Wish me luck guys (and gals)

Hey whats up allegro,

Remember that thread back a while ago about new years resolution. We'll I've been trying to live mine this 2009 year. Its helped me a lot. This is what I said about my resolution back in that thread.

(you can skip this if you want all its saying is my resolution was to fail more, meaning take risk, because from failure you learn )

2009 is my year to fail :) .

Ok, I'm not a perfectionist but I like to plan things alot.
This is good but often times socially especially with girls this
can be a problem as I tend to over analyze things which prevents
me usually from taking action because of fear of failure. I figured
towards the end of 2008 that failure is not bad, its part of life.
You learn from it and you get stronger.

So for example in the past I might have doubts about say asking a girl out to say a certain activity. What if this, what if that, and now its going to be who care what if. Just do it, if you fail its ok, you're not going to die life will go on.
And unless I fail I can't really move forward because few people who accomplish
great things succeed on the first try. So one must fail before you can
reach success. And if one(me) is over thinking and making sure its does just right so I don't fail I miss alot of opportunities where I may have failed and learned something. I'm stretching my hands out and embracing a year full of failure, lollL. Sounds funny but its true and the good thing with me the more I fail in such
social areas like say with girls, my confidence grows and gets better.
Because we'll I did it, nothing bad happened, etc.

So yea 2009 is my year to fail.
I can't wait to start failing, loLLL, wish me luck :)


Yea thats what I said, and I've got a big opportunity coming up now. Theres this girl that I like and being the thinker that I am I've been over thinking whether or not to ask her out. You know do I really want a relationship, what about this, what about that, between you and us, I think I'm just scared. So anyways in the next 2hours I'm about to confront my fears in the spirit of my new years resolution and ask her to be my girlfriend.

I'll keep you folks posted as so the outcome.

Lolll, I'm excited, lOLLOLLL.

Say a pray for me,

Here we go :)


I hope you crash and burn!

Your pal,


Dustin Dettmer

This thread is clearly a failure. *

* Congrats?


So she replies and texts
(yea I asked her out via text message, LOOOLOLOLLOL, i know right, i'm silly)

"Oh my gosh <my name> I don't know what to say.
Other than you are great. I'm very flattered."

Then she text

"WHen did it happen"

So I replied and text,

"WHen did what happen? So is that a yes, no, or not yet"


It gets interesting.

Dustin Dettmer

I'm sure shes just giddy at it. Her and her girlfriends are probably hard at work over-analyzing it right now. Good work ;)

Oh that reminds me of a trick: Get her friends to like you and she'll follow suit. Flirt with them just a enough to make 'em like you. Always leave with a good impression, save you best joke for just before the goodbye, look them in the eye confidently when you say bye.

That way, when they're over-analyzing your texts her friends will put in a good word for you (which can go a long with with women).


from personal experience, you shouldnt have to ask a girl to become your girlfriend, it just happens.. what you'd have to do is just confirm it verbally in person if anything and it shouldnt be that big a deal.

edit: have you even kissed her?

fake edit 2: this sounds like a bruce perry thread :'(

edit 3: you should work on your confidence, sounds like she's laughing at you

edit 4: Dustin has good tips young pedawan


"WHen did it happen"

So I replied and text,

"WHen did what happen? So is that a yes, no, or not yet"

You haven't done more than ask her out, and the two of you are already having serious communication problems. :P

Dustin Dettmer

Here's another idea: Ignore what they say, just focus on how they say it. Its amazing how well that works. Really, its creepy. You can completely ignore what a girl says as long as you listen to the emotion behind it.


Yea at first I wasn't going to ask her out I thought the relationship would just show it. You know she was sending me all these positive signs telling me how awesome I was. But I was like you know what, you can't assume with girls never assume because they are just weird like that.

Also her and myself were talking yesterday
(we went jogging right before we played some tennis)
about life and she was like,

"I'm an old fashion girl, if a guy likes me he needs to ask me out to be his girlfriend, because I'm not owned by anyone and until some guy ask me out I'm just talking to different guys"

And she was talking about how there are other guys who she was talking too but she was still single because no one has asked her out yet. And she was saying one guy was jealous of me because she spent soo much time with me.

