If bicycling gets old after a while, is that a Cyclic Redundancy Error?

Would you Sucker-Punch a vacuum?

If you're tired of hearing Spanish people tell you Yes, are you Si-sick?

You can't hear anything on the other side of the mirror. It's just silent reflection...

What's the fastest bar of soap? Speed Dial!

What kind of messages do rock climbers leave for each other? Cliff notes!

What blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

What's green and drives a tractor? Grass. I lied about the tractor.

That's what I was going to contribute.

What's tired and sticky? Your mom.

What did the sourcecode say to the CVS repository?

I am not afraid of commitment!

What do you get if you cross a pig with a chicken? Mod pig mod chicken sine theta.

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.

What's green, got six legs and if it lands on your back, can kill you? A snooker table.

Pete

Surely you mean what do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
Edit: Those are all great, by the way. (Just add 2/3/4/ etc. to the end of the url to see the different ones. Last time I saw them they only went to 3, but I think they are up to 7 now)

Further edit: They go up to 8, though now I can't say they are all great. Several of them definitely fit this thread though

Can? These things weigh over a ton you know .

No punch line, just something to consider: Would you want to be caught dead with a necrophiliac?

<Boxthor> They call me Hadoken 'cause I'm down-right fierce.

(bash.org)

Why was the Space-Shuttle Challenger sponsored by Coca Cola?

Because they couldn't get Seven-Up.

AE.

Given the type variable declaration <K extends Comparable<K>, V extends Comparable<V>>, what is the most specific common supertype of K and V (written lub(K,V))?

? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<? extends Comparable<...

Oh wait, that's not funny.

That also doesn't make much sense to me. I sure it's my ignorance at fault here.

I don't remember where I heard this... probably somewhere here, since this is one of two sites I regularly visit, but here goes:

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side!

That's actually pretty funny.

In 2d, a mobius strip appears to have one side.

See http://www.tenthdimension.com/flash2.php

"Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care. Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care. Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care. So why am I singing his song!"

You know, the Never Ending Story sure ended quickly. Compared to The Land Before Time.

Here are some lame contributions:

Nothing succeeds like a budgie.

Life is like a shit sandwich - the more dough you have, the less shit you have to eat.

Save our beaches - harpoon a fat chick.

Don't drink water - fish crap in it.

(This actually happened a couple days ago)

Antiques Roadshow: Even though this is mostly machined, there is also a lot of hand-tooling on the piece.

Me: I do a lot of hand-tooling on my piece.

10 blondes doing quantum physics.

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. Shave the whales!

In the style of xkcd.

http://www.allegro.cc/files/attachment/592889

A group of Polish people got on a plane to New York. For some reason, they all ended up getting seating on the left side of the aisle, and spent their trip talking about this and that. As they approached New York, the pilot announced that they were now passing over Liberty Island and that if people looked out of the right side windows they could see the Statue of Liberty. Our Polish people rushed to look, and as they did so the plane immediately plummeted and crashed into the ocean.

Why?

... too many Poles in the right half-plane.

X-G: I don't think I get it...

This one requires some preparation. You have to get people telling a lot of racist jokes, and it helps if everyone's a little drunk.

"What do you call a black man flying a plane?"
accept all their racist answers here
"Captain, you racists..."

No, you call him a pilot

The I do a lot of hand-tooling on my piece made me fall from my chair!

Anyways:

Teacher: "John, do you know why airplanes have propelers?"
John : "Yes, so the Pilots dont sweat."
Teacher: "Who told you that?"
John : "I was on a plane once, and the propelers stopped working... And then the pilot started sweating."

Yeah, I translated it. Not as funny in english I think!

Q: How is a duck like a bicycle?
A: Both of them have handlebars, except for the duck.

"What does a fish and a saxophone have in common?"
"Don't know."
"They both have a carburettor, except the fish."
"Well, in that case they have nothing in common. And besides, a saxophone has no carburettor either."
"See! They do have something in common!"

_ What is the difference between toilets and kitchen ?
_ I don't know.
_ So I will never eat at your home.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_analysis

Q: What's green, wet, whistles and hangs on the wall?

