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Post your lame puns/jokes
arrowhen
Member #8,829
July 2007

Q: How is a duck like a bicycle?
A: Both of them have handlebars, except for the duck.

Johan Halmén
Member #1,550
September 2001

"What does a fish and a saxophone have in common?"
"Don't know."
"They both have a carburettor, except the fish."
"Well, in that case they have nothing in common. And besides, a saxophone has no carburettor either."
"See! They do have something in common!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years of thorough research have revealed that the red "x" that closes a window, really isn't red, but white on red background.

Years of thorough research have revealed that what people find beautiful about the Mandelbrot set is not the set itself, but all the rest.

VictorVVV
Member #8,903
August 2007

_ What is the difference between toilets and kitchen ?
_ I don't know.
_ So I will never eat at your home.

gnolam
Member #2,030
March 2002
avatar

Quote:

X-G: I don't think I get it...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_analysis

--
Move to the Democratic People's Republic of Vivendi Universal (formerly known as Sweden) - officially democracy- and privacy-free since 2008-06-18!

Arthur Kalliokoski
Second in Command
February 2005
avatar

Q: What's green, wet, whistles and hangs on the wall?

A: A herring

But, you protest, a herring doesn't hang on the wall. So hang it there! And a herring isn't green. So paint it! A herring isn't wet. If you just painted it, it is! And a herring doesn't whistle. Yeah, I just put that in to make it hard.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In the Jargon File, it mentions the road "El Camino Real", and how some college students renamed it "El Camino Bignum" since it's so long. And there's a small part called "El Camino Imaginary" adjacent to a military airport called Moffet Field. It's imaginary because of all the complex planes (wink, wink, nudge)

They all watch too much MSNBC... they get ideas.

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
avatar

In particular, a linear time-invariant closed feedback loop is unstable if it has any poles with positive real components--that is, any poles in the right complex half-plane. :P

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Since 2008-Jun-18, democracy in Sweden is dead. | 悪霊退散!悪霊退散!怨霊、物の怪、困った時は ドーマン!セーマン!ドーマン!セーマン! 直ぐに呼びましょう陰陽師レッツゴー!

Derezo
Member #1,666
April 2001
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Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin says "Damn, it's hot in here."
The other muffin says "Holy CRAP! A talking muffin!"

"He who controls the stuffing controls the Universe"

kikabo
Member #3,679
July 2003
avatar

Where do you weigh a whale?
At a whale weigh station!:D

Andrei Ellman
Member #3,434
April 2003

Q: Why is it believed that fungi aren't as good as they can be?
A: Because there's mushroom for improvement.

AE.

--
Don't let the illegitimates turn you into carbon.

bamccaig
Member #7,536
July 2006
avatar

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

None of which I came up with... ::)

CGamesPlay
Member #2,559
July 2002
avatar

A mushroom for improvement?

{"name":"mario_mushroom.jpg","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/0\/f\/0f0a5721931a522f7dbc01534c3f841f.jpg","w":450,"h":297,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/0\/f\/0f0a5721931a522f7dbc01534c3f841f"}mario_mushroom.jpg

--
Tomasu: Every time you read this: hugging!

Ryan Patterson - <http://cgamesplay.com/>

Rampage
Member #3,035
December 2002
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Hehehe, this is a fun thread. ;D

-R

Andrei Ellman
Member #3,434
April 2003

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. Somebody goes up to them and sais "What is this, some kind of a joke?".

--
Don't let the illegitimates turn you into carbon.

LennyLen
Member #5,313
December 2004
avatar

Two fish were swimming down the river when it started to rain. "Lets swim under that bridge," said the first. "I don't want to get wet."

Two Irishman were walking through a forest when they saw a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted." The first turns to the second and says "What a pity there's only the two of us."

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

Q: What is the difference between an orange?
A: A Bicycle, because snakes don't have armpits.

Sister and her friend made that one up in Jr. High! ;D

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

BAF
Member #2,981
December 2002
avatar

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

Andrei Ellman
Member #3,434
April 2003

--
Don't let the illegitimates turn you into carbon.

Demons
Member #8,807
July 2007

2 nuns walk into a bar. You'd figure the second would have ducked.

From Steven Wright.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...

I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.

"I met her at Macy's. She was shopping... I was putting Slinky's on the escalator."

"I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again..."

CGamesPlay
Member #2,559
July 2002
avatar

A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers. It was clearly platoonic.

Just pulled that one out of fortune.

--
Tomasu: Every time you read this: hugging!

Ryan Patterson - <http://cgamesplay.com/>

Thomas Fjellstrom
Member #476
June 2000
avatar

I've got a years worth of Readers Digest if anyone wants me to flood the thread with it ;)

--
Thomas Fjellstrom - [website] - [email] - [Allegro Wiki] - [Allegro TODO]
"If you can't think of a better solution, don't try to make a better solution." -- weapon_S
"The less evidence we have for what we believe is certain, the more violently we defend beliefs against those who don't agree" -- https://twitter.com/neiltyson/status/592870205409353730

TeamTerradactyl
Member #7,733
September 2006
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As long as they're clean, flood away!

HardTranceFan
Member #7,317
June 2006
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Q: Who's the most popular vegetable?
A: The mushroom, 'cos he's a fungi.

--
"Shame your mind don't shine like your possessions do" - Faithless (I want more part 1)

Bob Keane
Member #7,342
June 2006

Another from Steve Wright. A guy walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk: "If I melted dry ice and swam in it, would I get wet?" The clerk replies : "I don't know. I'll have to ask the manager.".

Same source: "Hi, I'm Mr. Wright. I hear you're looking fo me.".

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
"Love thy neighbor as much as you love yourself means be nice to the people next door. Everyone else can go to hell. Missy Cooper.
The advantage to learning something on your own is that there is no one there to tell you something can't be done.

Slartibartfast
Member #8,789
June 2007
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mEmO
Member #1,124
March 2001
avatar

Q: Why is there a dead baby in the microwave?

A: Because there wasn't room for it in the toaster.

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There is only one God, and Connor is his son!
http://www.memocomputers.com
Happy birthday!



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