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Wish me luck guys (and gals)
superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
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Hey whats up allegro,

Remember that thread back a while ago about new years resolution. We'll I've been trying to live mine this 2009 year. Its helped me a lot. This is what I said about my resolution back in that thread.

(you can skip this if you want all its saying is my resolution was to fail more, meaning take risk, because from failure you learn )
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>>>>>> MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION IS TO FAIL MORE <<<<<

2009 is my year to fail :) .

Ok, I'm not a perfectionist but I like to plan things alot.
This is good but often times socially especially with girls this
can be a problem as I tend to over analyze things which prevents
me usually from taking action because of fear of failure. I figured
towards the end of 2008 that failure is not bad, its part of life.
You learn from it and you get stronger.

So for example in the past I might have doubts about say asking a girl out to say a certain activity. What if this, what if that, and now its going to be who care what if. Just do it, if you fail its ok, you're not going to die life will go on.
And unless I fail I can't really move forward because few people who accomplish
great things succeed on the first try. So one must fail before you can
reach success. And if one(me) is over thinking and making sure its does just right so I don't fail I miss alot of opportunities where I may have failed and learned something. I'm stretching my hands out and embracing a year full of failure, lollL. Sounds funny but its true and the good thing with me the more I fail in such
social areas like say with girls, my confidence grows and gets better.
Because we'll I did it, nothing bad happened, etc.

So yea 2009 is my year to fail.
I can't wait to start failing, loLLL, wish me luck :)

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Yea thats what I said, and I've got a big opportunity coming up now. Theres this girl that I like and being the thinker that I am I've been over thinking whether or not to ask her out. You know do I really want a relationship, what about this, what about that, between you and us, I think I'm just scared. So anyways in the next 2hours I'm about to confront my fears in the spirit of my new years resolution and ask her to be my girlfriend.

I'll keep you folks posted as so the outcome.

Lolll, I'm excited, lOLLOLLL.

Say a pray for me,

Here we go :)

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

StevenVI
Member #562
July 2000
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I hope you crash and burn!

Your pal,

Harry

__________________________________________________
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Dustin Dettmer
Member #3,935
October 2003
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This thread is clearly a failure. *

* Congrats?

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
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So she replies and texts
(yea I asked her out via text message, LOOOLOLOLLOL, i know right, i'm silly)

"Oh my gosh <my name> I don't know what to say.
Other than you are great. I'm very flattered."

Then she text

"WHen did it happen"

So I replied and text,

"WHen did what happen? So is that a yes, no, or not yet"

LolL

It gets interesting.

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

Dustin Dettmer
Member #3,935
October 2003
avatar

I'm sure shes just giddy at it. Her and her girlfriends are probably hard at work over-analyzing it right now. Good work ;)

Oh that reminds me of a trick: Get her friends to like you and she'll follow suit. Flirt with them just a enough to make 'em like you. Always leave with a good impression, save you best joke for just before the goodbye, look them in the eye confidently when you say bye.

That way, when they're over-analyzing your texts her friends will put in a good word for you (which can go a long with with women).

le_y_mistar
Member #8,251
January 2007
avatar

from personal experience, you shouldnt have to ask a girl to become your girlfriend, it just happens.. what you'd have to do is just confirm it verbally in person if anything and it shouldnt be that big a deal.

edit: have you even kissed her?

fake edit 2: this sounds like a bruce perry thread :'(

edit 3: you should work on your confidence, sounds like she's laughing at you

edit 4: Dustin has good tips young pedawan

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I'm hell of an awesome guy :)

james_lohr
Member #1,947
February 2002

"WHen did it happen"

So I replied and text,

"WHen did what happen? So is that a yes, no, or not yet"

You haven't done more than ask her out, and the two of you are already having serious communication problems. :P

Dustin Dettmer
Member #3,935
October 2003
avatar

Here's another idea: Ignore what they say, just focus on how they say it. Its amazing how well that works. Really, its creepy. You can completely ignore what a girl says as long as you listen to the emotion behind it.