A: A herring

But, you protest, a herring doesn't hang on the wall. So hang it there! And a herring isn't green. So paint it! A herring isn't wet. If you just painted it, it is! And a herring doesn't whistle. Yeah, I just put that in to make it hard.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In the Jargon File, it mentions the road "El Camino Real", and how some college students renamed it "El Camino Bignum" since it's so long. And there's a small part called "El Camino Imaginary" adjacent to a military airport called Moffet Field. It's imaginary because of all the complex planes (wink, wink, nudge)

In particular, a linear time-invariant closed feedback loop is unstable if it has any poles with positive real components--that is, any poles in the right complex half-plane.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin says "Damn, it's hot in here."
The other muffin says "Holy CRAP! A talking muffin!"

Where do you weigh a whale?
At a whale weigh station!:D

Q: Why is it believed that fungi aren't as good as they can be?
A: Because there's mushroom for improvement.

AE.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

_{None of which I came up with... ::)}

A mushroom for improvement?

{"name":"mario_mushroom.jpg","src":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/0\/f\/0f0a5721931a522f7dbc01534c3f841f.jpg","w":450,"h":297,"tn":"\/\/djungxnpq2nug.cloudfront.net\/image\/cache\/0\/f\/0f0a5721931a522f7dbc01534c3f841f"}

Hehehe, this is a fun thread.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. Somebody goes up to them and sais "What is this, some kind of a joke?".

Two fish were swimming down the river when it started to rain. "Lets swim under that bridge," said the first. "I don't want to get wet."

Two Irishman were walking through a forest when they saw a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted." The first turns to the second and says "What a pity there's only the two of us."

Q: What is the difference between an orange?
A: A Bicycle, because snakes don't have armpits.

Sister and her friend made that one up in Jr. High!

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

http://www.allegro.cc/forums/thread/572770

2 nuns walk into a bar. You'd figure the second would have ducked.

From Steven Wright.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...

I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.

"I met her at Macy's. She was shopping... I was putting Slinky's on the escalator."

"I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again..."

A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers. It was clearly platoonic.

Just pulled that one out of fortune.

I've got a years worth of Readers Digest if anyone wants me to flood the thread with it

As long as they're clean, flood away!

Q: Who's the most popular vegetable?
A: The mushroom, 'cos he's a fungi.

Another from Steve Wright. A guy walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk: "If I melted dry ice and swam in it, would I get wet?" The clerk replies : "I don't know. I'll have to ask the manager.".

Same source: "Hi, I'm Mr. Wright. I hear you're looking fo me.".

A baby seal walks into a club.

Q: Why is there a dead baby in the microwave?

A: Because there wasn't room for it in the toaster.

Q: What's brown and knocks on the window
A: See previous post

edit: I hate that joke, sorry just slipped out

[quot]"...I was putting Slinky's on the escalator."
</quote>

I want to go do this right now. I hate living in a town with no escalators!

"So they say the government has been spending $10,000 on a hammer and $15,000 on a screwdriver. The IRS sent me a bill for 25,000 dollars, so I sent them a Black and Decker circular saw and told them to keep the change." - somewhere on the internet

Two men were driving a late night when they saw a hitchhiking nun.
They picked up the nun and later the nun said, "I'm sorry I have no money to pay you fellows".
One the the guys answers, "I'm sure there are other ways you can pay".
They stop on the side of the road and get it on in the dark bushes doggystyle.
Later when they get back in the car the nun says "Btw, my name is Burt, I'm on my way to a masquerade"

Two amoeba walk out of a bar/pub. One looks up and sees a street light/lamp and says "Say, is that the sun, or the moon?". The other turns to him and replies "I don't know, I'm not from around here.". Fozzie Bear.

Not sure how that got brought up.

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

A: Nothing. You can't cross a scaler with a vector...

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mouse?
A dead mouse.

gnolam: I just KNOW that one is going to be funny, but I'm trying to understand the play-on-words for "mosquito" and "vector"...

vector: carrier of an infectious agent; capable of transmitting infection from one host to another;

! Thanks, Matt. Every search for "vector" brought up programming jargon instead of anything linking mosquitoes. gnolam: that was excellent (and I learned a new word)!

I suppose I should teach you how to fish. Enter "define:vector" into Google.

What did the doctor say to the patient?

You sick bastard!

Possumdude0: That was Rodney Dangerfield.

Wow! Thanks, Matt! learn something new every day...

Why does an architect have his house made backwards ?

So he can watch tv at the same time.

( read it loud if you don't get it)

I don't get it. At the same time as what?

