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Post your lame puns/jokes
Ariesnl
Member #2,902
November 2002
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@ Vanneto

Bohnensuppe --> beansoup I guess

Ein amerikaanse soldat ist stationiert in deutschland.
Ein Deutsche freund laded ihn ein fur ein ball, der kolonel ist auch da mit seiner Tochter.

Unterwegs nach dem ball, passt er nicht gut auf und sein freund sieht ihm weg fur ein lastkraftwagen "Mann hast du swein gehabt"
was sagst du fragt er ? "das du gluck gehad hast"..

Abends am ball kommt der kolonen zu die 2 freunden und fragt an der amerikaner " Und haben sie schon mit meiner tochter getanzt ?"

Der amerikaner ist bezaubert von das madchen und zagt " Nein das swein hab ich nog nicht gehabt"

Perhaps one day we will find that the human factor is more complicated than space and time (Jean luc Picard)
Current project: [Star Trek Project ] Join if you want ;-)

Andrei Ellman
Member #3,434
April 2003

Vanneto said:

Ahh yes, the mutli-language post your lame puns and jokes thread. You gotta love it! :D

A true multi-language post mixes languages in the same sentence, like this one.

Blue Sperry said:

友達は最近日本語を勉強してきましたよ。ひらがなを習ってて、
もう「な」行をほとんど覚えたようです。でもなぜなのか分からないけど
「ぬ」をなかなか覚えられていないようですよ。ぬなのにね。

Oh Banzai ::)

AE.

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Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

Sorry, I meant thread not post. :P

What do you get if you combine water with a ballon? a water-ballon! \o/

In capitalist America bank robs you.

Bob Keane
Member #7,342
June 2006

True story. While working in a restaurant, I happened to pour myself a Coke one day. The assistant manager walked in at that point, nice person, a little too helpful maybe. I put my watch to my ear, and when I got her attention, I said "No tick-tick.". She said "Excuse me?", so I showed her the watch and said "No tick-tick" again. She replied "Oh, your watch isn't ticking. Has it ticked before?". "No tick-tick." I said. She asked to see the watch so I handed it over. "You're right, it's not ticking.". She then asks me if I wound it recently, tries to wind it but does not find the stem. She then asks if I changed the batteries recently, my reply is a simple "no tick-tick". She compares her watch to my watch, tells me I have the right time, then says "Wait a minute! its a digital watch! Digital watches don't tick! Get back to work!", half yelling and half laughing.

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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I love doing things like that to people. The easiest one is yelling "Look! In the sky!" In a room with no windows. For some reason everyone still looks up...

CGamesPlay
Member #2,559
July 2002
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"Hey look, a distraction!"

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Milan Mimica
Member #3,877
September 2003
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I've been working for a while on translation of this joke to English, perhaps someone could help me. It's a electro engineer's joke. On Croatian language it goes like:
Hodaju kondenzator i zavojnica ulicom. Zavojnica se spotakne i padne. Kaze kondenzator: "Ha-ha, kako si smotana!". Zavojnica: "Šuti nabijem te!".

Mine partial translation/adaptation goes like:
A coil and a capacitor are walking down the street. The coil stumbles and falls to the ground. The capacitor says: "Ha-ha you're so clumsy!". The coil responds: "Stop it, or I'll press charges!"

On Croatian this is a double(-lame)-joke because clumsy and winded are homonyms, go figure.

;D

CGamesPlay
Member #2,559
July 2002
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Three engineering students were sitting around discussing God's major:

"He must have been a mechanical engineer," says the first, "because the system of muscles and joints work so perfectly together."

"No," says the second, "he was an electrical engineer, because the brain has thousands of nerves firing electrical signals throughout the body."

"You're both wrong," says the last student, "he was an architect. Who else would put a toxic waste line running through a recreational area?"

--
Tomasu: Every time you read this: hugging!

Ryan Patterson - <http://cgamesplay.com/>

Milan Mimica
Member #3,877
September 2003
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Some functions were walking happily when one derivation joins them. All the functions ran away, except one. Which one? - e^x

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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Quote:

I love doing things like that to people. The easiest one is yelling "Look! In the sky!" In a room with no windows. For some reason everyone still looks up...