So I figured she was trying to send me a message.

Obviously communication is important in relationships.

I would say communication and trust are the foundation of most relationships.
So yea hopefully our communication improves.


Here's another idea: Ignore what they say, just focus on how they say it. Its amazing how well that works. Really, its creepy. You can completely ignore what a girl says as long as you listen to the emotion behind it.

People generally start these types of threads precisely because they have problems processing social queues (visual, auditory, or both). Hence they fall back onto a conscience effort to parse what they see and hear leading to all sorts of misperceptions. ;)


superstar4410, again, i ask you the same question, have you even kissed her



She has kissed me on the cheek once as we were parting. But no lip to lip kiss yet.

People generally start these types of threads precisely because they have problems processing social queues (visual, auditory, or both). Hence they fall back onto a conscience effort to parse what they see and hear leading to all sorts of misperceptions.

I totally agree. What better thing to do if you need help than ask for it.
No shame over here.

Dustin Dettmer

Another idea: Don't focus on getting the girl. Instead focus on getting practice. Make your goal to learn how to do it the best way.

This has two bonuses:

  1. You learn from it

  2. Your nerves calm down, because you're focused on learning

2.5. Girls like a guy who can think well (socially).


No doubt, thats why I made that resolution to about failure
so I can learn more. I totally agree with you.

So I feel a lot better after doing this because as you said it calms the nerves
for the next time.

So tell me more about what you mean about a guy that can think well socially.
Do you mean like understanding social cues and being emotional, etc?

Dustin Dettmer

There's not exactly a word for what I mean.

When someone is thinking critically and deriving intelligent conclusions their face changes. In my experience many women find that facial expression attractive. Its sort of 'proof' that you're a guy who can think. (In a well rounded, social manner).

Ron Novy

I see a lot of failure in your future... :P

Seriously don't put too much thought into "How to make it work" just do it... DO IT... If it feels right for the both of you and you get along and the relationship doesn't feel like work then you're doing everything right... If it feels like work then one of you is doing something wrong and you need to stop thinking and fix it... It's all about action (no that's not a pun) and not standing still doing nothing...

You two seem to be pretty close already so just go for it. If it doesn't work it might be weird to hang out with her, but friends is still possible. Just don't chase something that doesn't want to be caught...

This is probably inappropriate, but here I go again...

You could see if she would like to help in the search and preservation of endangered species like the giant worm that can grow to be 3 ft long... :P

Uh oh... I think I found one... ;D


Yea I went for it,

After she give that response that I posted above I asked her to clarify if that was a yes, no, or not yet.

Well She hasn't replied to that yet, and that was like 18 hours ago. So I'm just going to let that go. If she wants to contact me and still hang out I'm cool with it.

But I'm not the type to chase, so I'm not going to message or call her since she didn't respond to my last question.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at her at ALLLL, this is more about me not her. Its about me learning to relate to women, and gaining confidence, etc. And I feel great :) :) that I've move a step closer towards learning more about relationships and gaining more confidence. So I'm glad I did it and failed, LOLLLL.


So yea I don't have any problems being friends with her, I'm just not going to be following up since she is ignoring or uncomfortable to answer my last question.


Haha, maybe she just didn't get it yet? Or maybe she can't decide? Or maybe you're right and she hates you for it now :(


But I'm not the type to chase

I wouldn't necessarily call having a complete conversation "chasing." That said, sometimes communicating like a human works best. For example, talking with your voice. Preferably face to face. :P


And now for something completely different.

A few weeks before I "met" the woman who is now my wife (we had actually met 3 times before but never hung out or anything), I had done something similar to what you're doing now, though I did it in person. I had a friend who I had a crush on. Obviously she rejected me, and it was for the better in my opinion.

So who knows, maybe something better is just around the corner. Women are like buses: another one is just 15 minutes away. Unless you live in a rural area, in which case they're few and far between. ;)


No I don't think she hates me, I think shes just embarrassed and shocked.


So I go on yahoo answers, checking what does it really mean when a girl says I'm flattered (you know how I don't get these things).