• What is the difference between an American and a yogurt ?

- The yogurt, after some time, start to develop some culture
___________________________________________________________________________________

• In a train, an American sits in front of a French, and spit one time to the left of the face of the man, one time to the right, with an amazing accuracy.
  He present himself: "Hi, I am James Billton, Spitting World Champion".
  The man stands up and spit on his face: "Hi, I am Pierre Martin, amateur"

___________________________________________________________________________________

• A Texan guy come to Paris and take a taxi.

The taxi drives near "L'arc de Triomphe":

Texan : "What is that ?"
Taxi Driver: "It is our triumphal arch"
Texan: "How long did it take to build it ?"
Taxi Driver: "It should have took five years"
Texan: "Heh, in my country it takes 3 days"

The taxi drives near "Notre Dame":

Texan: "What is that ?"
Taxi Driver: "It is our church, Notre Dame"
Texan: "How long did it take to build it ?"
Taxi Driver: "Hooo, near 40 years."
Texan: "Heh, in my country it takes 6 days"

Now the taxi driver starts to be a little bit nervous.
It is now driving near "La Tour Eiffel":

Texan: "What is that ?"
Taxi Driver: "What ? I do not know, it was not there this morning"

;-)

___________________________________________________________________________________

This is the transcript of the 'actual' radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authourities off the coast of Newfoundland.

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, thats one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

___________________________________________________________________________________

( I am too lazy to translate )

Dans un hôtel, en France, un touriste français prend tranquillement son petit déjeuner :
café, croissant, baguette, beurre et confiture.
Un touriste américain mâchant son chewing gum s'installe en face de lui.
Bien que le français l'ignore, l'américain engage la conversation :
- L'Américain : Vous les français, vous mangez tout le pain ?
- Le Français (de mauvaise humeur) : - Oui.
L'Américain (après avoir fait une grosse bulle avec son chewing gum) :
- Nous en Amérique, on mange juste l'intérieur.
La croute, on la met dans des containers, on recycle en faisant des croissants et on les vends aux Français.
L'américain a un petit sourire sur le visage, le français écoute en silence.
- L'Américain persiste : Vous mangez la confiture avec le pain ?
- Le Français : Oui.
L'américain (une grosse bulle éclate sur sa figure et d'un coup de langue habile, il ravale son chewing gum et continue à mâcher...) :
- Nous pas, en Amérique,on mange des fruits frais au petit déjeuner.
Et on met les pelures,les pépins et les restes dans un containers, on les recycle en faisant de la confiture et on la vends aux Français.
Le Français demande alors : - Faites-vous l'amour en Amérique ?
- L'Américain : yeah bien sûr, très souvent dit-il avec un large sourire.
- Le Français : Et que faites vous des préservatifs utilisés ?
- L'Américain : Et bien comme tout le monde, on les jette.
- Le Français : Pas nous, une fois utilisés, on les recycle dans des containers, on fait du chewing gum et on le vend aux Américains ...

___________________________________________________________________________________

Do you know the difference between a one minute blow job and a one minute ass fuck ?

- Well, heh, no ?
- Do you have two minutes ...

___________________________________________________________________________________

Héhé Johan, even translated I can understand it ;-)

And it probably even sounds like perfect English to you, right?

There was Miran's contrib to the "Post your lame puns/jokes" topic ;-)

Leider ist es nicht so lustig wie auf Deutsch.

Also sprach Babelfisch:
"Kellner! Was ist diese Suppe?"
"Es ist Bohnensuppe."
"Ich interessiere mich nicht, was es gewesen ist! Ich möchte wissen, was es jetzt ist!"

A classic excerpt from THHGTTG:
"What's so bad about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water."

Also a classic insult: (might suffer a bit due to translation)
"Your index of nilpotence is 1"

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html

Was glaubst du, wie viele ... cough ... How much people do you think will understand this? ^^

Ich, zum Beispiel? Ich fand es sehr lustig!

EDIT: Ach, und wie ich sehe, du auch.

Ach was...

ואם אני אגיד שאינדקס הנילפוטנטיות שלך שווה ל1 רק בשביל שיהיה טקסט בעברית, זה יכפר על כל שאר השפות הזרות שרצות פה?

Flahrahatharahaatha harhatahhralamhratahar hartharathrhtatram.

