the hardest thing you've ever had to do in life
Steve Terry

Phew, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, I just got through sending an e-mail to a girl I had been dating, she wanted to be just friends, but I felt like it should be more than just that. I had to open myself up in an e-mail and express my true feelings. I hope it goes well and she's understanding. Sad thing is that I had to get lectured all day by my friend about this and what I should do because I wasn't going to send the e-mail, I'm too shy of a person... well it took a lot out of me but I did it. I think it made me a better person though, you never know, I could of just given the whole thing up and lost her forever.

Anyway what's some of the hardest things you guys have ever had to do aside from dating or whatnot.

Derezo

I have similar problems with being very shy.. I become a nervous wreck when I'm within 10ft of a beautiful woman ;D

Hardest thing I've had to do.. hrm...
I really couldn't say. I think I just avoid everything that's hard unless I NEED to do it.

I guess recently I decided to put a 25% down payment on a ~$90,000 home.. that was pretty hard to do.. ;D

Sakuera

Hardest thing? Learning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so f****g difficult to me to force this stupid head of mine to 'establish connection'.

Richard Phipps

I think my first driving test comes close!

:'(

Luckily I've passed now, so NEVER again...

Evert

Hardest thing aside from dating or whatnot... tough one, and I can't really think of anything at the moment.
Anyway, I guess the toughest thing (emotionally) was to tell the girl I was in love with that I was in love with her (which I already knew quite sure she knew quite well), knowing it wasn't mutual, fearing she'd never want to speak to me again, whilst feeling bad about not telling her. Ehm... yeah, did that come out right?

Well, anyway, good luck Steve... hope it works out sortof ok for you.

EDIT: Ok, now I know the absolute toughest thing I've had to do: I've had to learn to inject myself with insuline and take bloodsamples. The first time I tried it... I just couldn't do it! My hands simply froze in place and with all my strength of will, I couldn't get them to move...

EDIT2: Slight retouch of some words

SonShadowCat

Deciding not to say a single thing to this girl I liked for a few years. And keeping a straight face ;D

spellcaster
Quote:

. I had to open myself up in an e-mail and express my true feelings

Do you think an email is the best medium for that? Maybe snail mail would have been a better idea...

Bruce Perry

Simply getting through my secondary school years with very few friends, very many enemies and self-esteem lower than the Real Life(tm) Engine's Machine Epsilon can be considered my most gruelling ordeal. I'm glad to say those days are well behind me.

Torbjörn Josefsson

Finally realizing that one of my oldest friends was in fact a weasel and an a-hole that I shouldn't have anything to do with anymore

psundlin

wake up and go to school

kdevil

Making small talk. I just can't do it.

ReyBrujo

Climbing a 3200 mts high mountain in Mendoza, an argentinian state. I trained for five months, but anyway was damn difficult. I just reached 2400 mts, and had to give up, but it was a great experience.

Paul Pridham

kdevil: So, how 'bout this weather?

ibito

I dont know where is the hard thing on dating or being with a girl... just... be yourself,...

X-G

You know nothing, then. There's so much more to it. I can tell you, I've been close to suicide some times regarding these matters. Crap. I can't go into this now.

ibito
Quote:

You know nothing, then. There's so much more to it. I can tell you, I've been close to suicide some times regarding these matters. Crap. I can't go into this now.

you mean about girls?

X-G

Really? I thought we were talking about cars? ::)

Of course that's what I mean. :P

Cage

Keeping from killing myself for the last couple years that my Dad lived here. And from killing him. Don't know which was harder. Sure woulda been more fun killing him, though ;D. Good thing I had my Bro or I wouldn't have made it.

KaBlammyman

X-G...whoa...Over a female???? Man, girls are like busses, there is one every hour, on the hour. So if you miss one, just catch the next one going your way! Dont let a female make you do/say crazy stuff.

X-G

That is the Funklord attitude. There's another name for it, but I dare not utter it here, lest I get banned for ages to come. :P

You are hereby disqualified from further discussion. You are the weakest link, goodbye!

Derezo

Suicide comes up all too often on these forums. :-/
So does girl troubles - guess it somewhat comes with the territory so to speak ;D

Quote:

I dont know where is the hard thing on dating or being with a girl... just... be yourself,...

For me, and I'm sure many can agree, I'm hesitant on saying almost anything. So hesitant that I barely say anything, and half of what I say is pathetic nervous jumbles of words :P I know this happens to me, so when I'm anywhere NEAR a potential prospect (;D) I get nervous instantly, terrified that I'll do something weird :P

KaBlammy: It's not always so simple as that for everyone. ::) It's also.. uhh.. weird to look at it like that.

ibito

you wont say anything wrong... also if u say a stupid joke... that's u!! the man with the stupid jokes!!!, if she doesn't like u the way u are, then u dont have to change yourself, you are you and no one else... (this remember me the song "complicated" from avril lavigne)

X-G

That was probably the crappiest piece of advice I've ever heard in my life. :P

gnolam
ibito

gnolam: sorry, Im not from US, Im from Mexico , I dont know the english very well

Derezo

heheheh, I like that page gnolam. That's pretty funny.

gnolam

It's not your English, it's the use of "u" instead of "you"... sorry, but it just drives me crazy when people do that :)

CGamesPlay

I guess I'm in too much a philisophical mood right now, here's my commentary on this thread:

Derezo said:

Suicide comes up all too often on these forums.

Because You Don't Belong.

ibito said:

I dont know where is the hard thing on dating or being with a girl... just... be yourself,...

First, lose that last comma. Then, I am totally with X-G on this one. Being yourself might be all you need to know to get a girl friend, but not a girlfriend. Reason being, you aren't really compatible with the girl you are trying to get with, you are trying to impress her so you can get some...:)

spellcaster said:

Do you think an email is the best medium for that?