And I found this answer that I think really sums it up.

allow me to translate: i am surprised, and i like you as a friend, but you are not in my mind romantically, it is nice for my ego to think my simple friendship with you has led you to think romantic things about me, but, me about you? no way. i have someone else who appeals to me in a romantic way like you never ever will. however, i dont dare insult you, so i will smugly say i am flattered but let you know right away my romantic dance card is filled and always will be where you are concerned. i guarantee this is the exact translation.

what do you do now? haha, easy. feed your own ego, boy. dont call her and dont whatever !!!! you do make one single comment about what she said. another tip, go to a website called askmen.com and read the doc love stuff about stuff like this. it is a treasure trove of info for a nice guy like you.


She's politely telling you that she think it's sweet that you have feelings for her, but that she doesn't share them with you. In other words it's time to move on. Whenever a guy says something that makes me slightly uncomfortable or I don't feel the same way about I use "flattered". You are trying to be polite but not encourage them to continue. You've spent a lot of time with this girl and you haven't become more than friends, it's time to move on and find someone else who will give you the time and affection you deserve.



because from failure you learn

Your lesson may well be "SMS is not a good way to ask somebdy out."


Good stuff, i like your attitude. :)

Being sociable/friendly is pretty important.


I also recommend you pick up a book on body language, having an understanding but not overly critical/over analyst grasp on body language is useful, you dont want to understand just women, you need to understand male body language as well.

You can't go wrong in finding some material on how to pick up women and practicing.


Obviously but do you think based on her feelings for me her repsonse would have been any different if I did it in person????

I mean, if she really liked me and I asked her out (even over text) I assume she would say yess.

And if she really dosen't want a relationship just because I do it in person isn't going to make her say yes.

But I do agree, doing it in person overall is a better approach


Deal with women either face to face or over the phone, it helps cut thru the bullsh_t really fast. When you're interested in a girl, you dont want to stay just friends for a long time, as a man, it's up to you to escalate quickly and early.



pedophile + padawan

Arthur Kalliokoski

Well he does have a 15 year old Angelina Jolie in his avatar from that clueless movie ;D

She was 20 years old! Must have been before the implants...

Dustin Dettmer

Obviously but do you think based on her feelings for me her repsonse would have been any different if I did it in person????

Yes, her response would have been different if you did it person, during a rain storm, her teacher hadn't picked on her, the other guy had been less attractive and 5 million other things. Its all out of your control.

Get a poker strategy -- you want to win out in the long run. You can't dwell on single hand or you'll lose it. Focus on improving the chances of things happening. Be okay with it when they don't, your goal is to see yourself getting ousted less often than previously.

As to using texts: Girls analyze texts a lot more than guys do. I'm not sure we'll ever catch up to understanding whats going on in that realm of communication. Avoiding texts can help bring things more in your control (ie in person, on the phone etc).


Warning to the OP: I'm an analyst-type and my ramblings may destroy everything you've worked up to so far. You should not read my post. ;D

Girls like a guy who can think well (socially).

When someone is thinking critically and deriving intelligent conclusions their face changes. In my experience many women find that facial expression attractive. Its sort of 'proof' that you're a guy who can think. (In a well rounded, social manner).

From what I can gather, being social is not about thinking. It seems to be about not thinking. Generally speaking I would say the social people I know have trouble thinking and don't enjoy it in any context[1] (frighteningly, they still want to be doctors and teachers...). Contrarily, those that are good thinkers all seem to have trouble socially (naturally, science/math/computer types often fall into this category; hence, we have many of these threads).

My observations, which some of you have already said do not reflect your own, have been that women typically fall into the social/non-thinking category (surely, there must be exceptions, but I have yet to knowingly meet one) and as a result don't make much sense and attempting to make sense of them is a doomed exercise. It's been my observation that people that typically do well socially seemingly don't spend much time thinking, and therefore haven't spent much time analyzing themselves and just assume all is well, and as a consequence of this are more confident; which, I'm sure most people have heard by now, women find "attractive". They also don't seem to put as much thought into relationships so they don't care as much when they get rejected or a relationship ends (they often seem more concerned with the social consequences than the actual relationship). Contrarily, those that do think a lot are often more critical of themselves, making them appear less confident to the outside world, and usually invest much more into relationships and as a result care much more about the outcome.

