Allegro.cc - Online Community

Allegro.cc Forums » Off-Topic Ordeals » rings

This thread is locked; no one can reply to it. rss feed Print
rings
Karadoc ~~
Member #2,749
September 2002
avatar

Your wife wears a ton of wedding bands?

-----------

Neil Roy
Member #2,229
April 2002
avatar

Your wife wears a ton of wedding bands?

Rings. Wedding band, 10th anniversary diamond ring (10 diamonds) and a couple others. ;)

Me on the other hand (pun!), I don't like to wear any jewellery at all. Not even a watch. I am sensitive/allergic (or something) to nickle, so I break out if I have anything with nickle in it on me and I have never really cared for rings, necklaces etc...

---
“I love you too.” - last words of Wanda Roy

relpatseht
Member #5,034
September 2004
avatar

Moissanite. Superior or equal to diamond in all optical qualities. 9.5 hardness. No cleavage planes.

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

I suggest you get a fake diamond to save money since the whole thing is a scheme and most people couldn't tell the difference anyway. ::) Just make sure you tell her it's fake (after, in private...) so she knows too. I also agree with Chris that you don't want to paint a target on her finger for thieves and robbers... So even if you do go fake don't get something that looks like it would be worth cutting a finger off for.

I am sure the whole "blood diamond" thing is still a problem as I don't see that actually being fixed. The diamond industry isn't unique in that sense.

Diamonds really are pretty much worthless. Don't waste a ton of money on one. It just puts more assets in her hands to walk away with. ::) While we're on the subject of divorce, look into getting a prenup. >:( It may seem like you don't even care at this stage of the game, but I'm sure any guy that has been through divorce will tell you to care. Spend the money you save on the ring on a lawyer. :P I imagine if you really want a relationship to last that's the best investment you can make. ;D Of course, there are women that would be "offended" by it, but I'd just run the Hell away from them.

Derezo
Member #1,666
April 2001
avatar

bamccaig said:

I suggest you get a fake diamond to save money since the whole thing is a scheme and most people couldn't tell the difference anyway. ::) Just make sure you tell her it's fake (after, in private...) so she knows too.

She is probably the last person he wants to know it is a fake! ;)
I'm all for slummin' it up, but I certainly understand Elias' desire not to do so. I've made far worse financial decisions on far more fickle prospects.

Congrats, Elias. I think it's a nice ring. ;D

"He who controls the stuffing controls the Universe"

Gideon Weems
Member #3,925
October 2003

Apparently, there's a "family ring," and apparently, I'm in the running to receive it. The first I heard of this was on my most recent trip with family, and the topic only came up by pure chance on the return flight.

I would much rather present my wife-to-be with a wedding ring that had been passed down through generations of successful marriages than one from the local Rings and Things--though I do like that name for a jewelry store. I made it up myself, just for that sentence, and yet I am somehow tempted to go out and found this chain. Note to self: Rings and Things will feature jewelry so cheap, "you'd think you were buying onion rings."

My point: You might want to ask around.

Oh, and don't listen to us computer nerds and our anti-ring heresy. You need to make your girl happy. Good luck! :)

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

Derezo said:

She is probably the last person he wants to know it is a fake! ;)

She'd probably find out eventually, and if it were me I'd rather she found out from me. :) Frankly if she cared then that would set off alarm bells.

Elias
Member #358
May 2000

Ordered the ring. Unfortunately it will take them 6-8 weeks to make it. I guess they have yet to buy the diamonds for it or something.

Anyway, I realized I have a big problem now to figure out in the next two months - where/how do I actually ask her? It won't be unexpected to her, but she still wants it to be a surprise, and also something unique...

--
"Either help out or stop whining" - Evert

Chris Katko
Member #1,881
January 2002
avatar

Elias said:

Anyway, I realized I have a big problem now to figure out in the next two months - where/how do I actually ask her? It won't be unexpected to her, but she still wants it to be a surprise, and also something unique...

Pretend to break up with her. That always goes over great.

-----sig:
“Programs should be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.” - Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
"Political Correctness is fascism disguised as manners" --George Carlin

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

Honestly, the proposal doesn't matter very much. The most important thing is probably just being genuine. The problem with complex or clever proposals is that there is an increased risk of failure.

