortunately I can't keep taking it regularly or it will stop working.

MiquelFire
Member #3,110
January 2003
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So, another forum I go to had a thread where we all posted our Passmark scores, and it reminded me that's what we were doing. So I go to the thread... and I did that before my current GPU. Anyway here's mine. And my old one.

---
Febreze (and other air fresheners actually) is just below perfumes/colognes, and that's just below dead skunks in terms of smells that offend my nose.
MiquelFire.red | +Me
Windows 8 is a toned, stylish, polished professional athlete. But it’s wearing clown makeup, and that creates a serious image problem. ~PCWorld Article

Eric Johnson
Member #14,841
January 2013
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I let myself drink gratuitous amounts of soda (2 or 3 cans a day--used to be more).

You should drink flavored water instead. Walmart sells a variety of generic equivalents to Crystal Light. Flavors include fruit punch, grape, orange, peach, sweat tea, sweet tea with lemon, lemonade, pink lemonade, raspberry, apple, and more. I really like the apple-flavored packets. It's not carbonated like soda, but if you're drinking just for the flavor, I'd give the juice packets a go. Plus, these particular ones are sugar free.

Back on topic:
I'm currently eyeing the i5-8400. It lacks Hyper-Threading, but its six cores and six threads should do just fine for gaming. Its base clock speed is 2.8 GHz, but should have no problems reaching its turbo speeds of 4 GHz with adequate cooling. There's not overclocking potential, but I'm not sure I need that anyway. I'll have to get a new motherboard and RAM when I upgrade.

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
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So I've never been officially diagnosed--my parent really let me down and never took me to any kind of mental doctor so they basically just let me go insane and become close to suicidal as a teen. For a couple years I actually thought I had cancer and any night I went to bed might be the last time I wake up. But that's slightly off topic. My point is I've got symptoms of maybe some kind of autism or Asperger's.

My whole life I've been called a "genius" (their words, not mine) and at the same time very few people really "click" with me. Till I met my wife, I preferred the company of dogs to people. I understood dogs, and dogs never bully you. So when we'd have xmas/events/etc I'll "associate" with people, but within 20 minutes I end up going off by myself and taking the dogs out or something. I used to try really hard to make that "click" happen, and now I just avoid it because it's like I don't want to bother happening.

I can't explain it. It's like I've learned how to be human from being an outsider... looking in. I often was not invited to events/parties/etc, not because I'm an asshole, but I literally don't know "how" to speak to people. And you can see here, I'm fairly cogent and expressive. But somehow, it's like the topics themselves. Even now, I can't think of anything to ask someone blindly to start a conversation that involves anything other than pleasantries/co-workers/clients "hello/goodbye" stuff.

Funny thing was, I was "hot" so girls would talk to me but then they'd interact with me and be turned off. Again, you can point some of that to awkwardness but a lot of it is simply... we don't want to talk about the same things. When I was a house party full of drunk lesbians my friend and I got invited to... I went up to a girl I knew from class and said, "So how's life?". My friend thought that was hilarious, and I still don't know what is exactly "off" about it, but it's certainly not "party" conversation I guess.

I have a lot of researched ideas and cool plans but it feels like I can never convince someone to actually come along and join me. It's as simple as even, I have a Discord channel, and most people will end up using theirs and I go to their channel. Or, I'll send e-mails about cool stuff (tech/software/movies/whatever), and 99% of all e-mails sent in that list... are from me--with no replies. And I can't tell what's going on, or why, but I can notice patterns. And clearly, I'm "contributing" a disproportionate amount of "submissions" to that e-mail threads. And most (or all) actually read the e-mails... supposedly. But why never reply? Do my "arguments" leave no room or "fun" for debate? Am I "too" well spoken with my arguments that nobody wants to attempt to debate them? Or am I too "badly" spoken with my writing that nobody cares?

I have no idea. Until about a week ago (for years!) my health has been worsening and my head very clouded so I haven't had an introverted brainstorm like this in awhile. It's kind of beautiful to feel like my brain is coming back.

[edit]

You should drink flavored water instead.

That's interesting. I hadn't thought of that in a while. I used to love instant lemonaid.

-----sig:
“Programs should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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You should drink flavored water instead.

Paying for water seems sacrilegious somehow. I realize most places in the world that tap water either shouldn't be drunk or it's do dosed with chemical treatments that it tastes like crap, but our city has a deep aquifer supply so clean and pure that it isn't treated at all and it actually tastes better than bottled water.

It's also illegal to charge for tap water here.

The biggest problem with water though is that it doesn't have enough caffeine in it.

Eric Johnson
Member #14,841
January 2013
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LennyLen said:

Paying for water seems sacrilegious somehow.

You'd be paying for packets of "flavor mixes" that you put into water. You wouldn't be buying water itself, just something to put into water.

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
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I mainly drink ice water, and lots of it. It's free, I have grown to really like it, and it's healthy, though I had someone attack the fact that i drink water online. I ended up laughing in the livingroom with my wife... it was so ridiculous, I told her "Water... they're arguing about water! There's nothing I can post about that someone won't get all upset over." LMAO 8-)

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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You should drink flavored water instead.

Ah, you mean kool-aid type stuff (we don't have crystal light here, nor kool-aid for that matter but it's on TV all the time). I thought you meant the bottles of what is basically 99.9% water with a hint of artificial flavour.

Some stuff

I grew up certain I was a robot because I identified more with my computer than other people. It lasted until about high school. Every time our family went on holiday I thought they were taking me back to the lab that made me to be decommissioned. I kept everything inside though, so my parents never even knew there was anything wrong, and since I always got As in everything at school (except for art), teachers never picked up on anything either. When I was 28 I finally started feeling like I was losing my mind, and that's when I was diagnosed.

I also like animals more than I like people, but I'm more a cat person than a dog person.

Eric Johnson
Member #14,841
January 2013
avatar

LennyLen said:

Ah, you mean kool-aid type stuff (we don't have crystal light here, nor kool-aid for that matter but it's on TV all the time). I thought you meant the bottles of what is basically 99.9% water with a hint of artificial flavour.

No worries. I should have been more clear with my wording.

MiquelFire
Member #3,110
January 2003
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This thread is making me think I should have a mental diagnosis.

---
Febreze (and other air fresheners actually) is just below perfumes/colognes, and that's just below dead skunks in terms of smells that offend my nose.
MiquelFire.red | +Me
Windows 8 is a toned, stylish, polished professional athlete. But it’s wearing clown makeup, and that creates a serious image problem. ~PCWorld Article

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

This thread is making me think I should have a mental diagnosis.

Everyone has traits of mental disorders to some extent, so it's easy to in some ways identify with people who have OCD or anxiety disorder. The difference between a disorder and a tendency is the effect it has on your well-being and quality of life.

edit: This is what can actually make explaining what having a disorder is like to some people. I've been asked on more than one occasion what social phobia is and I try give a general description and say something like "I have difficulty talking to people I don't know" and get replies like "Well everyone's like that." The difference is that everyone doesn't black out in those situations and wake up a few hours later in a different city with no memory of how they got there, which has happened to me on several occasions.

I have no idea how to explain autism to people as the way I see the world is too different. It's like trying to explain the colour blue to someone who has been blind since birth.

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