To add insult to injury, women regularly describe what they want as intelligent, caring, and committed, but in practice favor the unintelligent, uncaring, and uncommitted.

[1] There are exceptions. I don't think it's impossible for intelligent people to become social. I think it just requires the right conditions to be met (it probably helps to be raised in a busy social environment).

(Disclaimer: I'm mildly sleep deprived)

Ron Novy

I think women tend to go for those confident guys even if they are completely retarded... It doesn't matter if you're good looking or not just as long as you're confident and not too much of an ass hole about it...

Funny helps a lot too, but always ask a girl out in person and not over the phone or through the internet etc. You want it be real and personal and show her you're not a wuss and you aren't gonna start crying when she says no... :'( If she says no then just be like "Damn. I should have gotten you drunk first... Hey is that your best friend... Hook me up!" There are many scenarios here, but if she likes you then her face will turn bright red and then you can ask her again by saying something like "Oh come on I'm just kidding... Come out with me [x night] and we'll have some fun." Just don't be too persistent and take the rejection and don't wine about it... You can't let rejection phase you one bit... Women can smell fear. They use some kind of Allegro 8 time_loop_look_head function to know if you'll wuss out... so don't! :P

Planning dates out ahead of time works well if you know the girl and her interests. Just don't force yourself to a schedule. If you don't know the girl it's good to have more then one place in mind ahead of time in case you take her out and then uh oh... the other girl you asked out is there... "Hey, I don't like this place... Lets go to this other place I know..." You might want the other girl to see you with your date (from a distance), but you don't want the awkward confrontation/introduction when she makes eye contact with you... [or in the rare case they decide to go home with each other instead ??? :o :D :-* >:( ]

Anyways... You don't want my advice :P Being yourself should be enough to find the 'one'... Unless of course your looking for two in which case you should just throw everything you think you know about women right out the window... :P

Thomas Fjellstrom
Ron Novy said:

It doesn't matter if you're good looking or not just as long as you're confident and not too much of an ass hole about it...

A lot of girls prefer the Ass holes.

Ron Novy

Yes Thomas Fjellstrom... You have to be willing to slap an ass every now and then...

Thomas Fjellstrom

Uh, not quite what I meant.

Neil Walker

It's threads like this that makes me think I'm too old ;)


A lot of girls prefer the Ass holes.

Thomas, in other words girls arent attracted to wussies


I love these threads. :D

On a semi-realted note: Yay, only 36 hours until my girlfriend gets back from Autralia.

LennyLen said:

I love these threads. :D

it's interesting to see which people are the complaining, and which ones are actually doing/giving advice. says a lot.

edit : superstar4410, you're on the right track, dont fall like the whiny ones in this thread/forum


Yes its true sadly, girls do prefer the bad boy types.
I was reading this article this guy wrote about
"cocky and funny" it was this book that talks about how
to get girls to like you by not being that wuss and almost in a sense
acting like you are not interested and making fun of them.

But thats not my personality and I 'll admit seeing some of my friends
the cocky and funny thing works. But it dosen't feel right with my personality
you know belittling someone lowering their self esteem all that stuff.

Don't get me wrong, confidence is important and i'm a confident individual when it comes to life, i'm intelligent, have a nice body, a care about people, and with the intimate my relationship department my confidence is growing. And I would also say i'm pretty funny because girls tell me that too.

I think I'll just stick with my default personality of being that nice guy that I am and continuing to grow that confidence (because it is important). But I don't see myself being an a##hole anytime soon. Mainly its because I'm a Christian and even though Jesus never married, I'm thinking how would Jesus have approached a girl if he wanted to start a relationship what behaviors would he have modeled. I highly doubt Jesus would have approached a girl from the A- hole behavioral aspect of it.

Yea obviously our world view shapes our perception and how we act. And my religion/spirituality shapes how I treat others.

So yea, but its all good. I have faith that God is just training me and whipping me up into shape so when its time for the right women that he has for me I will be prepared. So no, this isn't a woe with me post. Hey thats life, and I see this relationship domain as my final frontier.