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
avatar

Yea at first I wasn't going to ask her out I thought the relationship would just show it. You know she was sending me all these positive signs telling me how awesome I was. But I was like you know what, you can't assume with girls never assume because they are just weird like that.

Also her and myself were talking yesterday
(we went jogging right before we played some tennis)
about life and she was like,

"I'm an old fashion girl, if a guy likes me he needs to ask me out to be his girlfriend, because I'm not owned by anyone and until some guy ask me out I'm just talking to different guys"

And she was talking about how there are other guys who she was talking too but she was still single because no one has asked her out yet. And she was saying one guy was jealous of me because she spent soo much time with me.

So I figured she was trying to send me a message.

Obviously communication is important in relationships.

I would say communication and trust are the foundation of most relationships.
So yea hopefully our communication improves.

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

james_lohr
Member #1,947
February 2002

Here's another idea: Ignore what they say, just focus on how they say it. Its amazing how well that works. Really, its creepy. You can completely ignore what a girl says as long as you listen to the emotion behind it.

People generally start these types of threads precisely because they have problems processing social queues (visual, auditory, or both). Hence they fall back onto a conscience effort to parse what they see and hear leading to all sorts of misperceptions. ;)

le_y_mistar
Member #8,251
January 2007
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superstar4410, again, i ask you the same question, have you even kissed her

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I'm hell of an awesome guy :)

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
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No,

She has kissed me on the cheek once as we were parting. But no lip to lip kiss yet.

People generally start these types of threads precisely because they have problems processing social queues (visual, auditory, or both). Hence they fall back onto a conscience effort to parse what they see and hear leading to all sorts of misperceptions.

I totally agree. What better thing to do if you need help than ask for it.
No shame over here.

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

Dustin Dettmer
Member #3,935
October 2003
avatar

Another idea: Don't focus on getting the girl. Instead focus on getting practice. Make your goal to learn how to do it the best way.

This has two bonuses:

  1. You learn from it

  2. Your nerves calm down, because you're focused on learning

2.5. Girls like a guy who can think well (socially).

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
avatar

No doubt, thats why I made that resolution to about failure
so I can learn more. I totally agree with you.

So I feel a lot better after doing this because as you said it calms the nerves
for the next time.

So tell me more about what you mean about a guy that can think well socially.
Do you mean like understanding social cues and being emotional, etc?

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

Dustin Dettmer
Member #3,935
October 2003
avatar

There's not exactly a word for what I mean.

When someone is thinking critically and deriving intelligent conclusions their face changes. In my experience many women find that facial expression attractive. Its sort of 'proof' that you're a guy who can think. (In a well rounded, social manner).

Ron Novy
Member #6,982
March 2006
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I see a lot of failure in your future... :P

Seriously don't put too much thought into "How to make it work" just do it... DO IT... If it feels right for the both of you and you get along and the relationship doesn't feel like work then you're doing everything right... If it feels like work then one of you is doing something wrong and you need to stop thinking and fix it... It's all about action (no that's not a pun) and not standing still doing nothing...

You two seem to be pretty close already so just go for it. If it doesn't work it might be weird to hang out with her, but friends is still possible. Just don't chase something that doesn't want to be caught...

[edit]
This is probably inappropriate, but here I go again...

You could see if she would like to help in the search and preservation of endangered species like the giant worm that can grow to be 3 ft long... :P

Uh oh... I think I found one... ;D

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Oh... Bieber! I thought everyone was chanting Beaver... Now it doesn't make any sense at all. :-/

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
avatar

Yea I went for it,

After she give that response that I posted above I asked her to clarify if that was a yes, no, or not yet.

Well She hasn't replied to that yet, and that was like 18 hours ago. So I'm just going to let that go. If she wants to contact me and still hang out I'm cool with it.