The best proposal that I have heard of was on YouTube. A group of friends were hanging out on a small rooftop, maybe 2 or 3 stories high. A guy stands up on the roof's edge and says his whole proposal build-up speech and asks his best friend to throw him the ring. The throw is bad and trying to catch it he falls off of the roof. The bride-to-be naturally panics and rushes to the edge to check on him. She finds him laying on a big air cushion with the words "Will You Marry Me" or whatever in big letters laid out next to the cushion.. When I first saw it I thought it was epic, but watching it again I think there's no way that it wasn't scripted. It most likely wasn't a surprise at all. The bride-to-be almost had to have been in on it. Not only that, but it is legitimately dangerous. Imagine if it was real, and the stunt had gone wrong, and he missed the cushion and died or was permanently handicapped. Not only would it have been a tragedy, but it would probably have permanently broken the bride-to-be's heart too (if she was worth marrying).

Feminism has really fucked our society up. It used to be that a woman would be flattered and overwhelmed by a proposal and I think that's probably the way it should be. Just as the ring shouldn't really matter for shit, neither should the proposal. If she really loves you then you could completely fumble the proposal and she'll just enjoy your effort, laugh at your failures, and still say yes.

I say just go for it. Don't over-think it. Life is not a movie. Perfect rings and perfect proposals are a subject of fantasy. In the real world we should just appreciate what we have. If you have a brilliant idea for a proposal then great. If you don't then don't sweat it. It doesn't really matter that much. It will all fade in time regardless. Try to just appreciate what matters.

And good luck. :)

Karadoc ~~
Member #2,749
September 2002
avatar

bamccaig said:

Feminism has really fucked our society up.

What a fucked up thing to say. Being subordinate is not a prerequisite for being flattered by a proposal of marriage.

Feminism has been great for society, for everyone. And it isn't over yet. It's going to get better. Women have more power and autonomy than they use to, but that's only part of the story. Feminism reduced society's expectations and conditions on people of all genders. People have more freedom to choose the paths they want to choose in life, regardless of their gender. Women don't have to be the carers and nurturers, and men don't have to be the leaders and workers. Men don't have to be macho, and women don't have to be men's property. Breaking down those boundaries increases the productivity and happiness of our society as a whole.

-----------

SiegeLord
Member #7,827
October 2006
avatar

Feminism has been great for society, for everyone.

Say what? There's plenty of people that would disagree with that. How about these two guys or Ben Noordhuis of node.js? Breaking down boundaries? Like those of mathematical logic?

Feminism is insanity, as far as my observations tell me.

"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow."-Ecclesiastes 1:18
[SiegeLord's Abode][Codes]:[DAllegro5]:[RustAllegro]

Derezo
Member #1,666
April 2001
avatar

There are different degrees of "feminism". I'm all for everyone being treated equal and fair, but many proponents of feminism take it too far. Women have it pretty fucking great in the US, Canada, and (most of?) the EU.

I think feminism often tries to disparage some of the differences between men and women, maybe because of unpleasant realities associated with the women's side of those differences, but I don't know.

I think it's better to promote, focus and apply our differences. There are certain things that are a woman's responsibility -- like making babies -- and others that are a men's responsibility -- like killing things.

One giveth, and the other taketh away ;)

"He who controls the stuffing controls the Universe"

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

Derezo said:

There are certain things that are a woman's responsibility -- like making babies -- and others that are a men's responsibility -- like killing things.

I think the first is accurate, the second not so much ;)

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

Women have almost ALL power and that's still not enough for them. It has been said that women control 80% of spending (directly and indirectly), women have basically all reproductive power, women aren't nearly as independent as you'd think when you factor in the sexist assistance provided by government specifically to women, and the favoritism applied to them in education and the workplace to appeal to Feminism politics.

Not only are women predominantly in control of the choice to have sex or not (basically if she's healthy, and maybe even if she's not, there is a line up of men wanting to fuck her), but women also have more options for birth control, most of which are completely unverifiable by a man, and in the event that a woman does get pregnant she is basically 100% in control of whether she keeps the baby, whether she allows the father to be involved, and whether the father is forced to provide for the child (irregardless of whether the father gets to be involved in the actual raising of the child). Nearly the only choice that a man actually has is whether to wear a condom or not, which a woman can at least easily verify. And those aren't bulletproof and can fail rather easily.