I got the other domains pretty set, so hey no one can be perfect right?
I'm intelligent

My professional career is set
(I'm a licensed mental health therapist that works with kids (3-18yrs old)

I'm healthy, athletic, strong, good cardio
(5% body fat, done two centuries before on the bike 100mile rides, I can bench over my body weight)

My spiritual life is at peace

I'm a charitable person and like being around people
and sociable

Its just that initmate relationship part that I suck at, but like I said no worries. I'm going to just be myself and learn from the past and it will work out.
Thanks for all the great feedback folks :)


Well done superstar, you've accomplished what 90% of the a.cc posters don't even have the guts to try (asking someone out). Good to see you're not taking her response personally.


5% body fat

:o Isn't 5% into the realms of post steroid cycle / unmaintainable without muscle loss? I thought I was doing well having finally reached sub 10%.




Yea about 5%, no I dont take steriods. I made this poster of myself back in 2005, but I'm like in the same shape now so yea (i'm 27). Obviously I photoshopped the image by changing the color tones of my skin to more redish and added the flames and stuff but I didn't photoshop on muscles. I eat very healthy and I cycle alot which cuts lots of fat. I actually cycle not to loose weight but because its fun (i'm a bike kid at heart)


(I'm not a body builder) I just have lean genes, I'm originally from LIberia now in uSa, but we are lean and skinny. So I natuarlly have low body fat. I started working out and gaining muscle and eating healthy and it came togethere

As for the 5% number. I got that from when I was in college and they tested our body fat in my health class and thats what the dude said, he said 6% I think and I've been 164 pounds for the last 7 years. So I figure I'm about the same body fat.
Sometimes I do find myself loosing muscle mass, it rasies and fall.

But I don't show off my body really. Most people think I'm weak and skinny because well I look that way. Tall and slender, this is a graduation college poster I made a while back, see how with clothes on I look pretty skinny


So guys here the update.
She just messaged me back and was like

"I'm sorry that I've send you wrong signals.
Even though I'm sure I didn't. I care for you its true.
You are a great friend, I'm just not ready for a relationship.
I basically just want to be like this for this time being. I'm
sorry I cannot accept being your girlfriend."

So I reply and say

Thanks for the reply, its cool
I understand and am comfortable with that.
As for wrong messages being sent or not sent,
hey thats life, not saying anything
is your fault, just saying situations like these happen
its normal. So to leave nothing to
assumption i'm not mad or upset about it.
You know we live, we do stuff, we learn and live some more.
So its all good. So did you make it to church today, if so how
was it?



I just noticed Sumo Wrestlers weren't in that table I quoted above. ;D


That's an impressive physique. Uncomfortable as it is, you're just going to have to wear tighter clothes if you want to attract the girls. ;)

Arthur Kalliokoski

You're the guy that was asking about the bicycle tires!

Girls like to have a guy that looks like a bad boy, but acts like a wussy. Then all their friends are in awe of their control of the "bad boy". That's not to say they want someone who's such a whiny baby they can't pick up their dirty clothes or mow the lawn without crying because they broke a nail (the guy).


No I'm not a whiny baby.

Just sensitive(i'm a therapist so I have sessions with people talking about their feelings, etc )
and nice
and caring.


...and buff as hell...

Ron Novy

you know belittling someone lowering their self esteem all that stuff.

I can certainly say that belittling someone or making fun is not the way to go... It will backfire when you hit on some touchy subject and that all in good fun turns into a giant fireball flying at your face...


and nice
and caring.

I'm know for sure all that works... Anyone could tell you... But don't let it put you into that cocoon where you're afraid to speak your mind or take control. I've seen it and I know that cocoons don't work out...

Just get yourself out there more often and you'll learn from your own mistakes... It's the only real way to do it. Not reading books or posting in forums on a.cc :P

Matthew Leverton

A Guide to Body Fat Percentage [www.sport-fitness-advisor.com] said:

Women are fat.

Arthur Kalliokoski

The women I prefer are fat in very specific places ;)






PHAT ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phat )

please clarify my friend. I prefer a little bit of the latter.


please clarify my friend.

Well, he said fat, and not phat, so what do you think? :P


I think people don't always say what they mean, plus I like being funny (even though I fail sometimes)


(even though I fail sometimes)


Ron Novy

Failing to be funny can still be funny :P


Those are the best funny moments, the random funny moments.

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