Slovenian sure changed a lot since I last heard it spoken .

klnklnujhil knujhujkljkiijnoknlm l,nllnmk;

Language by Cat.

Miranu se je končno zmešalo. Preveč Visual Basic-a kot vidim!

Das habe ich nicht verstanden. Ich meine den scherz. Ich verstehe gut Deutsch!

Ahh yes, the mutli-language post your lame puns and jokes thread. You gotta love it!

No no no, that was a partial transliteration of Slartibartfast's post into latin script. The second part I don't quite understand.

Das ist was Babelfisch hat gesacht. Du muss es übersetzen.

THIS THREAD NEEDS CHUCK NORRIS
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:HMgSWExjLxNu4M:http://www.adiumxtras.com/images/pictures/chuck_norris_random_fact_generator_6_3957_2224_image_2578.jpg

Bob Keane, that was funny.

אני חייב להודות שאני לא מבין את הבדיחה גם כשהיא בעברית...

Debo decir, Allegrians soy muy extraño. Pueden dar vuelta a un buen hilo de rosca en desperdicios… ¡Oh bien, mientras su diversión!

P.S. Translating this back to english DOES NOT give accurat translation.

It doesn't mean anything in Spanish either.

Bei Odin und was sonst noch heilig ist...

OK, now I completely lost the line...

友達は最近日本語を勉強してきましたよ。ひらがなを習ってて、
もう「な」行をほとんど覚えたようです。でもなぜなのか分からないけど
「ぬ」をなかなか覚えられていないようですよ。ぬなのにね。

If you try Bob Keane's "search" in the real Google, the albinoblacksheep page is rated #1!

You need to hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.

Our credit manager is Ms. Helen Waite.
So if you want us to extend credit, go to Helen Waite.

I was rich once, but I spent some on wine, some on women, some on song.
The rest I spent foolishly.

I got a sweater for Christmas.
What I really wanted was a screamer or moaner.

Doctor! I'm 3 inches shorter than 20 years ago! I'm SHRINKING!
Doc: Take it easy! You'll just have to be a little patient!

A marine biologist developed a species of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

[EDIT]
Forgot this one!

Dixon, Cox and Peters, Attorneys at Law
We'll screw you good!

and of course Dewey, Cheatam and Howe.

"Never Argue With A Woman"

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at
any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

If a man, in the middle of a forest, says something and there's no woman hearing, is he still wrong?

Yes. The 1987 International Women's Society's 19h decree "All men, in every situation, for all time, are wrong, unless he is following the direct orders of a woman, or is spending large amounts of money on her."

"If a ninja falls in the forest, does it make a sound?"
"If a ninja anywhere does anything, it doesn't make a sound. And if it does, it's the last sound you'll ever hear."

Q: If a ninja falls in the forest, and Chuck Norris hears it, does it make a sound?
A: No, Chuck Norris doesn't give it the chance to scream.

@ Vanneto

Bohnensuppe --> beansoup I guess

Ein amerikaanse soldat ist stationiert in deutschland.
Ein Deutsche freund laded ihn ein fur ein ball, der kolonel ist auch da mit seiner Tochter.

Unterwegs nach dem ball, passt er nicht gut auf und sein freund sieht ihm weg fur ein lastkraftwagen "Mann hast du swein gehabt"
was sagst du fragt er ? "das du gluck gehad hast"..

Abends am ball kommt der kolonen zu die 2 freunden und fragt an der amerikaner " Und haben sie schon mit meiner tochter getanzt ?"

Der amerikaner ist bezaubert von das madchen und zagt " Nein das swein hab ich nog nicht gehabt"

A true multi-language post mixes languages in the same sentence, like this one.

Oh Banzai

AE.

Sorry, I meant thread not post.

What do you get if you combine water with a ballon? a water-ballon! \o/

True story. While working in a restaurant, I happened to pour myself a Coke one day. The assistant manager walked in at that point, nice person, a little too helpful maybe. I put my watch to my ear, and when I got her attention, I said "No tick-tick.". She said "Excuse me?", so I showed her the watch and said "No tick-tick" again. She replied "Oh, your watch isn't ticking. Has it ticked before?". "No tick-tick." I said. She asked to see the watch so I handed it over. "You're right, it's not ticking.". She then asks me if I wound it recently, tries to wind it but does not find the stem. She then asks if I changed the batteries recently, my reply is a simple "no tick-tick". She compares her watch to my watch, tells me I have the right time, then says "Wait a minute! its a digital watch! Digital watches don't tick! Get back to work!", half yelling and half laughing.