Reminds me of the scene from Cannibal! The Musical where the guy points at the sky in the distance and goes "Look! The Blue River!"

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gnolam
Member #2,030
March 2002
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Quote:

Some functions were walking happily when one derivation joins them. All the functions ran away, except one. Which one? - e^x

If you're going to post an ex joke, at least post a non-lame one. ;)

A constant value and ex were out walking when suddenly, across the street, they saw a member of the dreaded Derivative Gang lounging about.
"Let's not go that way!" the constant value said.
"Pah," replied ex, "I'm not scared of him!"
"But if I run into him I'll become nothing!" the constant value shouted.
"Well, he can't do anything to me. Just watch this!" ex said, and confidently walked across the street.
"Hello there," he said with a sneer, "You may have heard of me. I'm ex. And... who might you be?"
"Hi," the gang member replied, "I'm d/dy."

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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When I learn the math behind that I'm sure it'll be funny.

Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000

"d/dx" is like a prefix operator that says "the rate of change of * with respect to x", or "at each value of x, the rate at which * changes as x increases", or "at each point on a graph of * against x, the gradient of the curve at position x".

For example, if y = 2x, then d/dx y (or dy/dx) = 2. The graph is a line with gradient 2.

If y = x^2, then dy/dx = 2x. If you draw a graph of y = x^2, you'll find that the gradient at each value of x works out to be 2x.

gnolam's constant value (y = k) will be a horizontal line on the graph, so the gradient at any value of x is 0 - hence the constant value becomes nothing.

e^x is an interesting function because d/dx e^x = e^x. The gradient at any point on the graph is equal to the height of that point on the graph. The derivative 'operator' doesn't do anything to it.

But, d/dy e^x is the rate at which e^x changes as y changes. Clearly, the value of e^x doesn't change as y changes, because it doesn't depend on y. The derivative has the same effect on e^x as it would on a constant value. Pwned.

Gangs are evil. I got attacked recently. -_-

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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Your explaination is beyond me. Maybe after my Algebra class this year I'll do better.

Onewing
Member #6,152
August 2005
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Quote:

Maybe after my Algebra class this year I'll do better.

;D

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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I'm good at math, once I've learned it. Unfortunately I haven't learned that much of it. Out of the three classes that are supposedly required at my high school (Algebra I, Algebra II, and either Geometry or Calculus) I took Algebra I and Geometry. And I've forgotten most of what I learned. The moral? Always take notes and save them, you might need them down the road.

Hard Rock
Member #1,547
September 2001
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Algebra won't cover it. It's calculus.

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MiquelFire
Member #3,110
January 2003
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Quote:

I love doing things like that to people. The easiest one is yelling "Look! In the sky!" In a room with no windows. For some reason everyone still looks up...

I did that to my cat when she was little, and she actually looked at the ceiling (I didn't say anything, just pointed to the ceiling for some reason I can't remember).

Too bad I caused her to think I'm tricking her with that, because when I do want her to see something, she doesn't even look.

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Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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Ah Calculus. I should've guessed it was something like that. Give me a few years, then.

Mark Oates
Member #1,146
March 2001
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Quote:

Calculus

I guess I'll never get that joke. :'(

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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You aren't missing anything.

Ariesnl
Member #2,902
November 2002
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A dutch farmer goes to england to see the horseraces..
At the races a lady asks him " What do you do for a living ?"

- I f_u_c_k horses

Pardon ?

- Yes ! paarden

Explanation..

In dutch to breed is "fokken" "ik fok" sound a lot like the engisch I F***
and pardon sounds a lot like paarden ( horses in dutch)

Perhaps one day we will find that the human factor is more complicated than space and time (Jean luc Picard)
Current project: [Star Trek Project ] Join if you want ;-)

Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
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Quote:

Some functions were walking happily when one derivation joins them. All the functions ran away, except one. Which one? - e^x

There was some formula I saw years ago that involved trancendental e, pi and a negative one that worked out to 1. I never figured that out either.

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

gnolam
Member #2,030
March 2002
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You're thinking of Euler's identity: <math>e^{i\pi} + 1 = 0</math>

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Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
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Googled "euler's identity" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euler's_identity
Now I can die content!

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.



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