Just thought I'd start a thread of the best and worst (or botched) pick up lines around.

Botched : "Your daddy must be a thief, 'cos there's no way you can afford those clothes"

Best : "I know of 7 hotels within 5 minutes of here"

There's a song containing all the botched pickup lines I know. As for best, I'll tell you when one works

This one got me a laugh and a seat at the table once: "The Animal Control officer was here and said you ladies had to leave the building... No foxes allowed!"

"Will $500 be enough?"

"Would you like to go for a quick shag" reportedly works better than you might suppose.

I cannot post the ones that work for me due to their vulgarity.

Want bad? Fragapalooza had a game nerd/geek pickup lines contest for a date with some chick.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7594625992296426233&hl=en

WARNING: They are bad.

Hello, I'm Dusty. shake hand
Hi, I'm So-and-so.
Slight pause
Small talk

It seems to work 9 times out of 10.

"So, after I change your Depends, can I have a BJ?"

Dude, I live next door to a nursing home assisted care facility, I know the routine....

This is for slightly beyond the pickup line stage, but I have observed very encouraging results in the field by using "It looks like a ring belongs here." while holding the other party's hand...

We'll have to do a negative control study to confirm that one. "It looks like a ring does not belong here."

The control environment will have to wait; I don't have a lab partner at the moment. For what it's worth, I haven't been able to replicate my original results either; perhaps some variables were missed...

EDIT:
My previous lab partner and I have done some rudimentary tests with the negative case, and initial evidence seems to suggest that it does exactly what one might expect...

Best: Wow! How often do you work out.
Worst but in good spirit: I have a magazine of smart girls beside my toilet.

"I don't like that style of blouse" reportedly works well but I would never use it.

.. and you shouldn't either.

This just popped into mind:

"Let's go back to my lab and experiment further; I'd like to see how well the results fit the curves..."

...errr, sorry. I'll go get my coat.

I wish I were your derivative, so I could lie tangent to your curves...

I wish I were your integral, so I could be the area underneath your curves...

I wonder how the reaction to that would change depending on whether the person in question knew what you were talking about.

CGamesPlay: second one memorized for future use. If a woman responds favourably to that, there's a non-zero chance she's the 'one'...

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I guess it's lucky for me that I couldn't understand a word they were saying then.

Funny, I could make many of them out. Not all, but many.

Yea, but to you they don't have a funny foreign accent.

They don't

Worst: "Bitch, get off the phone so I can ask you out. Go buy me some McDonalds and then later we can go to my place and you can meet my mother".;D

Even these so-called "best" lines are terrible.

Nice...but OLD Damn that shit was SCARY!:o

23yrold3yrold:

I agree with Dustin on this one. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have any lines, nor do I think I would ever use any.

This discussion is a bit like the discussions about urban legends. Like these funny lines really exist and work in real life. I bet people use them, but who wouldn't recognise a funny/clever/whatever pickup line as something that the person got from some guide or some internet forum, like this thread. Urban legends are also something that people discuss as something someone else believes in.

Anyhow, here's my contribution: "Hi, I got nothing to say to you, because a lightning stroke burned my pickup line on my LP turntable."

"Pardon me, miss, but does this handkerchief smell of chloroform?"

You're being unnecessarily negative: the other day I picked up a girl with a really good line, just after I'd come back from cow tipping. One of my friends called me just before to warn me that her previous boyfriend had died in a pencils-up-the-nose-during-an-exam incident. But the spooky thing was that the call had come from my own house!

Time for a rerun:
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I wish I were sin^2 and you cos^2 so together we could be one.

(I think I heard it on some commercial)

Comedian Stephen Wright had a perfect one: "Hi, I'm Mr. Wright. I heard you were looking for me.". As to whether or not they work: actress Jennifer Tilly once said she dated a man for several months because he asked to borrow a pen. When she handed it to him, he said, "Now can I have your number?".

Well, duh. Actually, the reportedly most successful pickup line of all is along the lines of "hello, how are you?"
Anything else has a smaller chance of success.

I trade double entendres with my girlfriend all the time, but then again, I don't have to pick her up. And for the record, the first thing I did say to her was in fact "hello, how are you?"

Yeah, if you ever use these things it's with the understanding that 1. females expect stupid pick up lines 2. since they hear them all the times they can be a good joke to break the ice. At least that was my experience. But nothing beats 'Hi'.

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?!

So 'hi', and the rest follows? I won't be needing this notebook then.

But that holds true only if they are of the same angle. But then again, when both are horizontal, they.. uhm.. I guess that's part of the joke, then?

Indeed it does. That said, you have to choose your opportunity wisely with that one.

Oh, per Carol Leifer in her Edinburgh show this year: what would it hurt if we made out a little?*

• or words to that effect, my memory is flawed.

I'm not really the pickup line type...

Actually, some of those were pretty funny (and some were impossible to hear).

Now those are smooth.

** EDIT **

Hey, one just came to me!

[Walk up to a girl that doesn't know you] "Bitch."
[She starts bitching]
"Good dog."

Let me know how it goes...

Psyche! I joke, I joke! I kid, I kid! :-/

[you] Wanna pizza and a f#@k?
[she slaps you]
[you] Ok, so no pizza.

Luigi wants to touch your boobies.

May I dereference your private member variables with my enormous unmanaged stray pointer please?

Wear a T-Shirt that says:
this->Fuck("you");
alternatively:
this->DominateWorld("Earth");

I never tried any of these. Actually, I never tried any at all and needless to say I'm still solo.;D

I'm with the simple folk here, a smile and a hi gets you a long way.

Oh Johan, the dimensions of your rectfill() made my mainloop skip an update cycle. Maybe if you run install_keyboard() you could push my buttons and we could have some fun with install_joystick()

"Wow, you're gorgeous! I'm not going to lie, you're totally out of my league. Do you think...you could help me find somebody in my league?"

