We've been spending a lot of time lately trying to understand women, so let's try and look inwards for a bit and try and understand geeks.
Here is a text that attempts to explain the habits of geeks to non-geeks. Just replace the word 'engineer' with the word 'geek' (sometimes, you may have to use 'nerd' instead of 'geek'). The text is a bit cliched, but it does contain some good insights. Just pass this on to your non-geek friends who have trouble understanding geeks.
AE.
This applies to most software engineers I know too...
ENGINEERS EXPLAINED...
People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like
other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who
have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented
people is to understand their motivations.
This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned
their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way
Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of
grooming.
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one.
The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your
life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test
to discern the truth.
ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.
You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months
designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame
while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the
nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody
who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the
whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from
social interaction:
Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
Important social contacts
A feeling of connectedness with other humans
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for
social interactions:
Get it over with as soon as possible.
Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of
two categories:
1. Things that need to be fixed, and
2. Things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few
minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't
understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix
it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet. No engineer looks at a television remote control without
wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer
can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating
would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a
toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic
thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no
appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or
mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the
objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
LOVE OF "STAR TREK"
Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies.
It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise
are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens.
This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer,
which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without
the participation of other life forms.
DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ
various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false
impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing
appearance above function. Fortunately, engineers have an ace
in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material:
intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the
house.
While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an
engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with
them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying
jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than
normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid
thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually
irresistible men in technical professions, Bill Gates, MacGyver,
etcetera.
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and
remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death.
Longer if it's a warm day.
HONESTY
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human
relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away
from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't
handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things
that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be
expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed
below:
"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."
FRUGALITY
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness
or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation
is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this
situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to
concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything
else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers
to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech
areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies.
Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in
computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to
see if he or she snaps out of it.
RISK
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This
is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little
mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
Examples of bad press for engineers include The Hindenberg,
Space Shuttle Challenger, Ariane V, the Hubble space telescope,
Apollo 13, Titanic, the Ford Pinto, the GM Corvair.
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of
innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome
plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks
and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way
to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically
impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer
will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible
but it will cost too much."
EGO
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
1. How smart they are.
2. How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare
that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an
unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is
sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges
quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws
of nature. Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to
solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they
succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is
better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other people
are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that
somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use
that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer.
When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code
phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people
have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion
and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure
it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems." At that
point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between
the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem
like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
I can't pass this on - being a geek , I have no non-geek friends. 
SOFTWARE ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.
You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months
designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame
while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the
nail was a total moron.
C. Model the 'picture on the wall' problem using 3d gfx and then blow it up using a realistic physics simulation.
Funny but true 
According to this description I'm almost full-blown engineer/geek, only during the last few months my social life has been a tiny bit better than than that of most full-blown geeks. Though perhaps it means I'll be "domesticated" soon ...
[the] activity is technically
impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
Hah, this is a good one.
This test is old. Almost all the points fit me, except for the love of Star Trek and the frugality thing.
Speaking of old:
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That doesn't fit me at all.
I'd say it applies much more to nerds than to geeks.
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of
two categories:
1. Things that need to be fixed, and
2. Things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few
minutes to play with them.
To the geek, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of
two categories:
1. Computer, and
2. Non-computer.
Also, a proper 'engineer' wouldn't need to fix things after playing with them for a few minutes. He realises what it takes to break something and avoids doing it.
The article sucks.
Also, a proper 'engineer' wouldn't need to fix things after playing with them for a few minutes. He realises what it takes to break something and avoids doing it.
I think the article means that there is a better way to design it. That sense of the word "fix".
engineer-like children who will have high-paying
jobs long before losing their virginity.
I quite literally fell off my chair laughing at that. Yes, it's probably old as hell but i hadn't seen it before so meh...
Funny, sometimes even truth. Other than that really exaggerated. Oh by the way I answered the picture test with A - straighen it.
In my first and only programming job for another business there would be times when I and only one other person would be coding in the office... during those times my colleague would take a break occasionally... to build things like pencil shooters and such out of little things scattered around the office, such as pencils, pens, staples, file clips, paper clips, rubber bands...
He attributed this to his educational nearness to becoming a professional engineer. After some research and realization, I agreed with him.
--- Kris Asick (Gemini)
--- http://www.pixelships.com
What?
Why weren't they programming?
I wouldn't have stood for that.
I'd have left, reported them, or hit them.
That was pretty accurate. At least for me.
I have several non-geek friends.
I talked to a girl once.
I talked to a human once. I even saw their face! Does that count?
I talked to a girl once.