I love doing things like that to people. The easiest one is yelling "Look! In the sky!" In a room with no windows. For some reason everyone still looks up...

"Hey look, a distraction!"

I've been working for a while on translation of this joke to English, perhaps someone could help me. It's a electro engineer's joke. On Croatian language it goes like:
Hodaju kondenzator i zavojnica ulicom. Zavojnica se spotakne i padne. Kaze kondenzator: "Ha-ha, kako si smotana!". Zavojnica: "Šuti nabijem te!".

Mine partial translation/adaptation goes like:
A coil and a capacitor are walking down the street. The coil stumbles and falls to the ground. The capacitor says: "Ha-ha you're so clumsy!". The coil responds: "Stop it, or I'll press charges!"

On Croatian this is a double(-lame)-joke because clumsy and winded are homonyms, go figure.

Three engineering students were sitting around discussing God's major:

"He must have been a mechanical engineer," says the first, "because the system of muscles and joints work so perfectly together."

"No," says the second, "he was an electrical engineer, because the brain has thousands of nerves firing electrical signals throughout the body."

"You're both wrong," says the last student, "he was an architect. Who else would put a toxic waste line running through a recreational area?"

Some functions were walking happily when one derivation joins them. All the functions ran away, except one. Which one? - e^x

Reminds me of the scene from Cannibal! The Musical where the guy points at the sky in the distance and goes "Look! The Blue River!"

If you're going to post an e^x joke, at least post a non-lame one.

A constant value and e^x were out walking when suddenly, across the street, they saw a member of the dreaded Derivative Gang lounging about.
"Let's not go that way!" the constant value said.
"Pah," replied e^x, "I'm not scared of him!"
"But if I run into him I'll become nothing!" the constant value shouted.
"Well, he can't do anything to me. Just watch this!" e^x said, and confidently walked across the street.
"Hello there," he said with a sneer, "You may have heard of me. I'm e^x. And... who might you be?"
"Hi," the gang member replied, "I'm d/dy."

When I learn the math behind that I'm sure it'll be funny.

"d/dx" is like a prefix operator that says "the rate of change of * with respect to x", or "at each value of x, the rate at which * changes as x increases", or "at each point on a graph of * against x, the gradient of the curve at position x".

For example, if y = 2x, then d/dx y (or dy/dx) = 2. The graph is a line with gradient 2.

If y = x^2, then dy/dx = 2x. If you draw a graph of y = x^2, you'll find that the gradient at each value of x works out to be 2x.

gnolam's constant value (y = k) will be a horizontal line on the graph, so the gradient at any value of x is 0 - hence the constant value becomes nothing.

e^x is an interesting function because d/dx e^x = e^x. The gradient at any point on the graph is equal to the height of that point on the graph. The derivative 'operator' doesn't do anything to it.

But, d/dy e^x is the rate at which e^x changes as y changes. Clearly, the value of e^x doesn't change as y changes, because it doesn't depend on y. The derivative has the same effect on e^x as it would on a constant value. Pwned.

Gangs are evil. I got attacked recently. -_-

Your explaination is beyond me. Maybe after my Algebra class this year I'll do better.

I'm good at math, once I've learned it. Unfortunately I haven't learned that much of it. Out of the three classes that are supposedly required at my high school (Algebra I, Algebra II, and either Geometry or Calculus) I took Algebra I and Geometry. And I've forgotten most of what I learned. The moral? Always take notes and save them, you might need them down the road.

Algebra won't cover it. It's calculus.

I did that to my cat when she was little, and she actually looked at the ceiling (I didn't say anything, just pointed to the ceiling for some reason I can't remember).

Too bad I caused her to think I'm tricking her with that, because when I do want her to see something, she doesn't even look.

Ah Calculus. I should've guessed it was something like that. Give me a few years, then.

I guess I'll never get that joke.

You aren't missing anything.

A dutch farmer goes to england to see the horseraces..
At the races a lady asks him " What do you do for a living ?"

- I f_u_c_k horses

Pardon ?

- Yes ! paarden

Explanation..

In dutch to breed is "fokken" "ik fok" sound a lot like the engisch I F***
and pardon sounds a lot like paarden ( horses in dutch)

There was some formula I saw years ago that involved trancendental e, pi and a negative one that worked out to 1. I never figured that out either.