Where I live a single mother that doesn't work is effectively paid as much or more than a man working full-time at a skilled trade. Even women without children are often provided assistance in ways above and beyond what we offer men (i.e., typically men are the vast majority of homeless). Instead of seeking "equal opportunity", Feminism seeks "equal enrollment" and "equal employment". In other words, it isn't enough that women are equally able to apply for a position and that the position is filled without discrimination against gender. Instead, slots are reserved specifically for women (i.e., discrimination against gender). Even if a much better qualified man applies, and even if no qualified women apply, only a woman can hold that position. In some cases, it is a requirement to have a specific quota of women in a particular program or department in order to satisfy requirements so even if there aren't qualified female applicants they need to be hired anyway instead of leaving those positions unfilled.

Expectations really haven't changed much for men in our society. Men are still expected to work full-time and provide for their family most of the time. Women generally have the choice whether they want to work or not. Men are required to provide for their families by law, whereas women are typically not held equally responsible for their families. Which is to say that if a woman is working and earning an income the law in most jurisdictions will not require her to use it to provide for her starving family. She has every legal right to use the money for herself. Legally, the man/father is generally responsible for providing, and can be punished for failing to do so. Where the law doesn't enforce it, society does.

Women are generally given custody of children, even if a reasonable person would find them unfit to be mothers, or even if the fathers are more fit. Fathers are generally lucky to get weekends or visitation rights. Mind you, fathers are generally forced to pay large portions of their income towards "child support" to provide for the children they have limited access and control over, and the law doesn't even attempt to restrict the usage of women's use of these funds (i.e., women can spend it on themselves instead of the children).

Feminism is a lie. It has nothing to do with equality. It has everything to do with female privilege. There are examples of women accomplishing equal roles to men long before feminism came along. Families are complex structures. Women that choose to focus on their careers or otherwise pursue "male" roles in society generally will have to miss out on traditional "female" roles (like mothering and caring for children). Or else they'll try to "have it all", and generally their employer and government (i.e., male tax payers) will have to foot the bill.

Women are not men, and men are not women. They are not "equal". There are and always will be differences between us. Roles more or less formed naturally for the betterment of society, and it does a great disservice to our ancestors and our present society to portray this as an oppression of women. Women are not and were not oppressed by men. The reality is that basically all societies go out of their way to provide for and protect women. Does that mean that they have had complete freedom? No. The real brainfuck is realizing that men didn't and don't have all that much freedom either. Certainly today they have a lot less freedom than women do.

{"name":"horrified-rage-face.jpg","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/b\/5\/b5d1e4976b224e56f7d8e76d03aa9b00.jpg","w":500,"h":300,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/b\/5\/b5d1e4976b224e56f7d8e76d03aa9b00"}horrified-rage-face.jpg

Feminism isn't even consistent. It says that women are just as capable as men are one minute, and then says that women deserve special assistance the next! It says that women can earn their own living one minute, and then says that men still need to pay the bills the next!

When women are questioned on university campuses about what types of men they would date or find attractive, the vast majority of them describe the male stereotype: strong, confident, pays for the woman, shows her a good time, asks her out instead of the reverse, etc. When asked about how they feel about "nice guys" or men without money they always say they find those men unattractive and would never date them.

For all intents and purposes, the roles are still in place. The only difference is that women now have the privilege of crossing role lines when and if they choose to, whereas for the most part men are much more constrained. Even if a man wanted to play a stereotypical female role, he obviously can't have the baby, and in so far as he could be a stay at home father that would only be possible if his wife happens to earn enough to support them and herself chooses to let him. In general, even if those conditions were met, you would still find that such a man is not respected by society, or his family, for doing so.

While it's true that men have traditionally held the top jobs in our society, it is also true that men held and continue to hold all of the bottom jobs too. The really tough, dangerous, an unglamorous jobs are essentially all men. You don't see feminists fighting for equal employment there!

