The cats here have developed a habit of beating on the bedroom doors at night, and the reverberation is loud enough to wake the dead. Chasing them away never gets associated with doors, just me, so they run from me even at the other end of the house.

Although I quite like cats, I have this recurring dream of a cat sinking its claws and teeth into either my neck or hands. The more I try to shake it off, the more tightly it bites and clings. I've actually woken up in a sweat a few times as a result of one of these dreams. The strange thing is that I've never so much as been scratched by any of our cats, or any other cat for that matter.

I do jokingly entertain the belief that our cat is intrinsically evil. For example, whenever I look at her, she has somehow made eye contact with me and is motionlessly staring back at me before I've even focused on her. I then usually raise an eyebrow in question to her, and in response her head will just barely perceptually bob, clearly with silent and malevolent mirth. She usually follows this up by lazily narrowing her eyes as if to say "everyone else here thinks I'm just a cat, but you and I both know I'm going to kill you later".

I desperately need an ally since I'm hopelessly outmatched in this confrontation, so I've been pushing for a large dog. I love dogs! I'd like some happy dog dreams please!