This one cracked me down
When talking about girls then I've talked to one girl-programmer once. Not only he actually knew about programming but she liked it at least as much as I do, if not more 
Sure, I've also worked with three other girl-programmers but I wouldn't say they really liked or knew programming. Also one of those girls was my sister 
You have a girl sister? I've heard that is rare among the human race. or something like that.
I know of girls.
I am a girl. 
You being godlike makes it kind of debatable
why thank you
The reason Bill Gates married late was that he wasn't born filthy rich. MacGyver was just fictional.
Back in the '70's I broke a very expensive electro-mechanical calculator by testing whether it could do 1/99999999.
You being godlike makes it kind of debatable
<ahem> The term is goddess
I know of girls.
But do you know girls like how Adam knew Eve.
Girls don't exist. I've never met a real one in any chatroom I've been to, so it's clear that they are just a myth. The "girls" in allegro.cc don't count, since they're all fragments of my imagination.
The reason Bill Gates married late was that he wasn't born filthy rich.
Sure he was
Ooh, a post about engineers 
My favourite!
but without the hassle of grooming.
"high-tech" engineers use their feet to comb their hair (if at all).
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one.
But only azn's seem to want to study it. Union people like to inflate their ego so they add technician or engineer to everything. Technically, its against the law to call yourself an engineer if you aren't a registered P.Eng, just as is to call yourself a doctor.
Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
I thought this was everybody? Seems like something out of seinfeld.
Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
Only on allegro.cc and only with people other than bamccaig (aka trollmaster).
1. Things that need to be fixed, and
2. Things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few
minutes to play with them.
1 -- it seems most solutions to problems are hacks straight from the dark ages. The only thing that truly works is my drafting pencil and scrap paper.
2 -- only because i uncover serious flaws. I'm very good at finding corner cases
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own problems.
The problems we have to solve for work can be quite boring. So we come up with some solution someone else has to maintain. Then we get to the fun stuff
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet. No engineer looks at a television remote control without
wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer
can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating
would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a
toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
Total bullshit. This sounds more like a gadget geek/techy. Electricians seem to feel "good" about themselves and wire up everything. Count the number of light switches and motion sensors next time you visit their house.
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic
thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied.
Only when we're spending all day working with other guys. It's perfectly acceptable to dress like a slob when there are no girls around.
LOVE OF "STAR TREK"
Ahmen! But isn't it funny how the captains are usually not scientific. Picard was a man of the arts and that is what made him a great leader and diplomat. Janeway though was just some bitch who was self-righteous and had greatness added through a red-pen in the script.
They are widely recognized as superior marriage material:
intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the
house.
And every fat chick is sitting around waiting to snatch us up or are willing to pay for us to go through grad school. They got clutchy hands and never let go. I know all you compies have seen it too. Macgyver is my gaming nick
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human
relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away
from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't
handle the truth.
Ya i'm blunt. I don't like babies and i think a direct approach solves a lot of problems. I can explain it in computer speak: lying is a hack, too many hacks and you die. It may be painful to fix it properly but it is always worth it in the end.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work.
Everybody does this. duh!
Engineers are notoriously frugal.
Wow. I was gonna use the word cheap. This has a nicer connotation to it
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to
concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything
else in the environment.
Sure i may spend 10 long hours working in a lab on 1 problem, but 8 of those hours are spent bullshitting with friends and 1 of those hours is spend complaining.
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can.
Only because we fear lawyers. That and killing people sucks.
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of
innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome
plastic frame.
No shit! I'm fed up of being dilbert'd. Engineers should demand more respect because too many PHB's are just exploiting the fact that we like our jobs.
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
1. How smart they are.
2. How many cool devices they own.
Ego wise we're more worried about everyone else knowing that we're valuable because we all know we're smart. Gadget's are a gadget geek thing.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that
somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use
that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer.
I learned that tool quite early on. Often I find it better to give too much information. Then people can't parse and only realise they need me more because i'm the actual expert. Sometimes the clever ones actually make big-leaps in understanding but are light-years below me I mean how many people can actually understand calculus of variations and PDE optimization. Anyone?
eg:
Any of you guys can probably explain the paradigm behind OOP to a non-oop coder. But it takes years to become an excellent software coder. Knowing java is not enough to know how to write code for the real world.
"Girls are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."
Engineers should demand more respect
Get a Hat!
-
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The text was obviously written by a non-geek - hence the clichedness.
Girls are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
Elves are make-believe? Since when? Those computer games must have gone to my head...
Get a Hat!
He's an example of a brilliant engineer. They don't make them (or the hats) like they used to.
The text is a bit cliched
Just a bit clichéd? I beg to differ.