You're thinking of Euler's identity:

Googled "euler's identity" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euler's_identity
Now I can die content!

Well, that specific function wasn't there

Nice
I remember that joke being told ages ago, but instead of a Dutch farmer and a races lady, it had Ruud Lubbers and Bill Clinton IIRC.

Anyway, here in similar vein is one involving Hungarian. The explanation is that the Hungarian word for F*** is 'bus'.

A man runs to a bus-stop. Out of breath and panting, he asks soneone who looks like they've been waiting some time if the number 34 bus has arrived. "I've been here some time and not seen it" was the reply. "Phew" he says as he sits down "Thank god for that!". Along comes this woman who'se really good looking. She goes up to the man and says "You look like you've been excersising". "Not exactly excersising - just trying to get here on time". With a seductive look, she asks "How would you like some real excersize" and winks at him. With that, the two of them disapperar out of site. After a while, the man returns. The person who was there before he arrived said "You realise you've just missed your bus?" The man replies "So what, I just bussed the miss."

If anyone else has jokes involving trans-lingual puns, then please post them here.

Wikipedia - making people die content sice 2001.

AE.

What's red and bubbly and stains leather? A baby in a parked car.

This is a conversation that actually happened to me, the two languages involved are Hebrew and Arabic though

בזמן לימודים למבחן בערבית:
מה זה 'מה'?
מה?
מה זה 'מה'?
זה לא לא?
לא.

And a much less amusing explanation in English:
Me and a friend are studying for a test in Arabic, he asks me about the meaning of the arabic word "ma", which is pronounced exactly like the Hebrew word for "what".
"What is 'ma'?"
"What?"
"What is 'ma'?"
"Isn't it 'no'?"
"no."
Which is equivalent to:
"What is what?"
"What?"
"What is what?"
"Its no, no?"
"no."

Awesome, no?
(*awaits "no."*)

Reminds me of this.

AE.

Hm, doesn't remind me of anything.

We used to study Arabic on Fridays for 4 hours straight, other than a 15-30 minutes break in the middle. During this break we ate (usually Humus, though sometimes we were more original), practiced for tests, and played a really dumb game with a balloon, called "Nagachat נגחת". One day (more than one day really, but it sounds much better than "many days"), we studied conditionals. The main example we used was:
איד'א דרסת נג'חת )If you study, you succeed)
At some point, as a battle cry for our game (or maybe just a really bad joke), we changed it into:
איד'א נגחת נג'חת
And the story ends with an A4 paper hanging on my wall, which has a smiling balloon on it and the wonderful phrase.

And what does this mean? By the way, how do you find translations with Google? Are there certain sites you need to Google for?

Have you tried the "Don't jump" prank. If you're with a group of friends and you see someone on a balcony, keep shouting "Don't jump!" at them. See if you attract a crowd of people. It would be interesting if someone tried that in Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

AE.

I wished you'd mentioned that a couple of months ago. It was the perfect opportunity. My friend was just about to go off to the army, and was feeling bad because he knew it was going to suck. And he was standing on a balcony. It would've been perfect.

Ah well, I'm sure I'll have another chance.

It's more fun when you try it on an unsuspecting stranger.

Hm, what about if you walk along a sidewalk with yuour friends, then you suddenly shout "Don't jump!" and point at a spot just in front of their feet. They will jump sideways. And you will say "Suckers!" and earn their eternal admiration.

When I want to freak out my friends I usually just jump on them suddenly. Scares them every time, even when they're looking right at me.

It doesn't really mean anything, it was just stupid pun. I'll write it in English:
Iza darasta najahta (If you study, you succeed) -> Iza nagachta najahta (If you butt, you succeed). The meaning of the name of the game "Nagachat" in Hebrew is butting/raming with your head.

Babylon should work, I guess (though it won't work on the sentences I wrote, since they weren't in Hebrew, I just wrote them in Hebrew letters because I couldn't be bothered to write in Arabic). Other than that, here's an Arabic-English-Arabic dictionary, and here's one for Hebrew.

Here's one that does all kinds of languages and has links to many other language-resources:
http://www.faganfinder.com/translate/

A joke my high school physics teacher spread around:
Q: "How many microphones fit in one megaphone?"
A: "10^12."