But I'm not the type to chase, so I'm not going to message or call her since she didn't respond to my last question.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at her at ALLLL, this is more about me not her. Its about me learning to relate to women, and gaining confidence, etc. And I feel great :) :) that I've move a step closer towards learning more about relationships and gaining more confidence. So I'm glad I did it and failed, LOLLLL.

Amen,

So yea I don't have any problems being friends with her, I'm just not going to be following up since she is ignoring or uncomfortable to answer my last question.

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

blargmob
Member #8,356
February 2007
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Haha, maybe she just didn't get it yet? Or maybe she can't decide? Or maybe you're right and she hates you for it now :(

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"No amount of prayer would have produced the computers you use to spread your nonsense." Arthur Kalliokoski

StevenVI
Member #562
July 2000
avatar

But I'm not the type to chase

I wouldn't necessarily call having a complete conversation "chasing." That said, sometimes communicating like a human works best. For example, talking with your voice. Preferably face to face. :P

...

And now for something completely different.

A few weeks before I "met" the woman who is now my wife (we had actually met 3 times before but never hung out or anything), I had done something similar to what you're doing now, though I did it in person. I had a friend who I had a crush on. Obviously she rejected me, and it was for the better in my opinion.

So who knows, maybe something better is just around the corner. Women are like buses: another one is just 15 minutes away. Unless you live in a rural area, in which case they're few and far between. ;)

__________________________________________________
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superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
avatar

No I don't think she hates me, I think shes just embarrassed and shocked.

[EDIT]

So I go on yahoo answers, checking what does it really mean when a girl says I'm flattered (you know how I don't get these things).

And I found this answer that I think really sums it up.

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allow me to translate: i am surprised, and i like you as a friend, but you are not in my mind romantically, it is nice for my ego to think my simple friendship with you has led you to think romantic things about me, but, me about you? no way. i have someone else who appeals to me in a romantic way like you never ever will. however, i dont dare insult you, so i will smugly say i am flattered but let you know right away my romantic dance card is filled and always will be where you are concerned. i guarantee this is the exact translation.

what do you do now? haha, easy. feed your own ego, boy. dont call her and dont whatever !!!! you do make one single comment about what she said. another tip, go to a website called askmen.com and read the doc love stuff about stuff like this. it is a treasure trove of info for a nice guy like you.

*********************
*********************

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She's politely telling you that she think it's sweet that you have feelings for her, but that she doesn't share them with you. In other words it's time to move on. Whenever a guy says something that makes me slightly uncomfortable or I don't feel the same way about I use "flattered". You are trying to be polite but not encourage them to continue. You've spent a lot of time with this girl and you haven't become more than friends, it's time to move on and find someone else who will give you the time and affection you deserve.

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Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
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because from failure you learn

Your lesson may well be "SMS is not a good way to ask somebdy out."

le_y_mistar
Member #8,251
January 2007
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Good stuff, i like your attitude. :)

Being sociable/friendly is pretty important.

http://www.amazon.ca/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650

I also recommend you pick up a book on body language, having an understanding but not overly critical/over analyst grasp on body language is useful, you dont want to understand just women, you need to understand male body language as well.

You can't go wrong in finding some material on how to pick up women and practicing.

-----------------
I'm hell of an awesome guy :)

superstar4410
Member #926
January 2001
avatar

Obviously but do you think based on her feelings for me her repsonse would have been any different if I did it in person????

[edit]
I mean, if she really liked me and I asked her out (even over text) I assume she would say yess.

And if she really dosen't want a relationship just because I do it in person isn't going to make her say yes.

But I do agree, doing it in person overall is a better approach

Don't take yourself too seriously, but do take your responsibilities very seriously.

le_y_mistar
Member #8,251
January 2007
avatar

Deal with women either face to face or over the phone, it helps cut thru the bullsh_t really fast. When you're interested in a girl, you dont want to stay just friends for a long time, as a man, it's up to you to escalate quickly and early.

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I'm hell of an awesome guy :)

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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pedawan

;D
pedophile + padawan

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