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Post your lame puns/jokes
TeamTerradactyl
Member #7,733
September 2006
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If bicycling gets old after a while, is that a Cyclic Redundancy Error?

Would you Sucker-Punch a vacuum?

If you're tired of hearing Spanish people tell you Yes, are you Si-sick?

You can't hear anything on the other side of the mirror. It's just silent reflection...

What's the fastest bar of soap? Speed Dial!

What kind of messages do rock climbers leave for each other? Cliff notes!

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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What blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

What's green and drives a tractor? Grass. I lied about the tractor.

Matthew Leverton
Supreme Loser
January 1999
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Quote:

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

That's what I was going to contribute. >:(

Billybob
Member #3,136
January 2003

What's tired and sticky? Your mom.

Joel Pettersson
Member #4,187
January 2004

What did the sourcecode say to the CVS repository?

I am not afraid of commitment!

Rampage
Member #3,035
December 2002
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http://www.punoftheday.com/ said:

“The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects, but he did one on the fly.”

-R

Peter Hull
Member #1,136
March 2001

What do you get if you cross a pig with a chicken? Mod pig mod chicken sine theta.

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.

What's green, got six legs and if it lands on your back, can kill you? A snooker table.

Pete

Slartibartfast
Member #8,789
June 2007
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Quote:

What do you get if you cross a pig with a chicken? Mod pig mod chicken sine theta.

Surely you mean what do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
Edit: Those are all great, by the way. (Just add 2/3/4/ etc. to the end of the url to see the different ones. Last time I saw them they only went to 3, but I think they are up to 7 now)

Further edit: They go up to 8, though now I can't say they are all great. Several of them definitely fit this thread though :P

Jakub Wasilewski
Member #3,653
June 2003
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Quote:

What's green, got six legs and if it lands on your back, can kill you? A snooker table.

Can? These things weigh over a ton you know :P.

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[ ChristmasHack! | My games ] :::: One CSS to style them all, One Javascript to script them, / One HTML to bring them all and in the browser bind them / In the Land of Fantasy where Standards mean something.

Bob Keane
Member #7,342
June 2006

No punch line, just something to consider: Would you want to be caught dead with a necrophiliac?

By reading this sig, I, the reader, agree to render my soul to Bob Keane. I, the reader, understand this is a legally binding contract and freely render my soul.
"Love thy neighbor as much as you love yourself means be nice to the people next door. Everyone else can go to hell. Missy Cooper.
The advantage to learning something on your own is that there is no one there to tell you something can't be done.

Slartibartfast
Member #8,789
June 2007
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Andrei Ellman
Member #3,434
April 2003

Why was the Space-Shuttle Challenger sponsored by Coca Cola?

Because they couldn't get Seven-Up.

AE.

--
Don't let the illegitimates turn you into carbon.

Bruce Perry
Member #270
April 2000

Given the type variable declaration <K extends Comparable<K>, V extends Comparable<V>>, what is the most specific common supertype of K and V (written lub(K,V))?

? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<...

Oh wait, that's not funny. :-X

--
Bruce "entheh" Perry [ Web site | DUMB | Set Up Us The Bomb !!! | Balls ]
Programming should be fun. That's why I hate C and C++.
The brxybrytl has you.

Neil Black
Member #7,867
October 2006
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That also doesn't make much sense to me. I sure it's my ignorance at fault here.

I don't remember where I heard this... probably somewhere here, since this is one of two sites I regularly visit, but here goes:

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side!

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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Quote:

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side!

That's actually pretty funny.

In 2d, a mobius strip appears to have one side.

See http://www.tenthdimension.com/flash2.php

MiquelFire
Member #3,110
January 2003
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"Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care. Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care. Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care. So why am I singing his song!"

You know, the Never Ending Story sure ended quickly. Compared to The Land Before Time.

---
Febreze (and other air fresheners actually) is just below perfumes/colognes, and that's just below dead skunks in terms of smells that offend my nose.
MiquelFire.red
If anyone is of the opinion that there is no systemic racism in America, they're either blind, stupid, or racist too. ~Edgar Reynaldo

HardTranceFan
Member #7,317
June 2006
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Here are some lame contributions:

Nothing succeeds like a budgie.

Life is like a shit sandwich - the more dough you have, the less shit you have to eat.

Save our beaches - harpoon a fat chick.

Don't drink water - fish crap in it.

--
"Shame your mind don't shine like your possessions do" - Faithless (I want more part 1)

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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(This actually happened a couple days ago)

Antiques Roadshow: Even though this is mostly machined, there is also a lot of hand-tooling on the piece.

Me: I do a lot of hand-tooling on my piece.

ixilom
Member #7,167
April 2006
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10 blondes doing quantum physics.

___________________________________________
Democracy in Sweden? Not since 2008-Jun-18.
<someone> The lesbians next door bought me a rolex for my birthday.
<someone> I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

TeamTerradactyl
Member #7,733
September 2006
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Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. Shave the whales!

Onewing
Member #6,152
August 2005
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In the style of xkcd.

http://www.allegro.cc/files/attachment/592889

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Solo-Games.org | My Tech Blog: The Digital Helm

X-G
Member #856
December 2000
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A group of Polish people got on a plane to New York. For some reason, they all ended up getting seating on the left side of the aisle, and spent their trip talking about this and that. As they approached New York, the pilot announced that they were now passing over Liberty Island and that if people looked out of the right side windows they could see the Statue of Liberty. Our Polish people rushed to look, and as they did so the plane immediately plummeted and crashed into the ocean.

Why?

... too many Poles in the right half-plane.

--
Since 2008-Jun-18, democracy in Sweden is dead. | 悪霊退散!悪霊退散!怨霊、物の怪、困った時は ドーマン!セーマン!ドーマン!セーマン! 直ぐに呼びましょう陰陽師レッツゴー!

Kibiz0r
Member #6,203
September 2005
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X-G: I don't think I get it...

This one requires some preparation. You have to get people telling a lot of racist jokes, and it helps if everyone's a little drunk.

"What do you call a black man flying a plane?"
accept all their racist answers here
"Captain, you racists..."

CGamesPlay
Member #2,559
July 2002
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No, you call him a pilot :P

--
Tomasu: Every time you read this: hugging!

Ryan Patterson - <http://cgamesplay.com/>

Vanneto
Member #8,643
May 2007

The I do a lot of hand-tooling on my piece made me fall from my chair! :D

Anyways:

Teacher: "John, do you know why airplanes have propelers?"
John : "Yes, so the Pilots dont sweat."
Teacher: "Who told you that?"
John : "I was on a plane once, and the propelers stopped working... And then the pilot started sweating."

Yeah, I translated it. Not as funny in english I think! :P

In capitalist America bank robs you.



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