I generally like to belittle them so that they feel insecure and helpless.

I just came.

** EDIT **

It was funnier when Dane Cook said it... That was just dirty.

I'll be sure to return;

Maybe I should have used a goto reference...

Want to help me level up my +4 rod of power?

*Guy #2 interrupts:

"Party with me and my +5 rod of stamina."

I think you guys don't please many a woman with your rods...

Sounds like a bunch of freaks of nature!

I think he was referring to the fact that they both have separate rods of their own.

Anyway, pick-up lines are for people who are actually trying to pick-up a girl. I don't have time with all the school work I have this semester.

Yeah, obviously, the only thing I routinely say to girls in bars is "yes, okay, let's do that".

AngelChild: Fiuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your first name Mary?

Cute

EDIT: And no

That's being kind.

Oh man, I was so close to using the "borrow the pencil" pick-up line, but I chickened out in the last minute. Oh well, I ended up with a date anyway so... SUCCESS!

"So, are you free anytime next week?" worked for me last wednesday

I call mine “The Octagon”…

So your first name isn't Mary? Ontopic: Pardon me miss, I am lost. Could you give me directions to your panties? See my other thread.

Yes, I threw out a couple of old pairs yesterday. Have a look for them if you want, I'm sure you'll feel right at home in the trash.

I seem to have misplaced my phone number. Could I borrow yours?

Are we posting these pick up lines for amusement purposes or is someone trying to pick someone else up?

Hopefully the former.

I'll let you touch my laptop if I can touch yours...

heheh this thread is pretty funny

I tend to usually find something in common to talk about. It works much better than pickup lines for me.

Like Gentoo?

You threw underwear away? You definitely need a male influence in your life.

He must be very lonely...

As for the rest of you...

"I just ate 3 pills of viagra"

Oh, do I really now?

Yes, you do.

I think pick-up line technology will, in time, become obsolete, especially once it's possible to order PersoCons from Tiger Direct...

/preorder
/coat

I think he really meant "post pictures of your filthy knickers before throwing them out you trollop!"

That's one hell of a line you've got there nonnus

O.o

You are an odd person nonnus.

So, Neil, what did you mean?

Huh? I was just agreeing with Thomas Harte, ask him what he meant.

My love for you is like diarrhoea: I just can't hold it in.

You win.

"Would you like to go for a walk" worked rather well for me recently, led to many more walks and whatnot.

Weird Al Yankovic wins.

Threads like these are why women don't frequent these forums... It's like tossing them to the lions.

Having said that, here is a horrible pickup line for pregnant women picking up on guys... And note this didn't come from me.

"Wanna kiss the baby?"

Bah! Half the women I know would be laughing their butts off at most of these.

when i talk to girls that are younger them me i call them aunty.

so if was in a shop in the morring looking for the milk and i saw a girl who worked there it would sound like this.

" morning morning aunty where you guys keep de milk. "

Depends; is Crazy_K ever going to come back?

jumps up and down waving her arms in the air

Actually, this thread is highly amusing

See? My point is proven.

well my line is real. but it may only be efective in my culture.
because its an old sign of respect to call people older then yourself uncel or antiy.

So you pick up women by calling them old? You don't get out much, do you?

That depends how old. If you wanted to pick up a 14 year old it might benefit you to call her 16 years old (Oh I'm so mature!).
Don't ask me why you are picking up 14 year olds.

While I'm not referring to my girlfriendless self, I do know that a lot of high school girls date army guys to feel more mature.

Until those army guys get sent off to Iraq.

<Her> Uuuuuuuhuuuuuuuuuuu~ T_T;;
<Him> Oh honey, I'll come back, I promise!!!!!!!
<BG> F#~~~~~~ G~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B~~ C~~ D~~ A~~ G~~ C~~~~~~~~~~~~ A~~~ B~~ G#~~~ E~~~~~~...

Sounds like a pretty stupid thing to do, if you do it deliberately

If I were on the scene, I'd just strip down and yell out, "who want's it!?"

Confidence is key.

My name is Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a mighty pirate.

So, would you like your eggs fertilised in the morning?

Hmm...
So you're here for the attention? From this crowd? Are you sure you want it

So you know exactly two women, Neil?

Saw "The Ladies Man" last night. "Was your father a meat burglar? Cause it looks like someone took two fine hams and stuffed them down the back of your dress.". How about "I wish I was Whinnie thte Pooh so I could get my nose stuck in your honey jar.".

Ron Novy: hey, at least they mostly don't live next door

Ben Delacob: I love your logic

This surprises you? I spend my days sitting on programming forums chatting with nerds, there isn't much opportunity to meet girls.

Excellent use of "turn my social inadequacy into his being an idiot", there.

Maybe one of these shirts then?
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This shirt hits the mark in my case but I'd be too shy to wear it.

Well, then there's always this:

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They don't make them in my size though... Tall tees, plz.

Are you talking about tall tees for SHIRTS, or a girl flirt with excessive height, a "tall tease"?

Wet a couple of fingers, touch her top, touch your top. Then use the line "Lets go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes".

Worst: Is your name Summer? Because you're hot.
Best good: So how has your day been so far?

@HardTranceFan:

Just get the smallest size you can get on and then wear it anyway. It has a much more dramatic effect at a party or a rock concert... But then again it may only work if your a rock star

From this weekend's channel hopping: "come with me if you want to live". Can be delivered either in an excited middle-American accent or a calm Austrian accent.

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Combine Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day and Thomas Harte's line for the ultimate in seduction.

"Excuse me, are you River Tam? Because I feel like I'm about to get my ass kicked."

Hmm? idk.