In this case, it is acceptable... Not the best, but good enough.

drivetheory.org said:

Engaging in text chat, phone conversations, cybersex, and things of such nature are not the same as knowing, befriending & becoming intimate with someone in REAL LIFE, hence why it is called VIRTUAL REALITY.

ibito
Quote:

First, lose that last comma. Then, I am totally with X-G on this one. Being yourself might be all you need to know to get a girl friend, but not a girlfriend. Reason being, you aren't really compatible with the girl you are trying to get with, you are trying to impress her so you can get some...

but you (:P) need to know the girl, and the girl has to know you too, at least you just want to f*** with her ;D.

[edit]well... a note: my advice is because it worked for me fine

CGamesPlay

Eh, wait... I wrote that post at two seperate times, I must have been in two seperate mindsets:

Me personally, I agree with you (but I agreed with X-G on something or other... Ack, already forgot) And I don't try to get with girls so I can get some.

Quote:

at least you just want to f*** with her

"want to f*** her", you mean? :)

Bruce Perry

When you're a teenager, sex is the most important thing. You might try to kid yourself that it isn't, but it probably is. If you are, I imagine, like most of the people here - too shy or weird or both (hey, it takes some weirdness to write a game!) - then you will unnecessarily get depressed because you irrationally believe that for some reason no girl will ever possibly like you. Alternatively, if you have good social skills, you may get some sex. If you do, chances are you'll get your fair share of break-ups and arguments too (à la Neighbours). So neither way is ideal. Adolescence is hard; there's no getting around that, for most people.

In both cases, you are probably being pretentious. You are changing your personality - or trying to change your personality - to suit whichever girl you are currently trying to impress. You may be good at this, but it can only lead to a shallow, pretentious relationship.

With time, your mentality will probably change. You'll always want sex, but you'll realise that it's not all you want. Especially if you are of the less confident type, you should realise now that there's no point in trying so hard. What you need is a girl who likes you as you are and understands that you're shy. There are plenty of such girls around. I know at least one on line and at least one in the real world (hey, I don't know many girls). ;D When such a girl comes along, you won't need to pretend for her. That's why the relationship will work.

It should be further noted that when you do finally have sex with a girl you have a good relationship with, it will be all the more special if it is your first time. Trivialising sex as a teenager does no good in the long run. So personally I'm glad no shallow girl ever came my way before.

X-G, this all applies to you as much as to anyone else. But I know you won't listen, because you rejected ibito's advice, which was pretty much the same as mine. ::)

Be careful what you write, guys. There are girls reading these forums ;)

kazzmir

This was hard, but not the hardest, but I sent an email to break up with my first girlfriend when I was in 9th grade. I didnt want to confrontation about it, so I knew if she read my feelings( or lack of them) she wouldnt be able to argue with me. Of course she called me later and complained about it but I basically just ignored her until she went away. Hoooya. Her friends absolutely hated me for breaking up with her over email and I feel kinda dumb about it, so I would say do not explain your feelings through email ever.

Id say the hardest thing ive ever done was learning to play Mendelsohn's concerto in E minor. 3rd movement or something. Im talented at the violin, but Im not that enthusiastic about playing it. Without my mom screaming at me constantly I never would have been able to play it. At the end I was quite good at it and scored a 95/100 at a local contest with it. So Im pretty proud of that.

KaBlammyman

There’s nothing wrong with being yourself around women, that’s usually how women prefer their men; real. Posers/fakers need not apply. I don’t see how this advice won’t work, because everybody is human, everybody has a life story/uniqueness about them, and everybody who wants to love is capable of being loved. But, since I only know about myself and my friends, then that’s all I can comment about. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 15 months and before that, I’ve had a girl in my life steadily since I was 15. Why? Because I am my self, I speak my mind, and am really honest with women and I actually listen to what they have to say. Women are not hard to figure out; they are people just like you and me. It’s a matter of how you represent yourself and how much work you want t put into a potential mate and what qualities you and or your potential mate is looking for. Now as for a woman is making you feel bad or suicidal, forget her! There are other women that are better suited for you...hence the bus analogy. You must stand up and well….for lack of a better term, BE A MAN!

Oh, and staying on topic, the hardest thing Ive done so far is Discrete Math...I hate it so much!

Steve Terry

hmm, I haven't gotten a reply back yet, but the strange thing is that I've recieved three blank e-mails, from no one, the from line is blank.

Bruce Perry

To be fair, X-G did have a bad experience. A girl showed all the signs of liking him, and wanting to go out with him - seriously, all the signs - and then let him down. What are your comments on that, KaBlammyman?

[EDIT]
Steve, have a look at the headers. the 'received-from' lines show the chain of hosts the e-mail went through on its way to you. You may be able to figure something out about the origin of the e-mails.

gnolam

KaBlammyman: you haven't stopped to think that maybe the girls like your personality and not you being yourself - so that the ideal for guys trying to get dates would be to emulate your personality and not be themselves?
I promise that for every example you can find where a guy got a girl by being himself, I can find at least one who got one by pretending, and 10 times that amount of guys who are hopelessly single even though they are themselves all the time.

So come on, disprove my argument, I dare you! I'll only accept hard evidence, not anecdotal "I heard of this guy who..." stuff.

My advice to the guys out there who are desperate for a date/girlfriend/sex:
1. Be attractive - good looks matter
2. Be rich
3. Have a high social status
4. Be extroverted and charming
5. Have, or pretend to have, an interesting personality and life

Go by this list and you won't be single a day longer than you want to!

[EDIT]
Come to think of it, "hard evidence" sounds like the title of a porn movie ;D

CGamesPlay
BD said:

When you're a teenager, sex is the most important thing. You might try to kid yourself that it isn't, but it probably is.

