Your text was a hint that you wanted more than she did. She just wanted to have dates. You clearly cared more than she did. That doesn't mean things couldn't have progressed with just the planned date. She probably just wants to have a good time on dates but your mid-week text hinted at you wanting more faster. Couldn't you have just waited for the planned date?

"denial of their own shortcomings"? Your post basically showed you fell head over heals on the FIRST date, and that you didn't feel up to par (hinting towards a lower self esteem). I'm guessing she probably noticed those feelings on your first date, it's hard to hide those with little things you do when you really think that way, and then the mid-week text just makes you look more desperation.

Some women like to date just to have something to do. They won't be in "love" with you for a long time after being exclusive with you. If you show signs early that you are in "love" it will make them not want to date you again. You have to keep yourself in the game and not show your hand to early if you have feelings for someone.

Seems most people on here will talk about the song and dance as being BS and "the one" will be different. That's just BS. The song and dance between men and women exist for a reason. Almost every species on this planet has their own song and dance between the opposite sex, why would we be any different? Learn it, and play by it, and you can find yourself a lovely relationship.

I agree with some of what you say; however, the mid-week text was a deliberate choice, and all things considered, I highly doubt it was in any way pivotal to her decision.

Pretty high on my priories of an appropriate match is someone I can be candid with. I am fully aware of how unattractive it is to come across as a love-struck fool; however, a big part of my communication is testing whether they can maintain the type of rapport that I'm looking for.

Yes, you're absolutely right that I don't have a particularly high self-esteem, at least not for someone with such an amazing body, great job and general win-factor.

Generally I would prefer to avoid psychological games. I don't think it's a good start to a relationship. I might lower my chances of certain girls falling for me, but I think I increase my chances of finding a lasting relationship, which is ultimately what I'm after.

Hm. I told mine I love her. Which maybe wasn't the best idea. But then, I said a few a lot more stupid things and she still didn't drop me yet

The difference is that we can think about it and we can plan our lives in advance. I'd say sex is almost the only thing that we want on an instinct level, though we are very aware of it, all the rest are things that we desire more on a conscious level and very little on an instinct level. You have this girl in mind. Do you want to have sex with her? Do you want to go out with her regularly? Do you fancy to spend the rest of your life with her? Do you want to have children with her? Do you want to have sex with other girls, too, despite that you already "have" her (alpha male fantasy)? Animals are driven by instincts, humans too, but we can still answer these questions and plan our lives accordingly - while still making mistakes, of course .

Yep, wrap that Ethernet cable around your fist and hold it tight to your heart.

We are very different. No other animal is controlled by conscious thought to even vaguely the extent that we are. Animals have their song and dance (and often struggle between males) for the purpose of natural selection. Humans have their instincts (physical attraction), but over and above this, they have their conscious minds.

Trivial things like text messages are going to hold little sway compared to major factors like career, prospects, consciously chosen matching criteria etc. Sure, I'm the first to admit that physical attraction might trump all these, but there's no way I'm going to believe that it comes down to playing silly psychological games of "who can be the most aloof".

Except when it comes to love and sex. It's a very primitive thing. It's been shown that when you're in love, you're essentially drunk or high.

I still believe that pressing her was the right thing to do. Otherwise I'd probably still be obsessing over it now. I needed to be able to draw a line under it - reach some sort of conclusion. As a result, I've been able to have a productive and enjoyable weekend.

I didn't burn any bridges; she can still contact me if she changes her mind.

Arguably a better strategy would have been to be able to draw a line under it without pressing her, but it's not something I'm capable of doing just yet. Maybe I'll learn after going through this a few more times.

I'd say you probably can't know this after a couple of weeks. I'd say she either thinks you're just after sex/were drunk and ignored you or thinks you meant it and will probably find an excuse to slowly walk away.

I probably should stop posting everything here but after chatting with her it seems she just meant she isn't sure yet. And she wants to have sex before she decides

Maybe we saw it because Specter has experience in that subject.

Opening a funeral service is also a guaranteed stable income

I love reading these dating threads. The ups and downs, the emotions, the uncertainty!

I'm married, so all I have to look forward to is death (which may be granted if my wife stumbles upon this post...)