Feminism teaches us that women were oppressed and it's easy to believe it, but if you do a little research you find it to be much less black and white. Society did not oppress women, and there was never a conspiracy within society to do so. There were never any secret meetings of a "Patriarchy" to design a system where women suffered. The reality is that women have enjoyed relative luxuries for centuries.

Feminism is not great for everyone. Arguably, it isn't even good for women. It basically teaches them to try to be men, but they are not men. Our society has essentially become hateful of men. Men are no longer respected. In popular media, they are always represented as lazy, irresponsible, bumbling slobs or abusive animals.

Turn your media devices off and maybe turn your brain on.

l j
Member #10,584
January 2009
avatar

Those are quite some broad statements.

Women have been opressed in some times and some places, but certainly not always and everywhere, even this whole feminism thing isn't new, people claiming otherwise tend to be ignorant and sometimes even on purpose.

Yodhe23
Member #8,726
June 2007

Bamccaig, what a load of diatribe.

www.justanotherturn.com

Karadoc ~~
Member #2,749
September 2002
avatar

What we have here is a typically example of a group of men talking about what feminism should be like.

I don't really want to have a big debate about this, but I do want to just put forward a few things that I see as key points:

  • Everyone posting in this thread is male (as far as I know). That means we have no direct experience with the problems feminism was born to address. And it would be presumptuous of us to talk about what women want.

  • There are different flavours of feminism. Most people in the know talk about 'waves' of feminism. Each wave has a different social context, and a different expression, but the core goal has always been to boost the power and privilege of women because it is less than that of men.

  • There are some feminists who are anti-men, but that isn't what feminism is.

  • Despite the huge advances made due to feminism in the recent past, women are still under-represented in positions of power, and under paid relative to men. Unless you actually believe that women somehow deserve to be subordinate, this suggests there is still a residual problem.

Regarding the last point, obviously the situation is different in different countries. But even in relatively progressive countries, there is still typically a significant imbalance. I happen to have some statistics on hand for Australia, from our most recent census (2011):

  • The work-force participation rate of women is 20% lower than men.

  • 91.6% of corporate board directorships are held by men.

  • In parliament, men hold 75% of lower house seats, and 62% of senate.

  • In universities, 68% of senior lecturing positions are held by men, and 73% of positions above senior lecturer are held by men.

  • Men make up 84% of the bench of the Federal Court of Australia.

  • The average non-managerial hourly earnings of women is significantly below men in all work sectors. (i.e. women get paid less for the same kinds of work.)

To me, this data strongly supports my claim that women are still under-represented in positions of power, and under paid relative to men. This is not some kind of conspiracy or anything like that.

But even with all that money & power stuff aside; as I said in my earlier post, feminism don't only help women. It helps to relax societies expectations and pressures on men as well. It gives more freedom for everyone to be an individual, rather than be pigeon-holed based on their apparent gender.

bamccaig spoke about women living in 'relative luxury' - but that's just his own opinion. The very existence of feminism suggests that many women were not happy with their position, so apparently it wasn't luxury. If women want to give up their male-funded subservient lifestyles in order to earn their own living to support themselves and their families, then I think that's great. I'm sure people like bamccaig will still be able to find some women who are willing to fulfil more traditional gender roles, and that's fine too.

-----------

Jonatan Hedborg
Member #4,886
July 2004
avatar

Karadoc ~~: I'm glad there is at least a few people who aren't misogynistic assholes here. :-*

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

I'm glad there is at least a few people who aren't misogynistic assholes here. :-*

I think most of us just would rather not to get into these sorts of arguments, especially if you know its just going to attract a few misogynistic assholes what won't ever change their mind (and seem to get worse as time goes on).

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Slartibartfast
Member #8,789
June 2007
avatar

I happen to have some statistics on hand for Australia, from our most recent census (2011):

While I don't dispute there is some disparity, I really really dislike those statistics you brought up because similar statistics are often cited and to me they appear meaningless to the point of being lies (i.e. the statistic is technically correct but there is too much missing data so it is also meaningless and is used to create the false impression that they imply some discrimination).

Quote:

The work-force participation rate of women is 20% lower than men.