I can honestly say that it isn't for me... Despite what you may think from my previous posts in this thread; keep reading:

BD said:

If you are, I imagine, like most of the people here - too shy or weird or both (hey, it takes some weirdness to write a game!) - then you will unnecessarily get depressed because you irrationally believe that for some reason no girl will ever possibly like you. Alternatively, if you have good social skills, you may get some sex. If you do, chances are you'll get your fair share of break-ups and arguments too (à la Neighbours). So neither way is ideal. Adolescence is hard; there's no getting around that, for most people.

In both cases, you are probably being pretentious. You are changing your personality - or trying to change your personality - to suit whichever girl you are currently trying to impress. You may be good at this, but it can only lead to a shallow, pretentious relationship.

I agree, my comment about girl friend vs girlfriend came up about how most guys (and some girls) are trying to change their personality to get sex.

BD said:

With time, your mentality will probably change. You'll always want sex, but you'll realise that it's not all you want. Especially if you are of the less confident type, you should realise now that there's no point in trying so hard. What you need is a girl who likes you as you are and understands that you're shy. There are plenty of such girls around. I know at least one on line and at least one in the real world (hey, I don't know many girls). ;D When such a girl comes along, you won't need to pretend for her. That's why the relationship will work.

Exactly why I agree with ibito

BD said:

Be careful what you write, guys. There are girls reading these forums ;)

And if to further the be yourself remark, this is irrelevant. Whether there are girls or not shouldn't matter.

Steve Terry

ahh seems they were sent out as a newsletter from surclaro.com a MS Flight Simulator 2002 add-on website. Seems they messed up their newsletter somehow.

Bruce Perry
Quote:

I agree, my comment about girl friend vs girlfriend came up about how most guys (and some girls) are trying to change their personality to get sex.

If you think 'girl friend' cannot become 'girlfriend', you just need to wait until you, and the girls around you, are older and more mature. :)

Quote:

And if to further the be yourself remark, this is irrelevant. Whether there are girls or not shouldn't matter.

That's an interesting point. So what you're saying is that because KaBlammyman made this post, it's right that all the girls reading this forum should be offended and therefore give him a wide berth? Maybe you're right. ;)

gnolam

[removed by request]

Bruce Perry

Would you care to comment? It's actually an expression I don't believe I've ever written down, or seen written down, before.

[EDIT]
OK, OED says 'berth'. Thanks for drawing this to my attention. Please, drop the sarcasm; I don't correct other people's linguistic aberrations any more (except when they appear in programs and so on).

gnolam

[removed]
The post is hit by entheh's "disintegrate" spell for 55 points of damage and vanishes in a puff of smoke.

23yrold3yrold

Wow; this got long ...

Quote:

Making small talk. I just can't do it.

I'm with you there.

Quote:

Suicide comes up all too often on these forums.
So does girl troubles

How about when your fiancee was feeling suicidal, like last night? :-/ She's okay now though ...
Michelle has some serious depression problems sometimes. I have too, but not since way before I became a Christian :) Not to turn this in the flamewar direction, but I get through most criseeze (:P) with God's help now ...

Quote:

that's u!! the man with the stupid jokes!!!

rotfl

As for the dating girls stuff, being yourself is the best way. When me and Michelle were first going out, I was taking applied multimedia and she was in television brodcasting, plus we both know computers, so we just walked on common ground until we got used to each other. If you have no common ground, why try? ::) Just be yourself and if that's not good enough for her, she's not good enough for you :)

Fun fact: a week after I met Michelle, I got hit by a car. Fun phone call; "Hi, how are you?" "Cool; I got road rash!" "Excuse me?"

Quote:

When you're a teenager, sex is the most important thing.

Yeah. That's why you stumble in conversation with girls; no matter how innocent it is, there's a little voice in the back of your head: "Say the right thing and you might get laid" :P

Evert

Ok, I have a few things to comment on.

Quote:

Man, girls are like busses, there is one every hour, on the hour. So if you miss one, just catch the next one going your way! Dont let a female make you do/say crazy stuff.

This is not true if what you want is a serious relationship instead of casual sex (hell, none of the girls I know are even interested in that).

I can actually imagine being driven so crazy by love that you become suicidal. If your feelings are that strong, you can't just throw the switch and say `oh well, I'll pass this one up!'

My views on the matter are more or less summed up in BP's long post above (the difference being that I seem to have skipped adolescence in the sense that I was never really interested in sex::)).

Quote:

For me, and I'm sure many can agree, I'm hesitant on saying almost anything. So hesitant that I barely say anything, and half of what I say is pathetic nervous jumbles of words :P I know this happens to me, so when I'm anywhere NEAR a potential prospect (;D) I get nervous instantly, terrified that I'll do something weird

You're sure that's you you're talking about and not me a few years ago? ;D
I'm still a lot like that, actually, but I'm learning to be more open and less nervous - with some succes if I see what my social life is like now compared to a few years ago.

Quote:

Suicide comes up all too often on these forums.

Yeah; my best girl friend (NOTE THE SPACE) says depressions are very common among intelligent people... she says it may have something to do with neurotransmitters and hormones that make your brain work better overall, but also cause depression. Personally, I think you just have too much time to think...

--------

ST: if she doesn't answer in a day or two and if you feel up to it, get a pen, some ink and some quality paper and write the letter on that. Draw a red rose at the bottom.
Anyway, good luck:)

EDIT (wow, this thread grows quickly!)

CGamesPlay

I can't tell what you two (BD and gnolam) were talking about, but:

BD said:

If you think 'girl friend' cannot become 'girlfriend', you just need to wait until you, and the girls around you, are older and more mature.

I don't think I said a girl friend can't become a girlfriend... I think most relationships start out as plutonic relationships then develop into dating relationships. Which is why so many kids I know go out with the poeple in their cliques.. Even at my church, every boy has been out with every girl, and vise versa... :-/

[edit]

Evert said:

Personally, I think you just have too much time to think...

Bingo!

Derezo
Quote:

Personally, I think you just have too much time to think...

I slipped into a bit of depression during christmas break - away from school, my primary cause of stress. I was taking philosophy, and we were talking a lot about racism, sexism, sweat shops, etc.. and over the holidays I would just sit and think about it, and get myself angry with everything because of how good I have it here. How pathetic all my problems are, and how pathetic my stupid species seemed to be..

So, in short, I agree very much. I can't help but think about the things that bother me. I know I shouldn't, but they're everywhere and impossible for me to hide from myself.

I was laughing at myself after though. I let it all out, and became really emotional due to consumption of alcohol ;D Felt good though... but I haven't drank since, heheh..

Bruce Perry
Quote:

I don't think I said a girl friend can't become a girlfriend...

No, it's just a common misconception. I suppose it's an argument used by those who are just after sex and are trying to justify themselves. I shan't mention names.

gnolam

CGamesPlay: Ok, what I was saying was this:
KaBlammyman basically says "be yourself, and the girls will like you - I am myself, and I get girls".
I say that that only "proves" that the girls like his personality (if that was even what they fell for ;)) - not they like guys being themselves. So therefore you can actually make a stronger case for advising people to try to be like KaBlammyman than for them to be themselves.

KaBlammyman

Well, X-G and Bruce Perry, being lead on sux. I know because it happened to me on several different occasions. It does hurt like hell, but the difference between me and X-G is that I dint let it get me down forever. I was hurt and heartbroken for a while, but I realized that those chicks didn’t deserve to have me, so I moved on. I eventually forgot about those women because of everyday life. Soon I was on the horse again and again, and again. I couldn’t let those things upset me; otherwise I’d be lonely and suicidal too. Trust me, women did me wrong many MANY times, but I realized that not all women are like that, and as I said before, I cant just mope around forever, what good does that do? All I can do is watch out for women like that, and chalk the rest up to experience.
Gnolam: I mean no disrespect, but D@MN you are tirppin’!
First off the last time I checked, my personality is part of what makes me ME! So being my true self lets my true personality come out. That maybe what attracts women to me.
Second, the first thing women look for is personality in a man for a relationship. Then comes looks and etc…last is money. Usually looks aren’t that important if the guy is right. Stay away from women who are shallow, you your problems will soon start to fade. Most people do have a good personality, they just don’t know it. I find that if people that are willing to try something new, it will lead the way to being "interesting" because they always have something to talk about. Either how they succeeded at something, how they failed at something, how they have a common interest or experience with the potential mate in question. There, is this “argument” good enough for you? I’m not sure what you wanted me to debate about, if you even wanted a debate. I don’t care for fakers, just like most people. Now if a person gets with another from being a faker, that relationship will NOT last long. So who cares if some one is faking the funk, they will be exposed, but the genuine person has a better chance of finding love that will LAST.

And I still hate Discrete Math...>:(

CGamesPlay

Derezo: Yeah, if you ever have a few hours spare, check out http://definingbadreligion.tripod.com/... They are the coolest band.

As a matter of fact, I'll go listen to them now. (Actually, my dad needs to use the comp)

[edit before i leave]

KBMan said:

the first thing women look for is personality in a man for a relationship. Then comes looks and etc…last is money. Usually looks aren’t that important if the guy is right.

Maybe a little stereotypical (or a lot :))

gnolam said:

I say that that only "proves" that the girls like his personality (if that was even what they fell for ;)) - not they like guys being themselves. So therefore you can actually make a stronger case for advising people to try to be like KaBlammyman than for them to be themselves.

I agree and disagree at the same time... Sure, some girls like his personality, but his point is there are girls who will like your personality as well.

Maybe I should say peeps instead of girls... I think this advice (or conversation) goes both ways...

Thomas Harte

I think that if these are the worst things you people claim to have had to deal with in life then either you are largely keeping your private lives away from the board or you all have very hassle free lives and should be incredibly pleased.

Derezo

That link no workies.

23yrold3yrold

TH: No one's complaining; just answering the poll :)

This thing is growing faster than the last religion thread :o

Bruce Perry

Are you going to tell us the hardest thing you've ever had to do in life then, Thomas?

By the way, forgot to mention earlier. So far ReyBrujo's is the one that has impressed me the most. Rock on! ;D

Matthew Leverton
Quote:

I think that if these are the worst things you people claim to have had to deal with in life then either you are largely keeping your private lives away from the board or you all have very hassle free lives and should be incredibly pleased.

Or... you have very few friends. If you are single and a loner (for lack of a better word), the hardest things you have to do is pretty much decide where to go to school, where to work. Or even what to eat. None of which are "hard" things.

"Hard things" usually come with relationships, whether it be with co-workers, friends, families, etc.

CGamesPlay
gnolam
Quote:

First off the last time I checked, my personality is part of what makes me ME! So being my true self lets my true personality come out. That maybe what attracts women to me.

And I say you have no way of knowing if they are attracted to you being yourself, or to what they believe is your personality. Think of it as the Turing Test of dating. ;D

Also, no matter what people claim in surveys, or what Hollywood tells you - looks matter. Both scientific experiments and life experience tells us that a good-looking person will be perceived as being much more interesting than an ugly person with the same personality (not to mention the fact that if you're butt ugly, you won't even get to the step of talking to the opposite sex).
Besides, no matter how much everyone tries to be themselves, and to be unique, and not fake anything - they will adapt to try to please the other person, consciously or not (googling for "conformity" and "social psychology" could probably get some good links, but I'm going to bed now and I'm too lazy to try :)).

I should probably add that I was only using you as an example, I'm not trying to pick on you or anything :)

[EDIT]
Thomas Harte: Or, the average age for these forums are pretty low, so that the people here have generally only begun to be crushed by the cruel reality of life ;)

CGamesPlay

Rule #1: There are exceptions to every rule. This includes Rule #1.

Keep this in mind when talking about people.

nonnus29
Quote:

Thomas Harte: Or, the average age for these forums are pretty low, so that the people here have generally only begun to be crushed by the cruel reality of life

Very true.

The hardest thing I've ever done is the entire military thing. God that sucked. Even I was suicidal in there a couple of times. I went my whole life without being around viciously mean and evil people, then I joined the army.

I've got nothing to say about the relationship thing since I'm still trying to figure it out for myself.

Thomas Harte
Quote:

Are you going to tell us the hardest thing you've ever had to do in life then, Thomas?

No.

Quote:

Thomas Harte: Or, the average age for these forums are pretty low, so that the people here have generally only begun to be crushed by the cruel reality of life

Statistically I guess this might be true, but I dunno, haven't some of you people lost relatives or friends, or been forced to start entirely new lives through virtue of moving house or something? Maybe your parents have broken up in a particularly messy manner? There are quite a few Eastern Europeans around here, has no-one had any difficulties related to the departure of, or the previous environment under Stalinist communism? No people from war torn lands such as (former) Yugoslavia or Russian or a former Russian state here?

23yrold3yrold

Well, my dad had surgery on his brain aneurysm a week ago. He survived, but it was still hard knowing I may never talk to my dad again (my oldest younger brother took it especially hard).

I've had rough times with my dad too, who kind of milked me when I was living with him a few years ago. All things considered, the worst years of my life are behind me (and good riddance).

nonnus29
Quote:

All things considered, the worst years of my life are behind me (and good riddance).

Amen brother

Thomas Fjellstrom
Quote:

I think that if these are the worst things you people claim to have had to deal with in life then either you are largely keeping your private lives away from the board or you all have very hassle free lives and should be incredibly pleased.

If you care (which I doubt), search the archive for some of my previous posts... :o

But to answer the original question: Life. It's a struggle every day to get up, to go to school, to do ANYTHING really. I almost hit rock bottom this last thursday night... I have to say, I'm feeling better now, but who know what will happen.

23yrold3yrold

I just talked to my fiancee; she's doing MUCH better. If anyone cares :)

(edit: that's technically a praise report, since I got a lot of answers to a prayer request for her ;D)

Thomas Fjellstrom

w00t! We care ;D No Joke!

Eradicor

Funny that almost everyone is refering to "girl problems". It just makes me wonder if making smooth talk with girls is the hardest thing in gamers world. ;)

The hardest thing in my life i believe is to be somewhat sane and trying not to fall into pool of anger and hatred.

Trezker

My goal is to become a non organic thing. So I don't need to worry about anything but my interests. Which is programming and skiing.

I'm having major problems communicating by phone. I want time to think things through before I speak my mind, and I want the other guys message in text so I can read it several times to get it right.

I have not yet had a girlfriend, and I don't plan on getting one. It takes too much effort. I don't want to sacrifice my precious computer time to please her.

Also, I only spend time with friends if it involves computers. Unless I'm in Hultsfred.

Evert
Quote:

I think that if these are the worst things you people claim to have had to deal with in life then either you are largely keeping your private lives away from the board or you all have very hassle free lives and should be incredibly pleased.

I realize you're generalizing here...
Still, love is a very potent thing, that can affect/affects people deeply - and I don't mean the `I can't get a girlfriend'-type whine here.
Anyway, see BP's original post, X-G's posts, some of TF's posts in other threads, or even my own first post in this thread (here, specifically, the edited part of it) and you will see that not all problems are what you would call luxury problems.

EDIT: added link.

X-G

So far, gnolam has gotten it most right. Guess what? I'm ALWAYS myself. I would never, EVER act as someone I'm not. The personality you see IS my real personality. So why am I doomed to be unloved? Because my personality sucks. It's not being yourself that's important - unless you have an attractive personality, it doesn't matter. And looks are even more important - again, gnolam got it exactly right. Ugly people like me never even get to show whatever pitiful excuse for a personality we might have to the people we love.

Evert

Perhaps I should be saying this via PM (or not at all), but it's probably more the attitude of `I'm ugly' and `I' unlikeble' that is your problem than either of those, even if they were to be true.

Someone I know is completely certain her personality sucks badly and noone can possibly like her. She happens to be one of the nicest and sweetest persons I know, but the attitude is hampering her social life.
Even if you're not uber sweet, you're more than likely to be ok. Not that I have a lot of good advice to give on losing that kind of attitude... :-/

Trezker

Ask dr. Phil :P
I'll watch the program :)

X-G

Great. Now go read everything gnolam has written again. And do it slowly. :P

nicholle

Just some interesting info...

depression/suicidal thoughts do occur due to problems in your brain, the deep limbic system specifically. Dopamine and Serotonin are chemicals that regulate certain things and actions. when these chemicals are unbalanced, problems occur. This is also true with all the other regions of your brain (basal ganglia, PF cortex, etc.) Increased or decreased activity in any portion of your brain can cause significant problems.

are you antisocial?
have problems speaking to a large group of people?
lack of emotions?
uninterested in life?
mood swings?
attention problems?
motivation problems?
difficulty bonding with others?
think you have ADD?
Decreased interest in others?

I could go on and on - but those are some very common problems associated with chemical imbalances in the brain. oh, and btw, I have noticed a lot of those problems in various posts I have seen over time on allegro.cc. I just see so many posts that reflect simple brain imbalances, but yet the poster always seems to believe the problems are due to environment, or that they just aren't a likeable person - which honestly isn't the case.

I'm sure there are people who will disagree with what I have said - just do a bit of research, and you will see. Then you can draw your own conclusions, and maybe better yourself (mentally) in the process :)

nicholle
...Bravo to Tony Blair 8-)

Sakuera
Quote:

depression/suicidal thoughts do occur due to problems in your brain, the deep limbic system specifically. Dopamine and Serotonin are chemicals that regulate certain things and actions. when these chemicals are unbalanced, problems occur.

Serotonin... it's what I'm supposed to be taking..., but I preffer booze after all :D

23yrold3yrold
Quote:

are you antisocial?
have problems speaking to a large group of people?
lack of emotions?
uninterested in life?
mood swings?
attention problems?
motivation problems?
difficulty bonding with others?
think you have ADD?
Decreased interest in others?

I don't know a whole lot of people who aren't like that to some degree or another ;) It looks like my personality profile from when I was in high school ...

nicholle

Well, you can't actually take serotonin - since it's only produced in your brain. But you can take things to increase the production of serotonin in your brain - such as things like 5htp, foods like bananas, or medication like paxil.

oh, and did you know that drinking alcohol severely changes the activity in parts of your brain? not physical damage of course, but it will cause you to create a chemical imbalance within your brain...which is most likely why you're supposed to be on some sort of medication.

also, as chris stated, a lot of people do have those problems. It's really how severe they are that matter, such as someone contemplating suicide. everyone has thier bad days, and will feel low at times. BUT, if you feel like this everyday, and you feel hopeless about life, i think theres a problem....

i doubt that michelles problem is her fault, or that she did anything to cause it, just as im sure you know that. and being that its not her fault, there is help for that. there are many things you can do to correct things like that - and generally feel better about your future.

nicholle

Derezo

Alcohol is only a temporary escape... but I'm sure we've all heard that to death.

Almost everyone has some of those problems to a certain degree though.. but it's pretty important to treat them. I took paxil/prozaac a long time ago.. I didn't feel like they were helping - but they must have, considering how horrible I was constantly feeling before :)

Sakuera

How about smoking marija? Yes it does addict but it can't kill you. You should try this Derezo, but carefully.

23yrold3yrold

How come Nicholle stopped using capital letters and apostrophes? It's like when ST was logged in as Inphernic, excpet now it's Blade Nick or something ;)

Quote:

oh, and did you know that drinking alcohol severely changes the activity in parts of your brain?

Isn't that the whole point of alcohol?

EDIT: no point to spreading Michelle's personal problems around ...

Derezo
Quote:

How about smoking marija?

You mean marijuana? :P
Where I come from possession of that substance is illegal.
It's also very expensive. Not to mention it's side effects - main two being short term memory loss and temporary loss of intelligence :)

I know half the stuff you hear about marijuana isn't true (both pro's and con's).. but I have better things to waste my money on, thank you.

Quote:

Yes it does addict but it can't kill you.

I have no idea where you got the can't kill you idea from. It's not as bad as smoking or anything, but breathing in any sort of poison is not good for your body.

Quote:

You should try this Derezo, but carefully.

I should also carefully try to jump off a 5 storey building into a mass of jagged rocks! :-/

Sakuera
Quote:

I should also carefully try to jump off a 5 storey building into a mass of jagged rocks!

Yes. Carefully. If you're unresponsible, don't try.

23yrold3yrold
Quote:

"I should also carefully try to jump off a 5 storey building into a mass of jagged rocks!"
"Yes. Carefully."

Now taking bets on who makes that their sig first ...

Sakuera

23: You know what I meant

23yrold3yrold

No, I don't. Honest. I'm totally with Derezo on this one.

Sakuera
Quote:

I'm totally with Derezo

But we werent arguing

Quote:

I have no idea where you got the can't kill you idea from.

I mean that there is (edit: cheap)crap that does the same and CAN kill you. But I'm not expert with pharmaceutics.

Thomas Fjellstrom
Quote:

Just some interesting info...

Yeah. My sister has also done a ton of research into stuff like this.. Its amazing, If it wasn't for her, I'd probably be dead now.

logan666

the las math test prior to finish university ;D

Derezo
Quote:

Now taking bets on who makes that their sig first ...

I bet you $35 that it'll be me!

It just wouldn't be the same without a matching avatar.

Evert
Quote:

I'm sure there are people who will disagree with what I have said - just do a bit of research, and you will see.

Yup, my girl friend (w/s) has done that and figured out the same thing. She's even figured out how to manipulate her brain so she'll be able to study harder and learn quicker for exams.

Quote:

How about smoking marija? Yes it does addict but it can't kill you.

It's less dangerous and addictive than alcohol or nicotine... not that I'd recommend it, you understand (incidentally, it's legal to use here, just not legal to sell).

Bruce Perry
Quote:

... how to manipulate her brain so she'll be able to study harder and learn quicker for exams.

Really? I need that kind of manipulation! Tell me!!! :o

Evert

Ehm... it's not exactly health :)

I'm not sure I can explain very well, but the idea was something like this: you starve your body for (say) a week, so that your brain will switch to some sort of energy conservation mode. Then you start eating normally again and because it is still in conservation mode, it will get a gigantic boost in energy and work above average for a short period of time.
She also has some other problems (ie, chemical imbalances, like nicholle mentioned) that can have the side effect of increasing performence of the brain.

Bruce Perry

Hmm ... no, I enjoy food too much. I'll settle for a crappy grade ;)

mEmO
Mat^H^H^H Nicholle said:

are you antisocial?
have problems speaking to a large group of people?
lack of emotions?
uninterested in life?
mood swings?
motivation problems?
difficulty bonding with others?
Decreased interest in others?

...

Yes.

;D

CGamesPlay
Quote:

I mean that there is (edit: cheap)crap that does the same and CAN kill you.

And he (Derezo) means that

Quote:

It's not as bad as smoking or anything, but breathing in any sort of poison is not good for your body.

Emphasis on the any.

Inphernic

Riddle me this:

Is admitting a problem and talking about it courage or begging for pity?

(More suitably the person should ask him-/herself: Was admitting your problem and talking about it courage or begging for pity?)

  • If the answer was courage, would it not imply that the person in question (you) is begging for a praise (and could possible consider his/her courageousness superior to others') - knowing that people are always hot for "social porno", the person gets to tell his/her tale to the exalted listeners, further boosting his/her self-confidence/ego/whatnot and making him/her feel more important (applies to everything which would include presenting something to others)?


  • If the answer was begging for pity, and the "teller" is you, would it not imply that the person in question (you) is cynical, depressed, possibly dangerous to him-/herself and believing that no matter what he/she tries to say, nobody listens or cares?


  • If the answer was begging for pity, and the "listener" is you, would it not imply that the person in question (you) thinks that other people's problems are meaningless and sports a hefty ego?


  • If the person hasn't admitted the problem but somewhere in the depths of his/her mind knows that it exists, would it not imply that the person is scared, and tries to think of something to cover it up and silence the conflict inside his/her mind?


  • If the person thinks he/she doesn't have any problems, would it not imply that the person in question (you) is either lying or naive?

Heh, that just popped into my mind.

Evert

hmm... my thoughts

Quote:

* If the answer was courage, ...

I think admitting and talking about problems is a sign of courage and strength (because without those, you'd just keep your mouth shut). I do not think it is a sign of begging for praise. If I talk about a problem, it's because I feel like talking about the problem and want feedback on it, not because I want people to tell me I'm great because I talk about my problems.

Quote:

* If the answer was begging for pity...

Possibly - if people are talking about their problems because they want/need pity, it's probable that they can't handle it on their own anymore and are desperate for any help they can get.

Quote:

* If the person hasn't admitted the problem but somewhere in the depths of his/her mind knows that it exists, would it not imply that the person is scared, and tries to think of something to cover it up and silence the conflict inside his/her mind?

I know people who are unable or unwilling to face their problems and work themselves over the top so that they don't have time to think about them.

Quote:

* If the person thinks he/she doesn't have any problems, would it not imply that the person in question (you) is either lying or naive?

Possibly - but I think there are people, certainly uncomplicated ones, that don't have problems. However, the vast majority of people I know have problems of one type or another, so I'd guess most peoiple have them, wether they're willingto admit it or no.

Derezo

I dunno. Admitting you have a problem (Thrown into the context of this thread?) doesn't really mean much when those problems are brought up.

Person A: "Anxiety."
Person B: "Yeah. I got that."
;)

Some of these problems, like Anxiety, are so common. Almost like someone telling you they have a cold. :)

Could be someone begging for pity, a release, or just some conversation or ideas.. I don't think it's often 'courage', but it depends on the context.

Thomas Fjellstrom
Quote:

Is admitting a problem and talking about it courage or begging for pity?

heh. I agonize over that very thing all the time.. Thats why I didn't want to tell anyone to begin with :)

Quote:

Some of these problems, like Anxiety, are so common. Almost like someone telling you they have a cold.

Yeah... Um... Let me know when those "someone"s start agonizing about anxiety... Drop out of high school, Have a chance at being kicked out of College, Can't work... etc...

edit:

Quote:

* If the answer was begging for pity...

That one is probably me... at least if I think back to all my previous "Im so messed up" posts ;)

james_lohr
Quote:

I've been close to suicide some times regarding these matters.

Sounds like my older brother. He made my life complete hell for about 6 months with his regular suicide attempts. -Probably the hardest thing I ever had to do was take his knife away from him while he was hacking at his wrists... lacked the courage and ended up having to call the police.

Personally I don't think there are many things more selfish then suicide attempts! -Although obviously you don't say that to someone who is depressed unless you want to make it even worse.

Quote:

depression/suicidal thoughts do occur due to problems in your brain

Luckily I knew that! Otherwise I probably would have killed him because before it was explained to me I thought that it was complete and total selfishness.

It seems that Girlfriends and depression go hand-in-hand - my brothers whole thing was because his girlfriend broke up with him.

I believe that you shouldn't try to get a girlfriend. Just wait until you meet the right person. I don't want to have sex before I'm married so it's easy for me to be patient.-Not because I'm a Christian but more because of my delayed pleasures theory:

Everything that you have to wait for is something to look forward to, a reason for living and that much better the longer you wait;). -also it's the main difference between humans and apes::).

Seriously though I've heard that delaying pleasures, be it eating chocolate or a game of squash, is one of the best strategies for dealing with depression (Not that I've every been in the least bit depressed)

gnolam
Quote:

I believe that you shouldn't try to get a girlfriend. Just wait until you meet the right person.

So you're expecting someone to knock on your door in say, 3 years time and say "Hi! I'm Karen, your girlfriend! Nice to meet you"? ;)

Quote:

I thought that it was complete and total selfishness.

Err... explain to me how depressed people are selfish in any way..?

Thomas Fjellstrom
Quote:

Err... explain to me how depressed people are selfish in any way..?

If you don't realize whats going on... It REALLY REALLY seems like the person doesn't care... ie: "I'm going to kill my self.. To hell with what its going to do to all of you!"
Like my brother.. He was a genious. He was too smart to get caught (more than once)... He tried once, by hanging himself off his balcony.. didn't work, and later, about a month or two, he left... Or more like dissapeared. we heard news about him once and a while, (cause my mom was snooping for it ;)).. Then, all trails ran dry, and later in the spring, a dog was found playing with his skull in someones "riverbend" yard.

ALSO, For the longest time, I just belived I was totally lazy. and didn't do anything cause I was lazy. Now that I have (something to blame it on ;)) a reason, Its easier to deal with, And I can do more stuff because of that :)

james_lohr
Quote:

Err... explain to me how depressed people are selfish in any way..?

They are obsessed with themselves. Can you imagine how my parents felt? But I've only experienced the results of my brothers depression so perhaps it's different for different people.

Quote:

So you're expecting someone to knock on your door in say, 3 years time and say "Hi! I'm Karen, your girlfriend! Nice to meet you"?

Don't you ever leave your house for reasons other than to meet girls?

Thomas Fjellstrom
Quote:

Don't you ever leave your house for reasons other than to meet girls?

Um... Sure that wasn't directed to me... But I don't do either :o

gnolam

Fjellström: Sorry about your brother... but I was asking about plain ol' depression and not suicide...

James: Couldn't it be said that the other ones are just as selfish - all they care about is having the old person back?

Quote:

Don't you ever leave your house for reasons other than to meet girls?

Well, for buying food and going to school as well, but otherwise: nope ;)
(been thinking about giving that up lately though because of lack of success :P)

Thomas Fjellstrom
Quote:

Fjellström: Sorry about your brother... but I was asking about plain ol' depression and not suicide...

Yeah.. but It can seem like plain old depressed preople are selfish... But thats just me trying to see around MY depression. ie: see it from another angle. I know my sister is mostly fed up with helping me :o

aybabtu

What a downer thread this is...:'(

BTW: The hardest thing I've ever had to do is speeches at school, but that ties with English class.

james_lohr
Quote:

Couldn't it be said that the other ones are just as selfish - all they care about is having the old person back?

That's like saying no one cares about anyone, they just care about how their care is going to change the person. Which I think is very wrong.

gnolam

aybabtu: Don't say that, the Sakuera-Derezo comment was one of the funniest comments ever posted on .cc ;D

James Lohr:
Yep. In fact, in this world there are only Selfish and Random acts. Every act that isn't completely random will turn out to be selfish, if examined carefully.

aybabtu
Quote:

aybabtu: Don't say that, the Sakuera-Derezo comment is one of the funniest comments anyone ever posted on .cc

Yeah...but suicide, depression, axiety, etc...geez!

james_lohr
Quote:

Every act that isn't completely random will turn out to be selfish, if examined carefully.

I suppose that is true in a way: When someone does something good it could be said that they are doing it because they want to feel the pleasure of having done something good and thus are selfish in doing it.:-/

Thomas Fjellstrom

Yup. Bugs, and Animals are selfish too. They just want to live.

X-G

It's one of the basic principles of life and evolution - Every living being ultimately strives towards the propagation of their own genes!

Thomas Fjellstrom

It is THE meaning of life. Don't know why people keep looking for the answer to that question ;D:P

Derezo

Whoa whoa--
About the comment I made w/sakuera (the one in my sig) I wasn't considering the fact that a lot of stuff in this thread is revolving around suicide and whatnot when I posted it :P

I was focusing on the fact that it's impossible to try and jump off a building into a mass of jagged rocks carefully! ;)

Didn't mean for it to fit in both contexts. ::)

[edit]
About selfishness.. a lot of the time you want to help someone, and by doing so you're satisfying your own wants... so it's really 'selfish' no matter what you do. It's only bad when you're being negatively manipulative or causing harm :P

Thomas Fjellstrom

Dezero: :o I just thought of something... Its a real downer though :o :(

Technically, for someone who's "had it".. Saving thier life causes harm :( BUT... You CANT think that so Don't listen to me :) People who are serriously depressed have a serious medical condition which is treatable so they realy don't know whats best.

Sakuera
Quote:

Every act that isn't completely random will turn out to be selfish, if examined carefully.

There is no point in such thinking. Sorry, bro, if you want the conversation to result in something you HAVE to assume a point of view. Otherwise it's pointless.

Quote:

This road leads to madness

23yrold3yrold

What do you mean? He's right ...

Bruce Perry

Let's say a classroom has a rule: no one eats sweets unless they share them with the whole class.

I decide I want us to have some sweets, so I go and buy some and share them. I'm doing what I want. Is that selfish?

No, because I'm being nice to others at the same time. The word 'selfish' only applies when you're doing something from which you are the only person who benefits and others lose out.

Sakuera
Quote:

What do you mean? He's right ...

One could be even more "right".

23yrold3yrold
Quote:

The word 'selfish' only applies when you're doing something from which you are the only person who benefits and others lose out.

Since when? The point is that you only do things that benefit you, either directly or indirectly. You brings sweets for everyone, you get to have sweets in class. You're doing it for you; that was the point AFAIK.

Quote:

One could be even more "right".

Verily, one could go so far right, they have become left. Or something.

Damn, you're cryptic ::)

aybabtu
Quote:

Verily, one could go so far right, they have become left. Or something.

Or they could be right 3 times, and become left!;D

Derezo

did the thread get too long? Or is everyone posting spaces? :P

[edit] Mozilla bug I guess.

Quote:

and others lose out.

This is irrelevant to the definition of 'selfish'. A selfish action is one done primarily for yourself. Nobody has to lose. Nobody has to win. Eitherway, if it's for you -- it's selfish.

It's not really a debatable question. We talked about this for a good hour in philosophy class. If you benefit, and you do it because you benefit, it is selfish. If you otherwise would not benefit, in any way, including self gratification or adding to your ego, and you would still do it, then I guess it's not selfish. Such an occation is very, very, and I mean VERY rare though.

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