How many more women choose to be "stay at home moms"? Maybe it is 30% and so women are actually over represented?
Maybe women choose different career paths which are less employable (like artists)?
How can I treat this statistic seriously when there's so much missing information?
A slightly better statistic to see is "for each position (not sector), what percentage of men/women are unemployed (of those actually seeking jobs)". Ideally I'd have some measure of their aptitude as well, but I'd like to see someone measure that :)

Quote:

91.6% of corporate board directorships are held by men.

What percentage of women attempts to become board directors?

Quote:

In parliament, men hold 75% of lower house seats, and 62% of senate.

When questioned, most women say that they'd rather vote for men than women. This is a societal discrimination, in much the same way that people tend to vote for taller people, however I'm not sure what people want to do about it (maybe disallow politicians from showing themselves, so you can't know who is taller than who).
Another missing piece of data is what percentage of women actually make an attempt at holding governing positions, how many women are into politics? Maybe men make up 80% of politicians and so women are actually more likely to be voted into office?

Quote:

In universities, 68% of senior lecturing positions are held by men, and 73% of positions above senior lecturer are held by men.

This is as pointless as the 20% less representation statistic. How many women apply for lecturing positions? How many attempt to get senior status?
You'll agree that men and women tend to choose different subjects in universities, do women tend to cluster under fewer subjects (causing them to be eligible for less of the open teaching positions)?
Also, maybe its just a language thing, but why focus on lecturing positions? The positions that matter in a university are the research positions.

Quote:

Men make up 84% of the bench of the Federal Court of Australia.

What percentage of law practitioners are women? How many of those choose their family over their career and so do not advance their career far enough to become judges? How many are considered but refuse the offer?

Quote:

The average non-managerial hourly earnings of women is significantly below men in all work sectors. (i.e. women get paid less for the same kinds of work.)

Working in the same sector is not enough, working in the same position is how you make a comparison, because different roles in the same sector get different salaries, and generally the more effort you put into your career (over your family for example) the better a job and salary you will get.
It is also my observation that generally women are less prone to ask for raises, and negotiate for them less ferociously, giving them a lower salary due to their own failures.

All of that said, I do still believe there is some discrimination against women (some against men too), it is just that these kind of half-assed statistics with tons of missing data get my blood boiling whenever I see them (and I'm already ill right now).

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

What percentage of women attempts to become board directors?

What percentage decide not to because of the incredible amount of pressure not to?

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
avatar

What percentage decide not to because of the incredible amount of pressure not to?

Well, if they don't have the balls to ignore the pressure...

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

SiegeLord
Member #7,827
October 2006
avatar

What percentage of women attempts to become board directors?

My perception of this issue is that it is an anathema to a feminist (or more generally, one of the privilege olympians) to consider a sex/race dependent preference for occupation. Their hypothesis, as far as I can tell, is that in a perfect world a woman would not be allowed (on average) to desire any job less than a man (on average).

EDIT:

Quote:

Working in the same sector is not enough, working in the same position is how you make a comparison, because different roles in the same sector get different salaries, and generally the more effort you put into your career (over your family for example) the better a job and salary you will get.
It is also my observation that generally women are less prone to ask for raises, and negotiate for them less ferociously, giving them a lower salary due to their own failures.

Here's a nice recent article about confounding variables and these pay gap statistics: http://qz.com/182977/there-is-no-gender-gap-in-tech-salaries/ . It seems very hard to control for these things, but the feminists seem to pick the statistics that control the least for them and thus suit them better (and obviously they'd accuse me of doing the same thing). The running hypothesis seems to me, again, that it is impossible for a woman to be worse at a job than a man given the same job, education, hours put into it. I really don't see why we need to assume that kind of hypothesis (although proving or disproving it would be just as hard as proving a wage gap).

"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow."-Ecclesiastes 1:18
[SiegeLord's Abode][Codes]:[DAllegro5]:[RustAllegro]

l j
Member #10,584
January 2009
avatar

The obvious solution is to breed as to completely eliminate all differences between the sexes except for the sexual organs. 8-)

It was only a matter of time until this topic was going to head into this direction.
Anyway, buying jewelry requires resources > raising children requires resources > man with resources is a safer partner for the health of the children.



Go to: